Undivided Attention
by Arise Sir Knight
Summary: As Gawaine is unable to visit his friend in hospital, Merlin agrees to take on the job.
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1: SEE NO EVIL**

Arthur celebrated his thirtieth birthday at Christmastime at Minton Hall the family home, with all the pomp expected by his family. His main present was a Maserati Grancabrio a birthday gift from his father. No expense had been spared on the dark green exterior with a sand coloured interior. Friends nodded in agreement when his father suggested that the car stay in the country and Arthur stick with his Jag as his everyday car but Arthur was determined to return to London with his birthday present at least for the first week after receiving it.

After the weekend, he left to return to the city with a friend from his University days. A semi-trailer lost control swerving across the M40 taking out six cars with four fatalities including Arthur's passenger a young and upcoming lawyer and family friend. Air ambulances were used to transport the critically injured to London and Arthur was taken to the Royal London Trauma Centre. His broken bones would heal but the fact that he remained unconscious was worrying.

Uther Arthur's father had sympathised with the dead man's family but then added selfishly, "Well, at least you could mourn Rupert and get on with your life while I am in limbo was an undead heir." The family in mourning attributed the remark to stress and sorrow but Uther's closest friends knew that that was exactly how Arthur's father felt about his son's lying in a hospital bed with no future.

Following the accident, his father was in force at Arthur's bedside everyday but as the length of time increased during which the doctors would only shake their heads and murmur platitudes, the visits dropped off. Once the all clear was given that friends were permitted, Arthur's room was never empty. His friends kept a vigil for the three weeks then…the numbers began to fall.

Merlin heard one comment at the water cooler at work that if Arthur was unable to realise who the visitor was, what benefit would it be to the visitor to waste time visiting him? That attitude had made his feel very uncomfortable.

Arthur remained in a deep coma. His father had hired around the clock private nurses. He was completely involved. However as time passed and his business schedule called for more of his time, he began to rely more on the doctors' reports and the daily calls from his own nursing staff than personal visits. His son didn't even know that he was alive let alone have the ability to talk.

As time passed, only Gawaine still made the effort and if he were in town, he would visit. One day, he took Merlin aside explaining that as he would be out of town for a week, "Could you do me a favour and drop by for ten minutes so that at least Arthur will be guaranteed one visitor? You can come with me today and I'll introduce him to you."

Merlin nodded as Gawaine was his immediate superior and had been very supportive when he had first joined the company. Merlin was no stranger to hospitals as he had been a faithful visitor during his grandmother's lasts months.

"Maybe meet is over-simplifying the situation. He's in a coma but he's a good chap and I think you'll like him."

...and so, after work, he and Gawaine set out for the Royal London Trauma Centre.

-0-0-

A nurse opened the door and ushered them into Arthur's room saying, "A half hour visit and no sitting on the bed!"

The room was half filled with machines. Arthur lay as if he was asleep and Gawaine kept expecting him to open his eyes any moment. "Should we talk?" he asked.

Merlin nodded saying quietly, "Just as if he is in the conversation but has nothing to offer at the moment." He smiled sadly knowing that that statement described the severity of the situation. Arthur always had an opinion on whatever was being discussed so Gawaine just nodded sadly.

That is what they did, mentioning all the happenings during the day and making sure to say Arthur's name frequently as if to include him in the chatter.

"Arthur, you would have laughed to have seen Leon followed by his latest shadow, a young woman to whose family your father owes a favour no less. She's very attractive and people seem to perk up when Leon approaches with her in tow. Gawaine even jumped up and opened the door for them…"

"I did not, it just happened that I was leaving at the same time."

The various medical staff dealing with Arthur smiled at the two visitors who seemed so at ease in their patient's room as opposed to the patient's father who on his infrequent visits was surrounded by specialists and glared at the son who had caused him such inconvenience and who was stubbornly refusing to come out of his coma.

-0-0-

By the end of January with no change in his condition, Arthur was moved to St. Swithin's. Merlin although a newcomer to Pendragon Holdings had a flat nearby so he visited with Gawaine whenever possible, the two of them becoming Arthur's only regular visitors. Merlin was recognised by the nursing staff on the floor who agreed that his regular visits might be beneficial to their patient.

Gawaine again had to go out of town so Merlin promised to continue visiting and agreed to keep Arthur informed as to what Gawaine was up to. Merlin's mother was a little worried that the stress of daily visits might be negative for her son but Merlin visited her on the weekends, full of the news of Gawaine and how well Arthur was looking and how kind the nurses were, one of whom always managed to drop by with a cup of tea when she saw Merlin arrive.

"Mum, he's getting better I'm sure. I can read some of the machines and one of the nurses said that his heart beat increases slightly when he hears my voice. That has to be good, doesn't it?"

Hunith who had nursed before Merlin came along had nodded, the raise in heartbeat might have been a coincidence but she wasn't going to dampen her son's mood. "Merlin, just prepare yourself for the fact that Arthur may never wake up or he might even slip away while he is in the coma."

Merlin nodded but he pushed those ideas into the back of his mind and doggedly continued his daily visits.

"Arthur, I saw that they have painted your office, it is a shade of grey, well really greenish-grey." He laughed, "That sounds awful but it is really lovely and your oil painting above the fireplace looks fabulous against it. The sofa of your three piece has been redone in a deep red leather and the other two chairs have been reupholstered. You're not going to recognise the place."

Merlin paused and though about what his mother had said. Maybe Arthur would never see his office again, even if he did recover and leave the hospital. He'd been doing a bit of reading and knew that the longer the coma lasted the more difficult it was for the body to rebound.

-0-0-

Winter finally had its hold on London; Merlin noticed the evergreen and dried berry displays in some of the window boxes of the Georgian houses he walked by on his way to work. He always promised himself that one day, he would live in a row house which surrounded its own private square.

Poor Arthur, whether he liked it or not, was regaled with the antics the birds on Merlin's window sill and the condition of the icy pavements. He was no better, if anything he seemed to have shrunk in size but one nice thing was that one of the doctor's had spoken to Merlin and told him that as the regular physio treatments were important, Merlin could also help by touching Arthur during his visits.

The doctor had laughed at Merlin's look of surprise. He said, "You don't have to but you could hold his hand and massage his fingers. Physical contact is good as is talking. Did you know that many times the ocular nerves are the last to go? So keep chatting to him, sit close to him and you can even stroke his arm. Don't be afraid of him. You can't hurt him by touching him. Actually, there is a course at this hospital for family members regarding the physical side of healing, if you are interested, I can get you enrolled." Merlin's smile said it all.

"Very well, I'll put you name forward for the next course, they are held daily but I'm sure that Arthur can spare you for half an hour each evening. How long have you two been friends?" The doctor was surprised when Merlin confessed that they weren't actual friends just that he worked for the same firm as Arthur and that he had started to visit accompanying one of Arthur's friends and then it had become a habit. "I don't even know that he knows my name I'm just someone whose superior is one of his close friends."

"You'd be surprised, Merlin, at how much a person in a coma can be conscious of. I'm sure that at this moment, he knows who you are." The doctor looked at Arthur's stats seeing that the nurses had listed Merlin as a regular visitor. "He probably recognises your voice and relaxes once he hears it every day."

The doctor refrained from saying that the nursing staff felt that from the stats it seems that Arthur was attuned with the voice of the man who spent hours chatting to him.

-0-0-

Merlin did take advantage of the evening sessions of Touch Therapy. It took some courage as it felt strange holding Arthur's hand without his permission but Merlin was encouraged by the nurses to take his hand and massage it as he spoke to him. He told his mother and she agreed that the physical contact was important.

In time, it became second nature for Merlin, to walk into Arthur's room, pull up a chair, sit down and take Arthur's hand and chat with him which might have been a stretch of the imagination, as he thought chatting at him was a better choice of words. He now thought of Arthur as his 'Captive Ear'. It never refused anything he said and it was not judgemental. He realised that over the last four weeks, he was telling him things which he would never have told anyone else. How he felt, what made his heart race and even talked about things which made him sad, though he tried desperately to appear upbeat before Arthur.

One evening, he was conscious of a lot of activity in the hallway and he glanced out to see a doctor hurrying down the corridor. He recognised him as Richard Fells, the doctor who had suggested the course on Touch Therapy. He returned later, dropping into Arthur's room as he noticed Merlin was there. He smiled sadly at Merlin, "We just lost a patient, been in a coma for seven years. Keep doing your best with Arthur, I know it is unrewarding to have no response but one day Arthur might be able thank you for your perseverance."

Merlin learned later that the deceased had been a forty-five year old woman had had no visitors the whole time she had been a St. Swithin's. Bills were paid promptly by the family but there no contact. He felt sad, seven years in the prison of your body. Please God, she was not conscious enough to realise that she had been abandoned by her loved ones. The thought kept nagging him, Arthur might not be conscious but someone cared for him enough to visit him.

That night as he lay in bed, Merlin prayed that Arthur would never be without visitors. He thought, 'Arthur, don't leave me, I promise I'll be with you for as long as I am able.' He felt emotional and lonely.

 _Arthur was racing along in front of him. "For heaven's sake, Merlin, catch up. The tide's not going to wait forever."_

' _Well, if you hadn't left me to carry all the stuff, I might have been able to run faster!' Merlin said to himself._

 _They had spent the day on the island peninsula and now had to get back to the mainland before they were caught out by the tide. He didn't relish having to wade the last stretch and was determined to stay dry as Arthur might just make him walk home as he wouldn't want him getting the interior of the car messed up._

 _Arthur had reached the mainland rocks and scrambled up them, turning he reached out his hand and grabbed Merlin's. His touch caused Merlin a moment of pleasure but it was short lived as Arthur said, "Honestly, I don't know how you survive in the world without me!"_

 _Merlin out of breath collapsed in a pile of fishing gear, books and blankets. He looked up at Arthur smiling, "I think we're going to have to get a porter to carry all this stuff in future."_

" _Why, Merlin, you make a perfectly good servant… Come on, your mother promised us supper and I for one am hungry and I can almost taste her stew."_

 _Merlin smiled, his mother had accepted Arthur into the family without any question. She also seemed to treat him differently than any of Merlin's other friends. He couldn't put his finger on it but it was as if Arthur was for some unknown reason, special to her. They picked up their gear and made their way up to the headland._

 _Arthur smiled at Merlin as he got into the green car with the tan interior._

He woke suddenly, all his nerves on end. One part of his mind enjoying the happy dream and the other realising that that is what it was only a dream, Arthur was still immobile in a hospital bed and his feeling for him were getting stronger.

-0-0-

He'd been listening to the talk around the office and someone had mentioned that the steeple chasing was in full swing. Merlin's mind flashed back to his grandmother. He knew that Arthur rode and decided he'd tell him about his grandmother next time he visited.

He turned to Arthur and smiled, "This spring, the Grand Nation will be in April and some of the possible runners were mentioned in the paper yesterday. So, you and I are going to have bets as to who will win." He took a sheet out of his pocket and read through the possible runners' names. "See, one is called Drop Leaf as in drop leaf table and as you are King Arthur it ties in with Round Table very nicely. Don't you think so? So, that's yours and I'm taking Flight because of my name. Our second choices are Welsh Rarebit for me and I chose Lamborghini for you because you like cars, right?" His grandmother had always chosen horses for major races and now that she was gone he had kept up the tradition. He looked at Arthur and smiled and for a moment was surprised when he didn't answer. He'd momentarily forgotten as he was so involved with the names of the horses.

He sobered up wondering how much longer Arthur was going to be in his own little world. Did he even hear anything? Was his mind understanding some of what was being said or was it only picking up the tones and inflections of the speech…or maybe nothing.

"Arthur, I know you're there. You might think I sometimes talk nonsense but it my way of coping with the situation. I know there must be other people who you would like to be listening to but I'm all there is." He realised that he was becoming emotional; this was not good he was supposed to be upbeat. He suppressed a sob but couldn't stop the tears which started running down his cheeks. "I've stupidly begun to think of you as my best friend and that isn't right. If you knew more about me you would probably not be interested in even having me as an acquaintance."

He smiled through his tears. He was who he was and that was that. He got control of himself and said, "Did I tell you that Gawaine might be coming by around noon? He's picking up Bridie as they are having a lunch date."

As he spoke, Gawaine waltzed in, "Morning, Merlin! Morning, Arthur! What tall tales has he been telling you this morning?" He glanced at Merlin and noticed his tear-streaked cheeks. He put his hand on his shoulder, "Is everything all right?"

"Yes, I just for a moment forgot that Arthur wasn't speaking and I lost it. I'm all right now."

Gawaine lowered his voice, "You and I are going to have a little chat tonight. Maybe, you need to pull back a bit…"

"I'm fine really; it was just a momentary blip in an otherwise lovely morning."

"Arthur, what lovely flowers, has one of your girlfriends been around?" He glanced from the bunch of assorted coloured flowers and noticed that Merlin was blushing. He quickly corrected himself saying, "They brighten the room," before adding as he glanced at Merlin, "Someone cares…Merlin, you should have brought in some roses. They really smell lovely and they are my Bridie's favourite flower."

Merlin just shook his head laughing. He realised that Gawaine's friendship with Bridie was more serious than he realised. He only hoped that Gawaine would behave himself as he didn't have the best record with woman.

Gawaine suddenly remembered about work. "Arthur, guess what? Your PA got engaged. We even took up a collection and got her a gift. I think you probably know the man as she's been with him for four years. Wedding is in the summer, so you'd better get yourself organised as I'm sure you'll be invited and probably Merlin as well that is if he behaves himself."

The two of them kept talking about work and Gawaine also talked about football and the team. Finally, there was a tap on the door and Bridie came in. "Hi, Arthur, it's me Bridie, I'm off duty now and am taking one of your visitors with me."

Gawaine went to the side of the bed and touched Arthur's hand as he had seen Merlin do saying, "Got to go now, but will be in to see you again soon. Merlin will be staying a little longer but then he has to leave as well. He nodded at Merlin mouthing, 'Tonight, you and I will talk!'


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2 :** **HEAR NO EVIL**

With the touch therapy course behind him, Merlin was more tactile during his visits. He always held Arthur's hand, continually massaged his palm and his fingers. He also alternated sitting on each side of him often perching on the bed when he was on his left.

He smiled to himself, the two of them reminded him of his grandparents, how they used to sit side by side on the couch watching TV, holding hands and his grandfather's thumb always stroking his grandmother's. He looked at Arthur and pushed the hair back off his forehead.

"Now, listen to me, Arthur, it is now the beginning of February, I want to see you sitting up in bed by Saint Valentine's day. Just think of what a wonderful present it would be to everyone especially your father. If that is too hard, maybe you could just open your eyes for me. That would be the best Valentine present ever."

"Oh, Gawaine and Leon are going skiing in Gstadd. Watch out Les Suisses! Gawaine invited me to join them but that meant that you might be without a visitor so I opted to stay in the UK. Anyway, my mother likes me to be around. I might have to miss coming here one day or maybe I could talk her into staying in London with me and we could both come to visit. You'll like her I promise…"

-0-0-

Valentine's Day came and went; still Arthur lay in the bed, hooked up to various machines. He had lost his tan and his hair was longer than he usually wore it.

Merlin walked past the nurses' station and the nurse who usually brought him tea, told him that the specialist was with Arthur and could he wait on one of the chairs nearby. It shouldn't be long and then he could visit his friend.

Merlin was about to say he's not my friend when he realised that he was. Arthur was Merlin's friend but Arthur not only didn't know Merlin well but would certainly not consider him friend material. All Arthur's friends were rich, with great flats, fast cars and parents who had estates outside London. They would fly off at a moment's notice to some foreign destination and Merlin apart from a trip to France and a school trip one winter to ski in Switzerland had hardly been anywhere.

He leant back against the chair and looked around. He thought, 'Well, where were all Arthur's friends now?' He had never bumped into any of them at the hospital just Gawaine and occasionally Leon. One Sunday, the three of them had visited and had the nurses laughing until one of the doctor's mentioned that although their voices might do Arthur some good, they were annoying the other patients' families in adjoining rooms. Merlin smiled, it had been Gawaine's fault as one of the jokes he had decided to tell Arthur had been rather risqué and had had both Leon and him roaring with laughter. Sadly, Arthur had not joined in.

Merlin saw the specialist leave and the nurse on duty nodded at him so he made his way to Arthur's room. "Hi, Arthur, it's me Merlin! You have been busy today. I had to wait outside while you saw the doctor. Hope the news was good." He looked at the figure in the bed and suddenly his heart clenched. Who was he trying to kid? Arthur was unchanged physically and probably mentally. In spite of the daily physio his father had arranged as recommended by a specialist to keep Arthur's muscles from seizing up or atrophying, he was not looking his best. He'd lost weight, his skin seemed sallow but that could be the lighting, his hair was dull and the fluids he was on had altered his smooth skin and made him puffy. His nails no longer had the manicured look and his hands appeared scrawny. Merlin smiled when he looked at Arthur's facial hair. Since Merlin had started working at the office, Arthur had always been clean shaven and now he had stubble which was shaved off once a week by a male nurse.

He walked to the bed and leant over, and gingerly stretched out his arm softly moving the hair away from Arthur's closed eyes. "I think you are going to have to have another hair cut soon. Otherwise, you might need to wear a pony tail." He smiled envisioning Arthur's blond hair tied back and hanging onto his shoulders. He wished he'd react to some of the silly things which he said but he had only once flickered his eyelids and the nurse had assured Merlin that that was quite normal and sadly as it only had happened once, nothing to get too excited about.

Time passed and Merlin's mother had come to stay and together they visited Arthur.

Hunith's heart went out to the young man lying in the bed. Her son was now so involved in this one-sided friendship and yet if Arthur had suddenly opened his eyes he might have no recollection of who he was, let alone who the dark haired young man was. She tried to talk to Merlin encouraging him to have a life outside the hospital but for some strange reason, Merlin was happy with his work, his work acquaintances and his time spent with Arthur. He asked for nothing more.

He had lots of information about Arthur's life prior to the accident as both Gawaine and Leon often spoke about the wild times they used to have together. It made Merlin smile as more and more he learned of Arthur the man and not Arthur the patient. When Gawaine and he visited together, Gawaine would recall many of the crazy things they'd done together and Merlin would routinely ask Arthur if he remembered or remark upon how wild the two of them must have been.

One day out of the blue, he was called into the Chairman's office at work and asked point blank what ulterior motive he had in visiting Young Mr. Pendragon every day. He was flustered and said none just that the hospital was on his way home and he and his immediate supervisor Gawaine had often gone together and he had decided to keep going should Gawaine or Leon be unable to do so and now he enjoyed the visits.

"You realise that there will be no financial remuneration for visiting the hospital. Mr. Pendragon's father will never hear of it nor make any financial settlement because you are visiting his son."

Merlin was shocked to think that the Chairman would think him so shallow, "I don't expect anything in return. Are you implying that I am no longer allowed to visit Mr. Arthur?"

"I'm not saying anything of the sort but a young man as yourself should be living life to its fullest not wasting your time with an unresponsive…" The chairmen in the nick of time realised what he was saying and stopped mid sentence. He coughed saying, "Thank you, Mr. Emrys, you may leave. I would prefer if this conversation were kept private."

Private it might have been but Merlin was so shocked that when he returned to his desk, Gawaine glanced at him and came over to check that everything was all right. Merlin didn't look well, had something happened. Merlin nodded still shaken but said, "Can we talk later?"

True to his word, on the way to the hospital later that afternoon, Merlin brought Gawaine up to date on his conversation with the chairman.

Gawaine said, "I can't believe that Arthur's father was privy to that conversation. He might seem distant and uncaring but he's not malicious. Maybe if it had been one of Arthur's ex-girlfriends, he might have reason to worry. Some of them were conniving bitches. Anyway, Mr. Hughes didn't say you couldn't visit Arthur anymore so let's just do as we see fit."

Gawaine was rather annoyed at what had happened and leaving Merlin in Arthur's room he went to the Nurses' Station to find out if Arthur had been besieged with visitors. One of the nurses from Ireland told him confidently that if Merlin didn't visit, no one outside of the hospital darkened Arthur's door.

Gawaine nodded saying, "Can we get some information on Arthur's progress?"

Sadly, the nurse shook her head, "The patient's progress is privileged information for the family. Could you maybe talk with Arthur's father?"

Gawaine shook his head.

"Well, leave it with me. As Merlin is here so often, we might get one of the doctor's to have a little chat with him. I can't promise anything but I will try."

Gawaine returned to the room and stood at the door listening to Merlin chattering away with, or sadly at Arthur. He was into a story about the neighbour's cat having kittens and how if his life wasn't so busy he might have considered having a cat. "Do you like cats, Arthur?"

Gawaine walked in saying, "Sorry, Merlin, Arthur is more of a dog and horse man. Aren't you, Mate?" Merlin burst out laughing and Gawaine was sure that Arthur's eyelids had flickered.

Soon, Merlin's conversations were of more than what had happened in the office. He introduced Arthur to his past life, his schooling and how he had left home to study. "You know, it was almost touch and go. My mother was alone and I felt really bad leaving her but she had made the arrangements for me to stay with an old family friend in London which I did. Can't say it was easy to begin with but I finally settled in and completed my degree." He smiled and chuckled, "Arthur, hard to believe but I'd still happily return home to live with my mother. Not that I don't know people in London but apart from Gawaine, I can't say that I have really close friends. I bet you have so many that you can't even count them. You're happy and outgoing and if you don't mind my saying, very good looking."

Merlin smiled adding quickly, "I know that once you are up on your feet, you'll get right back into your old life. Did Gawaine tell you that I heard that your insurance company paid on your car which was a total write off? Guess your father will be ordering a replacement maybe the navy blue model, very chic. And Arthur when you get into it drive carefully, I wouldn't want to hear that you had been in another accident. Mind you, I know the accident wasn't your fault you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

He sat there looking at Arthur's hands which were lying at his side, remembering how strong they had been. "If I were your father, I'd want to choose another type of car for you. Maybe a Volkswagen Beetle! Arthur, I can see you now arriving at work in your car complete with flowers in the little flower holder on the dash." He stopped talking as for some reason that thought made him feel closer to Arthur.

He glanced out the window and commented on the rain. "It's raining cats and dogs…by the way I did get a kitten. Oh, Arthur, I wish you could see her. She is so cute; I've called her Spot as she is marked like an ocelot. Technically, she's a short-haired tortoiseshell but she is more spotted than striped. If you'd like to see her, I can smuggle her in to see you however, you'll have to open your eyes or you'll miss the spots."

Merlin returned to the bed and noticed that Arthur's heart rate was elevated again. The nurse came in to take Arthur's stats and he mentioned it to her. She was non-committal but did venture that maybe he was conscious of Merlin's presence.

"But, he couldn't be as apart from meeting me with Gawaine at work, he doesn't even know me."

"Maybe he's used to hearing your voice everyday. Who knows how deep he is in his coma at the moment. Perhaps, he knows you more than you realise," the nurse said kindly. "Anyway what do the two of you talk about?"

"Well," said Merlin with a smile, "He's a very good listener and we 'talk' about everything, don't we, Arthur?"

The nurse noticed the fluctuation in Arthur's heartbeat and smiled as she left, maybe it was a positive sign.

"I'll miss you when you are better. But I think I'll continue to come here as Gawaine's nurse said that they can always use visitors willing to talk to or even read to coma patients.

"I told you didn't I that the Gawaine's nurse had agreed to go out with him. Her name is Bridget but they call her Bridie. She seems well suited and really puts up with less nonsense that half of his other girlfriends. He says that she's useful as she can bandage up his group when they get hurt playing football. Do you miss playing football, Arthur?"

He shifted his weight and looked directly at Arthur, "Gawaine said that you were the second star of the game after him that was. Is that right?" There was no answer so he continued, "Maybe when you are all better, you will rejoin the team and I might even see you play.

"I'm no good in sports. Well, I am a fast runner but in football, having to think about controlling the ball really cut into my speed." He laughed and leant toward Arthur speaking more confidentially, "Cut into is maybe an exaggeration…it was a disaster. I had to keep reminding myself to kick as I ran. It didn't come naturally to me. One of my teachers assured me that not everyone was like Suarez and that I should maybe try tennis.

"So the next term like an obedient student, I chose tennis as my optional sport and that was also a washout. I seemed to be the only person to continually get a racket which had a proverbial hole in it. The teacher was very understanding and assured me that not everyone was cut out for ball sports and maybe I should switch to swimming...and guess what? I was good at it. It was like running but lying down if you know what I mean.

"My best friend in school told me regardless of how I felt, I should stay away from balls as I had no flare for them!" Merlin stopped dead, had he actually said that aloud. He thought, 'Please God, don't let Arthur have understood that.'

He smiled saying aloud, "I'm going to change sides now as your other hand will also benefit from a little loving care." He walked around the end of the bed checking the machines. He settled in the chair and took Arthur's other hand. He looked at its puffiness attributed to his being on fluids. He had picked up a lot of the hospital terms but had been surprised one day to hear one of the nurses mentioning that they had specialists in dental care on staff as oral hygiene was important to the long term patients. He knew that the nurses who gave Arthur his bed baths also took care of his teeth but he had never thought of it.

One Saturday morning he came in earlier than usual and a nurse was taking care of Arthur. "I've almost finished," he said, "I'm running a little late. You're Merlin aren't you? I've heard about you from the other nurses."

Merlin smiled and said, "Hope it was only good things."

"It was. By the way, I'm Graham." He continued, running a comb through Arthur's hair. "There we go, Arthur, almost finished."

"Can I do anything to help?" Merlin asked.

"Just have to do his hands and feet, then have to straighten the bed and I'll be gone. Here, rub this cream into his hands, it will stop the skin from cracking. I see on the record that you have done the touch therapy course. Might as well make yourself useful."

Merlin smiled, he liked this nurse's straight forward attitude. He said, "I haven't seen you around before."

"No, I usually do Arthur before you arrive. But I came in a little late this morning as my sister had a baby last night and I had permission to switch my hours so that I could be there."

"What did she have?

"Well, it was actually twins, two boys to be called Edward and Alexander after Edward the VII and Queen Alexandra. Her husband's a history buff and monarchist. We'll probably call them Ted and Alex. Can't believe I'm an uncle…"

So Arthur lay there with two people chatting quietly as they fussed over him. Merlin rather enjoyed the affect of smoothing cream over Arthur's hands and watching the nurse, made sure that he also massaged them at the same time.

"He's lucky to have a friend like you." Graham said quietly, "We've even had married partners unable to deal with the stress. They first make excuses and start coming less often and then never show up except for holidays when they arrive as a group and sit talking together ignoring their loved ones."

"But it must be very hard for them," said Merlin. "I really only know Arthur through his friends as I hadn't, been with his firm for long before his accident. His best friend is my supervisor and I sort of came along to visit and stayed." He turned to the nurse and shrugged his shoulders.

The nurse said, "Well, I only hope that should I ever be captive in a hospital bed that some acquaintance of mine would also be as wonderful. There," he said, "That's his feet done." He walked around the bed straightening the sheet and plumping up Arthur's pillow. It was nice meeting you and keep up the good work."

"…and congratulations on being an uncle."

Graham laughed, "Thanks!" and wheeled his cart out into the hallway.

Merlin turned to Arthur and said, "Another nice staff member, I think they pick them especially for this job, don't you, Arthur? What did you think about his being a brand new uncle? That's one thing I'll never be as I have no brothers or sisters." He added quietly "…and the chance of my ever having a kid is unlikely."

However, he was happy with his life as it was…


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3 : SPEAK NO EVIL**

Midweek, Dr Roy Fells asked to see Merlin. He smiled telling the young man to take a seat. Merlin sat as he was told, hoping that there had been an improvement noticed, even something unremarkable just something.

Merlin's heart dropped as Dr. Fells told him that Mr. Pendragon had decided to move Arthur to another facility. Watching him, Dr. Fells felt sorry for the young man who had stood by his friend for close to two months.

"He can't! This facility is perfect for Arthur…he is doing so well..." Merlin glanced at the doctor, "...isn't he?"

"Arthur is holding his own but he hasn't improved noticeably. Merlin, you've been with him continually, you know that little has changed."

"But it could happen tomorrow, he could begin to react to touch and smell. Please, don't let them take him away from St. Swithin's. He might wake up tonight..."

"Mr. Pendragon's father has made his decision. Arthur is being moved to a private facility which is recognised by the medical community as a suitable location for Arthur in his present state."

"Is it nearby?"

Dr Fells shook his head, "It's close to the family home." He felt for the young man facing him. He knew that a one-sided friendship had built between his patient and this visitor.

Merlin brushed away a tear which had escaped and tried to smile. "I'm sure that he will be looked after well. It's just that I won't be able to see it whenever there is the first improvement. You think I'm silly but..."

"You're not silly! You've been faithful and a great help. The staff has only positive things to say about you and your visits. I realise that this is a shock for you and felt that I should let you know so that you would be prepared. All the best, Merlin, and I hope that you will soon hear that there has been some success in bringing Arthur out of his coma."

Merlin left the doctor's office and made his way back to Arthur's room. He stood behind the door and broke down. He knew Gawaine had warned him about cutting his contacts with friends to sit with Arthur but had received more pleasure sitting beside a comatose Arthur than trailing after friends from one bar to another and listening to their talk of one night stands. He stood there sobbing. Finally, he dragged his sleeve across his face and walked to the bedside looking at Arthur who unknowingly was going to have one of his last visits with Merlin and who lay there uncomplaining .

Merlin tried to control his voice but it was hopeless. He managed to say, "Arthur, it's me..." His heart clenched and he stopped dead. The reality hitting him that chances were that this would be the last time he would see or certainly have a private conversation with Arthur. He laughed sadly their conversations had always been so one sided. He knew little about Arthur apart from what Gawaine had told him but he felt in his heart that he knew the man who for all intents and purposes, was captive in an unresponsive body.

He smiled, two moths had been time for broken bones to mend and bruises and scars to fade before disappearing…and for feelings to manifest themselves…one sided though they might be. Arthur was breathing on his own but still attached to a myriad of machines. He had never tried to open his eyes or say anything, yet Merlin had felt in his heart, that Arthur was listening.

He sat close to him. He looked at him carefully and brushed the hair off his forehead. He took his hand and held it to his lips kissing each and every finger. His heart was racing and he was starting with a headache. He felt physically sick. He wasn't ready for this farewell. However, he felt the need to explain to Arthur that he might not be seeing him as frequently, the lie caught in his throat, he couldn't say it.

"Arthur, sometimes it is necessary for people to move on even if they don't want to. Your father has found another hospital for you. You'll like it there. It is close to your home and maybe you will have more visitors."

It hurt him to tell a lie, he had no proof that Arthur would have more visitors. His father had reached the stage when he just phoned the specialist once a fortnight knowing that he would be kept informed if there was any positive change in his son's condition.

Merlin was crying softly as he massaged Arthur's hands. He'd come to know every vein and scar. Arthur's wrists were thin and Merlin could feel and see his pulse.

"I didn't mean to fall for you Arthur but seeing you and talking about my life has become the highlight of each day. I'll miss you and I realise that you probably will never remember that I visited you. My life as you now realise is quite humdrum, work, go home, read and sleep repeated ad nauseum however; these visits have become the focus of each day. Promise you won't laugh but I tell Spot everything we have spoken about and how you look each day. For a kitten she is intuitive as if she realises that my words are important and she listens carefully before jumping off my lap to chase and catch a dust bunny or attack her Winnie The Pooh toy. I had always thought that one day, the nurses might have greeted me as I came in with the news that there had been an improvement and that you were on the way to recovery.

"I had hoped that one day; you might have opened your eyes and asked who I was? I'm going to say goodbye for today but tomorrow I will be here again to visit hoping that you have not yet been moved." He dropped his voice and said quietly, "You are my best friend and I will miss you. Don't forget me..."

He stood up and walked to the head of the bed and ran his finger down Arthur's cheek. "Sleep tight, Love!" he whispered and turned to leave the room.

He stopped sure he had seen movement out of the corner of his eye but attributed it to a reflection from the bank of machines monitoring his friend.

Arthur again clenched his fingers as the door closed.

-0-0-

The following morning, Graham was in taking care of Arthur and he noticed that the machine results were fluctuating. He brought it to the attention of the head nurse on duty that morning, she flagged his file and during Dr. Fells' rounds, she notified him.

Roy Fells ordered an EEG to trace the spontaneous electrical changes of the brain. He decided to also call for brain taps. Asking to see Graham, he queried what he had been doing when he had noticed the activity.

Graham explained that he had almost finished his routine and had been talking about Arthur's regular visitor and then had had noticed fluctuations in the patient's pulse. He'd kept talking and again mentioned the name Merlin and noticed that there was a definite muscle contraction in Arthur's right hand. He immediately held it, massaging it hoping to duplicate the readings but he couldn't except by saying Merlin's name.

Dr. Fells thanked him and dismissing him, reread the file and noticed that no reports had been received from the physio team who had worked on Arthur later that morning. He knew Graham to be careful and astute so on the chance that here had been something, he contacted one of his brain trauma associates. It was decided that prior to speaking to Arthur's father about his son's possible change in status, they would try a little test.

"Get Merlin Emrys in here this afternoon, I'm free around four," he told the nurse on duty at the 5T nurses' station. Bridie who was on duty got the call, knowing from the others that there had been a possible change in Arthur's status, her spirits lifted as she looked up Merlin's number from his Touch Therapy file. Of course, Merlin didn't answer his phone.

-0-0-

Merlin wasn't having a good day. He was up to his eyes in work and Gawaine had notified him that he wanted him in attendance at that afternoon's general meeting of department heads. Seems Mr. Pendragon was in town and on the warpath. Heads were going to fly for sure.

The meeting was called for one o'clock. Merlin was seated beside Gawaine listening to the chairman's opening remarks when Merlin felt his phone buzzing. He reached for it and turned it off.

-0-0-

Bridie was having no luck contacting Merlin, in desperation, she finally decided to text Gawaine, _'Can't reach, Merlin. Get him to phone me at work ASAP...'_

Gawaine read the text and showed it to Merlin. Then texted back, _'Done...'_ Looking at Merlin who had turned grey and was having problems breathing, he said, "Go and phone her, it's probably nothing but better to find out."

As Merlin left the table, Uther's eyes were drawn to the young man who was causing a disturbance. He thought, 'Today's young people have no insight into the importance of business meeting protocol.'

Trying to blend in with his surroundings and not cause any fuss as he left the meeting, Merlin managed to find the exit door locked and fumbled with it until someone hissed, "Pull!"

Doing as he was told, Merlin almost fell into the corridor. He grabbed his phone and called the hospital asking for 5T East. The nurse on duty called to Bridie and he listened horrified as she told him that Dr Fells wanted to see him for the second time in two days.

"Is everything all right with Arthur? Has he been moved to the new facility?"

"He's still here and is doing all right. Why don't you wait until you speak to the doctor? If you're free now, you can come on over. I'm here until eleven tonight and due for a fifteen minute break in twenty minutes."

Merlin laughed, "See you, I'll bring a treat but not like Greeks bearing gifts..."

"Bring it on, Merlin! See you, soon..."

Smiling to himself, Merlin slipped his phone in his pocket. Arthur was still there and he would be seeing him soon. He felt so much better than when Gawaine had shown him the text. He quickly texted him back that Arthur was all right and that he was meeting with Dr. Fells at four and having a snack with Bridie before seeing him. He liked Bridie and if he hadn't had a different outlook on life, he might have been interested in her.

He arrived at the nurses' station just as Bridie came out of Arthur's room. She waved at him and continued to put his file in the cabinet behind the desk. "I'm off on my break now," she turned to the others saying, "If there is nothing pressing."

-0-0-

Merlin's coffee sat between them on the table hardly touched. He had relaxed slightly picking up on Bridie's calmness. She smiled encouragingly at him. "I'm sure that Dr. Fells would have wanted to see Mr. Pendragon if there had been a problem. It's almost four...so take a deep breath and go to see what he wants."

Feeling slightly more relaxed than when he had first set foot on 5T, he knocked on the office door.

Dr Fells nodded as Merlin entered and took the chair opposite him. He walked around the desk and perched on it smiling at Merlin, "Well...I guess you want to know why I wanted you to come in today." Merlin nodded. "Don't look so worried. Arthur is doing well and we just wanted to clear up a point or two. Has Arthur ever put any pressure on your hand when you were holding his?"

Shaking his head, Merlin said, "Never, can't say that I didn't want him to but I never felt anything."

"Did you ever notice anything at all?"

"Well, yesterday, just as I was ready to go. I thought the machines were really active but I looked again and everything seemed normal. Why?"

"Graham reported that there seemed more brain activity today so I have put Arthur on another couple of machines and with your permission, I'd like to monitor your visit with him, if you are agreeable."

Merlin felt a spark of hope. Arthur was maybe coming around. He looked at the doctor and grinned, "Yes, anything that will help. What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to do nothing special. Ignore all of us and just have a regular visit." Dr. Fells stood up, "Come on, Merlin, let's see how Arthur is doing today?"

Dr. Fells opened Arthur's door. Graham was present and another doctor Merlin didn't recognise. Dr Fells said to him, "This is the young man we were talking about." Turning to Merlin, he said, "Go ahead, ignore us, have your visit."

Merlin walked to the bed, Arthur looked the same as the previous day. Ignoring the people and extra machines, he said, "Hello, Arthur, it's me Merlin!" He took his hand letting his thumb rub against it. "Hope you haven't been causing any trouble?"

Conscious of the flashing lights on one machine, he tried to return his attention solely to Arthur. "Heard from my Mom today, she's planning to come for Easter. You'll have to try harder as I know she'd like to see you sitting up in bed. By the way, Gawaine sends his regards; he's stuck in a meeting."

He leant forward and pushed the hair off Arthur's brow, allowing the back of his fingers to skim along his cheek. "I forgot to mention that your father was there. He looked well. The contract has been signed for the company you negotiated to buy. Your father mentioned your name and everyone clapped. Honestly, Arthur, I bet you would have been embarrassed. Gawaine said that you would have hated it but I think that deep down you would have been a little proud, wouldn't you?"

Merlin continued, "I'm going to massage your hands and your wrists. One day, Arthur, you're going to tell me I have the magic touch, aren't you?" Merlin stood missing the spike on one of the machines and the just perceptible muscle contraction in the hand he had been holding.

Taking the cream, he squirted some into his hand. He seemed oblivious to the others in the room. He perched on the bed on Arthur's left and took his hand in both of his. He held it between his and began the massaging routine.

"When you're all better, you will have the softest most beautiful hands in the city." He paused and looked at Arthur's face, "I'll hear you say that and until then, I will try be here every afternoon."

He returned to Arthur's right side and took his hand, oblivious to the others he raised it to his lips whispering something which was just for Arthur. Again the machines picked up something. He put the cream on his hands and entwined his fingers with Arthur's giving equal attention to all the fingers. "There that's done. I think we should paint your nails in the colours of your favourite football team. Chelsea or Arsenal? Arthur, you'll have to..."

His eyes suddenly found Dr Fells, who was smiling encouragingly.

Merlin continued with a slight tremor in his voice, "So, what is it North London Arsenal's red and white?" Laughing Merlin said, "OK, don't tell me...you'd prefer Chelsea blue nails."

Merlin felt movement in the hand he was holding. He panicked his mouth wide open, his eyes tear filled. He found Dr. Fell's eyes. He squeezed Arthur's hand and leaning forward, suppressing a sob said, "All right, you get to choose." Dr Fells moved closer to the bed, watching carefully.

Holding Arthur's hand loosely, Merlin said, "Chelsea?" Arthur's hand felt warm in his but nothing happened. He waited and finally said, "Guess that's a no. How about Arsenal?" He almost fell off his chair as he felt Arthur's hand move in a clenching motion.

Before he knew it, he had his arms around Arthur and was hugging him, tubes and all. Dr Fells checked the machines with his associate and murmured in the corner. Graham gave Merlin a thumbs up.

"Arthur, I...I don't know what to say. It's been so long, your father is going to be so proud of you. Wait untiI I tell my mother, she'll be so happy."

Dr. Fells caught Merlin's attention motioning that they were going to leave them to themselves. He said quietly, "Thanks, Merlin, you proved a point."

As Arthur heard the name Merlin, again the machines spiked and Merlin felt pressure on his hand which was still holding Arthur's.

-0-0-

Merlin heard the door close after them. He looked at Arthur's face. There was no expression to show that he had made physical contact with Merlin.

Merlin leaned forward; he dipped his finger in a glass of water and traced Arthur's lips but there was no reaction. He brushed the hair off Arthur's forehead and whispered, "I'm so proud of you!"

Again he felt Arthur's hand clench. He bent down and kissed it. He would have given anything for Arthur to have opened his eyes now that they were alone. He needed to see him. For months now he had conversed with a sleeping person and even though the hand gripping was a step in the right direction, he was now impatient for more.

Dr Fells had asked to see him again in two days and he would re-evaluate the situation. Arthur's father would have to be notified and then decisions made about which facility was the best for Arthur in his current situation.

Merlin was not sure how much Arthur actually understood or if it was just a reaction to his name or if there were more things happening in Arthur's mind and body. Merlin was sure that the following day if personnel were available, Arthur would be put through a battery of tests.

So much was going through his mind, he felt sure that as Arthur's condition was improving, he would be pushed back as family and friends would once again flock to visit him. He felt a little annoyed on Arthur's behalf. Where had all these people been when Arthur had been so sick? He then felt guilty, for the last few months, he had had Arthur to himself, no one claiming his attention or making decisions as to how or what Merlin said to him.

He sat there, rubbing his thumb along Arthur's as he held his hand and shared with him his thoughts.

When Bridie popped her head in to say that she was going off duty, he realised that he had sat a further two hours than normal. "You should be going home, Merlin." She added smiling, "It's well past Arthur's bedtime and you haven't eaten anything since you had a half cup of coffee."

"I didn't realise it was so late. Arthur, I have to go now. I'll come by tomorrow and I want you to work hard at opening your eyes. I don't even think you know who I am." He smiled, he doubted that Arthur really remembered him as he was just someone who used to shadow Gawaine at meetings and run messages for him.

He raised Arthur hand to his lips and gave it a little kiss, he felt too embarrassed to kiss his brow in Bridie's presence. Picking up on it, Bridie said, "I'll wait for you in the hallway. Goodnight, Arthur, have a good rest as tomorrow will be a busy day for you."

Merlin smiled, he half stood and leant over Arthur kissing his brow and gently touching his lips. He thought at one point that Arthur had slightly moved his lips but his mind was drawn to the renewed pressure on his hand. Arthur had something to say but sadly he had no voice just one hand.

" I'll see you tomorrow..." and he did something which he had never had to do, he had to gently open Arthur's hand so that he could get his own hand back. "Sleep tight, my love!"

He joined Bridie in the hallway and she explained that someone on staff would be on duty with Arthur all night to monitor him. "You go home, have a warm bath and eat something. You have to go to work tomorrow. You've had a busy day."

"Yes, Mother!" he said laughing.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4 :** **SECRETS EXPOSED**

He was tired yet after a shower, his mind was working faster than ever. He was torn. He'd had Arthur to himself and one day, he would need to stand back and let his father take over. Heaven knows how that would work out as the man was so busy and he didn't think that he would be as impressed with Arthur's being able to grasp a visitor's hand as he himself and the staff had been. He was certain that Mr. Pendragon didn't know who he was let alone that he was visiting his son in the hospital.

He knew he had no claim to Arthur except as a visitor. Agreed he was a newly-hired work colleague in the same office, but that wouldn't count for much. He was getting his hopes up. He'd been pouring his heart out to him in the false security that it would not be remembered once he came around. He knew deep down that he should be pulling back as he wasn't a part of Arthur's conscious life. He belonged only on the fringes of his present subconscious existence He hoped otherwise but he couldn't rationalise Arthur's acknowledging him when he came out of the coma.

He thought to himself, 'You're a pathetic excuse. You haven't the guts to have personal conversations with people yet you want so much to share the things in your life which you feel are important that you quite willingly share your personal thoughts and feelings only when the person is unable to give a opinion or question anything.'

Falling asleep in this frame of mind, he didn't sleep well, tossing and turning.

 _"Merlin, if you can't keep up let me know and I will find someone else to go with me. There are lots of people who would be only to happy to accompany me."_

 _'That's what you think!' Merlin said to himself. He felt himself slipping as the snow gave way and Arthur's hand grabbed his. Arthur was strong and Merlin realised that soon the blood circulation in his hand would be cut off._

 _He wanted to say, 'Let go of me...' but something prompted him not to. Finally, his feet found firm ground and he pulled himself upright. Arthur turned to look at him and Merlin realised he was looking at a sick man, ravaged by the problems of the world. Arthur's eyes were open but unseeing, his muscles had wasted away, his hair was too long and there was stubble on his face._

 _"Arthur, what happened to you?" But there was no response, Merlin glanced at Arthur's hand and it was weak looking and he felt that if he let go of it, Arthur would drift away and become unreachable. He held on tightly saying, "Arthur, it's me Merlin! Stay with me, don't go...!"_

He woke suddenly shivering, his heart was racing and the truth hit him. Arthur was still comatose in a bed in a hospital. He realised then and there that dreams were cruel, they allowed escape but then demanded payment as the dreamer came crashing back to reality.

He knew he was hungry, so he made himself get up. He intended to have a good breakfast as he planned that immediately after work he was going to the hospital. He wanted to get into the office early so that he would have a few minutes with Gawaine before everyone else arrived. He fed the cat, promising to be home earlier than last night. He packed some fruit and cheese for lunch and set off for the office.

Gawaine got up as he walked in and hugged him. "You did it, Merlin, you did it! Bridie phoned. She was so excited. How did it happen?"

Merlin explained the sequence of events and how Dr. Fells had sat in on his visit and had witnessed Arthur using the muscles in his hand.

"He's coming back to us isn't he?" said Gawaine with a catch in his voice.

Merlin realised that for Gawaine, his best friend Arthur's time in a coma had been very difficult. "Should I come with you after work today?" he asked.

"Gawaine, he's more your friend than mine. Of course, you should come. He would probably walk by me on the street without batting an eye."

"Don't sell yourself short, Merlin, Arthur responded to you, he knows you and certainly recognises your voice. Bridie said you are the only one he has ever responded to. It will be fun to see what he does when his father visits him. They've never been that close since Arthur told him he..."

They were interrupted by Gawaine's superior. "Good, you're here! Merlin, you can represent Gawaine at this morning's meetings as I need him with me."

Gawaine nodded and Merlin collected up what he needed to be closeted for the next two hours with assistant department heads. Gawaine received feedback that he'd acquitted himself well as one of the bosses mentioned that they might be giving Gawaine another intern as Merlin was quite capable of moving on. Gawaine was in two minds, pleased that the introductory phase for Merlin had passed but knowing that he would miss having him with him all day.

-0-0-

As Merlin was busy the day seemed to pass quickly. No one had called from the hospital asking him to come in so that they could do more observations on Arthur. Hopefully, he'd be given an idea of the results of the tests once he went to visit tonight.

Graham was with Arthur when Merlin visited, "I'll be done in a few minutes. He's been quite busy today as his father came to visit and I guess as we haven't heard otherwise, Arthur is staying here for a little while longer."

Merlin breathed a sigh of relief. He'd still be able to visit.

"I heard Dr. Fells say that he was leaving a note for you at the nurses' station so you should pick it up before you leave." Graham saw the worry on Merlin's face, "I'm sure it's not bad news but why don't you go and get it now, while I finish up here?"

"Would you mind?" said Merlin.

"No, go! Arthur and I have a few things we want to discuss and you would be in the way."

Merlin smiled; Graham was a good nurse to have around as he chatted continually with his patients frequently using their names regardless of whether they responded or maybe it should be in spite of their lack of response. Merlin heard him say as he left the room, "Don't fret yourself, Arthur, Merlin will be back in a few minutes. You can't expect to commandeer his attention the whole time, Arthur."

Merlin smiled to himself he knew there was a method in repeating his name. Each time Arthur heard it, the machines picked up additional mental activity.

Reaching the nurses' station a voice said, "Merlin, there's a note for you here."

He smiled, "So I believe."

"Did you hear that Arthur is going to stay with us a little longer so we will be able to see your attractive face every evening?"

Merlin was used to the teasing that went on but he wished it had been Arthur making that statement and not one of the married women at the nurses' station. Smiling she passed him the note.

The note from Dr. Fells stated simply that this morning, Mr. Pendragon had agreed to Arthur's staying at St. Swithin's as long as progress was being made. Dr. Fells also mentioned that he and his colleagues hoped that Merlin would be willing to continue his visits.

Merlin smiled, folded the note and slipped it into his pocket, something to share with Gawaine and his mother.

-0-0-

His spirits were up as he wandered down the corridor to Arthur's room. He passed Dr. Fells who motioned towards him but was then interrupted by another physician so Merlin continued on his way.

Arthur was alone when he went in and he said, "Good Afternoon, Handsome! How are you feeling today? Haven't seen you in ages, well almost six minutes…" He waved the note in Arthur's directions and said, "It's good news. You'll have to put up with me for a couple of more weeks." He grinned even if Arthur couldn't understand the humour in that statement he did.

He threw his coat over one chair and pulled the other one close to the bed and picked up Arthur's hand. "Well, you hands are nice and warm today and you look well enough to open your eyes and say hello."

Arthur did look better, his face was less drawn and his breathing seemed almost normal. Merlin turned to check the machines and saw that Arthur's heart rate was slightly elevated but nothing to worry about.

"I think you are improving, Mr. Pendragon. Would you like me to work on your hands? I know many a young lady who will be willing to hold hands with you as yours are soft and your manicurist has done a wonderful job on your nails." He felt a slight pressure on his hand.

A nurse appeared in the doorway and smiled, "He's coming along well, isn't he?" She walked across the room and took Arthur's vitals, nodded again at Merlin and left saying, "I'll leave you to your tête-à-tête."

Merlin laughed as if you could call a one-side conversation a tête-à-tête. Mind you it would be nice to have a conversation like that with someone. However, there was no one in his life that he was close enough to open his heart to.

"I'm not laughing at you Arthur, just what the nurse said. We know little about each other just what I have heard from your friends and Gawaine...and you only know about me the few things I've shared."

Merlin continued to massage and manoeuvred Arthur's fingers, carefully stretching the muscles. "Funny but having spent so much time with you I think of you as someone I really know and the silly thing is that I really don't know what you think about so many things."

He ran a few ideas through his head, "So what do you think of the party in power?" He waited a few minutes as if giving Arthur a chance to collect his thoughts and speak before he said, "Exactly my feelings!

"Outer space, now that is an interesting concept, isn't it? Care to share your thoughts?" He waited before continuing, "…I agree but have you ever thought you might like to go to the moon? Arthur, you are so talkative today that I can hardly get a word it edgewise. I wish you could let me know if you hear me. Am I bothering you with this silly chatter? My mother always says that as a kid, I used to drive her crazy and that my favourite word was why."

Suddenly, he became serious, "Deep down I am still a chatterbox but I now have no one to chatter to apart from you... Yes, there's Gawaine but more often than not he does the talking. He's enlightening me on quite a few things since I arrived here." He smiled, continuing, "However, he's a good friend and I enjoy his company.

"Actually, unlike you, I don't socialize very much. My group of friends broke up once the others had girlfriends and I was the spare, so to say." He dropped his head and spoke directly to the hand he was massaging, "I never had a boyfriend, people have been interested but it was for..." he blushed, "…the expected benefits not the friendship!

"I know you won't remember what I've said, but I just think it is best to be truthful even in this strange world which for you is twilight."

Arthur's hand twitched again and Merlin found himself smiling, "I take it that you agree with my statement. I'd love you to open your eyes and smile. I've been waiting so long but then I know that you will be commandeered by your family and friends and I would be on the outside again. I've enjoyed visiting and talking with you...well, talking at you!

A nurse came in and said, "Doctor Fells will be with you in a minute. He wants to discuss something with you." Merlin nodded and she left.

He turned to Arthur saying, "I feel like a parent who has been called before the Headmaster. What awful things have you been up to since I was last here?" He smiled to himself. He bet that Arthur's parents at one time or another must have been on the carpet.

Dr. Fells arrived with another doctor and told him that Arthur had briefly opened his eyes when his nurse was taking vitals early in the morning. He hadn't seemed to focus on anything but he had clearly opened his eyes.

Merlin froze, his mind was blank. What exactly had he told Arthur about himself? He felt the squeezing of his hand and wondered if Arthur had been trying to communicate with him. He dropped the hand and pulled back.

He'd made a complete fool of himself, blabbering about his personal life and feelings when he should really had been talking about neutral things.

Arthur's hand lying on the blanket was clenching and his heartbeat had risen. When Merlin made no move to take his hand, Dr. Fells did and held it telling Arthur that it was all right.

He glanced at Merlin who was obviously upset, saying, "I think he knows you're upset..."

Merlin said, "Sorry, I can't do this any more." He stood, grabbing his coat and went to leave the room.

Dr. Fells put his arm out to stop him but he brushed past him. "Merlin, wait!"

If either of the doctors had looked at Arthur, they would have seen a tear seeping from between his eyelids, _'Merlin, wait!'_

Dr. Fells again called, "Merlin, wait!"

Realising the futility of running, he slowed down and allowed the doctor to catch up. He turned to him with tear filled eyes. The doctor took him into a utility room and sat him on a table. "All right, out with it, what has upset you? Did Arthur do or say anything?"

Merlin shook his head, "It was me...I was stupid...I let my mind get carried away and told him personal things and if he heard me, I can't face him again." He dropped his head into his hands and fell silent.

"Whatever you said is between the two of you, we don't even know how much he hears or understands. You know him better than I do."

"That's the whole thing...I don't know him. He is the son of the owner of the company where I work and I lived closer to the hospital so I accepted to visit him for my friend. I don't know him… I will return tomorrow but I can't stay any longer tonight. I would be hopeless talking to him."

"How about, you just sit with him? He'll settle better knowing you're there."

Merlin shook his head; he felt that it was going to explode. He'd said, 'Goodnight, Love!' to him. How could he have been so stupid to tell Arthur, a stranger that he was gay. Arthur was probably having a good laugh at his expense, if his mind was even capable of laughing at this point!

"I'm sorry…" Merlin stood and walked slowly from the office. He did not see the nurses on the 5T station looking at each other quizzically or Bridie walking towards him along the hall.

-0-0-

He let himself into his flat. He didn't remember leaving the hospital, the traffic or walking home. The kitten came to join him as he stood in the hall. She twined in and out of his legs, pushing her head against his unmoving legs and mewing softly.

"Well, Spot, I made an absolute fool of myself today. Not that that will surprise you. I'm my own worse enemy."

His phone rang and he was about to ignore it when he glanced down and saw his mother's number. He took in a deep breath; breathed out slowly before saying, "Hello, Mum, everything all right?"

"Yes, I was just wondering if you are joining me for Easter. Your Uncle Gaius is coming and I thought it would be like old time's sake. You can take a day away from the hospital can't you? Then I thought I might come to visit with you during Easter week that is if you'd like me to." She hesitated, settling her nerves hoping that Merlin wouldn't pick up on it before saying, "We could drop in to see Arthur…How is he by the way?"

"Yes, Mum, I'll come home for Easter and I'd like you to spend a few days. Arthur is the same…"

"Well, I won't keep you as I know you haven't eaten yet. Give Spot a cuddle for me and… Merlin, take care of yourself. See you on Sunday."

"Yes, bye Mum!"

That was the last straw and Merlin collapsed on the sofa and cried his eyes out. He must have fallen asleep as when he awoke he had a warm weight on his back kneading him softly and it was dark.

-0-0-

Hunith had phoned Gawaine back after she had spoken to her son.

"How was he?"

"I could tell that he was upset but I didn't dwell on that. He's coming here for Easter and then I'll come back with him for a few days. Thank you for getting in touch with me. Could you thank Bridie for caring…and you too come to think of it?"

"He's a special young man and I just thought that he needed to hear from you. He hasn't spoken to me yet but I will see him at work tomorrow and play it by ear. I knew he was getting involved but he seemed so happy and from what Bridie has said Arthur really benefits having him around.

-0-0-

Merlin slipped out of his outside clothes and sat in the darkened room with the TV on. He couldn't eat anything but he sipped some water. His mind was all over the place but he knew that it was survival of the fittest and he would not be going to St. Swithin's after work tomorrow…

Arthur was obviously in the first stages of waking up. He'd moved his hands and opened his eyes. He wasn't needed anymore, his heart did a flip and he caught his breath. Arthur would be fine. Spot jumped on his lap and he held the cat and said into her fur, "…and so will I."


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5 :** **A MOVE IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION**

Uther Pendragon's secretary called to tell Merlin that he was to come to the office before he went home. Merlin wasn't worried he knew he was doing well as he'd been given further responsibilities in his department.

As the office emptied, he put his laptop in its case and checking that his work area was tidy, he took the lift up to the Executive floor. Uther's secretary nodded at him and lifted the phone. She then said, "Go right in, Mr. Pendragon will see you now." She stood up and taking her bag went to get her coat.

Uther was sitting at his desk. He did not rise or make any effort to talk. He motioned Merlin to a seat in front of the desk.

"I want you to leave my son alone!"

Merlin looked up surprised. It made no sense. Out of the blue, Uther was challenging' him over the visits that he made to Arthur.

"He has no need of a stranger in his hospital room. There is no need for you to say anything." He took a slip of paper off the desk and handed it to Merlin, "Take it, it's yours!"

Merlin looked down to see a banker's draft in his name for ₤5000. He looked up at Arthur's father who said, "No need to thank me. You are doing me a favour..."

Merlin slid the draft back to Uther, shaking his head. He didn't trust himself to speak.

"Playing hard ball, are you?" Uther grabbed the draft and substituted one for ₤10K.

Merlin sat with his hands in his lap his eyes downcast. No one was going to buy him off. He was his own man and would not let this man dictate his behaviour. He stood up; opening the door he said, "Sir!" and left.

Uther stood flabbergasted. How dare that young upstart treat him this way!

Merlin left the office, making his way to the lift in a daze. That was how the rich dealt with suspected competition...they paid them off. He automatically pushed the button to his own floor and exited the lift once it stopped. He was conscious of nothing, tears were streaking his face as he made an erratic course to his office.

Gawaine had packed up his belongings. It had been a hard week and he was looking forward to the weekend. He came out of his office to see Merlin wandering aimlessly, "Merlin, are you all right?"

Merlin lifted his head and Gawaine saw the look of shock in his eyes and the tear stained face. He put his arm around his shoulders, pulled him into his office saying, "What happened? Is it Arthur?"

Merlin shook his head and managed to get out one word, "Uther!"

Gawaine sat him down and reached for a bottle hidden in his file cabinet. It was often used to toast deals but this time, it was to be used for shock. He poured a small shot and passed it to Merlin who shook his head, "Just take a little sip. It will help." He poured a handsome shot for himself and sat facing Merlin.

Merlin shuddered and raised the glass to his mouth, the smell was strong and it reminded him of medicine but he obediently took a sip. He gasped as his senses picked up the taste and he choked.

Gawaine waited patiently. He knew sooner or later, Merlin would tell him why he was upset. Minutes passed. Merlin sniffed and Gawaine handed him his handkerchief.

Finally, he mumbled, "Uther offered me money." Gawaine waited... "He offered me more money than I have ever seen."

"To do what?"

Merlin shook his head, "For God's sake, Gawaine, not that! He wants me to have nothing to do with Arthur. Honestly, I can't believe you thought he was after me!"

Gawaine took a swig of his drink, looked Merlin up and down and gave a little shrug saying, "He could have done worse."

"Gawaine, this is serious!"

Gawaine smiled, he felt better as Merlin seemed more himself, "So, what did he do?"

"He offered me a five thousand to leave Arthur alone and when I didn't bite, he upped it to ten. He had the bank drafts on his desk."

"So, what did you do?"

"Do? I stood up and left!" Merlin put his head in his hands. "Gawaine, I think I'm going to be fired."

"He won't do that as he would have to give a reason for dismissal and I would have to be involved and he might be hot headed but he's not looking to open disciplinary proceedings concerning employer bribery."

-0-0-

Not knowing that Merlin had already decided to end his visits to the hospital, Gawaine seeing that Merlin was in no state to visit, offered to take over visiting Arthur for the remainder of the week. He was furious with Uther and if he had had unlimited funds he would have turned in his resignation. He would still remain friends with Arthur and the others but the thought of dealing with Uther turned his stomach.

However, he couldn't afford the luxury of giving up his position without having some other job. He'd just expected to work in Arthur's father's business until a better offer came along. He smiled, Arthur had often teased that when he took over the company he would put Gawaine on the board of Directors and they would be able to have lengthy lunches and not be glared at if they returned late to the office.

He visited Arthur everyday that it was possible spending most of his time talking about Merlin, telling Arthur how he had stood beside him from the beginning. If Arthur were able, he would have realised that Merlin had impressed his best friend.

However, there was no hand clenching but every time Gawaine said Merlin's name the machines beeped as Arthur's brain waves spiked. Arthur's arms had been moving but had not opened his eyes since that first time and the general feeling was that it was one of those unexplained happenings with a comatose patient who was in the first stage of coming out of his coma.

Gawaine tried something different by deciding to talk to Arthur in a sport's frame. "All right, you have the ball and can't reach the goal line, you have to pass it and let your team mate shoot on goal. That's how a team works.

"At the moment, you and Merlin are a team. He has brought you to within the goal crease and you have to take the ball and score. He is one of the members of your team but a striker, you are a shooter. He will be as pleased with a goal he has set up as if he had scored it himself.

"You are indebted to him. You have to reward him. Not by inviting him out for a drink but doing something even more important...like opening your eyes and looking at him.

"Arthur, I know that you know when he is in the room so it should be easy. He's hurting...he can only keep this up for so long. I know you can hear me so please think about what I am saying. Arthur, between you and me and I swear on my life never to mention it to anyone but we both know your flitting from woman to woman and inability to settle with one has deep roots. If you open your heart to Merlin, I know he will respond positively. Poor chap, he's crazy about you!"

Gawaine laughed, "Maybe, that was privileged information...forget I said it! He'd kill me. He is so unassuming and truly sincere and would hate to think that you and I just had this conversation."

Taking Arthur's hand in his as he had seen Merlin do, he said sincerely, "Arthur, I know you react to him. Just try your hardest to come back to us, we really do love you and the last months have been difficult for not only you but also your friends... he hastily added, "...as well as you father."

'Hypocrite!' he thought to himself. Uther had moved on, he paid less attention to his son's condition than a snake would to its offspring. No expense was spared but the support was all financial nothing emotional.

"You are loved by all your friends, you are precious, Arthur. We want you to be with us again." He felt a movement in Arthur's hand and he smiled.

-0-0-

Finally Merlin could stay away no longer. He was worried about Arthur, even knowing that he was getting the best care and attention, he needed to see it for himself.

He slipped into Arthur's room looking at the man who had affected him so much. He sat holding his hand as he had some explaining to do. Merlin said seriously, "You might feel lost, Arthur, but you are not! I know where you are...I'm holding your hands and won't let go for as long as is needed. Just stay with me and I'll be able to lead you back to your friends…and your family." There was a perceptible pause between the two. He had flashbacks of Uther's office but then he thought of Gawaine and Arthur's other friends.

"I'm sorry I missed coming to see you; I got a little sidetracked but then I couldn't stay away. I missed you. Yes, even as you are lying on your backside like a king with all your servants running around you day and night, if I may be so bold to say, Sire!"

He felt his hand being squeezed and he squeezed back, before lifting Arthur's hand and gently blowing on his fingers. Arthur's hand clenched again and Merlin smiled. "You felt that didn't you. I'm so proud of the progress you are making. By the time the April comes around, you'll be sitting in a chair and maybe even going out into the gardens. Does that sound good? I think it sounds like fun.

"I'm not giving up on you, Arthur Pendragon! One day I am going to watch you play football, maybe even see you score a goal and then, we'll go out for a drink with the others and then...you could drive me home in your posh car."

Merlin wiped away the tears that were streaming down his face. He sometimes found it so hard to remain enthusiastic and there were days when he would go home and just flake out on his sofa. One evening, he had even fallen asleep in the hospital with his head resting on Arthur's bed. He woke to fingers in his hair stroking. He stayed still and could have cried tears of joy when he realised that it was Arthur's hand in his hair.

He had smiled and said quietly, "I feel you, Arthur..."

The hand stopped and then started again and Merlin whispered, "I love you..."

-0-0-

Bridie was on duty on Saturday when he came to visit. She gave him a big grin and waved him into the room. The first thing that Merlin noticed was that some of the machines were missing. He glanced at Arthur and smiled he was really breathing on his own. Until then, he'd had a little clip in his nostrils.

Merlin couldn't stop himself as he said, "Good Morning, Handsome!"

"I presume you mean me," said a voice behind him, he jumped as he tuned to see Roy Fells. "Morning, Merlin, good to see you! As you can see, we have Arthur on very little oxygen, just on demand. He's progressing slowly but it's always in little steps in the right direction, I'm glad to say."

Merlin looked back at Arthur smiling, "Well, Arthur, you got a good report so I now expect you to progress in leaps and bounds." He stopped and stared at Arthur, his eyelids were quivering. He held his breath but nothing else happened.

"He started doing that overnight," said Dr. Fells. "We've been waiting to see if it is preliminary to his opening his eyes but nothing yet. Have a nice visit and keep chatting to him," saying that Dr. Fells took his leave and hurried away.

Merlin nodded as one of the care-workers whom Uther had hired for Arthur came in with the daffodils he had brought in with him today. She placed them on the windowsill and left. She'd have some free time as Merlin was there with Arthur.

Merlin pulled the chair closer to the bed, saying, "The flowers are for you as are these chocolates but as you won't be eating them I'm giving them to the nurses. One day, I will bring in a box just for you and no one else. We can share them, you and I and eat them until we make ourselves sick."

He took Arthur's hands, his nails had been cut short by one of his carers. He wished he'd thought about that before as he could have done Arthur's nails. He decided to check with Bridie to see if family members ever did that. He smiled to himself, he wasn't a family member but he'd like to do something special for Arthur.

He said, "There's a great show in the West End, I have tickets for the Sunday Matinee and, don't laugh, but I'm taking my Mother as it's her birthday and we're making a foursome with Gawaine and Bridie. I'd rather be going with you," he said wistfully, "But...maybe next time. It's Royal Gambit about Henry the Eight and his assortment of wives. I'll give you a private critique of it when I visit in the evening."

Arthur's hand tightened on his and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Arthur's head shift slightly. His heart clenched and he whispered, "Arthur? Arthur, look at me." Again Arthur's head moved slightly and Merlin grinned. That effort was worth an Olympic gold, he decided.

-0-0-

Merlin had stopped at the nurses' station and mentioned to the nurse on duty that Arthur had moved his head. She'd smiled, writing it on Arthur's chart and flagging it for Dr. Fells. She said, "Whatever you are doing, young man, it's exactly what the patient needs. One day, Arthur will surprise us all by waking up and hopefully you will be the first one he sees. He owes you so much, Merlin. You have every reason to be proud of yourself."

Merlin smiled to himself, Sheila reminded him of his Mother. He'd seen her rejoicing with the family of patients who were making progress and supporting those families whose relative had died. She seemed to know exactly what to say in any situation.

The phone rang and she turned to answer it so Merlin walked to the lift. He knew that she was wrong however, as even if Arthur opened his eyes and saw him; he wouldn't know him from Adam.

Arthur's head movement kept him feeling positive as he walked home. It had to be a breakthrough. He's never done it before, maybe he would now start murmuring in response to someone talking to him. In the whole picture of things, it was such a little thing but Merlin felt that it was a huge step in the right direction.

Then reality hit. He'd had Arthur to himself for almost ten weeks; the time might be approaching when others would reclaim their positions of friendship and interest.

Gawaine and he had to this point been his main visitors, was he ready to walk away? Could he walk away? Was he ready to relinquish his hold on Arthur and pass the job to someone else? However, what would happen if his friends' interest then waned and he became one of those patients whose only contacts were the nursing staff?

He knew his most desired dreams would never be fulfilled but was there a chance that Arthur might like him enough to consider him an acquaintance.

-0-0-

He fed Spot and sat on the sofa. The news was on but he wasn't paying too much attention to it. He went over in his mind the progress which Arthur had made. He could move his arms and clench his hands, he had moved his head, opened his eyes once that was documented, squeezed Merlin's hand in response to basic questions. He had even moved his legs according to physio.

Merlin smiled and then he frowned, Arthur had been able, to run, jump, drive, ride, play football, laugh, sing, speak and according to his friends had an excellent grasp on reality and a good insight into business affairs. Merlin felt himself spiralling into despair, compare the two and Arthur was so far from what he had been that his progress seemed negligible.

He was distracted from his thoughts as he recognised a voice on TV and the word 'coma patients'.

A programme was beginning, it was about trauma centres specialising in comatose patients and Arthur's Dr. Fells was the guest. Merlin was interested as Dr. Fells explained about patients opening their eyes but not focusing, involuntary movement of limbs versus movement on command, recognition of sounds and tracking of same by head or eye movements. He spoke about the GCS (Glasgow Coma Scale) a rating of eye opening, motor movements and verbal responses. A number was given for each action, eye-opening on command resulted in a three, spontaneous eye opening gained a four. Movement on command rated a six, he briefly went over the areas tested. He mentioned conversation and Merlin decided then and there that that was going to be his next goal. He was going to get Arthur to say something, even if it was only one disoriented word, it would be worth something on the scale.

Merlin decided that he would speak with Dr. Fells and then if he was in agreement take his holidays early this year and spend a fortnight at Arthur's side, an intensive two weeks of visits from morning to night if the good doctor agreed.

During the interview, Dr. Fells had mentioned that patients often became confused and agitated as they regained brain function but that the presence of family helped them as they reassured them that everything was all right. As they woke up they often tried to pull out feeding tubes and their oxygen. The more they regained consciousness, the more they were able to understand and then accept what had happened.

Tomorrow, he would speak with the doctor, but tonight he would sleep.

-0-0-

 _He heard someone calling him. His name was repeated over and over again becoming more recognisable each time it was said. He turned his head and Arthur was standing propped against the wall, he was smiling as if he knew what a great improvement he had made._

 _Again he said Merlin but this time his tone and inflection changed and it was a question, "Merlin?" He then made it into a statement, "Merlin…" then again with happiness at his success, "Merlin!"_

 _Merlin smiled and said, "Yes, Arthur!" and Arthur crumpled beside him onto the bed with a thump._

He awoke to Spot sitting almost on his face looking at him questioningly. He'd do it he decided. Maybe the first word wouldn't be his name but anything would suffice. He was going to encourage Arthur to say a word…


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6 : A SMILE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS**

Easter passed quietly, it was now thirteen weeks since Arthur's accident and although he was making some progress it was painstakingly slow. He was able to move his head, his arms and clench his empty hands. He seemed to do these movements haphazardly except for the hand squeezing which he only ever did to Merlin. He had never reopened his eyes but did flutter his eyelids as if it were about to happen. His physio was progressing well and his limbs could easily be manipulated showing that the muscles and the nerves were relaxed.

Gawaine and Merlin both visited and there was a flower arrangement from Uther Pendragon in Arthur's room as well as one at the nurses' station to thank for the care given to his son.

When Leon joined them, they had opened the Easter presents they had got for Arthur and started to eat them, making sure to tell Arthur how great they tasted. Hunith knew what they were planning and had sent over some little sponge cakes decorated with Easter motifs for the boys and the nurses. Arthur had fluttered his eyelids, clenched both of his hands and even moved his head and his arms. The men were pleased as although progress was slow, they could see the improvements that their friend had made since early January.

Later, Merlin lay in bed thinking. He'd taken Arthur a special little gift for Easter. Years ago, his mother had found a plush bird which resembled a falcon. He had received it as part of a birthday present. He liked it but felt that he was now too old for toys, so had kept it always on the bookcase and for some reason it had made the trip from Wales to London.

He'd seen patients in other rooms with teddy bears and the like so he decided to take it to Arthur. He'd helped Arthur use a stress ball and decided to substitute the little toy as a change. Carefully wrapping Arthur's hand around it he had helped him squeeze it.

"Arthur, it's a little stuffed falcon just the right size for your hand."

Gawaine said, "The two of you are nuts. But he certainly is hanging onto it and using his hand muscles. Arthur, it's Merlin's toy from when he was a baby so don't lose it as he'll want it back when you are all better."

"No, I won't! It's a gift and, Arthur, it's yours to keep or get rid of..."

The others left and Merlin remained a little while longer. He had explained to Arthur that he would be a little late the next day as after work he had a departmental meeting which was compulsory. "I'll come afterwards." He took Arthur's hand and wrapped his fingers around the little falcon. "Keep it safe for me until I come back." He'd gently put his hand on Arthur's cheek, before saying, "Goodnight, Love, sleep tight!"

The hospital had been told that Mr. Uther Pendragon would be in to visit his son Arthur the following day. One of the carers mentioned it to Merlin, so on his way out, he notified the staff nurse that he would not be in until later tomorrow evening. He had no intention of running into Arthur's father for whom he was personna non grata.

Bridie left Arthur that evening clutching the falcon, closing and opening his hand. He was murmuring but if it were a word it was indiscernible.

-0-0-

Uther's visit was worth mentioning for its negativity. He saw the specialist on duty, walked into his son's room and stood at the end of the bed. He said nothing to his son. Arthur could have been playing possum. He just lay there clutching the falcon but without moving, he had been very active earlier in the day working with his physio team and murmuring continually.

Uther spied the plush toy and wrenched it out of his son's hand saying, "For heaven's sake, whose stupid idea was this? He's a man not a child!" with that he tossed it into the corner. Arthur's arms flailed trying to find it and his mouth opened and closed repeatedly.

The doctor tried to explain that the clasping and releasing action was good for muscle coordination but Uther would have none of it. "Give him a book if he needs to hold something!" He said nastily and stormed out of the room with the doctor at his heels.

The doctor knew that it wasn't worth arguing but he knew that once Uther was out of the room, he would see that the little falcon was returned to Arthur. He left Uther at the lift and motioned for the nurse called Sheila to follow him. He told her about the falcon fiasco and leant over to try to settle Arthur while she picked up the toy.

Arthur was now very agitated, throwing his head from side with his eyes opened but unfocused. He was whimpering. He stopped when his hands were held by the doctor, who spoke softly to him. He quietened but still kept murmuring the same sound, which for the doctor was unrecognisable.

Sheila walked over with the falcon and leant over Arthur saying, "Here you go..." and put his hands around the toy. Arthur's eyes suddenly seemed focused on her as he repeated the sound, a double syllable with the inflection of a question.

Suddenly, it made sense and Sheila said surprised, "Yes, Arthur, Merlin gave it to you!"

The doctor looked at her and he too recognised that it wasn't an unintelligent murmuring, Arthur was trying to say, "Murmon!" repeating it over and over as he clenched the bird in his hand. The specialist reached over to the clipboard at the end of Arthur's bed and in the space allotted to Observations, entered the time and wrote, ' first word a garbled…Merlin'. He signed it and returned the board to the clip on the end of the bed.

He turned and strode out of the room smiling, all memories of Uther momentarily erased.

-0-0-

It was pouring rain that evening when Merlin and Gawaine finished supper. "I'm sure that he has come and gone by now. Let's get to the hospital!"

Merlin checked at the nurses' station and was surprised to see everyone beaming. He wondered if Uther had given all of them a bonus for their excellent care of his son but reasoned that was unlikely. They assured him that Arthur was fine and waiting for him.

Bridie motioned for Gawaine, he stepped aside and let Merlin walk on to Arthur's room. She said, "There was an improvement in Arthur's state, a doctor was present when he focused on Sheila and gave a rendition of Merlin's name." Her eyes were bright with tears as she suggested, "Give them a few moments alone!"

-0-0-

Merlin walked slowly into Arthur's room. He was lying quietly, holding the little falcon in his hands and stroking it ever so often. It did Merlin good to see him so relaxed as he'd recently had the tendency to be agitated. He whispered not wanting to waken him if he were asleep, "It's me, Merlin... Good Evening, Handsome!"

Walking across the room, Merlin pulled up a chair and taking Arthur's hand, sat down. He rubbed his thumb across his knuckles and smiled as he heard Arthur take a breath.

He had a feeling that he was being watched and looked up to see Arthur staring at him, not looking in his direction or through him but focusing on him eye to eye. He grinned back and Arthur hesitantly whispered, "Murwin?"

Merlin's heart leapt and he bent forward and with tears on his cheeks said, "Yes, Arthur, I'm Merlin." He then couldn't help it but started sobbing , dropping his head on the bed near Arthur's chest.

Arthur clutching the falcon in his other hand, found Merlin's head and he started to pat it.

Gawaine found them like that five minutes later. For a split second, he feared the worst...Arthur must have died as he had never over the last three months seen Merlin breaking down in front of him. He had always remained so positive and happy for Arthur's benefit.

He cleared his throat and Merlin raised his head. Arthur took his eyes off Merlin and glanced at the man who had walked in. His face relaxed and he said, "G'way...?"

In no time flat, Gawaine was on his knees by the bed, "Arthur, finally...!" He hugged his friend beaming at Merlin as he said, "Arthur, this is Merlin whom I told you about. He's beautiful isn't he?"

Merlin blushed and shook his head as Arthur turned to him and said, "Mer...win...Merwin."

Merlin took Arthur's hand and automatically raised it to his lips but he did not kiss it as he would usually have done. "That is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard, Arthur," he said smiling broadly.

Arthur tried to give him a smile in return, his first since his accident. It wasn't a full smile but certainly recognisable as one.

Merlin squeezed his hand, "I have waited so long to see you look at me and hear you say my name..." he tried to keep smiling but he knew that his presence was no longer needed. Arthur would now be given intensive therapy. In no time, he would be talking in full sentences about his past with his friends and with a lot of effort on his part he'd be up on his feet by midsummer.

Merlin looked down at the hand he was holding. It felt as if it were part of him. He'd miss having a hand to hold and a confidant with whom to share his pathetic life. He just wanted to sit silently enjoying the feel of Arthur's hand in his and smiling at him every now and again.

There was a tap on the door and Graham walked in, "Sorry, I didn't realise you had visitors, Arthur." He stopped as he realised Arthur was looking at him.

"Arthur," Merlin said quietly, "This is Graham, he is one of your nurses. He is a reliable and good man."

Arthur repeated, "...is gud mon..."

Merlin looked at him with pride. True, he was only repeating what was said but it showed he understood what was going on and he wanted to join the conversation. Merlin smiled at him...gosh, he really loved the man. Then the cold fear hit his heart as he realised that he'd probably already lost him.

-0-0-

Arthur's voice was coarse and without much strength but to Merlin and Gawaine, it was wonderful.

He frequently tried to swallow so Graham nodded towards the water pitcher by the bed, Merlin poured a half glass of water and dipping his finger in it, wet Arthur's lips. Arthur tried to get his hand on the glass and Merlin smiled as he said, "So you think you can drink by yourself?" He looked around to see if there was maybe the equivalent of a child's sippy cup he might let Arthur use. He suddenly remembered a reference in something he had read about a patient's ability to use a straw as a positive sign of recuperating.

He turned to Graham who searched in his trolley and came up triumphantly with two hospital straws. Merlin nodded and Graham handed it to him saying quietly to Merlin, "Don't get your hopes up as it mightn't work. He might have forgotten how to suck." He turned to leave the room saying, "I'll get a Flo-Trol cup for now."

Merlin turned to Arthur showing him the straw. "Do you want to give it a try?" Arthur nodded so Merlin placed the straw into the glass and held it to his mouth. It took a little while for Merlin to explain to Arthur that for the time being he had better not try to hold the glass. Graham didn't need a wet patient to deal with when he returned.

Arthur did admirably well, the look on his face when he swallowed was priceless. Both Gawaine and Merlin were impressed. It might to anyone else have seemed trivial but the two men realised what a step in the right direction Arthur had made. He pulled his mouth off the straw, swallowed and said, "Than yu."

Graham returned with the cup but he could see that Arthur had already used the straw. He smiled, he would add that to the Observed List before he left Arthur for the night.

-0-0-

Dr Williams walked in smiling as he said, "Arthur has had a busy day, I think he needs to get ready for sleep." He smiled again as he saw Arthur looking at him, shaking his head. "Come on, Gentlemen!" He continued, "Let Graham get his work done. Arthur will be here tomorrow to receive visitors, he's not leaving us that soon but he does need to rest all of this is very tiring for him."

Arthur managed to say, "No…!"

Dr. Williams laughed, "I'm the doctor and I say it is time for your beauty sleep. Now be good and say goodnight to your friends and let Graham get his job done." He smiled at them and left the room.

Gawaine laughed saying, "Good night, Old Chap, see you tomorrow." He stood and waited for Merlin but then decided to leave him for a few minutes with Arthur.

Graham turned to get his supplies and Merlin felt Arthur's hand squeeze his. He looked at him and smiled, he had the most beautiful coloured eyes and alert, his face had many features which he had not previously noticed. "I have to go now, Arthur. Sleep tight, my..."

"Luv...!" Arthur said distinctly.

Merlin smiled, "...yes, my Love. Good night!" He ran his fingers down the side of Arthur's face and left as Graham started preparing Arthur for the night ahead.

Gawaine was waiting for him in the corridor; he was buzzing. He looked at Merlin whom he thought was looking down so put his arm around his shoulders saying, "Busy day eh?" Let's drop by to feed that cat of yours and you can stay over at my place tonight. I don't think either of us is going to get much sleep, do you?"

Merlin said, "Never a truer word spoken, Gawaine."

-0-0-

Gawaine was right, it was nearly two o'clock and neither of them felt sleepy. Merlin had asked for paper and he had listed the dates and weeks since the accident during which Arthur had made dramatic changes in his condition. From December 31 to April 4 had been a long time. One day he had walked in early to see Arthur placed in a chair while his bedding was changed but it was always accomplished with the lift and sling mechanism over his bed and he was never left unattended in case he keeled over and was unable to right himself and breath. Then, he certainly could move his arms and legs, he could focus by sight and he could follow the sound with his head if someone talked to him.

However, it was today that had seemed the breakthrough, Gawaine mentioned that Bridie had told him that they had noticed some improvement since his father had visited. Neither knew that in wrenching the falcon away from his son that Uther had activated a definite response.

Merlin curled his feet under him on the sofa. Gawaine glanced at him saying, "Why the long face, you should be ecstatic, he said your name and he knows you!"

"He said your name and he knew you too," said Merlin.

"He's known my name since First Form, it wasn't particularly clever of him to remember me but you, he only knew you by your voice and presence since he has been in a coma. You really must have made an impression on him. What did you promise him? Eh…Merlin?" He said chucking Merlin in the ribs.

Merlin could feel the blush creeping up his neck until his face felt on fire. "I never did or said anything questionable or uncalled for. I might have kissed him on the brow as I left but it was mostly just talking or sitting as I worked on his hands."

"Hey, I'm not accusing you of anything! I'm thrilled that he was able to say your name to acknowledge that you have been with him for so long. Wait until Uther hears that yours was the first word he said. He'll be pissed…and mine was the second. Way to go, Arthur, knowing how to make friends and influence people!"

Merlin had to laugh but then reality crept in and he said quietly, "Do you think he will be the same tomorrow or will he have slipped back into his coma?"

"I don't think that is the way it works. Once he out…he's out." Gawaine suddenly gave Merlin a huge grin with a nod and a wink, "In more ways than one, I'd say!"

Merlin's brow furrowed as if he was missing something but suddenly he yawned and Gawaine looked at his watch. "Good thing it's a holiday tomorrow as we'd be in no condition to work. There are fresh linens in the guest bathroom and you can sleep in as long as you want."

Merlin got up and making his way out of the room, he stopped, turned and said, "Gawaine, I don't think that I ever thanked you for introducing me to your friend Arthur, I appreciate it, I really do."

"No problem at all, Merlin, it was a pleasure," said Gawaine as he picked up their glasses and tea cups and walked them into the kitchen. 'No problem, at all,' he said to himself, 'As it looks to me as if you might have saved one of my best friends.'

Merlin checked his watch, it had already gone three-thirty, the traffic was light in the crescent where Gawaine lived but he could hear the humming sound of traffic from across the city. It was true that a city never sleeps at night. He hoped that he could and surprisingly as soon as he put his head down on his pillow, he saw Arthur smiling at him and he fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7 :** **AN AWAKENING MIND**

Merlin and Gawaine were up by noon. Gawaine had decided overnight that Merlin should visit Arthur alone. He'd spoken with Bridie who had agreed as Dr. Fells wanted to observe them for a little while especially when Merlin first walked into the room. She told him that he seemed quite alert this morning but that he was slightly agitated whenever anyone entered his room. "Could be that he's waiting for Merlin," she said.

"Has Arthur's father been apprised of his progress?"

"Not yet, Dr. Fells usually visits first to make a progress report."

"O.K. I'll tell Merlin that I'm picking you up after your shift and that he will be alone with Arthur. What time do you finish?"

"In about half an hour."

"See you then!"

And so, Merlin and Gawaine planned to go the hospital where Gawaine would be taking Bridie out for a late lunch. They dropped by Merlin's place first so that he could feed Spot and change his clothes. Gawaine teased him that he had to look dapper when Arthur saw him in the light of day. Merlin had the decency to blush before giving him a well-earned punch on the arm.

Merlin was greeted on T5 by smiles all around, he felt a little self-conscious as he had done nothing to deserve them. Dave one of the interns said, "Dr. Fells says for you to go right in, he'll be with you in a little while." Merlin nodded.

He reached Arthur's door and momentarily froze. What would greet him on the other side? He took a deep breath and walked in…

Arthur's eyes immediately found his and he said, "Merlin! I've been…waited for you." His speech was slightly stilted but more easily understood than yesterday.

Merlin walked over to the bed and took Arthur's hand. Arthur pulled him into a one armed hug, finally letting him go to smile at him saying, "I missed you!" Then he settled back into his pillows with a sigh and a satisfied grin.

Merlin looked at him and his heart clenched, he was so much more than he had expected after seeing him unconscious for over thirteen weeks. It was a miracle. He started to grin back and then got very embarrassed. How much of what he had told Arthur in his twilight state did he remember? He obviously didn't remember much as he seemed quite happy to see him. He wondered how much Arthur actually remembered of their conversations.

He came back to the present as Arthur said, "Tell me…Spot?"

Merlin laughed, "You remembered my talking about Spot. Well, she is beautiful, a real charmer and a little miffed as I stayed over at Gawaine's last night." Merlin noticed the semblance of a frown cross Arthur's face but he ignored it. "She had to wait for her breakfast but she'll be all right by the time I get home tonight. I think she thinks that I'm at her beck and call and watches me like a hawk when I get ready to go out." He paused in his rambling and said, "Am I talking too fast for you?"

Arthur grinned and said, "No… I can follow fine…I just like to hear your voice…soothing and I'm used to it. Like being home!" The more Arthur spoke, the easier it was. Merlin noticed that he seemed to quickly get into the rhythm of conversation and spoke with less anxiety. There was still some hesitation but Merlin could understand everything he was saying.

Home! That was true that was where Arthur would be going one day. Deciding to face that when it happened, Merlin quickly picked a safer topic. Instead he told him that all the horses' names that they had picked were still listed for the Grand National. "Do you remember that, Arthur?"

"Not really, I think I didn't…understand what you were saying. To begin with it was just your voice, I seemed…to be pulled in by it whenever you were here. It made me feel safe…it was like being wrapped in a blanket and held close." He took a couple of breaths before continuing, "Thank you for visiting me and talking to me…I thought you lived somewhere in the hospital and worked here. Graham told me this morning that you didn't…you came just to visit me and that was why you weren't here this morning. I really wanted to see you, and now…" he smiled softly, "You've come again…" He reached out and took Merlin's hand.

Merlin looked down at the hand which he had held so often, the knuckles which he had kissed and the skin, muscles and tendons which he had massaged. He smiled, now he would let Arthur make the move towards holding hands. The hand no longer belonged to him but to the man sitting in the bed.

He said, "Arthur, I will always come when you need a visitor. You know Gawaine often came too, Leon as well…and your father." He noticed a slight hesitation in Arthur's breathing as if he wanted to say something but almost immediately had changed his mind. "You have some good friends, Arthur. They'll all want to visit and bring you up to date on all their news."

"And…and what if I don't…want to see them?" a quiet voice said.

Merlin remembered reading somewhere that a person's character could change after being in a coma. A popular person could become withdrawn and a difficult person might become even more so. "Well, maybe not right now but in a little while, you'll be happy to see them," Merlin concluded.

There was a tap on the door and Dr. Fells came in, smiling widely at the two friends talking. "So, how are you both doing? Arthur, you know you owe this young man a big thank you for the hours he has spent at your bedside. You must be so proud to have him as a friend."

Arthur smiled and clenched Merlin's hand a little tighter, "I am…I certainly am!"

"Well," said Dr. Fells, "I can see that you are coming along very well. Feeling overly tired?"

"No, I feel as if I have just woken up…after a good night's sleep." He turned and smiled at Merlin.

"We will have to do a battery of tests both physical and mental later this week and then the team will be meeting to decide which course of action we will be taking. You'll be here for a while longer having more therapy and once we get you mobile, you can think about going home. Do you live alone in town? As you might need a carer for a couple of months but that will depend upon how well you progress. It seems that your father is out of the country for several weeks so we will be contacting him with the results of the preliminary tests as soon as is possible."

He jotted a few things down on his notes and looked up smiling at the two of them. "You can now continue your visit but Merlin if he becomes sluggish and sleepy it's normal as he has been overly active since yesterday." So saying, the doctor went to leave the room beckoning to Merlin to follow him, "I need him for a minute, Arthur, is that all right with you?"

Arthur nodded as long as he knew Merlin was coming back he could relax. He was very handsome as Gawaine had said. Arthur thought again and remembered that Gawaine had actually said beautiful and he smiled saying to himself, 'He is, isn't he?' It surprised him that he could feel so close to someone with whom he had only spoken the first time yesterday. It was as if he were his favourite character in a book or on TV whom he felt that he had known forever and finally he was seeing him in the flesh.

He still had the feeling of Merlin's hand in his and he wondered if maybe, he was being a little forward holding his hand as maybe Merlin would prefer that he didn't. Not that he had tried to pull his hand away but you usually don't hang onto someone's hand when you first meet them. But then again, this wasn't technically their first meeting.

Dr. Fells had told him earlier this morning that he had been a patient at St. Swithin's for eleven weeks, having spent some time at another trauma centre. He wondered how long Merlin had been visiting and how often his father had been to visit. He didn't remember anything of his father's visits but maybe he hadn't spoken to him or held his hand.

-0-0-

Merlin stood outside the open door but across the hallway. Dr. Fells spoke quietly, "It's better if we leave the door open so he knows you'll be back. Answer any questions about his accident as best you can but let him initiate the discussion. He has plenty of time to learn about what happened when he is ready." The doctor became serious, "Don't mention about his friend's death unless he brings it up. A driver often feels responsible for the fatality of his passenger and that is all Arthur needs when his mind is still fragile. We also never know how much of the accident he remembers, it is possible that he has blanked it out completely as a healing mechanism."

He smiled at Merlin and added, "Just try to keep the conversation on things you have in common…" Then he laughed, "Well, you know what I mean, things which you might have mentioned over the last couple of weeks."

Merlin grinned, "That's mostly me, my mother, my cat and what I know of his friends. He'll get bored quickly by that, don't you think?"

The doctor smiled kindly saying, "No, Merlin, I have a feeling Arthur will not be bored if you're doing the talking!"

Merlin slipped back in the room, Arthur seemed to be dozing so he just sat beside him and let his mind drift. The room remained in silence. Merlin's mind was taking in what the doctor had said: Uther was out of the country, Arthur needed more therapy, once he was mobile he could go home. Merlin felt Arthur's hand take his, squeezing it and he looked up and said as usual, "Got something to say, Arthur, have you?" He paused and blushed, "Sorry, I was miles away and I had forgotten that you were talking, and usually that was what I would do and now you're awake and I don't know why I did it…"

"Merlin, it's all right. I used to like hearing you and Gawaine talk to me…but especially you."

Beginning to feel uncomfortable, Merlin shifted in his seat.

"Don't worry, as my head if still a little fuzzy about things we spoke about, I can just remember the overall feeling of being warm and safe when you were talking. Anyway, what about the race? You know…there are horses at my father's place as well as a couple of retired ponies…maybe you'd like to ride with me one day."

"I don't know how to ride, Arthur."

"That won't be a problem…we have a great mare called End O' Never. She is very patient and always looks after her rider very carefully. She'll love you, I know."

Merlin looked at Arthur quizzically, "What's with her name?"

"Well my father had hoped for a colt and he was going to register it as Endeavour but it turned out to be a filly so the name was not used. However, I had never been able to say it, so as a joke she ended up being registered in the General Studbook as End O'Never. I wasn't the brightest obviously. We actually call her Enda.

Merlin smiled, he liked this man. He had a sense of humour and he felt so relaxed with him. He felt that he had known him all his life.

Merlin ran down the list of horses' names. Arthur laughed at reference to the Round Table and the Lamborghini. He suddenly said seriously, "Do you think…I'll ever drive again?"

"Arthur, I'm sure you will once you get those legs moving, but maybe for a little time you will be using taxis. You still have your driving licence and I know that you have the Jag you drive around London."

Arthur knowing his father, thought that it was more likely that one of his drivers would be at his disposal if he ever needed to go anywhere. He also was sure that he would be whisked off to the country once he was released from hospital.

They sat in comfortable silence. Arthur's mind trying to piece things together, "Did I know you…before I was in the hospital?"

Merlin said, "Possibly by sight, as I was being trained by Gawaine. I only knew you because you were the big boss's son." He smiled to show that he had no hard feelings against Arthur's father, well none which he was going to divulge at the moment. "I tagged along with Gawaine because I lived nearby and then Gawaine's life, business and pleasure intervened and he asked me to occasionally fill in. I did and here I am today, still filling in while he and Bridie have lunch."

Arthur thought and then said, "I'm sorry, Merlin…I'm keeping you from joining them"

"Don't be silly, they wouldn't want me butting in on their private meal. I actually am…quite happy being here with you. It seems to be the right place to be. I'll be able to phone my mother to bring her up to date on things. She has visited you with me but you probably don't remember. She thought you were handsome and rather nice although a bit on the quiet side."

It took Arthur a bit of time to follow the thought and then he laughed. "Wait till she meets me in person…with all my marbles functioning!"

They heard the food trolleys being brought around with supper. Merlin said, "I'd better be on my way. They have a routine here and they don't like it interrupted. Did you see Graham today? He was hired by your father to be your private nurse. He has been very friendly and I always felt safe leaving you with him." Merlin could have bitten his tongue, what a stupid thing to say!

"But you will come tomorrow? Won't you?"

"Yes, of course but I won't be here until after work, say around five twenty depending upon the traffic."

"It had something to do with a truck, didn't it?"

Merlin's stomach dropped, he tried to smile and decided to keep it light. He took Arthur's hand and said, "Yes, Arthur there was a truck. You could say it was a lucky truck as we got to know each other because of it. Look, here's you supper. Try to have a good night's rest and I'll see you tomorrow."

It was a memory which was either too distant or which his mind didn't want to acknowledge, so Arthur just smiled and said, "A truck!"

Merlin walked out into the hallway, what a stupid thing to say, a lucky truck, which had killed his friend and put him in a coma for thirteen weeks. He thought, 'Some luck…!'

-0-0-

Merlin made his way home. His mind was unable to think straight. It was being bombarded by so many things. He fed the cat, opened a soft drink. His turned his phone on and realised that he's missed a call from Gawaine. He sat on the sofa to call his mother. She was pleased to hear that Arthur had woken up and that he seemed so lucid.

"He's still a little confused and he speaks slowly with lots of gaps," Merlin added, "…and I don't think he remembers much about the accident but he did finally come up with the word truck. I had a quick talk with Dr. Fells and he told me to let him talk if he wants to but not to mention anything about the actual accident and all the fatalities.

"Mum?" he said, "Do you think he's going to be all right? Will he be able to get back to his own life and drive again? He asked me and I told him that I thought he would be able to."

Relying on her nursing experience, his mother said, "It sounds as if he is doing well, but only time will tell. He has a long haul ahead of him and sometimes, it can take years. However, how are you doing? You're going to have to keep healthy and stay strong because as in any recovery, there will be ups and downs and I don't want to hear that you have fallen ill of exhaustion or worry."

"Mum, I'm fine. I'm happy for Arthur and I'm going to have a good sleep tonight without wondering if my phone is going to ring with some awful news."

"Look after yourself then. Have you had any supper?"

Merlin laughed, "That is the next thing on the agenda. I picked up some curry for tonight so I wouldn't have to cook. Don't worry, Mum, I'm a grownup, I can manage fine."

"Well, Goodnight then and thanks for phoning. Tell Arthur I'm happy to hear that he is doing well."

"Goodnight, Mum, and don't worry I'll phone you later this week."

Hunith hung up and smiled sadly, her son didn't realise how exhausting the next few weeks might be and she prayed that Arthur was a gentleman and would let her son down gently, once he realised that Merlin was in love with him.

Merlin clicked off his phone and smiled. Arthur hadn't told him that he didn't want him to visit. He was pleased as he had dreamt all sorts of strange things last night, from finding Arthur's door locked and no one having the key to being told point blank to get lost.

He got the curry and stretched out on the settee. Spot joined him and he settled down for the evening.

Gawaine phoned again so he was able to bring him up to date on things. He wanted to know if they should visit tomorrow and Merlin said that unless they heard otherwise from the hospital, he thought they should. He added, "Maybe Arthur will be very tired if they have started all the tests. He might even be asleep."

"So what? Ninety-five percent of the time we've been visiting he's been asleep. We'll just have to be more careful what we talk about. Anyway, see you at work tomorrow, don't be late."

Merlin put the phone down and smiled. What Gawaine had said was true, Arthur had slept during most of their visits but now it was different, he was awake and capable of carrying on a conversation.

He carried his bowl to the sink and left it soaking. He checked the door, turned off the lights and made his way to the bathroom. Soon he was changed and sitting on the edge of the bed. He smiled to himself, his riding a horse called Enda that was funny. He put his head on the pillow and pulled up his covers.

Spot landed on the bed beside him, he told her not to disturb him until morning and fell asleep to the purring of the little spotted cat.

-0-0-

Knowing that Uther was away seemed to affect the whole office, there was lightness in the air. People were working hard and the bosses who were present noticed the difference and smiled. Uther was an exceptional man but he had few qualities for instilling respect. Turnover in the lower positions was frequent but anyone who stuck it out soon learned that Uther was a hard worker himself and expected as much from his employees.

Mrs. Pritchard, Uther secretary, appeared in Gawaine's office as he and Merlin were rifling through files trying to find something. "So!" she said, "How are my two favourite young men today?"

"Confused," said Gawaine without looking up, "Some stupid Perkins file has gone walkabout and we need it now!"

Merlin grinned, "We've even skipped lunch which for Gawaine is quite a milestone."

Mrs. Pritchard laughed, she looked at the mess of the office and shook her head. "What exactly is it?" she asked.

"Well, it's a contract, supposed to be on a hard drive but we couldn't find it. I've referred to it before but it seems to have disappeared. They're also searching for it in personnel. It has to do with a Mr. Perkins from the eighties who is now claiming a pension but I can't find his name let alone the number of years he worked for the company. He's being difficult…"

"…and making our lives a misery!" added Merlin.

Looking thoughtful, Mrs. Pritchard said, "I think he was called Wally, here for maybe nine years, left under a cloud and threatened to sue. Nothing came of it," she shook her head as if clearing away cobwebs. Suddenly, she smiled, "I remember now, his full name was Watts-Perkins."

Gawaine hit himself in the forehead, "That's it!" He smiled, "I'd offer you a congratulatory drink if we weren't in the office. Merlin, phone personnel, tell then we've had the wrong name. Thanks for the help. That's a load off my mind."

"Actually seeing you so busy," Mrs. Pritchard said, "Made me forget, why I came down. I was wondering if you had been in to see Arthur recently?"

Merlin face brightened, "He's coming out of his coma and the hospital staff seems quite pleased."

Gawaine glanced at him but played along, "Yes, he's had his eyes open and had moved his hands."

Mrs Pritchard's face broke into a big smile; Arthur was one of her favourites as she'd known him since he'd come as a child to visit his father at the office. "That's wonderful news! Mr. Pendragon must be so happy."

Gawaine said carefully, "We don't know…"

"Well, he left me with strict instructions not to contact him unless it was an emergency. But, I'm sure the hospital will contact them if they see fit."

Merlin crossed his fingers behind his back as Mrs. Pritchard said that. Gawaine and he had decided not to mention anything about Arthur hoping to give him time to progress in peace as they knew that that was no love lost between the staff at the hospital and his father.

Gawaine said, "Thank you for the name Watts-Perkins. That should make everything easier."

"Well I'm off for the day, so next time you have a chance to visit Arthur, tell him my husband and I have been praying for him and that I hope to see him back in his office one day. He's a charming young man."


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8 :** **A BODY RESPONDING**

However, charming was hardly the word for Arthur when Merlin visited that night. He had been dozing when Merlin went in. Sheila had told him that he'd had a tiring day with tests and he wasn't in the best frame of mind.

Merlin walked in and sat down beside him, waiting for him to open his eyes. He did and said, "What are you doing here? Wanted to see how well I am performing today?

Merlin was shocked, "No, Arthur, I just came to keep you company for a little while."

"Well, that's all the others do. Giving me commands to follow and asking me questions, I've had it. I'm ready to leave."

Merlin noticed the wheelchair in the corner of the room and couldn't help saying, "Under your own power?"

Arthur spun around and glared at him but then he saw the funny side of it and gave a shrug, "No, but you could help me escape!"

Deciding to play along, Merlin said, "It's rainy out there, we'd both be drowned ducks by the time we got to my place. Anyway, I have no lift and I don't think that I could carry you and your wheel chair up three flights. I might be stronger than I look but I have a feeling that would be beyond the realm of possibility!"

Arthur looked at the young man sitting beside him. He only knew him from the hospital as if he had met him before he couldn't recall doing so. Surely, he would have remembered if he had.

"Merlin to Arthur! Merlin to Arthur!" said a voice and Arthur couldn't help bursting out laughing.

Sheila walked in at that moment with a coffee for Merlin and smiled. It was the happiest, anyone had seen Arthur all day. "And, how about you, Dear, want to try some more juice, you know you have to keep your fluids up?"

Arthur nodded half-heartedly and Merlin smiled. The hurdle or whatever it had been was successfully passed. Arthur said, once Sheila had left, "They keep wanted me to drink but I don't want to, so you can have my juice."

"But you have to drink, Arthur? If you need fluids you have to drink or they'll put you back on a drip."

"I'm still on it at night, "Arthur said showing him the needle in the back of his hand, "But it's, you know embarrassing. The bag has to be emptied and Dr. Fells has explained that until I can move around, I'm stuck with it."

"One day, this will all be only a memory of something which was a hiccup in your life. You'll be back at work…Oh, before I forget, Mrs. Pritchard asked me to tell you she and her husband have been praying for you to get better."

"That's so kind, but I wouldn't expect anything else as they're really nice people. She always has been, don't know how she puts up with my father. Is he still away? I'm not looking forward to seeing him as he'll blame me for getting sick and causing him problems."

Merlin didn't say that the accident hadn't been his fault as he wasn't too sure how much Arthur recalled. One of the volunteers came in with Arthur's juice and Merlin said he intended to stay to be sure that Arthur drank it.

Arthur said, "Fine, you'll have to stay over as I am a very slow drinker." Actually he wasn't, as he was better able to talk if he kept sipping the juice and in no time he'd finished it.

"So, where's Gawaine?"

Merlin grinned, "I think he has a hot date with a young Irish Lass. They're getting quite serious and he only knows Bridie because he came here to visit you and met her. You can claim to be a matchmaker."

Arthur grinned wondering if matchmakers ever made matches for themselves.

Merlin left within the hour as another nurse arrived to settle Arthur for the night.

-0-0-

Visiting the following day, Merlin found Arthur in a much happier frame of mind. He was to start a physio programme in a specialised clinic in the hospital. A hospital volunteer had taken him down by wheelchair to visit the location and the therapists, with the arrangement that the following day, he would go through preliminary testing and if everything was as expected, also an introductory session.

"I'm so sick and tired of this room," Arthur had said.

Merlin smiled because he knew that Arthur had only been conscious of his whereabouts of the last thirteen weeks for a bare ninety-six hours. It was however good that he was alert and looking forward to some exercise.

"I know that they did therapy while I was in a coma but I wasn't conscious of it. This time they say that I will have to be the motivating force as I will finally be using manual machines, not the electrically assisted machines they used when I was unconscious with electrodes stimulated my major leg muscles. Just me, my legs and a therapist helping me move the correct muscles. It will be a challenge but one I'm looking forward to. I think the sessions get longer as I progress but if they say twenty-five muscle stretches, I plan to do at least thirty."

Merlin interrupted him saying seriously, "Now, Arthur, don't go overtaxing yourself. You'll have to listen to your therapist carefully and follow the prescribed exercises. No racing up and down the stairs!"

Laughing, Arthur told Merlin that he sounded like a fussy old woman and Merlin gave him a light punch in his arm. Only, to have Arthur do the same with maybe a little more force than Merlin had used. "There'll be no holding me back," he boasted. "Maybe there will be a graduation ceremony when it is completed and you can come as my guest."

"Only if you promise me that you will walk across the stage to accept your certificate," Merlin had responded.

"That's a deal, then we'll have some champagne. Though probably my father will insist on coming too, he's not that bad really…just a bit pushy, over-bearing and at times obnoxious," said Arthur with a grin. "Have you ever been confronted by him? Not a pretty picture at all!" Merlin decided it was a rhetorical question and stayed quiet offering no information about his run in with Arthur's, as Arthur himself had said, obnoxious father.

Arthur suddenly looked serious. "I will walk again, Merlin, I promise you that regardless of the length of time and effort it takes. The therapists say there is no reason that I shouldn't, that is if I am willing to devote all my time and energy to it. Hey, this is something else I am working on!" Arthur swung his right arm above his head and grasping the bar on the sling mechanism managed to hoist his buttocks off the bed. "Bet, you've never seen anything like that, eh, Merlin?"

Merlin was impressed. True it was Arthur's good arm and shoulder but he had raised himself a couple of inches "That's great, next thing you'll be out of that bed and terrorising all the female nurses on T5."

The statement didn't get the laugh which Merlin had expected as Arthur reacted by glancing towards the door saying nothing.

"Sorry, that was uncalled for…" said Merlin quietly.

"No, it's all right!" Arthur said and then looking a bit strained said, "Merlin, I'm not int…" He stopped; the silence was palpable. After a few seconds, he smiled but the smile didn't reach his eyes as he said, "Yes…they will probably have to confine me to my room once I get my legs in working order."

There was something unsaid, but Merlin didn't push it and feeling uncomfortable, left it at that.

-0-0-

Arthur worked hard during the next two weeks. His physio was upgraded to longer more intense sessions to ready him for his release. He would need to continue the work but as an outpatient. His progress was satisfactory as he was mentally alert and serious about the exercise schedule.

He had progressed to sitting in a chair and using a wheelchair. He still needed help getting in and out of bed but it was still an improvement on being moved by the sling.

One day, Merlin was given a day off as he had worked one Saturday. Arthur was so excited as he had been able to get permission for Merlin to attend the physio session with him. Merlin even got to wheel Arthur into the physio clinic. He was fascinated watching the therapists work with their clients but it was Arthur who drew most of his attention. He had on an athletic tank top and shorts and Merlin was surprised at how his skin tone had improved and his muscles had increased. His body looked good not that of the gaunt looking man with whom he had spent hours as he lay unmoving in his hospital room.

Arthur must had felt his eyes scanning his body as he turned and gave Merlin a smirk then laughed as Merlin blushed. He was working on his leg muscles and spent time with a therapist on a machine which resembled a reclining bike.

Arthur was determined that he was going to walk unassisted before Christmas. It was hard work and painful. Sure he'd been hurt playing football over the years but he had never broken any bones or spent three months flat on his back. He'd been shown the x-rays of his legs, arm and shoulder after the accident and he hadn't glanced away. He was determined to get his body back into its former shape and the way was by giving the programme one hundred percent.

Following the bike session, Arthur was lifted by a sling to a table and his legs were massaged before being wrapped in heated blankets. Merlin was invited to sit beside him.

"I can't believe how strong you are becoming. I can see the beginning of muscles on your legs. Do they hurt?"

"Not now as the massage relaxed them and the hot blanket feels wonderful. When I get home, I am going to have a cabinet installed in my flat to heat blankets so that whenever I feel depressed, I will be able to treat myself royally." He leant over and took Merlin's hand and placed it under the blanket. "See, it feels wonderful. On a cold night, wrapped in a hot blanket with someone you…" Arthur clammed up. He couldn't look Merlin in the eyes, he felt so stupid. He would really have to watch what he said. He didn't want to chase Merlin away.

Merlin smiled but his heart clenched as he realised that once Arthur left the hospital, there would be little opportunity or necessity for them to spend time together.

Merlin noticed that Arthur was often physically exhausted and had on a few occasions dozed off during his visits. Whenever, he suggested cutting one short because Arthur seemed tired. Arthur would apologise and beg him to stay, holding onto his hand and promising to stay awake. Merlin used to smile and agree. Sometimes it worked, at other times, Merlin would watch as Arthur's eyelids became heavier and he began answering in monosyllables. His heart went out to him.

When they had returned to Arthur's room, Merlin said, "I shan't be in tomorrow as I'm going home for the weekend but Leon says he'll be dropping by as will Gawaine. Gawaine has been very faithful in visiting and Leon even with his wife and kids has dropped by quite often, you've got some good friends, Arthur!" He smiled as he looked at Arthur.

"I know… But, Merlin, you left yourself off the list. The nurses are forever talking about you, telling me how you would sit here for hours talking to me when I was in…" he smiled, "…the other 'dimension'! I knew someone was there but at the same time, I didn't know who I _was_ , let alone where I was or whose voice it was." He became emotional, "I don't know how I will ever repay you for the hours you spent with me. There are some things I remember your saying but you must have had hours of a one-sided conversation."

"Arthur, I did it because I wanted to. At first, as a favour for Gawaine and then…" he paused and cleared his throat, "…and then because it became almost second nature for me to spend my evenings with you." He felt stupid. That was the equivalent of acknowledging that he had no social life and was one of those sad people living on the margins of society with no friends.

He felt Arthur take his hand saying, "Regardless of the reason, I have you to thank for getting me where I am today. I always wanted to be able to join in your conversation; I knew when you were around and I tried my hardest to let you know that I was conscious of you."

"I realised that as the machines would start beeping loudly when I said, 'Hello, Arthur, it's me Merlin!' The first time it happened, Arthur, I was so frightened that I almost ran out of the room but as you were also hooked up to a central machine which is monitored 24-7 in an area near the nurses' station, a nurse soon arrived to check on you and explained to me that it was normal and nothing to be worried about. In the end, the nurses who were monitoring said that they could tell when I arrived by your brain activity." Merlin laughed before continuing with the story, "…and then, one day as I was doing touch therapy on your hand, I could feel muscle pulses as you tired to make contact." He felt Arthur respond by slightly squeezing his hand as he held it and he squeezed back as he smiled at him.

"A match made in heaven…" said Arthur. Then realising the romantic connotation of the words, he'd blushed and added. "…I mean in another world."

Merlin smiled, standing up and disentangling his hand. He missed holding Arthur's hand but that was in the past and he had to face the situation in which he now found himself. "No," he said softly," Heaven will do, as certainly someone up there was watching over you." He paused before saying, "So, I'll see you Monday evening. My mother will be staying for a few days, so maybe one evening you might like to meet her."

"But, wouldn't she be bored as it would be like forcing a child to visit with its mother's long lost friend about whom it knows absolutely nothing and would prefer to be playing football with its own friends…"

"Well for one thing, she doesn't play football and for another she's been in once. She first _met_ youwhen you were in the coma, mind you, you weren't very talkative so I'm sure she'd like to see you awake." He put his hand on the door and said, "…and, Arthur, she knows quite a lot about you!"

"Then that would leave me at a disadvantage, as I know nothing about her."

"Oh, yes you do, Arthur!" Merlin grinned then said as he left the room, "She's just like me but more loving, much more motherly and certainly more beautiful!"

In the now empty room, Arthur smiled to himself. He would like to meet Merlin's mother, if only to tell her what a wonderful son she had and how he was well…special!

-0-0-

Gawaine had visited Arthur during Merlin's absence and when he saw him on Monday morning at work, had mentioned that Arthur seemed to have something on his mind which he was unwilling to share. "Maybe he'll tell you," Gawaine had finally said.

Merlin knew by Arthur's behaviour that evening that he had something besides his progress in physio on his mind. He seemed to lose concentration in the middle of their conversation and be miles away with a worrying or puzzled look on his face as if he were trying to fill in the blanks. He had been told to let Arthur talk about what had caused his coma if he remembered what had happened but not to supply any information. In other words, as far as Merlin was concerned to keep to himself, everything he knew which might upset Arthur. If Arthur spoke about the accident he could confirm that it had happened but not supply any additional information or instigate any discussion.

On the trauma floor, they frequently dealt with survivors of accidents in which people even family members had been killed. Often, patients came out of comas realising that they had lost friends or family members but others asked for parents or siblings who had died and the sad news had to be carefully broken to them. The resulting psychological trauma could be quite serious.

On call, there was a grief counsellor who helped patients through these rough times and with Uther Pendragon's footing the bill, Arthur's doctor decided that his patient's obvious stress and confusion reported by his nursing staff, was related to the disjointed memories of his accident. He arranged for a private counsellor a youngish chap called Dr. Mooney to meet with Arthur. When this same doctor asked if a family member could be present, Dr. Fells immediately thought of Merlin explaining that although he wasn't strictly family, he was the person always with Arthur and certainly the closest person to Arthur since he had arrived at St. Swithin's, He also stated that the patient's sole family member, his father was to the best of his knowledge still out of the country.

Merlin was with Gawaine on Tuesday lunchtime when a call came through from the hospital that they wanted him. Gawaine told him to go and that he would cover for him. Not that Uther had yet put in an appearance but the word was out that he had returned to London.

Within a half hour, Merlin was sitting in Arthur's room. Arthur had returned from physio and was seated in his chair. seeming confused. He brightened when he saw Merlin saying, "I've forgotten something important and I need to remember what it is…"

Merlin had met Dr. Mooney before going to see Arthur and knew that he was going to join them later. He said, "Something about your time here or when you were working?"

"No, before that! I don't remember and it is like a wall which is coming closer and crowding out all the other things…" He looked at Merlin apprehensively, "There is a door but it's not a friendly door, I know I should be scared of it and I think something awful has happened."

There was a tap on the door and Dr. Mooney walked in. He introduced himself to Arthur and in turn Arthur introduced him to Merlin. Dr. Mooney pulled up a chair and sat opposite Arthur. "Seems, you've been remembering a few things which happened to you, Arthur?"

Arthur looked at Merlin who nodded in encouragement, so Arthur continued, "Well, I know I was at my family home and I had received a car as a present and that there was an accident." He smiled sadly at Merlin saying, "…and then there is a blank but there is a wall and a door and I know that there is something awful behind the door and I will have to open it but I want to prepare myself by having an idea of what is on the other side of the door before I open it…but, I just can't remember what could be there."

Dr. Mooney glanced at his notes and said, "Arthur, you were returning to London and there was an accident. You were badly hurt…"

Arthur suddenly stiffened, "Merlin, I wasn't alone, was I…?"

Dr. Mooney nodded at Merlin so he said, "No, Arthur, you weren't alone…"

Suddenly Arthur's face crumpled. He swallowed, "I wasn't alone…he needed a lift back to school…oh my God… Merlin, I remember…!" Arthur stopped dead.

The cry which shook Arthur's body pierced Merlin's mind like an arrow, blotting out everything as he looked at the crumpled body in the chair beside him. Before the doctor could do anything, he was on his knees before Arthur with his arms around him, holding the sobbing man in his arms with Arthur's head resting on his shoulder.

It was at this exact moment that Uther Pendragon decided to walk into his son's room.


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9 : AN UNPLEASANT INTERRUPTION**

To say that the shit hit the fan would be an understatement…

Uther charged across the room ripping Merlin away from Arthur. He threw him against the wall. A nurse rushed in with the doctor on duty as Dr. Mooney stood baffled at how minutes ago, a sane conversation could have suddenly erupted into bedlam with a stranger at the midst of it.

The nurse said, "Mr. Pendragon, please!" She gestured to the person who had been in the room when he had burst in, "That is Dr. Mooney he's Arthur's counsellor. Please you're upsetting your son."

Arthur had half risen from the chair trying to reach Merlin who was crumpled against the wall. Sheila was the next into the room and she immediately went to Arthur.

Security was the next to arrive, as the sight of a doctor and a nurse charging down the hallway had alerted one of the nurses who had realised what had happened and had made a judgement which proved to be the key as she had called for Arthur's nurse Graham, who in turn had asked her to get Security on standby.

Graham walked in and shouldered Uther out of the way, his main concern was Arthur.

Uther kept yelling pointing at Merlin, "Get that man away from my son! He's a gold digger."

"Mr. Pendragon, please!" said the doctor on duty but Uther was beyond listening to anyone. "Mr. Pendragon, I will have to ask Security to remove you from this floor if you don't stop this behaviour."

Uther had moved over to Merlin who was sitting on the floor clutching his shoulder as his collar bone had obviously been broken. He kicked out making contact and said in a hushed tone, "Keep away from my son, you faggot!"

The duty doctor nodded at Security and the two men stepped forward hemming Uther in and escorted him from the room. He could be heard threatening them as he walked down the hallway towards the lifts. Graham went over to Merlin and with Dr. Mooney managed to get him sitting on the bed.

Arthur appeared in shock staring blankly in Merlin's direction.

Dr. Mooney said to the duty doctor, "This is enough to put him back three weeks!" He turned to Arthur saying, "Arthur, can you hear me? Merlin is all right."

The duty doctor said, "Graham, can you help Arthur so that he is lying on his bed." He walked over and checked Merlin. "Sorry old chap," he said, "I think you have a broken collar bone. We can get it fixed with no problem. Can you walk?"

Merlin nodded, he had figured what had happened when he had heard the snap, felt the pain and realised he couldn't hold his shoulder back, having a mother a nurse had given him some knowledge. Besides the pain in his shoulder, he had a sore thigh where Uther had kicked him. He knew he would be sporting a bruise for a couple of weeks. However, his main thought was Arthur so he said, "My shoulder can wait; I need to talk to Arthur."

Dr. Mooney asked for everyone except Graham to leave. He then perched on the edge of the bed and looked at Arthur, "Arthur, it's Dr. Mooney. Can you hear me?" There was no response so he turned to Merlin.

Merlin took Arthur's hand in his good one and said, "Arthur, it's me Merlin. I came to visit you…"

His voice seemed to penetrate Arthur's mind and he started to shiver uncontrollably. He looked directly at Merlin and his eyes filled with tears and he dropped his head back onto the pillow.

"Leave the two of them together for a little while," said Dr. Mooney. "Graham, stand at the door and let no one into the room. Regardless of whom they are!" He didn't trust that Mr. Pendragon would not try to slip back onto T5 once he was escorted outside by the guards.

The duty doctor had remained in the hallway. As they walked along to the nurses' station together, Dr. Mooney said, "Honestly, Dave, sometimes family members can be the biggest handicap to my patients! What in heaven's name happened there? There'll be extra reports to write tonight."

-0-0-

There was silence in Arthur's room, Merlin kept hold of his hand and whispered, "It's just us, Arthur! Just you and me, I know you probably don't feel like talking so, you'll just have to listen to me. I'm all right, honestly, your father didn't really hurt me. I'll have a few bruises but I will survive. Squeeze my hand if you can understand me…"

Arthur turned toward him still keeping his eyes closed and said in a quiet voice which had Merlin straining to hear him. "Everything I do seems to go wrong. I just cause so much trouble for everyone. I tried to help Rupert and look what happened… Are you really all right?"

"Yes, Arthur, I promise I will survive. You'll not get rid of me that easily and you will still be my favourite person to visit." He noticed that Arthur seemed to be dropping off; he motioned to Graham to come in. Still holding Arthur's hand he said for Arthur's sake, "Graham, I think Arthur's ready for a little rest."

"I'm not!" mumbled Arthur's voice from the bed but he didn't try to lift his head or open his eyes.

"Don't worry, Arthur, I'm not leaving. You can have a rest and then I'll be back when you have supper." He tried to straighten up and Graham noticed the pain which crossed his face.

"I think that we should have that collar bone seen to now. I'll get someone to take you to the treatment room on this floor and they'll give you something and strap it up. Arthur, he'll be as good as rain in a few minutes…" but Arthur was miles away. He sighed and settled deeper into sleep and Merlin looked at Graham and nodded.

"He's had a busy day," he said sadly.

Graham nodded, that was an understatement as Arthur had learned that his friend had been killed in the accident, his father had stormed in, attacked Merlin and had been removed by Security…and people thought that being a private nurse was boring. He phoned the nurses' station, Sheila came to the room so he asked her to take Merlin to have his collar bone seen to and walked over to the bed and straightened out Arthur's covers.

Arthur felt the movement and murmured, "Merlin…?"

"He'll be back in a little while," Graham said quietly so as not to fully waken his patient.

-0-0-

Merlin sat on the table in the treatment room. As long as he didn't move, he could cope with the pain. Without the collar bone holding it rigid, his shoulder had slipped forward. The doctor gave him some painkillers explaining there would be an x-ray and if it were a clean break, the ends would be realigned, strapped into place and it would stay that way until the break had healed. He was taken to x-ray and after a wait had it looked at. He returned with his x-rays, and the doctor satisfied, had him sit up straight and then carefully pulled his shoulder back so that the two ends of the collarbone were back into position. He was fitted with a sling and given a sheet of instructions and a prescription for more painkillers.

 _Ice packs and painkillers for pain and swelling_

 _Extra pillows at night to keep yourself upright if sleeping uncomfortable_

 _Try to move your elbow, hand and fingers regularly, as soon as it feels comfortable_

 _No contact sports for at least 10 to 12 weeks._

Merlin had laughed at the last instruction. Then the doctor had added, "Do not drive yourself home, call a friend or a taxi."

Merlin had no intention of going home. He was going back up to Arthur. He checked his watch he'd been downstairs for two and a half hours. Arthur should be awake by now.

Once he left the department, he was feeling a little sorry for himself. He made his way upstairs as he needed to be there for Arthur.

As he got off the lift, the first person he saw was Bridie. "So been to the wars, I hear!" she said with a big smile, "Are you all patched up?" Merlin nodded. "Reports have gone downstairs about the assault."

Merlin's head snapped up, hurting his shoulder, "Assault?"

"Yes, you were deliberately shoved across the room and subsequently injured. Security has to report any disturbance and then an entry is made in the day's log for any injury sustained by a visitor in the hospital. If you were living in the States, you would probably sue for damages."

"I couldn't do that! It was Arthur's father and I guess he was really pissed off!"

Bridie smiled, "Obviously, not lost your sense of humour! Look after yourself, Merlin, at least we can keep an eye on how you are doing when you visit."

"How's Arthur?"

"Confused! He woke up thinking that his father had absconded with you. Gawaine's with him. I took the liberty of phoning him as I knew you would need a lift home and that you would be down in A&E for some time. Arthur needed to see a friendly face when he woke up."

Merlin felt then and therethat if he had liked women, he would have been only too happy to have called Bridie his girlfriend. She was not only pretty but more importantly so sensible and caring. Gawaine was lucky and Merlin intended to remind him about that later on. "Thanks, Bridie, you'll make someone a lovely mother," he said with a cheeky grin.

"Go away with you! I have my hands full enough as it is. Mind you, maybe in the future…"

They reached the door to Arthur's chamber and parted company. Merlin peeked in, Arthur was still in bed. "Would you mind having another visitor, Arthur?" he asked walking in.

"Merlin! I was so worried. My father went and then I must have fallen asleep and when I woke only Graham was here. I was so sure that he'd taken you with him." He smiled but the smile didn't reach his eyes, "I know it sounds silly but I honestly did think that he had for a few minutes. How is your shoulder? Graham said that they were working on you. Luckily, Gawaine dropped by and waited with me."

Merlin pointed to the sling and rattled the bottle with the pills, "The pills are taking care of the pain at the moment and I'll be fine, sadly however, no contact sports for at least the time being."

Gawaine laughed as Merlin was more likely to be found with a book than on a playing field. "You heard that, Arthur, you mustn't push him around or hurt him. He can be at your beck and call but no heavy lifting!" He grinned in Merlin's directions as Arthur burst out laughing.

Arthur had laughed but it was more in relief than in finding what Gawaine had said amusing. How could anyone think that he would ever hurt Merlin?

They could hear the food trolley making its way around. Merlin was hungry; he'd had no lunch only water. Gawaine offered to go down and pick up some sandwiches in the snack bar and Arthur said that he was dying for chips.

Gawaine left and Arthur again said, "I was really worried. I think I was given something to help me sleep but I had awful dreams. Merlin, I must apologise for my father's behaviour. He and I do not really see eye to eye on a few things. I can only hope that as time passes, he will realise that he was in the wrong. I felt so helpless, before the accident I would have been out of the chair to catch you so before you hit the wall. But now…" he looked helplessly at his legs.

Merlin was conscious of the tenderness on his thigh and he remembered the hurtful thing Mr. Pedragon had said only for his benefit. He didn't like or trust the man and felt so sorry that he was Arthur's father.

"Arthur, you weren't to know what he was going to do. I'm a little shaken up and bruised but I'm stronger than you think." He paused before continuing, "It makes me feel better to know that you would have tried to help me…you're my Guardian Angel on T5."

Arthur thought, 'Merlin, if only you realised. I could happily be your best friends, your knight in shining armour, your...'

They sat in amiable silence. Arthur in bed and Merlin in the chair pulled close. Merlin rested his arm on the bed and Arthur stretched out worrying about touching his hand should it cause further pain but he lightly stroked his fingers along the back of Merlin's fingers.

Merlin took it as permission to touch and shifted himself so that with his good hand, he was able to hold Arthur's. He glanced up and Arthur was looking at him so he smiled and dropped his eyes blushing slightly. His heart was racing not so much because they were again holding hands but because of the look in Arthur's eyes.

"Anyone who's ready to eat…!" Gawaine announced as he entered the room breaking the mood but not before he had noticed Arthur holding Merlin's hand. 'Yes!' he said to himself as he put Costa coffee, a selection of sandwiches and freshly cooked chips, on the overbed table which he rolled over Arthur's knees. "Had to go out to get the coffee as I can't drink the hospital stuff. Also, dropped some off for the nurses.""Egg and Cress, Red Leicester with Mango Chutney, Tomato and Lettuce and Prawn Mayonnaise sandwiches, as well as one extra large chips as I certainly intend to share, as does Merlin I am sure."

"Gawaine, you could get a job here, taking orders for those confined to their rooms as you do it with such flair? Been watching too many cooking shows on TV? You've brought enough to feed the whole floor," said Merlin with a grin.

Arthur nodded and said something unintelligible as his mouth was crammed with a mayonnaise dipped chip.

"Hey!" said Gawaine, "We were supposed to be sharing those and you're getting a head start. I remembered Belgium and the mayonnaise." He turned to Merlin, "A group of us went to Bruges and Arthur scoffed at those who dipped their chips into the mayonnaise preferring the tomato sauce but by the end of the second day he was a 'mitt mayonnaise' guy like the rest of us."

"Honestly, Merlin, you should try it. Don't ask me why but it tastes delicious!" Arthur said, licking a blob of mayonnaise from the corner of his lips and Merlin felt the nerves in his stomach clench.

-0-0-

All too soon Arthur's meal had been delivered and they had all finished eating. "I rather like picnics," said Gawaine while the other two rolled their eyes. "Something to do with the company, I guess!"

Merlin left promising to return after work the following day. Arthur said, "Look after yourself; I'd rather you had someone with you overnight besides Spot!"

"I do, I have my own private nurse as my mother is here until Saturday. If it's all right with you, we could both come tomorrow," suggested Merlin hopefully.

"That would be great!" Arthur said with a smile, "I'd like to meet your mother." Suddenly, he felt worried, what if Mrs. Emrys didn't like him that would nip the whole situation in the bud.

Merlin followed Gawaine out the door turning once to smile at Arthur. He really did want his mother to meet the conscious Arthur, he felt sure that she would like him. Well, he hoped she would after he explained his injuries were due to Arthur's father's unexpected arrival. He hadn't liked the way Arthur's eyes had frequently glanced towards the door apprehensively. He knew he was safe there but did Arthur feel safe.

-0-0-

Merlin's mother's face dropped when she opened the door. Merlin was standing there looking paler than ever with his arm in a sling with Gawaine standing beside him supporting her son's other elbow.

"Mum, I'm all right. Just that Gawaine insisted on seeing me to the door." Hunith held open the door and motioned for Gawaine to come in as well.

"What every happened to you? I warned you about not checking carefully before crossing the street. Did you fall?"

When Merlin said nothing, Gawaine offered. "Mrs. Emrys, he slipped at the hospital and hit his shoulder and broke his collar bone."

"Come in, sit down and tell me the truth!" Hunith knew a sanitised version of a story when she heard one. She went into the kitchen and put on the kettle and left the two of them to get settled in the living area. Spot got off the window sill and walked over to Gawaine giving him a thorough going over before pushing herself against Merlin and curling up on his knees.

"You'd better tell her the truth," Gawaine cautioned, "She's going to get it out of you anyway."

Merlin smiled, "True but it's a bit difficult explaining that my employer did it. How will it reflect upon Arthur?"

"Once your mother meets Arthur, she'll realise that he is very different from his father. The only time Arthur gets physical is when he's on the pitch and even then not enough to get a red card."

Merlin grinned because he knew from where Gawaine was coming as after all, he was the champion holder of red cards on Arthur's team.

Hunith came in with tea and some ginger snaps. "All right, who wants to go first?" Gawaine gave Merlin a none too obvious dig with his knee.

Merlin looked at his mother and said, "You won't get mad if I tell you the truth, will you?"

A worried mother looked at her son and said, "…that depends upon what the truth is."

Merlin swallowed, looking at Gawaine who nodded in encouragement. He took a deep breath and said, "It was an accident I sort off got pushed against the wall by Mr. Pendragon…"

"Sort of pushed against the wall? Hard enough to break a collar bone? Whatever was he thinking?" Hunith turned towards Merlin and put her arm around his good shoulder. "Did anyone see what happened? Did you Gawaine?"

Gawaine seemed flustered as he said, "No, Mrs. Emrys, Bridie called me and told me that Merlin would need a lift home but there was a witness."

Hunith nodded then turned back to Merlin. She put her hand under his chin and turned his head until he was looking at her, before saying, "There's more to this I know, so I'll give you time to reconsider and then maybe you can tell me the truth."

It all burst forth from Merlin as he said, "Mr. Pendragon was furious because I had my arms around Arthur. He had just remembered that his friend Rupert had been killed in the accident and he was crying. Dr. Mooney was in the room with us but Mr. Pendragon went ballistic, he grabbed me, pulled me up and threw me against the wall. I heard the bone snap and I slid down to the floor."

Gawaine watched in amazement as Hunith changed in a split second from the sadness of a caring mother into an avenging one. She pulled Merlin to her but from Gawaine's view, he could see that she was furious.

"I'm very cross, Merlin, but thankful that you are all right and that I am here in London." Suddenly, she pushed Merlin away and looking at him said, "How's Arthur taking it?"

The abrupt change of direction took Merlin by surprise as he felt his eyes fill with tears. "He was very upset but he was also mentally exhausted from the counselling session…they took Mr. Pendragon away and Arthur seemed dazed. I was then taken downstairs and by the time I got back about two hours later, Gawaine was with him. I knew he was upset but I told him that I was all right." He lied as he said, "We never mentioned anything about it after that but I doubt that he will sleep well tonight."

"I'm sorry, Son, that you had to go through that and Gawaine thanks for being a good friend."

Gawaine took that opportunity to leave. He said, "Merlin, if you don't feel up to work tomorrow just let me know. I'll take care of it from my end." He turned to look at Hunith and said, "Mrs. Emrys, your boy is one in a million. I'll let myself out…" Spot jumped off Merlin's knees and escorted him to the front door.


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10 :** **THE TRUTH WILL OUT**

Arthur had a visitor the following morning before he went to therapy. She worked with social services and she was doing a follow up on a report that had been on her desk when she had arrived that morning. It had priority, as it concerned a physical altercation which had taken place within the hospital.

Arthur hadn't slept well even with the medication which Dr. Mooney had prescribed. His mind wouldn't relax and he kept replaying his father's charging into the room and hearing Merlin hit the wall. He seemed to have spent the night opening his eyes to glance at the door to see if his father were there. He answered her questions as best he could and asked her if she knew anything about Merlin's condition. She explained that she had not yet met with him but would as was necessary procedure for an incident which had required an A&E visit.

She asked if there was anything Arthur would like to add to his statement. He shook his head and she informed him that he would probably be receiving a visit from the police as the incident was considered an assault. She wished him a good day and left.

Arthur felt sick. He knew in retrospect that his father had been outraged seeing Merlin hugging him but deep down, he knew that being hugged at that moment was more important than anything his father could ever have said or done. His whole world had just crashed and Merlin's arms around him had given him the courage to face his friend's death. He felt so guilty that Merlin had been hurt and he intended to make it up to him even if it took a lifetime. Neither of them had done anything wrong. He had to acknowledge that his father was a bitter judgemental man for whom as an adult, he had never had any respect or feeling.

-0-0-

Merlin woke to Spot purring in his face. He opened his eyes and smiled at the cat, thinking, 'Some Alarm clock!' He rolled over and the pain hit him taking his breath away. He realised he'd whimpered as Spot looked at him quizzically and there was a discreet tap at his door as his mother said, "Merlin Dear, are you all right?"

He shifted himself onto his back and said, "I forgot about my shoulder…"

"Well, do you want to get up or have breakfast in bed?"

Merlin smiled, it must be bad if his mother was offering him breakfast in bed as that was an occasion saved for very special circumstances. He called out, "No, I need to get up but I think I could do with a hand."

Hunith came in all business like and putting her arm under Merlin's good shoulder hoisted him upright so he was sitting on the edge of the bed. She knelt slipping his feet into his bedroom slippers and stood back to check her work, "You can't shower but I can help you wash."

Merlin blushed and burst out laughing, "I'm not one of your patients but thanks, Mum, just help me stand up and then I'll be good from there."

She smiled, her son had always been so self-sufficient. She continued, "Oatmeal or eggs and toast? Luckily, I went shopping yesterday and got some food in." He chose oatmeal so she bustled off to prepare it.

Merlin smiled, he made his way to the bathroom and then into the kitchen. He sank onto a chair making sure that he didn't hit his elbow on the table. His pain medication was in front of him with a glass of water. He smiled at his mother thinking, 'Once a mother always a mother.' He really loved her, she'd always be there for him and he knew that she was worried about his friendship with Arthur especially in face of what had happened yesterday.

Gawaine phoned offering a lift to work which Merlin accepted much to his mother's disapproval as she would have liked to have babied him all day. "I'll phone you later to let you know how it's going. I promise I will come home if it is too much for me however, after work you and I are going to see Arthur." His mother nodded, she'd like to hear about the incident from Mr. Pendragon's son. Merlin turned as he left saying cheekily, "A little light dusting might be in order…!"

Hunith laughed…but she was worried. She shook her head saying to the empty flat, "What type of man would physically assault another for trying to help his son get through something horrendous?" She'd like to meet this man face to face and hear what he had to say for himself. She grinned at herself, she could hear Merlin's grandmother saying to her, 'Now, My Dear, you can't right all the problems in the world, he's a sensible boy and stronger than you realise. He'll be a credit to us if you give him space to grow.' Spot brushed against Hunith's legs and she smiled at the cat.

-0-0-

Merlin went into work feeling uncomfortable; he desperately needed to discuss with Gawaine whether or not he should consider leaving his job. He felt as if everyone was judging him. Yes, they were sympathetic with his injury but a bit sceptical when he said that he had just walked into a door jamb.

Mid-morning, he was in the lift and the company's chairman Mr. Hughes who had already questioned his presence at the hospital, got in with his assistant. He nodded at Merlin and said, "Sore arm?" Merlin just nodded and remained silent. Two floors later, he had the elevator to himself. He couldn't breathe. He put out his hand and steadied himself glancing at himself in the mirrored walls. He looked a wreck. He was shaking. He took a pain pill from the vial and swallowed it dry. His gag reflex spun into action and he coughed it back into his hand. He swallowed it again, this time determinedly ordering his throat to stay closed.

The lift opened on his floor and he walked slowly to his department. Gawaine realised something had happened and decided to get Merlin out of the building so, he said, "Lunch time! I think we should go out to get something."

They sat in the sun outside a pub. Merlin said finally, "I think I should hand in my notice." He dropped his head into his good hand, "I feel a nervous wreck and that Uther is waiting for me around every corner."

Gawaine put his hand on his arm and said, "Maybe you should have taken the day off, why don't you go home and take it easy? Arthur will be expecting you later on. Don't make any decision about your job just yet."

"I feel as if I'm giving in to Uther. He had no right to hurt me. He might see me as a gold-digger but, Gawaine, you know I am not… I visited Arthur because he needed a visitor. I didn't mean to…like him so much."

Gawaine smiled as he said, "I think the feeling might be mutual"

Merlin's face lit up slightly as he said, "I hope so. However, I don't think I'm brave enough to deal with his father."

"Don't worry about that now. Do you want a lift home?"

"No, you go back to work; the walk will do me good." He picked up the rest of the bread rolls and said, "Might even visit the ducks in the park."

Gawaine smiled saying, "Something else to tell Arthur about."

-0-0-

Hunith was surprised, pleased yet worried when Merlin opened the door. She waited for him to explain his return but he just said that he felt tired and Gawaine had suggested that he take the rest of the day off.

He sat on the sofa and Hunith got an extra pillow for his shoulder. Spot leapt on his lap and decided to give his hand a good licking. Merlin smiled as he glanced at his mother saying, "She thinks I need a wash..." he hesitated before continuing, "…there's more to the story. When the nurse went to Arthur, Uther stepped over to me, kicked me in the thigh and called me a faggot. He was furious; at that moment, I was really frightened. The look in his eyes was murderous. If looks could have killed, I would be dead..."

Hunith sat on the side of the sofa and carefully put her arms around her son thinking that sometimes, life was so cruel.

His phone rang; Merlin nodded at her so Hunith picked it up. "GGawaine..." she said looking at her son, "Yes, he arrived about fifteen minutes ago." She listened for a while before saying, "How about he phones you later?" She looked at Merlin who again nodded and she put the phone back on the table.

"I'm going to make us a cup of tea. Camomille or lemon?" she said walking across to put on the kettle. Then she went to get the duvet off Merlin's bed, she wrapped it around him, tucking it in. Merlin smiled as he made a little hole so Spot could put out her head if she wished.

They had their tea and Hunith helped Merlin get more comfortable on the sofa. "Don't let me sleep too long as we need to visit Arthur. He'll get worried."

Hunith ruffled her son's hair saying, "I'll wake you up in plenty of time. Now, try to snooze, you'll feel better when you wake up."

Merlin smiled and cuddled down into the duvet, feeling Spot purring against his stomach. Everything was going to be all right, it would be Arthur and him against the world.

Once Merlin was asleep, she took the phone and called Gawaine back. He again mentioned that there had been a call from the hospital security wanting to talk to Merlin. "Mrs. Emrys, I think this might get nasty..."

-0-0-

 _Merlin stands beside Arthur's bed, the occupant lying flat, his arms motionless at his side. His face has the gaunt look of a coma patient. The beeping machines are silent._

 _Graham stands at the head of the bed next to Dr. Fells who turns saying to Merlin, "I'm sorry, his heart couldn't take the stress between you and his father. Would you like to be alone for a few minutes?"_

 _Merlin nods. How has this happened? Arthur was fine, they had a picnic last night._

 _He walks to the head of the bed and leans over to whisper, "Arthur, I love you... Please, don't leave me alone..."_

 _He lets his lips brush against Arthur's, his tears splashing on Arthur's cooling face. He reaches for his hand kissing it, willing it to clasp his in return._

 _Suddenly, he feels Arthur move, his heart leaps..._

He opened his eyes realising it was the little spotted cat stretching against his chest. He was in his flat. He lay there waiting for his heart to return to normal. What in heaven's name was that? He hoped it wasn't a premonition. He carefully swung his legs onto the floor saying, "Come on, Spot, time to get up. I have to go to Arthur."

-0-0-

After speaking with Gawaine, Hunith had decided that Merlin needed to visit Arthur by himself. Gawaine would be picking up Bridie after her shift so he had promised to drop him back at the flat.

Hunith fussed making sure that Merlin's sling was just right and not hampered by his outside jacket. It was raining slightly but he refused to take an umbrella. "I need a free arm to balance," he had told her while attempting to do a pirouette.

She'd let him go and then returned to the kitchen table to sit with her head in her hands and worry waiting for his return. She'd have given anything to have had Merlin's grandmother sitting opposite her keeping her company.

-0-0-

Merlin was stopped by a nurse as he went down the hallway to Arthur's room. She said quietly, "Merlin, he's not there." Dread grabbed his heart as he instantaneously relived the dream. "He's been moved to 527 for his own safety." She asked Merlin to follow her and they walked past the nurses' station to a little corridor where a guard sat at a table. The nurse introduced Merlin to him and he checked to find his name. He smiled pleasantly and told him he might proceed.

The nurse explained that there were rooms off this corridor which were used for prisoners and detainees. Arthur wasn't being detained; the move was in case Mr. Pendragon tried to make an unsupervised visit. Should he find out where his son was now located, he would be refused admittance.

"Is Arthur all right?"

"Yes, he's been to physio and had a few discussions with hospital staff. Dr. Mooney saw him this morning and is pleased with his progress." She motioned to the door, "You can go in. There are only two other patients in his section at the moment so it should be quiet."

Merlin walked into a large double room with two windows. He smiled and before he could stop himself heard himself saying, "You got a twin room, Arthur! Great, I can move in with you!"

Arthur looked up laughing, "Is that a statement of intent?"

Merlin became coy and glancing at his feet, said hardly loud enough for Arthur to hear, "Maybe!"

Grinning Arthur said, "It's a nice room and I can have the whole gang here as there is plenty of room." He saw Merlin's face fall and he said, "Well, not just yet."

It was a nice room; it had two windows overlooking the city, at least four armchairs, a large TV screen and an internet connection. Arthur explained, "I had a meeting with Hospital Accounting and it was agreed that I would as of today assume all my hospital expenses including the choice to be in this wing. My father will no longer be invoiced or admitted to my room."

"Can you afford it? It can get very expensive with private nurses…I could help a little bit."

Arthur swung his chair around and wheeled to the window motioning for Merlin to sit beside him. "I have an annuity from my mother's estate. She was actually richer than my father and all her money came to me. I am not a spendthrift and the bulk of the money is well invested in property and the like. True, I spend money on cars but that is well within my means."

Merlin was surprised to realise that Arthur was rich in his own right. He'd just assumed that he received a good wage and maybe an allowance from his father. Strange Gawaine had never mentioned it.

"More seriously, I had a visit from social services and the police enquiring about your injury. Have they contacted you yet? They inferred that you would be able to press charges for assault as his actions were deliberate and witnessed."

"No, no one has spoken to me and I don't think I want to lay charges. He was just very upset with me and lost his temper."

He heard Arthur say, "He's done that before!" He glanced at him but he seemed miles away, he looked suddenly very young and sad. Merlin waited then putting his hand on Arthur's knee, slipped his hand toward Arthur's and was relieved when it closed around his.

Arthur started speaking again and said, "He made my life a misery when I was growing up. I used to spend a fair amount of my holidays with Gawaine's family or at a place in Devon. I couldn't take the continual criticising. I don't think he realised that I wasn't physically strong and being pushed into a wall or onto a railing really hurt. He broke my leg when I was fourteen but it could have been worse as he'd pushed me down a flight of stairs." Arthur shrugged, "I guess if I had fallen the wrong way, I could have broken my neck… He was always very apologetic afterwards and would bring me expensive presents."

Merlin was shocked, he'd been brought up in a loving family and being sent to his room was the worst punishment he had ever received and he had to acknowledge that on some occasions, it was well deserved.

"The doctors would congratulate him on being so caring and worrying about the many scrapes and bruises I seemed to get. They received wonderful Christmas gifts and he was always the first to dig into his pocket or write a cheque if there was ever need for new equipment. I often used to wonder if he had treated my mother that way or if it was just because he was disappointed in the way I behaved.

"The car I received for my birthday was the result of a blow up we'd had a couple of months before when I had dared tell him that I had feelings for men not women. He'd erupted into a monster; he'd backhanded me across the face, grabbed my hair and shoved my head into the fireplace. Blood was everywhere…"

Merlin lifted Arthur's hand to his lips and kissed it gently remembering his mother's reaction to the same statement. She'd held him close and said that she loved him as he would always be her 'little boy'. She added that she was worried he would get hurt but that she knew that he would be careful and had given him her blessing to go off to London. He'd know she was upset as he'd heard her crying during the night and her eyes were red-rimmed in the morning. However, he believed that it was about his leaving and not his sexual choices. She'd said at the station, 'Remember, Merlin, you always have a home here,' and she had tried hard to smile as she added, '…and you can always bring a boyfriend with you.' That had been five years ago.

Arthur concluded, "A local doctor patched me up after being told that I had been drunk and had fallen into the mantelpiece. I was off work for a fortnight…after that I decided that if he ever laid his hands on me again I was going to kill him."

Merlin remembered that Gawaine had told him that Arthur was out of town on business for a few weeks and that their football team really missed him. He'd blamed Uther for being inconsiderate as he knew that they had important matches and needed Arthur. Merlin remembered sitting in the pub, shaking his head and laughing at Gawaine.

For the longest time, there was silence and then Arthur said, "…and the Lamborghini was the expensive gift to say that he was sorry!" He swallowed and continued with a pathetic laugh, "I guess I showed him what I thought of that present!" Merlin moved to stand behind Arthur and gave him a one armed hug, resting his chin on his head.

Arthur smiled as he said, "Guess I don't deserve a two armed hug after being so petty."

"If I could give you a two armed hug, you know I would but I'm out of commission for the time being." He planted a little kiss on the top of Arthur's head and returned to his seat beside him. There was a tap at the door and someone from the kitchen arrived with Arthur's supper followed by Graham with Arthur's medication and a second plate of food.

"So this is where the two of you are hiding away. Very nice! Not exactly a five-star hotel but one of the advantages is that you can have room service." Seeing Merlin querying look, he said, "Someone was discharged and the kitchen hadn't be notified so I thought the two of you might like to have supper together. Sadly, there is no sommelier service but we do offer imported bottled water!" He grinned at them as he left the room.

The meal wasn't bad and it was nice to be able to have supper together. They talked about non-consequential things just enjoying each other's company. Arthur would sometimes look at Merlin and his face would break into a smile.

Suddenly, he said seriously, "Merlin, I can get you a top rate lawyer if my father starts causing any trouble. I don't think he will as it would be bad publicity but he has a nasty streak and he might decide to get at me through you."

Merlin shrugged his shoulders, "What's the worse that he can do fire me? Gawaine doesn't think he will but I am toying with bailing before he does. I can hand in my notice and still be guaranteed a month's wages."

"Promise me, not to do that without talking to me."

"Arthur, I don't want you getting hurt because of me. I will not stop visiting but will do so surreptitiously. Maybe disguised as a cleaner," he laughed as Arthur pretended to dust his wheelchair.

"Even better you could be my masseur. That would please me no end."

"Sorry, I think the cleaner would work better as I might get carried away as the latter and cause you all sorts of embarrassment."

"Do you think I have a store of forgotten conversations which you had with me when I was in my coma? I remember some of the things you said and more and more of them are coming to the light. You said you loved me, didn't you?"

Merlin glanced down at their hands and nodded his head, "I did and I think I still do."

"Only think, Merlin?"

Merlin lifted his head and said just above a whisper, "No, I know that I love you and without seeming too pushy, I am hoping one day that you will say the same to me."

Arthur leant forward and brushed Merlin's lips with his fingers. "I've wanted to say this for so long. Merlin, may I kiss you?"

He had only just let his lips touch Merlin's when a voice said, "Hey, you two! Get a room!" and Gawaine walked in.


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER 11 :** **A FINANCIAL** **UPHEAVAL**

On Gawaine's advice, Merlin had continued working. It seemed to be getting easier and he never did bump into Uther.

His mother had insisted upon staying longer. He'd spoken to his great uncle about it and he'd laughed as Gaius had said, 'Not much to ask, Merlin. She worries about you and has gone back into 'mummy mode' An extra week in London will do her good, she'll feel she's needed and you will have cooked meals and a much cleaner house!"

She had been so determined to stay around until, he was no longer in pain. They had had a few visits with Arthur and he knew that his mother was crazy about him, well maybe not as crazy as he was, but she did like him. Arthur had been in a good frame of mind over the week and his mother had returned home following her extended compassionate visit.

He smiled to himself as he went up the steps to the office, crossing the lobby he nodded at the girl on reception. He was approached by one of the security guards, a massive fellow, very friendly with whom he was on talking terms. "Percy, 'Morning, how did your weekend go?"

"Mr. Emrys, you will have to follow me."

Merlin was immediately surprised by the formality of Percy's tone. He obediently, followed him to the security offices and as Percy opened the door, he turned and said, "I'm sorry, Merlin, just following orders."

Merlin was asked to sit and was handed a sealed envelope. He opened it and read it, surprised by its contents. He was being fired! Nothing else, just that he would be taken to his office to remove his personal affects and then he would be escorted outside the building as his contract had been terminated.

Another guard came over and asked Percy if he would be needing help and Percy had shaken his head. He then said to Merlin, "Are you all right?" Merlin nodded. "Well then, why don't we go upstairs now? The place is empty as most people have yet to arrive. You can collect your things in peace." Merlin was grateful as it meant escaping prying eyes and pitying looks.

He looked at his few personal belongings. There was nothing to speak of, so he was able to slip a few things into his satchel with his laptop. He carried in his hand, the pewter dragon paperweight with the Welsh flag which Gaius had given him years ago. He glanced once around the office which had been his home for four years; he nodded at Percy and the two of them walked to the lift.

Gawaine was walking into the building as Merlin was being escorted out. He grabbed Merlin's arm when he saw the look on his face and said, "What's wrong?"

"I've been let go…"

"Arthur will fight it." Merlin just looked down and shook his head.

Percy said to Gawaine, "Sir, it would be better for you if you didn't get involved." Gawaine letting go of Merlin's arm, turned on the stairs to watch him walk down the street.

Merlin's nerves were shot and his visit to Arthur that evening weighed heavily on his mind. He really wanted to go home, crawl into bed and die. He was without a job, he had only two months rent set aside, well maybe three at a push and if he couldn't soon find something, he'd be out of his flat. He could always return home but he knew he wanted to stay in London. There was something holding him there.

-0-0-

Arthur worked hard at physio and the results reflected that. He had graduated to walking between two parallel bars or even with two staff members if they were available. His eyes brightened as he told Merlin that soon he was going to prepare his muscles to climb stairs again. He laughed, "Honestly, Merlin, I'm going to get so good at this that I will be able to run up stairs in the end…and the doctor said that if I do all my exercises and keep to the routine and not over-extend myself, there is no reason why I couldn't kick a ball around in the future."

Merlin's heart was heavy but he masked it well and smiled. Each day Arthur seemed brighter and more interested in life…and him. "So, what did Gawaine say about that?"

"I haven't told him, he doesn't really understand…no I shouldn't say that, he does understand my injuries just not the effort that is needed to even achieve something such as standing upright. There is always in the back of your mind the fear that your knees won't hold you up, that your therapist will become distracted and that you'll crumble to the ground. The actual ability to lift yourself using your knees is something even I didn't understand. We take everything for granted. I want to show you something. Put my chair near the bed and make sure the brakes are on."

As Merlin watched, Arthur reached for the bar above his bed and holding it lifted his feet and heaved himself over so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed. Merlin was quite nervous. He'd seen Graham help him do it but now it was only him present and he was worried that Arthur would fall and hurt himself. Arthur leant over and put his hands on the armrests of his chair and lifted his trunk onto the seat. He turned to Merlin to see his reaction.

"Should you be doing that without the staff present?" Merlin said still apprehensive.

"Merlin, before I'm up and running there will be many falls and bruises but aren't you even impressed?"

Merlin sat on the bed and ran his fingers over Arthur's arm feeling the muscles which he flexed just for his benefit, saying, "I could always see the beauty in a nicely defined body but I now understand and marvel at muscles for what they can do. Yours are more obvious everyday."

"Feel my calves, I've been working on them." Merlin did as he was told and could feel the tautness in the muscles as Arthur lowered his heels. "They're getting stronger aren't they? Now, give me your hand." Merlin did as asked and Arthur placed in on his thigh and retracted and relaxed the muscle causing Merlin to nod as he felt it.

"Does it hurt?"

"No, sometimes it is frustrating as I can't isolate the muscle I want to move." He put his foot straight out and Merlin could see him concentrate while moving a muscle that he made his kneecap jump. He grinned before adding, "I'm getting there!" Arthur put his hand over Merlin's as it lay on his thigh and smiled, "Now, tell me what happened in your life today."

Merlin became serious as he said, "The police contacted me and I refused to lay charges." He flexed his elbow and moved his shoulder, "See, like you, I'm practically brand new again!"

"I still think there should have been punitive damages for the pain and suffering." Arthur was playing with Merlin's fingers as he looked up at him expectantly, "All right, you haven't told me everything, come on, out with it!"

Suddenly all his feeling rushed over him and he dropped his head saying quietly, "I was given a letter stating that I was being terminated without cause. It stated that my services are no longer needed and the reason given was economic reorganisation. My work finished immediately as they gave me 'pay in lieu of notice." His voice broke, "I was taken to my office to remove everything personal and then escorted off the premises. I felt so embarrassed even though I knew I had not done anything wrong."

Arthur said nothing but gripped his hand even harder. "Merlin, I'll kill him, I really will. He thinks he's so clever but he'll not get away with it. Of course, you did nothing wrong. Pass me my phone!"

"Arthur, no! Let's give it a few days to settle down. Maybe it was done in the heat of the moment and he will have a change of heart."

"Merlin, it's been four weeks since he assaulted you! He's been sitting there planning this. Checking with his cronies, all the avenues available to him and then coming to a decision which I promise, will come back to haunt him. I hate him!"

Merlin slipped his hand away, placing it on Arthur's shoulder; he turned Arthur's head so that he was looking directly at him. "Stress, isn't good for you. I'm all right financially; they have paid me until the end of next month. As much as I would like to send the cheque back to him, I can't afford to."

Arthur shifted in his seat saying, "Oh, yes you can, Love! I can reimburse you for the amount." Merlin shook his head, but Arthur continued, "In return, it would give me great satisfaction helping you compose a letter to my father and to include the cheque. Please, Merlin, accept my offer."

Merlin raised his eyes seeing only love and compassion in Arthur's. He realised how much he cared for Arthur and the wonderful feeling of having someone standing, well sitting beside him, who would be in his court. A warmth spread through him and the burden on his shoulders was lifted. He looked at Arthur who was watching him with raised eyebrows waiting for his answer.

Leaning his head forward until their foreheads met, Arthur again said, "Please, Merlin?"

For a flash Merlin wondered if this was what being a kept man felt like, being financially supported by a wealthy person but then he decided that Arthur's offer and his acceptance were based on something deeper. He decided that he would pay Arthur back every penny loaned.

"I will accept but only as a signed, witnessed personal loan until I can pay you back."

Arthur didn't hear the rest of the sentence following the 'I will', he was too busy smiling as he reached forward and wrapped his arms around Merlin.

There was a persistent tap on the doorjamb and Merlin finally pulled out of Arthur's embrace, glancing around to see Gawaine who bustled into the room saying, "What in hell happened? I could get nothing from my superior just that you were gone and I tried to phone you all day and you didn't answer. I was scared shitless and then I decided you would probably be here." He relaxed noticeably and managed to say, "Sorry, I hope that I didn't interrupt anything special."

Arthur laughed as he said, "Nothing really important, Merlin just said, 'I will'!"

Merlin punched him lightly in the arm, "He's kidding it was something else which I agreed to."

Arthur nodded at Gawaine but held the feeling in his heart that maybe one day, Merlin might repeat that answer when the moment was right.

-0-0-

Merlin brought Gawaine up to date on the day's happenings, including the police telephone call. Arthur then took over and told about his plan for Merlin to return the cheque. Gawaine wanted to know if he could afford to do that, however Merlin explained Arthur's offer to loan him the money. Gawaine let his eyes flick over to Arthur who mouthed the word 'give' and he smiled. He'd known Arthur for years, knew all about his mother's family as somewhere way in the distant past they were sort of related. He also knew why Arthur spent so much time with his family over the school holidays and about his mother's property in Devon.

He'd always liked Arthur from the time they had met as seven year olds in boarding school. Even at that young age, he'd realised that there was something wrong with Arthur's relationship with his father so, he had begged his parents to adopt him. His mother hadn't laughed just explained kindly that they couldn't because Arthur had a father. Gawaine was heart-broken. Years later, he remembered that the phase 'who loved him' had been omitted. His parents had however promised to allow Arthur to stay with them whenever he wanted as long as his father approved.

The friendship had grown stronger over the years and Gawaine trusted Arthur when he said he wanted to help Merlin. He had no idea what Arthur intended but he felt sure that it wouldn't stop with helping Merlin compose a letter to Uther.

-0-0-

Arthur slept well that night; he had a new interest in his life. Even if he couldn't get Merlin his job back which in his opinion wasn't the best idea anyway, he had decided to challenge the termination. Pendragon Holdings was doing well, the books would prove it. Economic reorganisation was just a cover up. Tomorrow, he would get in touch with Nigel Brooks and put the whole mess in his lap. He would give him the background information which he was sure his father had omitted when he had requested Merlin's dismissal.

Merlin couldn't fall asleep; he felt at a loss. Did he even need to get out of bed tomorrow? Should he tell his mother or wait a while? He dreamt of police cells and bank drafts, cat food and vet expenses, wheelchairs and footballs. He awoke at his regular time and it wasn't until he was sitting on the edge of the bed that he realised, he had nowhere to go.

Merlin had withheld two things from Arthur. One that months ago he had been offered a handsome amount of thousands of pounds to stop the hospital visits, and two that Uther had used threatening derogative language after he had hit him. He had told Gawaine about the former and only his mother about the latter. As neither event had been witnessed, it would be his word against Uther's.

He smiled sadly to himself remembering the old adage, 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me!' But they did, a paralysing pain which clawed at his heart, at his very essence. Did the word hurt as much as his collarbone break? His shoulder was healing but the word, the viciousness in which it was delivered and the cruelty which was intended had shaken him to the core. This was not some stupid kid yelling at him in the street, this was an educated man who knew him and who had purposely used the word to hurt him, to get back at him because he represented a lifestyle which his son had chosen.

He tidied the kitchen, jotting down a few things he needed and showered. He was going to treat himself to a coffee before the shops and maybe even a quick visit to the library. He knew Arthur would be in physio so he planned to visit later in the afternoon when he usually rested.

He knew what he wanted to look up. He got a computer and typed in 'termination without cause'. The list of research material was extensive but if he was going to do something about it, he would need to be knowledgeable. He browsed through a few books. He really didn't want to work for PenD Group again but it was the principle of the matter. He was a little cog in a big wheel but he was going to stand up to Uther if for no other reason than his son.

-0-0-

He nodded at the guard on duty as he went down Arthur's corridor. Arthur had listed visitors who were allowed in anyone else was turned away. His father had never made contact since the incident or approached the hospital admin demanding that he be given visiting rights.

Merlin peeked into Arthur's room. He was stretched out on the bed, oblivious to not only his visitor but the background noises from the trauma floor. He walked to the end of the bed and remembering his first few visits, he said to himself, 'Hello, Arthur, it's me Merlin! How did physio go this morning? You'd have laughed as when I first got up this morning, I was mentally prepared to go to work.' He walked around the bed to the window, it was a beautiful day and he decided that Arthur needed to get some fresh air.

He left the room quietly and went to the nurses' station. Sheila was on duty so he said, "If I took him in his chair, is there anywhere in the grounds that we might go for a little fresh air."

Sheila pulled a chart from a file and read it saying, "Yes, Arthur can leave this floor as long as he is accompanied but not off the premises without a doctor's permission. There is a small garden off the main entrance for mobile patients or…" She pulled out another list, "You can take him up to Four, there's a sunroom with access to a large outside terrace. That would be my choice as it overlooks a park and is more private."

Merlin thanked her and made his way back to the room. This time he didn't creep in but said, "Wake up, Sleepy Head! We're going on a little outing."

Arthur stretched lazily saying, "Don't think you could manage the wheelchair in the Tube."

"Well, we're going somewhere a little closer which I am certain will be less crowded and less smelly! Do you want me to get someone to help you in the toilet?"

"Not if you're willing to help me, I just need a hand with the door and holding the chair steady." Arthur blushed slightly, "Do you mind?"

Merlin shrugged his shoulders, "Not, if you tell me what to do…"

In no time, Arthur was ready to leave the room with his trusted chauffeur. They nodded at the guard in passing and then Shelia as they passed the desk said, "Four, right!" Merlin nodded. "…and don't get any ideas about scaling the hospitals walls to escape, Arthur!"

It was lovely exploring another floor. They made only one wrong turn and had to backtrack and they passed another chair bound patient who grinned and said, "…seen the two of you around before haven't I?"

Arthur laughed, "Hopefully, we're on the right track this time."

Merlin marvelled how in a hospital people happily chatted to passers-by. It was almost like a village community as they were all neighbours, some for a short term others for longer.

-0-0-

The large sunroom situated on the south-west corner of the fourth floor, must have been recently renovated. It had easy chairs, low tables, a drink and snack machine and a proper table at which wheelchair patients could sit. The photos on the walls were of London skylines. Any elderly man was sitting in the far corner with his head back, snoring quietly. Merlin whispered, "Maybe he wanted to escape from his roommates." Around one table were teenagers visiting a woman who could have been their mother. Merlin pushed Arthur's chair towards the door onto the patio, "Want to try outside?"

Arthur nodded so Merlin opened the door and carefully negotiated his precious cargo through it. The sun was gorgeous; they could hear the birds and see across the skyline to St. Paul's. In the far distance, Merlin if he stood on tippy-toes could see the shining ribbon of the Thames.

"This is heaven!" said Arthur. "I almost feel as if I am no longer in a hospital. I've missed being outside. Can we come tomorrow?"

"That, young man, will depend upon how you behave today." He smiled at Arthur explaining that was what his grandmother used to say to him. He wheeled Arthur to the railing and watched the smile spread across his face.

"Look, there in the park, I can see kids playing ball." He burst out laughing as a white dog managed to intercept the ball and the whole gang of children traipsed after it into the bushes.

It did Merlin good to see Arthur so happy. He'd known him since December but only in his hospital room so it was for him a treat to see this other side of Arthur. "Would you like a Pepsi and some crisps? You don't have any dietary restrictions do you?"

"Just not to put on too much weight until my muscles are stronger."

"All right, how about a half a can and a half packet of chips?"

Arthur punched him in the arm, "Merlin, I never realised how cheap you were!"

"For that, Mr. Moneybags, you are going to have to pay for both cans."

Arthur laughed as he put his hand in his sweatpants pocket and realised he had no money, "I can't believe it; I've been here since December and have never had any need for cash."

Merlin just laughed and went back into the sunroom to get their snack. It suddenly crossed his mind that Arthur could have done something stupid like trying to stand on his own but as he turned he saw that he hadn't. He would have to take this carer business seriously.


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 12 : THE CRUEL REALITY**

They sat in the sun enjoying being together. They had the terrace to themselves; it was the size of half a tennis court and had tables in one corner. Planters and small sculpted trees ran along the railings and a screen on one side formed a windbreak. Merlin loved being up high and outdoors. He smiled at Arthur who grinned back, saying, "Tell me about yourself. I'm sure that somewhere in the deep recesses of my brain it is stored but I want to hear it again."

So, Merlin gave a brief summary of his family, his childhood interests and his schooling. He then insisted that Arthur reciprocate which he did having Merlin in stitches as he recounted his childhood adventures with Gawaine. "Did you ever have a close friend as you were growing up?" Arthur asked.

"Yes, as a youngster I'd teamed up with a boy called Lance but he moved to Canada. My mother still writes to his and he's just finishing his medical internship in Montreal."

"I want you to get to know Leon better. He's an Olympic skier, as crazy as they come, married with kids. I know you'll like him. He's serious but with a wicked sense of humour. He despairs about Gawaine who teases him every opportunity he gets."

"Where do you live…I mean not now...but before?" Merlin felt himself becoming tongue-tied asking personal questions.

"Well, it's a house which belonged to my mother's family. It was rented while I was younger and although my father advised me to sell it when I was eighteen, I didn't and I'm glad I didn't as when we fell out, I was able to be a little independent"

"Whom do you live with?" Merlin immediately wished he had maybe made a reference to roommates or something but he hadn't. His question seemed almost an accusation.

Arthur blushed slightly and said, "By myself but I have a man who looks after the place and his wife cooks. They live in the basement flat which works out to both our advantage. How about you?"

"We're in a flat not too far from here." Noticing Arthur's quizzical look, he laughed adding, "Just me, well just me and Spot. We get on well together and she is company. I'm glad I got her and maybe now that you are so much better, she could come to visit. I've seen therapy dogs in the hospital so why not Spot the Therapy Cat? You're not allergic or anything are you?"

"Not to cats but I am to snails, not playing with them but eating them." Arthur grinned as he had visions of the races Gawaine and he used to have with, many times less than interested-in-racing, snails. "Gawaine and I as kids, used to collect the big garden snails and set them on a wall to see which one was the quickest." He smiled at Merlin and leaned over to him as if to share something conspiratorial and added, "Just between you and me, I think snails are really nice," he straightened up again," I love their antenna with the little eyes. Did you know they can move up to fifty yards an hour?"

Merlin was lost in the story and only wished that as a kid he had known Arthur and Gawaine as he also liked snails. Arthur was so animated…fascinating even, but lost in a world of his own. He looked over his shoulder and said, "At one hundred fifty feet per hour, figuring that it was going in a straight line, it should take a snail under twenty minutes to reach the door into the sunroom."

"Unless it met a blackbird or a hedgehog!" said Merlin with a mischievousness grin.

"Merlin, you have no heart! Better not tell Gawaine anything negative about snails as he did a paper on them in Sixth Form biology and got top honours at the Christmas school assembly. Sad thing was that he lived to regret it as the following term some of the others called him, 'Escargot' that was until the teacher set them right… Maybe, I shouldn't have been surprised that I am allergic to them, even stranger though is that the first time I had a reaction, I had thought I was eating a mushroom in tempura!"

Then they took turns telling funny things about their home life. Merlin noticed that Arthur's were more about things which happened in school or at Gawaine's. He told Arthur about his Guinea pigs which his mother was assured were brothers and who seemed to spend a lot of times playing Leapfrog, until one day miraculously one and one became three! Merlin explained how he had run downstairs throwing his arms around his mother's waist, burrowing his head into her and saying, 'Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you!'

'But I always make you breakfast', had been her reply. Then he had told her of the third Guinea pig. "Honestly, Arthur, I thought it was a miracle but later my mother shattered my bubble when she explained that either Tish or Tosh must have been a girl. We watched them carefully and certainly Tish had mothering instincts so she became Tisha."

"So, what did you call the newcomer?"

"Miracle, of course," said Merlin.

Arthur laughed, "Honestly, Merlin, where have you been all my life?"

Merlin smiled, a lovely warm feeling enveloping him. He had never felt this close to anyone outside his family. He would have been happy to have stayed here all day but then he noticed that Arthur had shivered. The wind had picked up. He took off his jacket, put it around Arthur's shoulders and suggested that they go back to his room. He'd had a lovely afternoon and it had completely gone out of his mind that Arthur was still a patient in the hospital and more importantly he didn't have a job.

-0-0-

Once Arthur was settled in his room and had eaten, Merlin rose to leave and Arthur said, "I'll have to arrange to get some heavier clothes from home, nothing special just some sweaters and a lightweight jacket. If I phone Tom, I can tell him you're coming and he can put some things out which might be useful. You could choose and bring something here."

"Arthur, I'd feel uncomfortable going into your place if you weren't there."

"Tom or Ellie would be there. It'd be all right! Come on, Merlin, you're not a clandestine burglar are you, sneaking over the rooftops in the moonlight, gaining access by prying open attic windows and clearing out all the silver and jewellery…? Well, even if you are, the house has very little silver and I have no jewellery to speak of!" He glanced at Merlin who had smiled about the burglary.

Merlin chuckled imagining climbing through a little window and he had a sudden flash of the movie 'Oliver' and the spinning silver tray on the floor in the entrance hall.

He was woken out of his daydream by Arthur saying, "That's it, I've decided. You're going to get my clothes! Please?"

Merlin nodded, "I'll do it but only if you arrange it with Tom. I can go whenever it is convenient for him."

Grabbing his phone, Arthur dialled his house and had a quick conversation with Ellie, explaining that a very good friend of his, here he had stopped and pointed at Merlin causing him to blush, would be around tomorrow noon to pick up a few clothes for him and could she send back with Merlin some of her chicken soup, enough for two.

Merlin could tell by the one-side conversation that Ellie was only too happy to be sending in soup and that she must have promised other surprises as Arthur had told her that he wasn't supposed to put on weight until he was better.

"So, you got the gist of what I said?" Arthur said turning to Merlin, "Here is my address on Caddock Square, number 17 and the door is red. If you like, Tom can pick you up at your place and bring you back here."

"No, I can manage by myself, I have the address. I'll walk, I'd feel more comfortable than being driven."

"True, maybe you should wait until I can chauffeur you around London…" Arthur said with a wink.

Merlin laughed and said, "With your record, who would want to drive with you?" As it came out his mouth, he knew that it hadn't sounded as funny as it had on the spur of the moment in his head. It had not come out as a joke but an accusation, a criticism of Arthur's driving ability.

The look of shock on Arthur's face had frightened Merlin. What had he done! If the ground were to have opened up and swallowed him, he would have been thankful. But, it didn't… He stared at Arthur in horror, there was nothing he could say it would only intensify the sickening sensation.

Arthur had turned away and Merlin was sure that he was crying. How could he have been so insensitive? Arthur was just coming to terms with Rupert's death and here he was throwing it back into his face. Finally, gaining a little courage he said quietly, "Arthur, I…"

"I'm tired, I think you had better leave…" Arthur's voice broke.

Merlin went to say something and then decided against it. It was one of those unfortunate instances when something funny turns out to be not in the slightest bit funny. There was nothing he could say. He didn't even say goodnight as he couldn't trust his voice and he walked into the hall. He stood against the wall and sniffed, wiping his eyes which were beginning to flood with tears. How could he have been so unthinking, so insensitive, so cruel…so stupid!

He wandered down the hallway, nodding at the guard. He was walking without thinking and he almost took out a nurse as she hurried by. She spun around and said, "Watch where you're going!" He came to and realised he was near the nurses' station and the next thing he felt was a hand at his elbow and a familiar voice say, "Merlin, is everything all right?"

-0-0-

He poured his heart out to Bridie who had been going on a break. "Please, don't tell Gawaine. He'll kill me…"

"Merlin, these things happen when you get close to people. It sounds like you'd had a great day and were very relaxed and something which five months ago would have been really witty, suddenly becomes a stumbling block."

"He just told me to get out. What if what I said has damaged him so much that he falls back into a coma?"

Bridie stretching across the table and patted his arm, "Don't worry about that, you know that's not the way a coma works so it's not going to happen. He's well on his way to recovery and it is only his need for physio, counselling and the fact that he lives alone that he is still here. The two of you will have to have a good talk and you can fully explain what you were thinking and more importantly how you felt after you left him. Maybe he will say that you really hurt him but you can understand that. Tomorrow will be another day! You're one of the good guys, Merlin, and I know that Arthur thinks highly of you."

"He did…" Merlin said shaking his head, "But not now...I don't think there will be another day…I can't face him, as I hurt him too much. I'd better go…" not wanting to seem rude as Bridie was trying to be helpful, he added with an apologetic shrug of his shoulders, "…Spot is waiting for me." Merlin got up leaving a full cup of coffee on the table and walked out of the cafeteria.

Bridie pulled out her phone and looked at it momentarily before giving Gawaine a heads up that there was trouble in paradise. He was friendly with both parties and she was determined to see the two of them friends again.

-0-0-

Feeling numb, Arthur dried his tears. What had happened and what had he done? He was an emotional wreck.

He sat in his room questioning his actions. He'd let his guard down and allowed someone into his heart and then because of a misunderstanding, he'd chased him away. Gawaine had always teased him that when he fell it would be from a height and with such intensity that he would never get over it. But it hadn't been like that…he had awakened slowly to the fact that Merlin existed and that he liked his being around.

The weeks had laid a perfect foundation for a friendship and only recently had he realised the intensity of his feeling for the man. He'd been shocked by what Merlin had said, but once he had let it sink in he knew that it wasn't said maliciously, it had nothing to do with Rupert, it was just a flippant comment which because of his own history, he had reacted to really badly. What had he done?

Maybe his father was right, maybe Merlin was in it for his money. As he though that, he felt rotten, obviously his mind wasn't progressing thoughts realistically, how could he think that about his friend?

He said quietly, "God forgive me for even thinking such a thing about Merlin…He is sweet, unselfish and caring. Just seeing him standing in my doorway makes the world a better place. When he touches my hand, I feel complete…"

Seconds, after he had told Merlin to get out, he had regretted it. The look of sadness and shock on his face had made Arthur realise that he had been upset for what he had said. He thought, 'If only my stupid legs had worked I could have chased him down the hallway and caught him before he got to the lift.' That didn't help, it made him feel sorry for himself and he was crying when Bridie walked in.

She was excellent dealing with situations like this. She knew that enough time had passed for Arthur to have replayed what had happened in his mind. Hopefully, he would have come to realise that it was just meant as an amusing comment, Merlin was not being critical and was now equally upset for what had slipped out.

Arthur blew his nose and put away his tissue. He was being stupid he knew but he did feel a little better after crying. He knew he was being a baby and the thing which was missing most was someone's arms around him, holding him close and whispering that everything would be all right. Deep down, he knew that if he had a choice who that person would be.

"Have you seen…Merlin?" he asked hesitating over the name.

"Yes, he passed me in the halls about three hours ago. He seemed to be in a hurry."

Arthur cleared his throat and said, "We had a disagreement…well, I started it! I was rude and told him to leave…" he paused a minute before adding sadly, "And then he left…"

Bridie busied herself with Arthur's chart and then said, "Well, I expect you'll see him tomorrow. The two of you are good friends you should be able to sort it out."

"But what if he doesn't come in? I don't really know where he lives." Looking down at his legs, he added, "…and these will be no use to me trying to search all the streets."

Bridie almost said that Gawaine must know his address but stopped herself. She felt that the two of them were right for each other. She really liked Merlin whom she had got to know well but maybe they needed a few days apart. She felt that in the state which Merlin had found himself, a few days away from the hospital might be beneficial.

"Why don't you try to sleep, it's already gone eleven? It will help tomorrow come sooner." She smiled at him and left the room.

She felt that Arthur would benefit from some medication to fall asleep and after she'd had a word with him, the doctor on duty agreed. The nurses kept on eye on him when they were doing their rounds and he seemed to be sleeping restfully. But if they had stayed longer, they would have noticed that he was far from relaxed and every now and again murmured two names…Rupert and Merlin.

-0-0-

Merlin wasn't offered the same attention or care. He was alone. His mind wouldn't relax. He tried to think of his mother, but he couldn't as thoughts of Arthur kept interfering. If only he had delayed his comment by a couple of seconds, he would have or maybe might have, realised that in Arthur's state of mind, it was too close to the truth. It had sounded as if Merlin was referring to his record of being a driver who had through his own fault killed his passenger.

Merlin knew that was incorrect. Nothing Arthur could have done would have stopped Rupert being killed. He was not responsible for the accident only suffering the repercussions for it both in his own body and in his mind. There had been multi fatalities and by the grace of God, Arthur had been the sole survivor.

Around two thirty, Merlin finally crawled into bed. He felt that he was tired enough to sleep but if he did he wasn't conscious of it as he seemed to spent the whole time tossing and turning until finally Spot in disgust jumped off his bed and retreated to the couch. There was just so much a self-respecting cat was willing to take. The tears had been bad enough but the continual murmuring and thrashing was beyond the call of duty of any bed-warmer.

 _Merlin is driving; he sees the transport truck's first trailer veer onto the soft shoulder then regain the road only to lose control and jack knife. He watches as in slow motion two cars ahead of him, drive into it. He knows he can stop in time but then his beautiful new sports car is side-swiped on the passenger side, struck by the truck's second trailer. He remembers yelling, 'Hang on…!' and then the screeching of tires, the sickening squealing of grinding metal, a human voice screaming and darkness…_

 _The brightness is intense. He has no ability to hear as he floats over the accident site. He picks out the truck and its trailers but the private cars seem to have been crunched beyond recognition. He notices idle police cars and ambulances, none seeming in any hurry to race away from the scene with injured patients._

 _To one side, two men dressed in rubber aprons and heavy duty black rubber gloves stand beside a car decorated with the sombre word Coroner. His mind doesn't yet process the sights, just acknowledges them as identifying an accident on any busy highway. Two ambulances slowly leave the site without flashing lights._

 _An air ambulance with its blades slowly revolving is parked on the other side of the dual carriage way. He doesn't notice the miles of stationary cars._

 _Blue tarpaulins are stretched over pieces of metal which he realises are mangled cars. Paramedics seem to be standing around dejectedly or packing up their supplies, one closes the door on an empty ambulance._

 _Suddenly, he is able to make out that a hive of activity is taking place near his car or really what remains of it. He notices what to him looks like a blue blanket thrown over an object crumpled on the road near the passenger door. No one seems interested in what lies beneath it._

 _Paramedics from the helicopter, carry a folded stretcher over a guard rail and across a ditch before climbing back onto this side of the roadway. They approach his car. He can see firemen with what he knows from the movies are the jaws-of-life. He watches as they rip away what had once been a door, then a crooked frame of a windshield and begin to load a patient. It is like watching a cartoon, little figures rushing around with blue lights flashing but no sound._

 _Slowly, he seems to lose altitude and floats back to earth, landing on the stretcher as it is loaded into the helicopter and he is conscious of sound…the dull thump of the closing doors and his mind screams, 'Arthur!'_

 _His mind does a momentary flip backwards as he is lifted into the sky but this time by a caring dragon. Then there is only darkness…_


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER 13 :** **A PAINFUL AWAKENING**

Merlin woke up exhausted, he only could remember smatterings of a dream but he knew that it had been at times intense. He was feeling very sad. He could feel Spot near his feet and he knew that she wanted her breakfast. He literally hauled himself out of the bed. The effort seemed overwhelming. His whole body seemed drained of energy. He walked to the bathroom, then the kitchen to feed her.

He walked back and got into bed. His clock read eight. He pulled his duvet over himself including his head and tried to clear his mind. It didn't work. He kept hearing Arthur's voice but wouldn't allow himself to repeat the words as he knew it would be too much for him to manage. He wasn't hungry; he just wanted the world to go away. Finally, he poked his head out of the bedding as he was running out of air. He glanced at the clock; it was a quarter to twelve. He was surprised that four hours had passed. He put his hands behind his head, rested his head on them and stared at the ceiling.

He lay there, letting his eyes wander around his bedroom. Usually, one of the bad things about the room was that it was dark as the next door building blocked out most of the daylight however, today, it was a blessing. He decided to let his mind wander aimlessly but it couldn't as it felt that it was in the finally stages of a marathon, pushing, striving, planning, commandeered by months of practice which needed to be fulfilled right now.

He heard a strangled sob realising that it was his own and finally let his mind take him back to where his heart was afraid to go…to Room T527 at St. Swithin's and yesterday.

-0-0-

"Had a heavy date last night, Arthur?" joked the therapist as Arthur struggled more than usual to complete his set of exercises. "Come on, you can do better than that. You're approaching the bars as if you were an octogenarian."

Arthur would normally have answered back but this morning, he only grunted. That was exactly how he felt, an old man with his life behind him waiting expectantly without fear for the end. No energy, no interest, everything had become an effort.

Getting out of bed had been worst. Graham had waited for him to make a move, jotting something on his chart and finally suggesting that they use the sling. Arthur was feeling low but that would have been defeat. He determinedly pulled himself up and shifted over into the wheel chair.

"You know in a couple of weeks, you'll be beyond the wheelchair. Then there'll be no stopping the two of you."

The word two cut right through Arthur. There was no 'two of you', only one.

Graham continued, "Why don't you plan to have supper in the cafeteria with Merlin? He's quite capable of getting you down there. Can't say that the food selection will be fantastic but it will be hot and wholesome and a change of scenery will do you good."

He didn't respond and if Graham noticed, he made no comment. One of the volunteers was waiting in the hall and took him down to therapy.

Graham walked to the desk and called Bridie over, "He's not the same Arthur. Worse, than I've seen him in ages. Can't you get in touch with Merlin to make sure he comes in after work."

Bridie said with her fingers crossed, "I'm sure Merlin will appear and Arthur'll be back to normal in no time."

But Merlin never appeared and by six o'clock, a visitor came but it was Gawaine. He had desperately tried all day to get in touch with Merlin but his phone was off. He had to make a choice, visit Arthur and possibly Merlin would be there or go to Merlin's place and bang on the door until he was let in. The whole situation was stupid. They were best friends and he felt sure that if they could only look at each other, the healing process would begin.

When he found Arthur was alone, he was glad he'd made the decision to go to the hospital. He'd visit Merlin later in the evening. Arthur looked up at him as he came into the room. He was in the armchair near the window with an untouched food tray in front of him.

Gawaine removed it and pulled up a chair…and being Gawaine and having known Arthur for years, he didn't pussy-foot around. "So," he said, "Chased away the best thing that has ever happened to you! What were you thinking? You need him as much as he needs you. Arthur, open your eyes, he's the best thing that has been in your life since…"

"Shut up! It's none of your damned business and if you have come in here to accuse me of something about which you know absolutely nothing, you might as well get out of my sight!"

But Gawaine didn't step down, "Arthur, people are going to make off the cuff remarks. You were on the receiving end and it hurt, I can understand that but was it said to purposely hurt you? I doubt it! Probably, as it left Merlin's lips, he knew that to you it might sound judgemental." He paused hoping his words sank in before he continued, "Come on, Arthur, do you honestly believe, that Merlin had been saving that comment waiting to be able to use it against you?"

He waited for Arthur to reply but he didn't he just kept his head down so he wouldn't have to look Gawaine in the eye. What he was saying made sense but all the hurt he had built up over the last eleven hours was still consciously controlling his mind."

"What did you say to him? For God's sake, Arthur, if you don't come out with it, I can't help you…"

An annoyed voice said, "I never asked for anyone's help and certainly not yours."

"So, you'd prefer to discuss this with a high-priced Harley Street psychiatrist and be told over the weeks exactly what I am now telling you for free. Wake up man…you know he's the best thing since sliced-bread…at least see him and talk it out. If you can't come to an understanding then at least you have tried and you will be able to go on with your life…"

A subdued voice said, "He didn't come in today; I waited for him all day. I know he isn't working…and I waited and waited. I knew what I wanted to say but he never came. I even phoned him but no one picked up." Arthur was feeling miserable but the chance to get it off his chest was helping and he couldn't have spoken to anyone about this but Gawaine.

The next thing he knew two arms were around him and Gawaine was saying, "Arthur, I promise that I will get to him…and say a few choice words to him as well…"

Arthur pulled away and looked straight at Gawaine saying, "Don't frighten him…"

Gawaine said, "When have I ever frightened anyone?"

With a slight smile, Arthur said, "Remember that chap Randy who wouldn't leave me alone. You frightened him off in one meeting and you never did tell me what you did to him."

"…didn't have to do anything to him! Told him that you were my boyfriend and that if he insisted on bothering you, he might find himself minus a couple of body parts upon which he relied!"

Arthur couldn't help but grin, typical Gawaine. He had known since he was seven that he would cover his back if needed. He remembered when they were ten, they had found a dead lamb in one of the fields with its mother trying to nudge it back to life. Gawaine had taken off for the farm and the shepherd had arrived, picked up the lamb and dragged the mother back to the lambing sheds. He'd asked the boys to help and they had put her in a pen and he had arrived back on the scene with twin lambs.

"You don't have to stay!" he had said but Gawaine being very brave had wanted to so, Arthur stayed as well.

Joe had skinned the dead lamb; he had then tied equal pieces of the fleece around the twins and placed them in the corner of the ewe's pen. The babies floundered around bleating. The mothering instinct kicked in again and the ewe came over to investigate. She got the scent of her dead baby and licked first one and then the other. She then allowed them to nurse.

Joe said, "Thank you boys, two orphaned lambs saved." Gawaine had accepted the thanks on their behalf and dragged a still slightly shocked Arthur out of the shed.

That night Arthur hadn't been able to sleep, he was reliving all the gruesome details in his mind. Gawaine came over, sat on his bed and said, "Arthur, the lamb was dead nothing its mother could have done would have made it wake up again. Just think how happy she is now to have two healthy babies. You are so obviously a city boy. Do you want me to climb in with you?" There were twin beds in Gawaine's room but sometimes the two of them were just as happy to share.

Arthur came back to the present and realised that Gawaine had always seemed to know just what was needed to be done and he felt slightly better as with Gawaine looking into things, he knew that all was not lost and that Merlin might one day forgive him.

-0-0-

Gawaine went over to Merlin's after the hospital but could get no answer to his pounding on the door. A neighbour came along saying that he shouldn't expect to get any as he had seen the young man in question in a pub up on Carlysle. Gawaine thanked him. He knew the place, rather rough but the beer was good however, not the type of place that he would expect Merlin to go by himself, Costa's maybe but not The Ironman. If he were in the state in which Gawaine thought he might be in, he was asking for trouble.

He could hear Spot mewing on the other side of the door as she had recognized his voice so he said, "I'll be back and hopefully your good-for-nothing master will be with me!"

In no time Gawaine was at the pub, he spied a dishevelled Merlin in the corner staring into a pint but what worried him more were the empty whiskey glasses on his table. He went to the bar and ordered a Guinness. After a mouthful, he walked over, pulling up a chair and sat down. Without looking up a dejected voice said, "That space's taken!"

Gawaine said gruffly, "Not anymore it ain't!" and waited. Nothing! He tried again, "Shame really as a good looking man like you must be lonely. Want company?"

Gawaine laughed to himself as Merlin said, "Get lost!" Not exactly what he would have expected someone to say when being picked up? A rather sanitised version of what Gawaine might have expected which ending in 'off'.

"You look to me like you need somewhere to sleep," Gawaine continued in the same voice. "My place is near 'ere, not great but almost clean and the bed's been well used." For a second, he wondered how he would cope if Merlin swung at him or even agreed to his proposition. But he knew he wouldn't, the only problem was that the deeper he got into the alcohol the less likely he would be able to make a sane judgement and against his will he might be carted off.

He could see that Merlin was annoyed that his space was being invaded so he said, "Had a bad day, eh!" No response, so Gawaine stood saying, "You missed your opportunity…plenty like you around here!" He'd finished his drink so he went back to the bar and ordered another. He sat watching out for Merlin and soon saw a character glance around slyly before approaching his table. He said something and Merlin nodded and the guy went to the bar to get two drinks.

He still hadn't decided what to do when he noticed the chap putting his hand on Merlin's thigh making him jump and spill his drink. He'd had enough. He walked over and tapped the other chap on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, I think there must be some mistake. Get you hand off my boyfriend's thigh and we'll forget that you even did it."

At Gawaine's voice, Merlin looked up and Gawaine could see the pain in his eyes. Knowing that he was towering over the stranger, he said, for the second time that night, "If you insist on bothering him, you might find yourself minus a couple of body parts upon which you rely!"

The man lumbered up saying in a slurred tone, "Should look better after your possessions…" and lurched across the room.

Merlin seemingly unfazed by the situation in which he was, suddenly said, Ga...waine?" and grinned drunkenly.

-0-0-

At last, Gawaine had negotiated the stairs up to Merlin's. Not that the latter had been of any help as he just wanted to babble on about 'my fwend Arfa' and as he didn't seem to be able to talk and walk at the same time, Gawaine had finally told him to shut up and half dragged him along the streets.

Upon reaching the door, Merlin seemed surprised that it was locked. "Closed!" he said with a sigh and a questioning look on his face. "Do we live here?" he asked Gawaine.

"Keys?" said Gawaine trying not to laugh.

"Yes…" said Merlin but made no attempt to produce them. In desperation, Gawaine searched his pockets and came up with a set of keys.

Merlin's eye's lit up and he said, "Surprise!"

Gawaine handed them to him and said, "Open the door!"

There was a lot of fumbling with the keys and finally Gawaine said, "Give them to me!" He unlocked the door and helped Merlin in.

"You're very good at opening doors…did I ever tell you that, Ga…waine?"

Gawaine felt sure that if Arthur had seen him like this he would have smiled. There is nothing enjoyable about a drunk but a drunk Merlin was the exception to the rule. He was still his usually charming self even if he had regressed maybe fifteen years.

"Bed!" He'd announced as he walked into the flat but Gawaine guided him first to the bathroom and then helped him to his bedroom.

Gawaine didn't even try to talk to him, he got him out of his pants and managed to get him onto the bed. He realised that Merlin hadn't drunk that much just that as a non-drinker, the beer and possibly whiskeys had done their job much faster than they would have on Arthur or himself. He handed him a mug of water and insisted, "Drink it all down like a good little boy!" He shook his head as he pulled the duvet over him saying quietly, "Merlin, what are we going to do with you?"

He looked in the fridge and found some cat food and gave the cat a couple of spoonfuls. He also found some cheese and in the cupboard some bread. He made himself a snack, he hadn't eaten since two o'clock and he was hungry. He couldn't find any beer so he settled for a Pepsi.

Turning on the TV, he sat watching a few inane programmes and finally turned it off. Grabbing the throw on the couch, he threw it over himself and went to sleep. He never took sick days but he intended then and there to phone in sick tomorrow and get this mess between Arthur and Merlin straightened out.

-0-0-

Arthur hadn't slept well but managed to get through his morning physio. Every time the door opened or even someone passed the door way, his heart tried to tell his brain that it was Merlin. The Head of Therapy asked to see him to tell him that he was being moved to a room on 6R the rehab floor. He'd still be a patient at St. Swithin's but relocated closer to its rehab facilities.

Arthur's first thought was, 'Merlin won't know where to find me!' He asked, "When?"

Checking the files, the specialist said, "It looks like sometime this p.m. Don't worry about the move, everything in your room will be transferred over here and the nurses on T5 will redirect your visitors to your new room." He glanced at his computer screen before saying, "Your family must be pleased with your progress, you've done exceedingly well in a short time." Arthur just nodded. "Once we get you organised, you will be able to walk from your new room to the therapy rooms. There are railing along all the corridors and I think…" he glanced again at his clipboard,"…that with one assistant you will be able to do just fine. Nice seeing you again, Arthur. It'll be a pleasure to have you on Six."

Arthur wheeled himself out of the office leaving the doctor to wonder why Arthur's file was flagged for 'Restricted Visitors' and 'Special Attention'. None of his business really, he and his staff just had to get him mobile and back to the world outside. He liked the chap as he really worked hard and was determined.

Arthur returned to his room. He had to improve and fast as if Merlin never showed up he intended to track him down and to do so he would have to be walking under his own steam.

-0-0-

Merlin was surprised to wake in the morning to a glass full of water and some paracetamol on his bedside table. He shook his head, causing pain and he tried to remember when he had put them by his bed but he shrugged and took them. He put his feet on the floor with an effort; he hadn't felt this rotten for a long time. 'Damn flu!' he thought to himself. He heaved himself off the bed and felt nauseous. He hung onto the furniture as he wandered towards the bathroom. The door was shut but he just barged in and was surprised to see Gawaine stripped to his waist having a wash.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you to knock, Merlin?" he asked.

Merlin stood wide-eyed, "Gawaine?"

"I hope so," Gawaine said. "How are you feeling?"

"Desperate!" said Merlin and Gawaine moved out of the way of the toilet. "What are you doing here?"

"You don't remember?" Merlin shook his head and wished he hadn't as that damn pain was there again. Gawaine saw him wince and continued, "Did you take the pills?"

"Yes! Was it you who put them there? What happened I don't understand?"

Gawaine towelled himself off and put his sweater back on. "Come on, get something on and I'll tell you over breakfast."

"I won't be eating anything as I think I have the flu."

Gawaine smiled knowingly. Merlin nonetheless finally arrived in the kitchen.

"Sit down, we can't have any conversation on an empty stomach." Gawaine handed him a cereal bowl with a little oatmeal and a half a banana, "It's already eleven o'clock so you can pretend its brunch. Eat what you can but until you eat a proper breakfast, we can't talk seriously about Arthur."

It were as if Gawaine had hit him in the stomach, Merlin hunched over as everything became clear. "I…I went out drinking to forget…"

"Well, it was lucky that I came along as you might have woken in an alleyway or worse in a stranger's bed. Merlin, why didn't you come to me first? We would have been able to figure something out."

"I didn't think that anyone knew that anything had happened." He paused and furrowed his brow before saying, "I guess, I owe Bridie thanks for telling you."

Gawaine took away his bowl and gave him a small portion of scrambled egg on half a muffin. He nodded at him to eat it before he started talking again, "Actually, I visited Arthur last evening and he was in a real state. He asked me to check up on you. Spot was absolutely no use at telling me where you'd gone…" This caused Merlin to smile. "But luckily one of your neighbours had seen you at The Ironman." He shook his head, "Merlin, not the best place to experiment getting drunk by yourself."

Merlin was obviously hungry and the pills had taken away some of his headache. He looked ashamed at causing so much trouble. Suddenly, he said sitting upright as he remembered the mention of brunch, "Gawaine, you're going to be really late for work."

"It's all right, I phoned in sick. Well, you were sick and as I never take days off, it seemed like a plausible reason. Do you want the other half of the muffin?"

Merlin reached for it. Somehow with Gawaine sitting in his kitchen, his life didn't seem so out of control so he said, "I've finished my food can we talk about Arthur now, please?"

Gawaine nodded…


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER 14 : THAT SINKING FEELING**

Graham had mentioned to Arthur that he would miss him as he'd heard that he was being relocated to R6 and would probably no longer need him. Arthur knew that his father had hired Graham and Sheila as his private nurses and that when he had taken over all responsibility for his hospital stay he also held their contracts. So he said, "Has the agency offered you another job?"

Graham said that he had decided he would take a break before putting himself back on the actively seeking employment lists. His wife and he planned to go on a holiday once this contract was up.

"You never mentioned a wife!"

"Well, I didn't intentionally keep her a secret, I guess being married just never came up in the conversation. Her name's Jennifer and she works with autistic children."

Arthur nodded and smiled, for once pleased to be rich he said, "How about a three weeks paid holiday and then you return again as my private nurse? I live alone so when I leave here, I will still need some help and better the devil you know…and all that rot! We get along, so why don't you consider my offer? No hurry, no pressure, talk it over with your wife and you can let me know."

"I'd be only too happy to continue in your employ, Mr. Pendragon."

Arthur laughed, "No need to get all formal, it's still Arthur. Today, you can do me a favour and oversee that all my stuff is transferred to 6R, I don't have much, just my laptop and various paperwork. Nothing too personal but I don't relish the idea of snooping eyes." He was thinking of the photo which Bridie had taken of him and Merlin.

With that, an aide came to escort him to therapy. Arthur was in a much better frame of mind than yesterday, he knew that Gawaine was on the case and he should be getting some news once he'd finished work. He also intended to quiz him about the goings on at work, he might be out of the office but Pendragon Holdings was still his future with or without his father.

-0-0-

As Merlin had finished eating, Gawaine got up poured another cup of tea and waited for Merlin to say something.

"I had been so careful from the very beginning, running things through my mind before saying anything. But we were so relaxed, the day had been almost perfect and without thinking I opened my mouth and my world came crushing down around me. The look on Arthur's face wrung my heart and there was nothing to say or do which could take back what I had said. Arthur looked stricken, shoulders slumped and he told me to leave.

"Luckily, Bridie saw me, honestly Gawaine, I don't think I would have arrived home safely if I had left the hospital immediately. I couldn't get Arthur's face out of my mind. He hates me. It was as if I were his worst enemy and had just delivered the fatal blow. Help me! I can't go on like this…" He put his head in his hands.

"He doesn't hate you as why would he have sent me to check up on you?" said Gawaine, "I think we need to get the two of you in a neutral place and just let you talk it out. Arthur seems to be as upset as you are; I can lead the two of you to water but can't force either of you to drink! It will be your decision where it goes from there."

Merlin feeling better stood up; Arthur had been worried about him. That was good, wasn't it? He said, "I'm ready! Let's go! I feel confident now, but how I will feel by the time I reach T5, is anyone's guess."

Gawaine felt sure that once they saw each other it would work out. Merlin was being the brave one as he had been the recipient of Arthur's anger or was it hurtful disappointment. He said, "You'll be all right. Just be yourself and listen to what he has to say. The worse outcome will be that I will just drown the two of you! Merlin had almost smiled, "However, might I recommend that before we leave, you get dressed. As cute as you look, I hardly think that a dressing gown over underwear is the correct outfit to travel to the hospital," and then he smiled thinking that maybe that might have been the right thing for Merlin to wear.

Merlin glanced down at himself giving a slight grin, "I've seen him in less…!"

Gawaine sat watching TV as Merlin showered and changed. He came out when ready, he looked such a different person than the man he had dragged home and put to bed last night. His eyes were brighter, his head held high, neatly dressed, he looked like a man on a mission. Gawaine thought that if he could have wrapped him in a bubble and just deposited him at Arthur's door everything might work out but he knew that the closer they got to St. Swithin's, doubt would again creep in and his confidence would diminish.

-0-0-

Arthur looked around the room he was going to call his own for the next few weeks.

It was a bright corner room with a double aspect and the hospital had tried to make it less institutionalised. Someone, probably Graham had placed Merlin's plants on one of the sills. There was the regulation hospital bed but it had a colourful throw over it. A couch with a couple of armchairs and pillows to match the bed cover, a television which he intended to upgrade to a larger model the following day, were placed at the end of the room. Studio apartment is wasn't but it was a room suitable for transitioning to home.

There was an ensuite with his toiletries beside the sink. The room resembled more a wet room than a regular bathroom but he was pleased to see a separate shower stall as well as a bath, something which he had not had in a long time. To begin with he had learned to shower seated on a special wheeled shower chair but more recently with Graham in attendance, he had managed to stand as he clung onto the support bars. It had been a big step towards freedom and he had been so proud of himself, even mentioning it to Merlin. The name brought back a flood of memories but he warned himself to stay positive as Gawaine would be coming soon.

There was a small kitchen area with a table and two chairs, a fridge and sink. He checked the lower cupboards and found dishes and cutlery. He guessed that this was also part of his therapy, sitting or possibly standing to prepare a snack and clean up after himself.

His few clothes were in the cupboard and his laptop he knew Graham had probably locked away in one of the drawers.

He wheeled himself over to the window. He looked out and got the same view as the terrace off the sunroom and he smiled. Once, he and Merlin got things straightened out they could hopefully go there again. He made himself comfortable, opened his phone checking for messages and waited.

-0-0-

Merlin got quieter the closer he got to the hospital. It was warm so he and Gawaine had walked. They got to the fifth floor trauma wing which seemed deserted. Gawaine's phone rang and he looked at it saying, "Bridie!"

Merlin nodded and motioned that he would go on ahead. The nurses' station was empty but he could see figures down one of the hallways talking. He continued to Arthur's corridor. The guard was not at his desk but his screen was still on. Merlin walked along to 527 but the door was closed. He tapped on it, no answer so he presumed Arthur was dozing and he walked it.

The sight of the stripped bed did something to not only his heart but his knees. He stumbled back against the doorjamb. He'd heard from his mother that in any hospital situation, an unexpectedly empty bed was frightening for a family member or a visitor. They always assumed the worse. Now, he was experiencing it first hand.

Where was Arthur? What had happened? Thoughts of death and foreboding flashed through his mind. Had he been rushed to surgery? Where was he? Had Uther taken him to another facility against his will? His mind was racing.

Usually, a staff member would have intercepted Merlin or even the guard could have told him that Arthur had been moved but with no one around, he had walked into the empty room. Somewhere in his mind, he heard footsteps but his eyes were riveted to the empty bed.

Bridie had phoned to give Gawaine the heads up that Arthur had been moved to R6 as a room had become available on that floor. Figuring that the nurses would redirect Merlin, Gawaine waited near the lifts for him to reappear. He made arrangements to meet Bridie once he'd seen that Merlin and Arthur were not going to kill each other.

She had laughed saying that Arthur was in a much better frame of mind today and that she didn't think his intervention would be needed.

Gawaine waited and when Merlin didn't appear, he decided to find him. A nurse was at the nurses' station but when questioned she had not seen Merlin. The guard was again on duty but he hadn't seen him either. Seems there had been a situation with a visitor and he had been called to help.

Gawaine noticed that the door to 527 was open so he wandered along the corridor to see if maybe Merlin had been detained by someone. What met his eyes was unexpected. Merlin was leaning against the door jamb, his face frozen in shock and his hands clasped as if he were praying. He put his hand on his shoulder and Merlin jumped.

He turned; saw Gawaine and his face broke, "They have taken him away and I don't know where he is!"

Gawaine put his arms around him and said, "It's all right. He's been moved to the rehab floor…."

"Nobody told me…" he said in tears. He pushed Gawaine away, embarrassed as he was acting like a baby.

"You've had a shock. It's all right. You need to take a few minutes and calm yourself before we go to Arthur, as he'll think I've done something awful to you and I don't want to be a recipient of his anger," Gawaine said with a laugh.

Merlin wiped his eyes on this sleeve and tried to smile, "I was so worried about what kind of a reception I was going to get that I guess I flipped. Awful things went through my head, I blamed myself for upsetting him and thought that maybe his doctor had notified Uther and he had had him moved. But, the worse was that for a second I thought he might have died and I hadn't had the chance to apologise."

Gawaine put his arm around his shoulder and said, "We'll get you something to drink…" then he grinned adding, "…something non-alcoholic!"

Merlin smiled; already the awful tightness in his chest had gone and his legs felt stronger. He had intended to be so strong and now he was a wreck. He decided to give Gawaine's suggestion a chance telling him, "If after fifteen minutes I still feel this way, I am going to postpone seeing Arthur until I am more in control of myself."

Gawaine's face fell.

-0-0-

Gawaine got tea and put some extra sugar in Merlin's, "Now, drink it up, we don't want to keep Arthur waiting. He should be in his new room and getting settled."

"I need to get him something for his room. A plant…"

"I'm sure that they would have moved his plants. Did you notice them in 527?"

Merlin shook his head, "I could only see the empty bed everything else was a blur."

He finished his tea and the biscuit Gawaine had got him. "Now, are we ready to track down this elusive man?" Gawaine asked. Merlin nodded and stood up.

They took the lift to the sixth floor and Gawaine went to the nurses' station and said, "We were told on T5 that Arthur Pendragon has been moved up here."

She glanced at the sheet in front of her and said, "Yes, Mr. Pendragon is on this floor. Your names, please?" They told her and waited as she seemed to check another list. "He's in 638. It's down that hallway and then you turn right and there is a security desk. You will have to check in there."

Gawaine who usually saw something funny in every situation, asked if that was because Mr. Pendragon was showing signs of being rebellious. The nurse had obviously used up all her sense of humour as she just glared at him and pointed the way. Merlin however thought that the idea of Arthur being under strict security funny. He could only take a couple of steps on his own and the thought of his racing around causing mayhem struck him as ridiculous. He laughed out loud and was rewarded with a glare. They both knew that it was to protect Arthur from unwelcome guests.

They got the all-clear at security and walked to the end of the corridor as directed by the person on duty. Sure enough 638 was on the right.

The door was closed over so Gawaine tapped on it and motioned for Merlin to walk in. He was right behind him but he knew that for Arthur, Merlin's arrival was more important.

Arthur looked up and in front of him was the person he had been hoping to see for twenty-four hours. He just said, "Merlin…?"

Merlin nodded and Gawaine gave him a little nudge in the back to propel him further into the room.

Arthur got all flustered as if he thought that Merlin might fly away. He seemed tongue tied but he managed to say, "…you came!"

Shrugging slightly with a little smile, Merlin said, "…I couldn't stay away."

Arthur then nodded at Gawaine who said, "I'm not staying. Bridie has an early supper break and we're going to nip out to Nandos and pick up something. They shouldn't be too busy at this time. Is it safe for me to leave the two of you alone? I don't want to come back and find fur and feathers all over this lovely room."

Merlin moved to behind Arthur's chair as Arthur said, turning to look at Merlin over his shoulder, "No, I think we'll be all right alone…maybe better alone, eh Merlin?"

"Well then, I'll see you later." Gawaine smiled to himself as he left the room, the two of them had a lot to talk about and clearing the air would be easier without an onlooker.

-0-0-

Arthur said, "Would you like to sit on the couch or in the armchair?"

Merlin glanced around at the space and decided that he could get Arthur's chair closer to the couch. "The couch…" he said quietly.

They sat side by side, separated by the arms of both the couch and the wheel chair.

Arthur shifted his chair so that his knees were closer to Merlin's. He took a deep breath and folding his hands in his lap, he looked down at them as if they were suddenly safer to look at than Merlin. He cleared his voice and said softly, "I've been bloody stupid! I realised as soon as you walked out that you had no intention of being malicious. In that instance, I knew that you had said what you did innocently and were not referring to my accident. I guess I'm still a little raw when it comes to someone questioning my driving ability." Merlin went to interrupt but Arthur said, "No, let me continue…

"Realising that you had actually left the room was one of the worse times in my life. I wanted to run after you and hang onto you, but I couldn't." He glanced at Merlin for the first time and said, "I was frustrated, my legs were practically useless and you had walked out the door, shutting it behind you. I got as far as the door but I couldn't manage to open it." Merlin went to say something but Arthur shook his head, "Please hear me out, Merlin!" He waited and Merlin nodded.

"I was in a real mess, I was scared that something might happen to you on your way home and that I would never be able to apologise for being so stupid and telling you to get out…and more importantly that I would never see you again. Merlin, I couldn't bear that. You are like an annoying splinter which has made its way under my skin and there is nothing which I can do to dislodge it."

Merlin said, "Annoying?" with a slight smile. Just sitting next to Arthur, listening to him, seeing him face to face, was healing the pain he had felt when he had been told to get out.

"You know what I mean, not annoying, I don't know maybe bothering," he smiled at Merlin, "…disturbing but in the nicest way. No amount of persuading myself that you don't count, will work. I have trained myself to be independent all my life. I needed no one and I wouldn't let anyone feel that they needed me. I had friends, I enjoyed life but I never let anyone get close enough that they might, should they abandoned me, cause me pain.

"Honestly, I am a mess. Whatever happened to my body seems to have affected my mind. I never used to be so emotional but now everything is so in the present. I hardly think of the future just how I will cope today and then I see you and wish that I had met you when I was my other self. I was active, opinionated and capable and I think lots of fun." He paused and Merlin raised his eyebrows.

Arthur smiled and said, "Well, Gawaine said I was!

"And then I literally wake up one day conscious that I have someone in my life whom I have never met but about whom I feel I know so much…who is undemanding, faithful and understanding…and I realise that I am falling for him. Merlin, I have an awful feeling that you are going to be stuck with me for life!"

Merlin moved closer to the arm of the couch, he placed his hand flat on it within Arthur's grasp not initiating anything.

Arthur placed his hand over Merlin's as he said, "Can we be friends again?"

Shifting himself so that he was now balanced on the couch almost facing Arthur, Merlin smiled and said, "Yes, Arthur I believe we can!"

Merlin was shocked when he realised that tears were streaming down Arthur's face but he just reached forward and brushed them away saying, "The last forty-six hours were the worst in my life. Well, except for when I thought I'd lost Spot but she was hiding on top of the cupboard."

"Forty-six hours, come on Merlin?"

"No, I counted them. I lay in bed not wanting to get up. I figured I didn't need to and that I could go a week without eating," he added as a second thought, "…but I'd have to get up to pee."

Arthur smiled, "There's nothing to you, you'd have wasted away!"

"I have a hidden reserve of fat on my body that would have seen me through."

"Well, I can't see it! You might have ended up in hospital as well…"

Merlin looked serious and suddenly very upset, he sought out Arthur's eyes and said very quietly, "Arthur, I did something really stupid, I thought you didn't want me anymore, I was lonely so I went out to a pub and…"

Arthur's heart clenched, he didn't want to hear Merlin's confession. He couldn't bear it if Merlin were to tell him that he had been with someone else. He couldn't…Merlin was his alone to love, he didn't want to think of anyone else touching him…


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER 15 :** **AND EVERYTHING SEEMED RIGHT**

Suddenly, sitting looking across at Arthur, Merlin became serious, "Arthur, I got drunk!"

Arthur was going to burst out laughing but seeing the worried look on Merlin's face refrained from doing so.

"I did it intentionally as I wanted to get rid of the feelings of being hurt." Arthur didn't interrupt him. "I knew I had to get drunk so I went to a pub and ordered a double whiskey. It was horrible but I knew that if I drank it down, I would feel better. Well, that's what people say, don't they? 'Here, drink this! It will make you feel better…' But it didn't…so I got another then a beer. It was strange, I felt muffled in a blanket but the sad feeling was still there. Then a man came over to ask if the chair opposite me was vacant and he offered to sit with me but I told him to get lost."

Arthur was visualising the mess Merlin had got himself into and was beginning to wonder if the outcome of this story was going to be something which he as having caused it, would live to regret.

"It was warm there so I got another beer. It was strange as the bar seemed to be getting further away from my table. The men were all very friendly…"

Arthur felt himself becoming annoyed; he said under his breath, "I bet they were!" How, could Merlin have been so naive and then he realised that he was equally to blame. He had turned on Merlin telling him to get out.

"The men kept asking me things. Someone asked me to go home with him, something about a well-used bed. I couldn't figure who he was and didn't like what he was talking about. Another man sat and talked to me but I didn't like him as he kept rubbing his hand along my leg. I tried to pull away but it didn't work and then Gawaine arrived…he said that I was his boyfriend. Arthur, that was so funny, I'm not anyone's boyfriend…!" He stopped and looked at Arthur and said, "Well, not really…am I?" But then he continued, "…and Gawaine was going to cut something off him if he didn't go away.

"Then I don't remember much except that Gawaine was with me and I knew it would be all right. I remember being lugged up the stairs and dumped on my bed. I don't think liquor makes you feel better just warm and really confused."

Arthur manoeuvred his chair so that he could put his arm around Merlin's shoulders, "Merlin, I would never have forgiven myself if anything had happened to you. I'm glad Gawaine found you."

"He was so kind, he must have stayed over as he made me breakfast and got something for my headache. He took a day off work. I told him what had happened between us and he said that he knew and that you had asked him to check up on me. I knew I had to come back to apologise for what I had said. I didn't mean it in a nasty way, I would have never done that it was just a phrase but maybe not the best to have used after what had happened…"

"I knew that as soon as you'd left, you hadn't meant it to hurt me," Arthur said, "Because the look on your face was one of utter surprise. I was really feeling sorry for myself but then I realised it was a misunderstanding but it was too late. I think I'm still a little unsure of what happened back in November and rather touchy about the whole situation. I can't believe that Rupert is dead and that one day, I will have to contact his parents."

"Arthur, they know you didn't kill Rupert, he died because that side of the car was hit by the lorry. It was very sad but not something which you should be blaming yourself for. It could have happened when he was going back to town with someone else even his parents. You were both caught in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"But it still hurts, Merlin!" Merlin managed to put his arms around Arthur's waist and held him. Arthur rested his head on Merlin's shoulder. He settled there as if it were the most comfortable place to be and after a little while whispered, "As you are not anyone else's boyfriend, could you think about becoming mine?"

Merlin face lit up into a big smile. He pulled back and looking directly at Arthur saying, "Maybe we should kiss to seal the deal." As he carefully put his lips on Arthur's, Merlin realised that the sooner Arthur's legs were stronger, the sooner he could sit on the sofa and then kissing would be a lot easier.

Arthur decided that Merlin was the best kisser in the world and he would have kept at it but he heard a tap on the door and Gawaine's voice saying, "Anybody home?"

-0-0-

"I guess the lovebirds have made up?"

Merlin smiled and said, "I told Arthur about getting drunk and he wasn't much impressed. Don't think I'll ever do it again as I felt rotten and I know that it wouldn't take much for the headache to return."

Gawaine fished in his pocket for a paracetamol and went to get a glass of water at the sink, "Hey, this is more like it, Arthur; you can cook your own meals and maybe even have an overnight guest." He handed the pills and water to Merlin saying with a wink at Arthur, "If I learnt anything from the Scouts it was 'Be Prepared."

Arthur just shook his head and laughed at him. Merlin knew that he'd missed something but he didn't care, he was happy being with Arthur.

Gawaine looked at the two of them and said, "Is that a sofa bed by any chance?"

"Doubt it but check out the ensuite. Think I'll have one of my bathrooms remodelled as I like the idea of a wet room…we could have communal showers."

"Count me out, communal showers are great after a game but it would feel weird going to someone's house for supper and ending up in the shower…" Realising what he had just said, he came to a full stop.

"Gawaine, some of the stories I've heard about you put communal showering way down on the list of ways to entertain your friends and I would imagine your enemies."

Merlin sat there quite happily listening to the two friends arguing. He heard his name mentioned and came back to the present.

"So, our little friend told you about his drunken escapade at one of those infamous gay bars?"

"Excuse me! I think I may have been a little bit tipsy, I knew what was going on. Didn't I, Arthur?"

"Well," said Gawaine interrupting, "You might have thought you did but the first time I approached you, you didn't know me and told me to get lost."

"I did?"

"Yep! …and to add insult to injury you then let some weirdo sit next to you and I had to save your virtue by threatening him."

Arthur remarked, "Just as you did Randy?" Gawaine grinned at him and nodded.

"Did I really not know who you were? I had been hoping to hear from you all day."

"Well, it might have worked if you had turned on your phone. I rang from midmorning until I decided to come here to see if you had come to visit and then I heard what had happened the previous night. Honestly, I think the two of you deserve each other."

Merlin laughed and said, "Yes!"

"Merlin, he wasn't complimenting us he was being sarcastic."

"Who cares?" said Merlin with a shrug, "I think we deserve each other, don't you?" He looked at Arthur and ran his fingers down his cheek. Arthur smiled and held Merlin's fingers to his lips.

"If you two are going to get soppy, I'm out of here. Anyway, it's nearly supper time, how about Merlin goes downstairs and brings back something to eat and then once supper is over, I can make sure that he arrives safely home.

Once Merlin left, Arthur said, "How bad was that place last night?"

"Well let's just say that in his condition, Merlin wouldn't have woken up at home, more likely in someone else's bed. He's a lightweight, Arthur, and very attractive even when he is, as he calls it tipsy. He had quite a few people eyeing him. As it was, the worse thing that he had as a souvenir was a hangover and hopefully no desire to drink whiskey again."

"I feel awful because I drove him to it."

"No, you didn't. It was a decision he made on his own. If it had been my mother, she would have gone out and bought some cream cakes or chocolates. You can't control his life, he will make mistakes as you will and you will both have to accept each other's failures. I don't think he'll go into a bar alone in a hurry, it was a one off. Next time, he'll be with a group and you'll be able to keep an eye on him and if you get sozzled…then I will take over!"

Arthur smiled, he'd had feelings at one point when he'd come out of the coma finding himself unable to move, that maybe life wasn't worth living, but the stronger he got and with Merlin beside him and Gawaine not too far away, those feelings had never come back. "Thanks for staying with Merlin overnight and today."

"I didn't think twice about it. I don't own the business anything as I'm usually there."

Merlin arrived back with lots of containers and shortly afterwards Arthur's supper tray came as well. They shared off each other's plates, Arthur opting for the chips and Merlin the mashed potatoes. Gawaine made himself a cup of tea and smiled to himself thinking, 'All's well that ends well!'

The time passed quickly and soon Graham came in to give Arthur a hand if he needed, to get ready for bed. The others left and once he knew they were gone, Arthur asked, "How long before I will be able to sit on the couch?"

"Getting on the couch is easy; it's standing up and getting off the couch that is hard. We'll check with your therapist and if she gives you the go ahead, we can practice." Graham smiled saying, "Any particular reason why you want to sit on the couch? Could it be that rather attractive young friend of yours?"

Arthur thought, 'Am I that obvious?' He glanced at the smiling Graham and said unconvincingly, "Maybe!"

-0-0-

Arthur's schedule had been changed so when Merlin arrived in the afternoon he wasn't in his room but in the pool. Merlin removed his outside shoes and slipped on cotton slippers and went over to watch Arthur exercise. He was a good swimmer and certainly at this point more capable in water than on land. He was doing lengths followed by stationary exercises. Merlin smiled at the concentration on his face. He liked the look of a determined Arthur.

He was miles away when something nudged his knee and it was Arthur's wheelchair. Caught in the act, Merlin immediately jumped as in his mind had been in the pool with Arthur doing things which now made him blush.

Arthur raised his eyebrows but said nothing. He laughed, then added quietly, "Liked what you saw, is that it?"

"No! I mean yes, I mean I don't know…" A flustered Merlin was suddenly feeling uncomfortable. His body seemed finely sprung and he felt that if he didn't let off some energy soon he was going to burst. Arthur still had on his swimming trunks but he had a hospital towel around his shoulders. Merlin could still see water droplets on his lower legs and he seemed to glow.

"I just have to go and dry off. Then I have to do a few more exercises before getting back into my sweats. I'd say you could come but visitors are not welcome in the changing area." He winked and raised his eyebrows causing Merlin to almost keel over. Arthur had never spoken to him like this before. It was sexy but endearing at the same time.

Merlin casually stood up as someone called, "Arthur, hurry up they're ready for you. You're holding up our assembly line!"

Arthur laughed and swung his wheel chair around, turning to look at Merlin as he said, "To be continued…"

Merlin was out of there as fast as possible.

Feeling the need to distance himself from Arthur he went to the nearest drink dispenser and got a bottle of water.

He wandered down to the sun room and looked out at a terrace being swept by rain. Slowly he seemed to uncoil and could think clearly. He liked Arthur but he wondered if he were out of his depth already. According to Gawaine, Arthur was a man of the world. He worried that Arthur would soon find him uninteresting. He knew that he could hold his own with him intellectually but after that everything sort of became clouded.

Should he confess that he'd never done more than kiss another boy? He'd been thirteen, it had seemed right at the moment but later he recalled that it had meant nothing to him so, he figured maybe he was destined to be someone whose life would be confined to impassionate hugs from relatives and friends…but then Arthur had kissed him and the feeling had swept him away, it had been electrifying. It had seemed ordained and for his part he knew that he was lost in the world of one Arthur Pendragon.

-0-0-

He checked his watch: Arthur should be back in his room soon. He took the stairs to calm himself down. He'd just reached the fifth floor when Bridie came bustling by with a tray of medications. She smiled saying, "Gawaine said that you two are back on an even footing. That's great…by the way, Arthur's father is in the building he was quite obnoxious but he got no information from us and he went storming off to see the Registrar, he won't get much down there but just to let you know he's around. Maybe stick to the stairs for today."

Merlin nodded, he couldn't face being trapped in a lift with Uther. He automatically flexed his shoulder and put his hand on his collar bone. His energy level dropped and all positive feeling drained from his body. He concentrated on going up the stairs. Should he tell Arthur or would he have been notified? He was a little worried as once he left the stairs; he had quite a way to go before getting to Arthur's room.

He opened the door on R6 and glanced down the hall, nothing seemed to be out of order. He passed a utility room and saw a white lab coat hanging on the wall. For some unexplained reason, he grabbed it slipping it on. He passed the nurses' station without being questioned and made his way towards Arthur's.

He could hear the raised voices as he turned the corner; he sped up in time to see a man being manhandled toward him along the corridor. He froze; no one had to introduce him as he was staring at Arthur's father who was being unceremoniously carted away from Arthur's wing by two large security guards and a policeman.

Merlin stood against the wall as he passed, praying that he would in his white coat just look like a member of staff. Uther was blustering on about the hospital not having the right to keep him from seeing his only son. "They have brainwashed him to say that he doesn't want to see me and if they think they can keep me away, they had better think again…I am a regular contributor to the Hospital Foundation and on best of terms with the Chairman of the Board!" He threatened, "…some heads are going to roll!"

'Hopefully yours!' thought Merlin as he walked towards Arthur room. He was stopped at the door by security who informed him that Mr. Pendragon would be having no visitors until further notice. He caught a glimpse of a doctor as a nurse was tending to someone on the bed. Turning, the doctor saw Merlin and motioned to the guard to let him pass.

Merlin shrugged off the lab coat explaining that he hadn't wanted to be recognised by Mr Pendragon. The doctor and the nurse moved over and Merlin gasped. Arthur had abrasions on his face and a nasty cut done with either a nail or more likely a ring.

"We gave him something to calm him down. He was attacked and when we came in his father was calmly sitting going through his computer and Arthur was on the floor." He said under his breath to no one in particular, "The man's a menace and needs locking up."

"Is Arthur going to be all right?"

"Yes, his arm and possibly his wrist are broken, his face is bashed up but he'll come around. He's a strong individual and this is only a little setback. You can stay with him if you like but he'll be out of it for another hour. Someone will be coming to take him down to X-ray. You can accompany him and stay overnight. The sofa's probably not great but he'll benefit from the company."

Merlin decided then and there that he would after all, file a formal complaint with the police regarding Uther's attack. Yes, he was all healed but in the face of Arthur's current condition, he knew that it was the correct thing to do.

A nurse came with a gurney and Merlin followed Arthur down to A&E, his hand in Arthur's even though he knew he wasn't conscious that it was there. He was sure that Uther was going to come charging out of one of the rooms and attack him but by the time he got downstairs he felt calmer. He sat beside Arthur in a curtained cubicle and waited.

Finally a nurse came in and said, "Family member or friend?"

"Boyfriend," said Merlin without any hesitation.

"Any relative we should notify?"

"No one, who cares…" The nurse raised her eyebrows and he could see her thinking smart-aleck. However, he didn't care, he owed Uther nothing. His allegiance was to Arthur.

They were interrupted by someone with a clipboard who spoke quietly to the nurse who then said to Merlin, "I think we're able to find the rest of the information on his file. Nurse Hythe has been notified." Merlin just nodded.

After what seemed an eternity, the curtain opened and Graham walked in. "I was on supper break and I just heard. Were you there?"

"No, I was in the sunroom and on my way up, bumped into Bridie who told me that Mr. Pendragon was back. I got up to the sixth floor by the stairwell. By the time I got to Arthur's, they were already escorting his father away." He turned and glanced at Arthur, "He's got a nasty cut on his face and they think possibly a broken arm and wrist."

Graham just sighed and shook his head. "Was security at the desk? How in heaven's name did he get through?" He walked over to Arthur and removed the gauze pad on his face. "That's nasty! What is that man's problem?" He reached for another pad and placed in over the cut. "I don't think they will put in stitches but we'll have to wait 'n' see. Are you all right, Merlin?"

"Worried, scared if Arthur's father can get to him in a secure wing what will happen when he is released and wants to return to work?"

At that moment, Arthur stirred and their conversation stopped. He opened his eyes and then closed them again as the bright lights hit them.

Graham said, "Arthur, you're all right. They are just going to check your arm and clean up your face."

"Merlin…?"

"I'm here right beside you," he said lightly squeezing Arthur's good hand.

But Arthur wasn't finished, he said haltingly, "…scared he'd find you. …thought it was you coming… 'You're back, Love!' …felt like my head exploded, tried to get out of way…tried to stand up…knocked me over." Tears were beginning to seep out from between his eyelids, "Said disgusting things …then people came in and someone moved me to the bed." Arthur's voice dropped as he said, "Merlin…I was scared he was going to kill me…"

Graham spoke up, "Arthur, let me see if I can get a doctor to check you face and then we'll see about your arm. Are you in pain?"

"Not if I don't laugh!"

Graham lifted Arthur's top and already there were blue marks beginning to form across his ribcage and hip. "Did you do this when you fell?"

Arthur looked directly at Merlin and said, "No, my father kicked me…"

Graham left and Merlin gently leant his body across Arthur's, he needed to protect him. Arthur smiled at the contact and dozed off again.


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER 16 :** **TRYING TO MOVE AHEAD**

It was a long night. Every time Arthur moved, Merlin was immediately awake. Every time someone was heard in the hall, he was on the alert. Arthur slept through oblivious.

They had reset his arm and by immobilising his left arm and hand, knew that the wrist would heal and that hopefully the hairline fracture in one of his carpal bones would repair itself. An x-ray showed no broken ribs just extensive bruising. They had not sutured his face but used butterfly stitches or steri-strips. Merlin had been told that if the ring had cut Arthur an inch higher it might had damaged his eye. The A&E doctors had made an assault report for the police and for the hospital records. Security would have some explaining to do.

Graham brought him back to R6 and told Merlin that he would be on duty until the morning. He brought a blanket and a pillow into Arthur's room, putting them on the couch, he said, "It won't feel like a The Savoy but you will be close by and if he should wake he will be less likely to worry knowing you are nearby. Let him sleep as it's best for him. He's had a nasty shock. He's also been given something to take away the pain in his ribs. I'll check him every half hour to begin with. I might wake you too but just try to fall asleep again. If he moans in his sleep but then falls quiet that is OK but if he cries out repeatedly, you can talk to him quietly letting him know you're here."

Merlin said, "I don't think, I'll sleep much!" and he didn't.

He woke up stiff and cold. Graham walked in with a heated blanket and threw it over to him. It felt wonderful. It reminded him of how he and Arthur had held hands under a heated blanket. Graham was dealing with Arthur and when Merlin heard his voice he wrapped the blanket around him and went over to the bed.

"Good Morning, Sleeping Beauty! How are you feeling this morning?"

Arthur had gone to laugh and his voice showed the effect of his bruised ribs, "Living…" he had managed to say. "Did you stay over?"

Merlin said, "Yes, and so did Graham. He's been checking you on the hour for the last six hours."

"Thanks, Graham, I'll make it up to you."

"Arthur, I wasn't going to leave you alone with Merlin overnight." He grinned saying cheekily, "You both needed a chaperone."

"Don't you think I should trust him?" Arthur said smiling.

"Well, no between you and me I think he could be quite a handful!"

"I'm right here in case you two have forgotten," Merlin said as he smiled at Arthur and leaned over to give him a little peck on the forehead."

"Surely, you can do better than that…" Arthur said.

"You two settle your differences and I will see if I can waylay something for you to eat Merlin. You," Graham said nodding at Arthur, "Are on liquids until a doctor had checked your face." He turned to leave saying, "Now behave yourselves, the two of you."

He had not even left the room before Merlin had leant forward placing a chaste kiss on Arthur's lips. "I was so worried," he said.

Using his good arm, Arthur pulled him back for another kiss, "You're so lovely and warm, where did you get the blanket?" He slipped his arm under the blanket and Merlin soon realised that Arthur had his hand on his chest.

Merlin got hold of his right hand in his and held it against him and pulling the blanket closer around him. "I'll ask Graham to get you one too, once he comes back."

"I can feel your heartbeat. Isn't it going rather fast?" Arthur teased.

"I wonder why?" said Merlin again claiming his lips. There was a discreet cough at the door and they sprang apart as Dr. Mooney, Arthur's counsellor walked in.

"So, I hear you have been to the wars again, Arthur. How are you?" the doctor said keeping it light as he glanced at his clipboard.

"Feeling better than yesterday…" Arthur lifted his cast and added, "Some lacerations on my face and bruised ribs but I'm raring to go."

"So I see!" said the doctor causing Merlin to blush slightly and Arthur to grin at him.

"I will be coming to see you tomorrow; I think we need to have a little talk, until then, no heavy lifting or racing around… doctor's orders. You may sit in your wheelchair and be wheeled around, do leg exercises but no formal rehab. And you, Young Man," he said turning to Merlin, "Are to see that he follows my orders." He smiled at the two of them and left.

Graham appeared next with the food; Arthur was stuck with juice, a milky portion of Cream of Wheat and some milk.

Once Graham had left, Arthur said, "I hate milk! Merlin, will you drink it for me?"

Merlin checked out his scrambled eggs, grilled tomato slice and three mushrooms. He was hungry having forgotten to have anything after the bottled water around one o'clock the previous afternoon. "All right! But only if you agree to drink an equal amount of water."

"I will but you could also share your eggs."

"Not likely! Well…maybe a teaspoon, as I clearly remember Graham saying you were on a liquid diet."

"Merlin, has anyone ever told you that you are mean…?"

"No, Arthur, I don't believe they have! And insulting me isn't going to make me give you any more of my eggs."

-0-0-

Merlin was feeling tired so Arthur suggested that they go to the sunroom and he could stretch out on one of the recliners, "It will be more comfortable than that couch. You'll feel better after you've had a snooze, I can play on my Ipad."

They made their way upstairs after being asked by the guard on duty where they were going. Arthur mentioned that Dr. Mooney had told him he could go for a little walk, then laughed, as he substituted wheel for walk. The man smiled and nodded checking down the time and their proposed destination as sunroom.

It was nice outside and for a while they sat in the sun until Merlin's yawning really got to Arthur. "Merlin, get on one of the recliners. I'll be all right out here!"

However, Merlin would have no part of it, "I won't leave you outside, you can't manage the wheelchair anymore and Dr. Mooney put me in charge."

"Merlin, where's your adventurous spirit?"

"Not anywhere nearby after what you've been through." That was the first time that Merlin had made a direct reference to what Uther had done. Arthur went silent and Merlin pushed him back through the door to a quiet corner of the room, "Promise me, you'll stay near me."

"Scout's honour!" said Arthur and they both laughed thinking of Gawaine and his always being prepared.

Merlin stretched out in the chair and smiled at Arthur who said, "Sleep tight, Handsome!" Arthur noticed that soon his breathing changed and he was asleep.

-0-0-

Later Arthur looked up and saw Gawaine and waved him over, he walked up behind the wheel chair saying, "The security chap sent me down here." He walked around, saw Merlin asleep and then noticed Arthur's face and finally his cast, "Good God! What happened to you? Did you fall?"

Pointing at Merlin, he put his finger to his lips saying "Ssh!" He added quietly "Shift my chair so I'm facing out and bring another chair over." Gawaine did as he was told.

Arthur started to explain, "I'd been in the pool, Merlin was watching and then he went to get a drink while I got dried and dressed. He was to meet me in my room. I arrived first and was on my computer when Merlin arrived, or I thought he did as without looking I said, 'You're back, Love!' Big mistake as it was my father!

"I don't remember the sequence of events but I was slapped, then my head felt awful, and as I tried to stand up, he pushed me over and I fell awkwardly." He held up his cast to emphasise the point. "He then said some really shitty things about Merlin and me as he kept kicking me."

Arthur took a breath before continuing, "For once in my life, I was really frightened. Heaven's knows, he's done enough to me over the years but I could do nothing to defend myself." His eyes filled with tears as he said, "I was on the floor. I couldn't see him but I knew he was still in the room as I could hear him doing something with my computer.

"I haven't yet told anyone else but he threatened to kill Merlin saying that that would bring me to my senses. I felt completely at a loss, I was lying on the floor unable to get up and he was the winner. God, Gawaine, the number of times I have stood up to him and only words have been exchanged but for that one moment I felt I was ten again and he was so strong and I was a weakling. I felt physically sick..."

He surprised himself that he had even talked about his emotions. He realised that he was no longer the capable strong man he had been He needed someone to care as he was now too weak to cope with it alone. Arthur knew he wanted to share one more thing, insignificant as things go, but he said quietly so that Gawaine almost missed it, "Gawaine, I was so frightened that I wet myself…" Gawaine's arms went around him and he held him, they were kids again, sharing their deepest fears…and humiliations.

"…and I don't remember what happened next but suddenly there were loud voices and hands were lifting me up to put me on the bed and my arm was killing me."

Gawaine was in shock, he had so hoped that all the physical beatings that Arthur had received over the years had finally stopped. He felt his hate for Uther growing to a boiling point. Then he felt Arthur's hand on his as he made him promise never to tell Merlin what Uther had said. Gawaine agreed to keeping the secret but he added, "Arthur, you know that you will have to tell someone about what he said. I think it's too important to keep it between ourselves."

"Not right now!"

"All right, not today but soon before it's too late…"

Arthur looked at Gawaine frightened to realise that he was serious. He also thought that Merlin was in real danger.

Merlin, who would never hurt a fly, who captured spiders to release them outside, who saw only the good in people; Merlin, the best thing that had ever happened to him, was certainly no match for his father. That had already been proven.

He decided that after discussing it with Dr. Mooney, he would notify the police of Uther's not so idle threat.

-0-0-

They talked quietly together, Arthur telling him of having contacted Nigel Brooks. "I gave him all the information I could about Merlin's dismissal and now it will just take time to sort through things. I know Merlin will never agree to work there again but I would like to see him get a settlement for wrongful dismissal. Nigel also knows about that first attack and threats on Merlin so that should be worth something."

"But Merlin hasn't agreed to following through with the injury complaint, has he?"

"Not yet, but I intend to persuade him. Everything is well documented and all he has to do is agree and the wheels will be put in motion. How was work today?"

"Same as usual. Didn't hear anything worth talking about although I did see Mrs. Pritchard talking to Lord Allenby and she certainly wasn't looking too happy as they walked into her office. Why do you think your father came back here when he was told in no uncertain terms he was not welcome?"

"I gather from what I've heard that he was in the General Offices trying to get information from the Registrar and he later made reference to that fact that he was a friend of the Chairman who happens to be the one and same Lord Allenby. It seems he was pretty upset…"

"Not as upset as he'll be if I run into him!" said Gawaine quietly.

"Please, Gawaine, let it be settled in court. I don't intend to take this lying down…" He smiled wistfully as he added, "Well, maybe sitting down for the time being. I intend to go back to work and show him that nothing he says or does will chase me away from the company. It's my inheritance and I intend to be involved with it."

"All right, I'll mind my manners. However, I promise you that when you come back, you'll have a group of us that you can count on. The others will stand by you. Anyway, no need to worry about work right now, everything is in hand and running smoothly, a good contract just came in from the group in the Czech Republic and that hotel group in the Azures has joined us as well. Just think, you will have plenty of places to go on business and take Merlin along to enjoy yourselves. I can highly recommend Prague."

Merlin stirred at that moment, stretching and rubbing his eyes saying, "Umm! Arthur, was I asleep for long?"

Checking his arm with the cast for his watch, he said, "Oops!" He then checked the time on his Ipad, before turning to him saying, "Just over an hour and a half." Turning back to Gawaine he added, "Merlin is tired and a little worse for wear as he stayed over!"

Gawaine laughed as Merlin said quickly, "Arthur, that's giving the wrong impression."

"Well, he had to sleep on the couch in my room, guess it wasn't that comfortable!"

"Gawaine, it wasn't only the couch but every time he moved, I had to raise my head to see that he was all right, then I would just begin to doze and Graham would come in to check on him. A very eventful night! Anyway, tonight I will have to pacify Spot as although she has lots of dry food available, I'm sure that she missed my company!"

"And what about me?" Arthur said in a plaintive voice.

"Maybe, Gawaine would like to stay over but I know that Graham will be here as he went home to sleep but said that he would be back."

"Guess it will have to be Graham as I'm used to him and he's very capable in manoeuvring me around. Did you know that he's married? His wife works with children. I'm keeping him on once I go home, at least just for a little while. I should be mobile by then but better to be on the safe side."

Merlin said, "I'd feel safer if you had a squadron of personal protection agents with you 24-7…"

"Ah yes, but that might prove a little difficult as three's a crowd and Graham is, you must agree, at least discreet."

Gawaine nudged Merlin in the arm and said, "Your life is being mapped out for you as we speak."

Merlin laughed and looked at Arthur. As true as that might be, it was nice that someone thought enough about him that they had plans for his future.

-0-0-

Spot was all over him when he arrived home. She was quite vocal showing that she really hadn't appreciated having to spend the previous night all alone. There was still plenty of water in her bowl and lots of dry food. Once he'd served her some wet cat food, she was more forgiving.

First he had a shower and then went about getting supper. As he ate, he phoned his mother brining her up to date on the latest with Arthur's father and was a little shocked when his mother said, "Merlin, look after yourself, I worry about that man!"

"He's not my favourite character either. However, we'll just have to trust that the hospital security is more on their toes, but he's obviously determined."

"Well, tell Arthur to look after himself and don't do anything foolhardy yourself. Let security do its job."

"I promise and you look after yourself as well. Love you, Mum!"

He curled up on the sofa to watch the late news. Spot decided to join him hoping for treats but all she got were kind words and a cuddle. He knew he was really tired so putting his dishes in the sink for tomorrow, he went into his room and got into bed determined to have a good night sleep.

But he didn't, as his mind wouldn't slow down. He made a list of things he had to do, he needed to talk to the police about his complaint and he needed to keep Arthur's spirits up. He really needed to have a private conversation with Gawaine and he was glad that Graham would be continuing to be with Arthur even after he got home.

-0-0-

Dr. Mooney came in to see Arthur around eleven o'clock. He'd already had his shower and done some exercises while reclining on the bed. His side still ached a little but he felt on the whole more positive than yesterday. One of the doctor's had checked his face and said that it was coming along nicely. Around his eye felt tender but the doctor had assured him that that was just the bruising.

"I know you have had a hard time of it recently. However, you are progressing well with your therapy and the muscles are building and getting stronger every day. But…you have had a few setbacks emotionally? Would you like to talk about it?"

Arthur wanted to laugh, but he guessed that what he had gone through recently compared to his accident was minor even if emotional.

"Why don't you start by telling me what you remember of your father's unfortunate visit?"

Arthur gave a run down of the events and was frequently prompted by the doctor saying, "…and how did you feel by that remark?"

Finally Arthur told the doctor of his father's unkind remarks about Merlin and his friendship.

"And how did that make you feel?"

"Well, if I hadn't been sprawled on the floor unable to get up I would have had a few choice words for him but by the time he'd finished kicking me, I just wanted everything to stop and for him to go away."

"Have you and your father had problems before this?"

Arthur explained that growing up had been rather difficult and that he had only really felt safe at school or at his best friend's place during the holidays. "Everyone thought he was a wonderful father as he showered me with gifts, but that was usually following an incident when I had been hurt. Any member of the staff who tried to interfere was summarily dismissed. I can remember pleading with our housekeeper not to get involved as she was kind to me and I didn't want her to be fired as well."

The doctor continued to ask questions while Arthur answered. He felt better getting it all off his chest but he still clung to his father's last words about Merlin.

Doctor Mooney went to leave saying that he felt only admiration for the way Arthur had managed and warned him against keeping everything bottled up. "You must talk to your friends about how they feel. I certainly know that Merlin would do anything within his power to help you." He glanced back at Arthur and immediately knew that there was something he wanted to say.

He closed the door and returned to sitting beside the bed. Sitting down, he glanced at the notes which he had received from Graham when Arthur had first spoken about the attack. He finally looked up saying, "Keeping something to yourself which you should openly admit only makes the matter worse. What is it, Arthur?"


	17. Chapter 17

**CHAPTER 17 :** **BABY STEPS**

Dr. Mooney again repeated, "What is it, Arthur?"

Arthur clenched one fist, finally relaxing enough to say, "My father threatened to kill Merlin. His exact words were, 'I warn you, I will kill that man and that should bring you to your senses.' He is not exactly overjoyed with the lifestyle I have chosen. The really frightening thing is that I think he might do it. He's already attacked him once when I was on T5. I've experienced him in a rage and Merlin would be no match for him."

"Have you told the police?"

"No, I don't want them scaring Merlin, he doesn't even know. The only person who knows beside you is my friend Gawaine."

"I think it should be mentioned to the police in the light of the two previous attacks. Sooner or later Merlin will get wind of it and I think he will take it better if he is told by you. Isn't that what you would want if the shoe were on the other foot?"

Arthur nodded but didn't commit himself. How do you say to someone special, by the way my father blames you for my being gay and he is going to kill you to see if that will make me straight again. He wouldn't blame Merlin if he just up and left…who in their right mind would want to have a boyfriend whose father was an obvious mental case with homicidal tendencies?

"Think about it, Arthur, you know Merlin best and it will be easier for him if he hears it from you than from some chap at a police station. I will check over all the facts from security and what you have told me and also get someone to do a little digging on previous behaviour to see if maybe you father has a record for such threats. This is not something that will just go away; you need to be active in laying complaints with the right people.

"I'm going to prescribe a sleeping medication to ensure that you sleep," he smiled as he added, "…so you don't spend the whole night worrying. Also something for the daytime, to be used only if you think you need it. It will just take the edge off things and allow you to think more clearly. You have had a lot to deal with and it in no way reflects on you as a weakness if you need a little help.

"I'm going to leave you now but will be back the day after tomorrow, by then I want you to have told Merlin and we'll plan the next step together."

So saying, the doctor left.

-0-0-

A while later, Graham walked in saying, "It's a beautiful day and you need to get out of this room. Jennifer is working in the hospital today and I think you might be interested in seeing the work done in the Autism Clinic. I spoke to Merlin and he said that he will be in at lunchtime so I think the two of you should have lunch at one of the food outlets in the main building." Arthur's eyes lit up so Graham added, "Costa's, Prête, McDonald's but by the number of Costa cups in your room, I'm sure you're well aware of that."

"Well, Costa is Merlin's favourite and he told me that he really can't pass one without getting a Chai Latte. It's strange but I have never been anywhere with him that is outside the confines of the hospital."

Graham made sure that he was comfortable in his chair and said, "That will come. You'll be gallivanting all over London on your own two feet, that is if you keep up your exercises. Ready?" Arthur nodded. "Well, let's get this mini excursion under way!" he said.

Arthur knew that Graham as his nurse was privy to Doctor Mooney's added medications but he said nothing to him and Arthur was just happy to keep it that way.

Deep down, he blamed himself; feeling embarrassed that he couldn't cope and wondered if it were entirely his fault. Doctor Mooney hadn't said that but he couldn't help wondering if he was the problem and then he remembered that his father was the cause of all this recent trouble and he stopped blaming himself.

-0-0-

Arthur enjoyed being away from his floor. The Clinic he visited was interesting and he was impressed to see that other classes dealt with teenagers and adults with autism. He met Jennifer who was introduced to him as Dr. Barnet, she laughed easily and explained that was her professional name but as she linked her arm into Graham's, said that she was still Mrs Hythe at heart.

Arthur liked her, she was only too happy to explain her work and how she spent so many hours a month at the hospital but usually worked at an autism-specific school and was very interested in TEACCH (Treatment and Education of Autistic and Related Communication Handicapped Children). She then left to return to her patients.

Arthur and Graham watched a video for visitors and saw some of the classrooms where the students were working. It was noisy and reminded Arthur of his own primary school except that there were many teacher aids. There was a lot of one-on-one teaching and everything was said directly to each child as the teacher tried to get his undivided attention.

Suddenly Graham said, "Well, if you want to meet up with your boyfriend we should leave."

Later Arthur would have lots of questions to ask Graham but for now, he was happy to be seeing Merlin. He spied him sitting at a table with his IPad and once again he couldn't stop his heart from reacting. Graham pushed him across the area and Merlin saw them and stood up with a huge smile.

When Arthur reached him, he gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and said, "We'll have to stop meeting like this!"

Arthur beamed.

"I'm handing my charge over to you, Merlin. Don't get yourselves into any trouble but should anything happen just call security." He nodded at Arthur and left.

Arthur's heart dropped but Merlin seemed oblivious to the cloud on the horizon and said, "Well, I've already had one Latte but I intend to have another for lunch. Do you know what you want?"

It was interesting sitting and watching all the other people having lunch. Once they had finished, Merlin said, "Anywhere else you would like to go, Sire?" He bowed slightly and said, "I am at your beck and call."

Arthur smiled then became serious as he said, "Merlin, there's a chapel with a quiet room on the next floor. Could we go there as I'd like a little chat just you and me?"

They made there way and Arthur was pleased to see that it was deserted. Merlin knelt down, made the sign of the cross and said a few prayers. He then turned to Arthur saying, "I said an extra prayer for you."

Arthur smiled as his prayer had been, 'Dear God, give me the strength to tell him without frightening him too much!'

"I think we should go to the quiet room as other people might like to come and pray and we might disturb their prayers."

Merlin sat in one of the easy chairs after having manoeuvred Arthur's chair as close to him as he could. He looked at Arthur's serious face and his heart dropped. He knew that it had been too good to be true and that Arthur was now going to tell him that he really didn't need his friendship anymore.

Seeing the panicked look on Merlin's face, Arthur leant forward and ran the back of his fingers down his cheek and took his two hands in his one good one. He gave him a little smile, "Merlin, what I am going to say has really nothing to do with the two of us. I love you as much today as I did yesterday. You don't have to worry about that."

Merlin breathed a sigh of relief so Arthur continued, "Something happened the day before yesterday when my father came." Arthur took a deep breath, "You know that he doesn't approve of my going out with a man," Merlin nodded wide-eyed. "Well, he said some pretty disgusting things about us and…"

"Arthur, the day he attacked me he called me a faggot, I didn't want to upset you but I did tell my mother, she is worried about us."

"That is what I want to talk about. My father got really carried away and he said that he felt that if you were dead, I would revert to being straight."

Merlin's eyes grew around as saucers, "He said that to you, Arthur? I don't think it works that way…" he purposely left out the scary part about being dead. He suddenly felt sick, Uther could be anywhere, he could be watching them at this very minute. He would never be able to protect Arthur from him. He pulled his hands away from Arthur's and sat up straight.

Arthur reading the pulling away as Merlin's decision not to have anything more to do with him, got upset, "I knew I shouldn't have told you but Dr. Mooney said that it was better you heard it from me than someone else. I didn't want to tell you as I knew you would get upset and decide I wasn't worth the trouble."

Staring at him, Merlin realised that that was what Arthur thought. He was so wrong but how was he going to convince him of that. He reached for Arthur's hand again and kissed his knuckles, "You are so important in my life. I would willingly die to save you…well, maybe not be killed by your father but I would jump into the ocean or run into a burning house if you were caught. Now tell me verbatim, what he said."

Arthur did so and Merlin's face fell. It sounded to him like a death threat and it was frightening. Arthur held his hand saying, "It might be nothing as he's always been a bully and when he can't win an argument he turns to threats. I have been advised to tell the police and I think that would be the right move. What do you think?"

Merlin nodded, "I think you have to. I have also decided to press assault charges against him for what he did when he broke my collarbone. I wasn't going to but when I saw that he had beaten you up for the second time, I changed my mind. I spoke to the police this morning. Who else knows about what he said?"

"I told Gawaine yesterday and made him promise not to tell you. He also thought that I should tell the police. Honestly, Merlin, I can't see him going through with it but…"

"All right, we're going to report it but I can't let it rule my life. We have things to look forward to and one is getting you back into physio."

Arthur said softly, "I asked Graham how hard it would be to sit on the couch in my room and he said the sitting is easy, it's the standing and transferring back to my chair that is hard."

"Well, let's make that out next project. I would love to cuddle with you on the couch, Mr. Pendragon!" He laughed, "You know what? When I first came to visit, I always said that to you, 'Good Evening, Mr. Pendragon! It's Merlin to visit you.' Gawaine heard me once and said that you'd have a fit as out of work you only ever answered to Arthur. Glad he told me as you might never have woken up!"

Arthur smiled and levered himself unsteadily with one arm, Merlin anticipated the movement and leant forward and kissed him. 'I could do this forever!' thought Arthur but then his arm felt weak and he had to lean back again, so he said, "Merlin Emrys, you are the best thing which has ever happened to me and I look forward to spending my future with you!"

Merlin blushed then looking at his watch saying, "If we don't get back to your floor soon, the nurses will think that I have absconded with you!"

"Sounds rather promising…" Arthur said.

Merlin spun the wheelchair around and leant forward, dropping a kiss on his head.

-0-0-

Arthur got the go ahead to return to physio for leg work but he was hampered by the cast and was not allowed in the pool. His bruises were fading and in himself he felt fine. He was determined to work so hard that even with his cast they might consider allowing him to be an outpatient. The work had already begun on changing his extra bathroom into a wet room. Ellie and Tom had been in to visit and were able to give him an update on the work being done in the house. She had made him feel better as she mentioned that they had both noticed a great improvement in his demeanour since their first visit weeks ago.

The police were notified and the following day, two came to visit while Merlin was there. The officer taking the information was impressed that he had so much backup documentation. He said grimly, "This should make our job a little easier."

Arthur said, "I have notified the hospital of my intention to file a complaint with you and they have agreed to release any security reports as requested."

"When do you think Mr. Pendragon will be notified of the complaint?" Merlin asked. He felt safer in the hospital with Arthur than he did walking home and he had begun looking over his shoulders to see if he was being followed. Even his flat no longer felt a safe refuge as he was suddenly wary of strange sounds and other tenants' footsteps in the hallway.

The policewoman explained that everything took time but it would be at their senior officers' discretion. She smiled kindly, promising that everything would be done to get a solution as soon as possible. The first officer asked if there was anything else they would like to add and when Arthur shook his head, they put away their note pads, picked up the file Arthur had made for them and left.

Merlin breathed a sigh of relief. The two complaints had been filed separately but as the aggressor was the same person they would ultimately be linked.

Merlin looked at Arthur and gave him a sad smile, "I'm sorry it came to this. I know it is upsetting…"

"But not as upsetting as seeing you hurt. Merlin, if he walked in here now, I would quite happily take him on to defend you. Can I say something without your getting on your high horse?"

"Go ahead! I'll try to contain my wild side."

"I think you should check with your doctor about maybe getting a mild sleeping pill. You look tired and I don't like the way you jump at the slightest sound. Please consider it…"

Merlin nodded but he knew he wouldn't. Should he take a sleeping pill, he might miss the sound of someone trying to get into his place and then he'd be done for.

Arthur was worried about him. He was beginning to get dark circles under his eyes. He had to work harder at his physio so that he would get out of this dam place sooner. He had to be there to save Merlin should his father decide to do anything stupid.

-0-0-

Nigel Brooke's had been working away on Merlin's behalf. He had not met him but he had the necessary information provided by Arthur. There certainly seemed to be an unclear reason for dismissal as none of the company reports substantiated the fact that internal reorganisation had called for cancellation of positions. Nigel was convinced that it was just an excuse to get Mr. Emrys out of the company. The fact the Mr. Pendragon had previously offered Mr. Emrys money to stop seeing his son was also important and he had an affidavit from Mr. Emrys as proof. He wanted to settle the case without referring to that but should he not be able to; he would put it on the table. He needed to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Mr. Pendragon's actions had been personally motivated and contrary to acceptable business practises. He would be demanding that the company pay his client retribution.

Arthur was pleased to hear from him and although he warned that it might take time he was glad to hear that Nigel was involved and with his superior had drafted an official letter which would be sent to his father stating the facts and calling his bluff. Merlin would be copied as would Arthur with a blind copy. He was beginning to feel vindicated in that Merlin would be treated justly and that his company would have done the correct thing.

The first inkling that something was fishy was a personal note from Mr. Uther Pendragon to Nigel stating that Mr. Merlin Emrys was being fired for insubordination but that Mr. Pendragon had graciously changed that, wanting him to be able to be re-employed without a blemish on his record. Therefore, Mr. Pendragon himself had changed the dismissal to termination without cause.

Mr. Pendragon also mentioned that felt that it was noble of him to do that as it also assured that Mr. Emrys would be paid for an additional month's wages.

Nigel shook his head thinking, 'Maybe it would have been nobler if you had just keep your own personal feeling out of your adult son's life." That handwritten note would come back to bite Mr. Pendragon as he had stepped outside his position and made a personal unsubstantiated decision. He thought, 'You might have got away with that in the good old days but not any longer, Uther!'

He felt quite positive that Merlin would be handed a healthy cheque for compensation and that the matter probably wouldn't reach the courts. Uther would fold and Nigel would have the satisfaction of being able to repay Arthur for his kindness to him in the past.

-0-0-

Later that day, Arthur explained how the situation was progressing. "I don't think that you will be going to court about it as it should be settled as an internal matter. I have no intention of suggesting that you demand a judge's decision; I would like to see it settled quickly. Does that seem fair, Merlin? It will be your final decision as basically you are Nigel's client and he is working on your behalf."

"I would like the whole thing to be settled quietly and without further fuss. I certainly, don't want to sit across a table from your father but I do feel that he should be held responsible for what he did, even if it is only at a Board Meeting. I'm not really a sackcloth and ashes type person."

Arthur grinned both at the thought of seeing his father standing outside a church in sackcloth and ashes, as well as Merlin's ability to forgive.

"I'll tell you one thing though, "Once we are out of here, the first time we have dinner together in a restaurant will be courtesy of your father's generosity! But more seriously, how did physio go this morning?"

"Well, things are looking up. My legs are getting stronger by the day and I managed to climb three steps with the help of a bar and an assistant. My cast was checked and everything is OK. Maybe another three weeks and it can be removed then I will need therapy for that as well. Honestly, Merlin, my life is just one long doctor's appointment!"

Merlin slipped to his knees in front of Arthur's chair and said cheekily, "With lots of Merlin time thrown in…" this caused Arthur to grin and he lowered his head, taking Merlin's chin in his good hand he kissed him gently at first but then with more passion.

Merlin responded before finally pulled away for air, saying, "To hell with therapy, I think we need to increase our 'Merlin time' don't you?"

Smiling at him, Arthur wondered if Merlin really understood the extent of his love for him. As far as he was concerned, he had brought him out of a coma and had supported him ever since. He loved him there was no question about that but was he ready to go beyond kisses? He wanted more and he was sure that Merlin probably felt the same way. He said, "I can't wait to get you somewhere where we can lock the door and be on our own…"


	18. Chapter 18

**CHAPTER 18 :** **PROGRESS WITH** **A KISS AND A CUDDLE**

Arthur's saying, '…a locked door and on their own!' made Merlin smile at the same time feeling a little uncomfortable. He trusted Arthur but he was so scared that if they progressed any further without his explaining that he would be out of his depth, Arthur might say, 'For heaven's sake, Merlin, what's wrong with you, he needed to have that talk before they got further along in the relationship. On one side was the fact that he had never been with anyone and Gawaine's references to Arthur being a man of the world was on the other. He had decided that if they were sitting side by side on the couch, it might have been a good place to discuss things. However, Uther had put a kibosh on that by breaking Arthur's arm, bruising him and putting an advance in his therapy on hold.

Merlin wasn't stupid, he had a good idea of what Arthur might want to do, he blushed but trusted Arthur and wasn't against it but he felt that he had to make himself clear before that.

Arthur suddenly said, "Merlin!" Getting no response, he tried again, "Earth to Merlin! Are you there?"

Merlin blinked and came back to earth, he'd been miles away.

"You don't have to stay on your knees all day, come on get up!" Arthur liked the feel of arms resting on his knees but he knew that Merlin's knees must be getting uncomfortable. Merlin shuffled to his feet grinning. Just being with Arthur made him happy and when Arthur smiled he was likely to mirror it immediately.

-0-0-

Arthur had seen Dr. Mooney that morning and brought him up to date on the police situation. He would see him again in two weeks or before that if he felt he needed to. It was good being able to talk to someone about the mess his life had suddenly become. He relished Merlin's company more than anything but recently Merlin had been hinting that he needed to find a job if only to keep Spot in cat food.

They'd had a long discussion and Arthur had once again offered to look after him financially until he was on his feet. "I have a solution but I know before I say it that the chances that you will agree are pretty slim."

Merlin had said, "Go ahead, I'm all ears and it won't cost me anything to hear you out, will it?"

Arthur had explained that his house was empty. "I would be happy for you to move in. The house would look occupied and I'd know that you were safe. Ellie and Tom are in the lower flat but you won't have to deal with them. One day, you're going to move in, aren't you? Well then, why couldn't you do it now? You told me that your lease was coming up this month." Merlin went to speak but Arthur said, "Don't say anything now think about it."

Merlin knew that should their friendship continue, Arthur would ask him to move in but that would be when Arthur lived there. He'd feel strange living there by himself. He'd never been in the place however, he had one day walked down to see what it was like and he was surprised. He liked the area with the park in the centre of the square, the window boxes and the little ornamental trees on the upper storeys. Nonetheless, the house looked huge certainly too big for one person.

No, he couldn't move there just yet. He looked over at Arthur and smiled, "It's very tempting…but not alone. If the time comes that we consider moving in together, I want to do it with you as a couple. Do you mind?"

"No, it's just that I thought you might as well make use of it…"

Merlin knew that Arthur was disappointed that he'd refused his offer. To lighten the situation Merlin laughed, made a grandiose gesture of encompassing Arthur's room and said, "Arthur, I'd rather move in here with you!"

-0-0-

About a week later, they were sitting on the terrace off the sunroom and were interrupted by Arthur's phone. He said, "Now what?" He took the call and then he raised his eyebrows grinning at Merlin. "Thank you, Nigel! Yes, he's here, I'll tell him immediately." He put the phone back down on his lap.

"So tell me!" Merlin said, "I can't take the suspense…"

"My father has upon second thought decided that his actions regarding your dismissal were premature. He has sent you in Nigel's care, a letter of apology and a cheque."

Merlin was shocked that something about which he had worried so much had come to such a swift conclusion. He sighed, "Well, that's a weight off my mind!" He ran his fingers through his hair and said seriously, "Do you think that he has been approached by the police yet?"

"Honestly, don't know but I think you should deposit the cheque quickly in case in the light of the police visit, he changes his mind. Merlin, you deserved the settlement and more importantly, he now has acknowledged that he was in the wrong and the fact that he had an ulterior motive made it even worse. We should celebrate…how about a trip downstairs after my whirlpool session and we can pretend we're on a date."

Merlin laughed, "You're on! I could park you at the table and then wander around and pretend we had arranged to meet there. On second thought, not such a great idea as some other bloke might come along and you might decide to have a date with him instead."

"As if that's going to happen!"

"Not even if he was stunningly handsome with fabulous features…and…and a body that would put Michelangelo's David to shame."

Arthur laughed as he said, "You, My Dear Friend, have just described yourself …"

Merlin burst out laughing. He wheeled Arthur to therapy and sat watching. He could see that he had certainly become more flexible, you could see the definition of the muscles on his calves as he walking up the stairs. He turned and waved to Merlin when he had completed the exercise; Merlin could tell that the therapist wasn't impressed but he had grinned back anyway.

Arthur then had to spend time in the whirlpool. Merlin had smiled when he had seen him as he was wearing a sleeve of plastic on his left arm; it covered it completely, from his fingertips right up to his shoulder and protected his cast. It reminded him of what a vet might wear if he were doing internals on horses or cows. Merlin could only stay in specific areas and the immediate area around the whirlpool was out of bounds, shame really as once a therapist supervised Arthur's leg exercises; he was left alone to continue them for another fifteen minutes.

Finally, he reappeared in his sweats and Merlin stood up going over to get him. "What did you think of me on the stairs? Pretty good, eh!" Arthur said.

"I could really see an improvement. You'll soon be running up them. I loved your outfit for the whirlpool; it reminded me of a vet."

Arthur had grinned, "A vet…?" adding confidentially, "That was my condom!"

Merlin had burst out laughing and had received a disapproving look from one of the therapists who was trying with a helper to move a rather stout man from his wheelchair onto the exercise table. He said, "Sorry!" He knew that the only reason he was allowed in that department was because as an able bodied man, he could deliver Arthur there, releasing one of the workers to help another patient.

They made their way to the food court with Merlin chuckling every now and again.

-0-0-

The daily routines seemed to pass quickly. No further news had been received from the police. However, one morning Graham arrived to tell Arthur that he would be having his cast off that afternoon. Arthur was thrilled, he had managed to keep it dry but it was itchy and he would love to be able to get back in the pool and learn how to negotiate a couch.

He'd been working hard at rising from a sitting position using only his legs, sometimes they rebelled but it was getting easier as the days passed.

Merlin had trouble realising that the man whom he had first seen lying in a coma was the same man whom he was watching walking in physio assisted with only a cane. Agreed, he couldn't go long distances yet but he was able to walk. His spirits were great and the more effort he put into his exercises, the closer he was to being released.

Wednesday, he had an appointment with the Chief of Therapy and he'd been told that he was recommending a move to a private rehabilitation centre affiliated to them but in a country location. This would allow him to take exercise outside and work on everyday challenges. At first, Arthur had wanted to refuse as he felt safe at St. Swithin's, knowing the routine and the staff. However, the doctor had listed the pros and cons and said that his progress showed that he no longer needed the hospital milieu. He needed Arthur's decision within twenty-four hours.

Arthur's one thought was Merlin. He would have to travel miles to visit him. He was feeling very sorry for himself when he came back to his room. Merlin was there and saw that he was upset.

He said, "What's up?"

Arthur murmured, "Nothing…!"

"Arthur, how long have I known you…six months? I know you better than you know yourself." He smiled kindly and sat beside him taking his hand, "…and when I say, 'What's up?' I expect a truthful answer."

"They want me to move." Arthur then repeated the specialist's conversation and waited for Merlin to respond.

"But that is great, it's the next step to getting home! It'll be fun, we'll be able to walk in the gardens and maybe even go to the local shops."

"You'd come with me?"

"Of course, I can pitch a tent in the gardens and be with you as much as I am now."

Arthur had to laugh at Merlin's positive attitude. "I have a prospectus if you would like to see it."

Merlin looked at it. He was impressed. It was a former manor house with modern additions built to reflect the original architecture. The gardens were beautiful and there was even an outdoor Olympic-sized heated pool which he knew Arthur would love. He continued glancing at the list of facilities and saw a reference to limited accommodation for visitors. "Arthur, it even says here that guests are invited to stay over.

"…and look it has private roads on the property, maybe you could start driving again?" Merlin felt Arthur stiffen and he said quietly, "Well, not immediately but in a little while…"

"Merlin, I never thought to ask you, do you have a license? I know you don't have a car but can you drive?"

"Can I drive? Let me tell you, I used to help the local milkman during the holidays when I was nine and he let me drive his little electric van. …and even if I say it myself, I was good at it and then my mother decided I should take driving lessons when they were offered through school and I'm a regular Lewis Hamilton. My mother has a Mini and I actually enjoy driving it. Why?"

"Nothing, I just wondered if you could drive." The wheels were spinning in Arthur's head, if he was going to be outside the city why couldn't he have one of his cars there too and a chauffeur to boot.

Arthur decided to make the move to Nonsuch Manor Rehab and the doctor's receptionist later notified him that she would start the transfer process and would contact him once she heard back from them.

Merlin had done a little checking on his own and googled the site. He was impressed until he went further into the site and saw the fees and charges. The guest accommodation costs were exorbitant. A single room with ensuite was ₤125 per night including food and a parking space. Merlin was shocked, he still wanted to accompany Arthur however; maybe he could find a local Bed and Breakfast at a more reasonable rate. He would discuss it with Arthur, once the move was finalised.

-0-0-

The next day, they both received phone calls that their complaints against Uther Pendragon had been filed. Mr. Pendragon would be notified of the complaints and officers would be visiting him. Merlin had asked what the chances of his having a case against Mr Pendragon and the officer had said that the documented medical condition made the charge of an aggravated assault legitimate. He was unwilling to say more.

Midmorning Merlin walked into Arthur's room to find him showering while Graham sat reading on the couch. The door to the wet room was open and Merlin could hear Arthur singing in the shower. Graham laughed and said, "It's better if someone is here, he deserves privacy but he knows that I am here should he need me."

"He's coming along quickly now, isn't he. I can't believe how energetically he does the stairs in therapy. He also walked half way back to the lift once he was finished his session yesterday."

"He's ready to be a little more independent but accidents can happen when people overexert themselves so he will still need to have someone on call. Has he set a date for his move to Nonsuch?"

"No, he is waiting for confirmation that he will be going there. They said he'd be in by the weekend however, the guest accommodation at the rehab centre is rather expensive and limited so we'll see about my staying there."

"Merlin, he'll do better if you are there. He's progressed well but I think he needs someone he knows and trusts with him."

"Maybe they have reduced weekly guest rates if you vacate your room over the weekend when I would think that the majority of visitors come. Well, I don't mind staying in a B&B if it will save money."

Graham nodded and he wondered if Merlin actually knew how much Arthur was worth in his own right. Then he decided that he must as he had worked for the same firm.

"Arthur is even talking about having a bit of a get-together for his friends, Gawaine is going to organise it at one of the local hotels and Arthur will be able to attend. I really want him to be able to walk unassisted into the room even if we have the wheelchair as a backup."

"Do you know any of them?" Graham asked.

"Well, only through Gawaine. They seem a nice bunch and very sports inclined especially football. It will do Arthur good to see them all away from the hospital. I'm going to keep an eye on him as he is quite competitive and the next thing they will be kicking a ball around and Arthur will want to have a go too."

Graham laughed as Gawaine had one day, entertained him with all the things that Arthur and their friends had got up to during the 2010 World Cup in South Africa. Gawaine had said, 'Can't see us going to Qatar but who knows maybe the location will be changed in the face of all the bad publicity.'

"Graham?" Arthur called from the wet room and Graham immediately changed into work mode.

"I'm right here! Just stand still…I'm coming, hang on!"

Merlin walked over to the door and he heard Arthur say, "Damned towel, I got dried and then it fell on the floor and I don't think I can step over it." He breathed a sigh of relief and then realised that Arthur couldn't have leant over to get it unless he had something to hang onto as he might have tipped over as his balance wasn't what it had been. It was improving and he could pick something up off a chair but any lower than that he knew his limitations and wisely asked for help.

-0-0-

In early Spring, Gawaine had been going on about Arthur's wonderful athletic ability and one evening Merlin had gone to Gawaine's place for dinner and he'd played a couple of DVD's of Arthur on the university sport's team. Merlin had watched and something inexplicable had happened and tears had started to run down his cheeks and in the end he was staring at the screen but sobbing unable to see the picture anymore.

Gawaine had put his arm around him and said, "Merlin, don't cry for what was, look forward to what will be. You'll see our Arthur will one day be on a sports field running and shooting at the goal." He smiled continuing, "Maybe he won't be professional calibre but he'll be enjoying himself, maybe we'll even get you out there as well."

Merlin managed a smile and wiped away the tears, "Don't tell Arthur I cried when I saw him. It just suddenly brought home how devastating the affects of the accident had been."

"You've been through a lot..."

Merlin shook his head, "Gawaine, I've been through nothing compared to Arthur."

"But you have as you've been there continually and have experienced the stress associated with visiting someone you love in hospital. People who are caring for family members or loved ones often need to stand back to get their own lives in order. Exhaustion creeps in and that is why they have respite care. If you ever need an evening off let me know and I'll make sure I'll be there for Arthur."

Merlin smiled sadly saying, "Thank you but I know deep down that I need to be with him even more than he maybe needs me to be there."

"No, Merlin, he needs you…believe me!"

He came back to the present as Arthur walked into the room. His hair was still damp and his face was flushed. He stood in front of the couch and with Graham at his elbow turned himself in position and lowered himself down. He patted the cushion beside him and said, "Merlin, would you like to join me?"

Merlin was grinning from ear to ear; Arthur was sitting on the couch. True, he had pillows at his back and was sitting on a wooden slatted form but he was sitting on the couch.

Graham smiled saying, "You have fifteen minutes in that position and then I will be back." He grinned at Merlin saying, "Page me if you need me before then." He turned and left the room closing the door.

Merlin sat down beside Arthur afraid that he would unbalance him but Arthur said, "Merlin, I'm not going to break. My muscles are warm from the shower and I was damned determined I was going to sit on this couch."

Merlin slid close to him and felt the warmth of Arthur's body next to his. He turned and looked at Arthur and then carefully placed a chaste kiss on his lips. Of course, Arthur had to retaliate less than chastely and in no time they were breathless. Arthur slipped his hand along Merlin's shoulders and Merlin cuddled into him, placing his head on Arthur's chest as Arthur wrapped his other arm around him. They stayed like that awhile until Merlin broke the mood by saying, "Arthur, I can hear your heart…and feel its thump in my fingertips."

"I jolly well hope so as if not, we'd have a slightly bigger problem than my inability to walk."

Merlin cuddled even closer to Arthur, he smelt of lemon hair shampoo and sports soap. "You smell luscious!"

"Well, I've been called sweaty and even refreshing before but never luscious." Arthur then started kissing Merlin's ear, in no time Merlin felt that his brain was playing tricks as he was certain that he could feel the sensation in his stomach. He turned and lifting his head slightly claimed Arthur's lips again.

Arthur whispered, "I could stay here forever!"

Merlin smiled and sitting up decided to place a line of kisses down Arthur's neck…then suddenly, there was a tap on the door and Graham's voice saying, "May I come in, time to see if you can get off that couch…"

Arthur had time to run his fingers tentatively along Merlin's leg before Graham walked in, wedging the door open.


	19. Chapter 19

**CHAPTER 19:** **GOING UP IN THE WORLD**

Arthur gave Merlin a list of clothes that he felt he would need at the new rehab place Nonsuch. He sent him with Gawaine to collect them from his place. Ellie would let them in and have suitcases ready.

Merlin was shocked at how large the house was. At the top of the white marble and black chequered steps was the red door with compulsory brass knob, knocker and kick plate.

The entrance hall had four doors off it and a large staircase. Gawaine was in his element as tour guide, he motioned to two reception rooms and a dining room. "The kitchen is down that hallway but we'll go upstairs first. There are three bedrooms, two with ensuites. Arthur keeps the third room as his office." Gawaine started up the stairs, "Next floor up there are three more small rooms, one has gym equipment and the others are just guest rooms that share one bathroom. Here's Arthur's room."

Merlin paused on the doorstep; this room might mean something to him in the future. It was large with a walk in wardrobe, Merlin pulled out his list and handed it to Gawaine. In no time, he was rifling through slacks and sweaters. He passed some to Ellie who had joined them. She soon had a large suitcase packed. As Gawaine rifled through Arthur's clothes Merlin stood back and looked around him. The room was lovely with a fireplace, a huge bed, a little table with two armchairs in the large window and a rather comfy couch. The views out the large casement windows were of trees and the park so different from his rental unit which had a view of a brick wall and on the other side, a back alley. The ensuite rivalled any advert which he had seen on TV. He smiled remembering that Arthur also wanted to have a wet room as at St. Swithin's.

Ellie smiled pleasantly at Merlin saying, "Mr. Pendragon asked me to show you around." Merlin froze; Arthur's father lived here as well?

Gawaine noticed his uneasiness and said, "It's all right, Mrs. Tanner means Arthur not his father! I'll finish up here; you go and see the place as I'm sure Arthur will want to know what you thought of it when you get back to him."

Therefore, Merlin went off with Mrs. Tanner who in no time assured him that he should call her Ellie. He found her affable and easy to get along with.

The house on the other hand was a different matter. It was huge and well beyond what he had ever imagined being able to afford. He had to say it its favour, it was well proportioned and beautifully furnished. The room he felt most comfortable in was Arthur's office which seemed to personify Arthur from the photos on the walls to the football on his desk. He would have been happy to have stayed there looking at all the framed photos of Arthur's school and university days. Gawaine and his other friends were in a most of them.

They passed one door and Ellen explained that they were remodelling this bathroom into a wet room. Merlin nodded adding that Arthur was very impressed with the one in rehab. Then he smiled, "Well, at least there will be no bath to clean and all the water should finally make its way down the floor drain."

Ellie smiled, she could see why Mr. Arthur had chosen this young man to be one of his friends. She often worried about his spending so much time alone. He deserved to have a happy life after what he'd gone through as a child. She'd known the family for years as her sister had been hired to look after the young Master Arthur in his family home. Not that it merited being called that as it had been a sad place for the young lad.

Finally, Gawaine reappeared, "I left the suitcases open on the bed, Ellie, if you see something that you think he will need, add it. All the jackets and pants are hanging to one side of the wardrobe. He'll only need one pair of dress shoes as I think he is safer in trainers and joggers, don't you Merlin?" Merlin agreed as Gawaine continued, "Once Arthur gets the actual transfer date, Tom's driving them to Surrey, isn't he?"

Ellie nodded, "…and possibly Mr. Arthur as well, if he thinks he can manage in the car."

Merlin was impressed with how easily Gawaine talked to Arthur's staff but then again he probably had staff at his parent's home. He would love to show his mother Arthur's house, she'd think she'd died and gone to heaven!

-0-0-

Arthur convinced Merlin that he should give up his flat as if he was going to be in Surrey, it was silly paying rent. Actually that worked out well as the landlord had someone interested in the place within hours so Merlin didn't need to mess around with subletting. He could move out immediately with the landlord's blessing as he wanted to repaint it before the next tenant moved in.

Gawaine had insisted that Merlin spend the next few days with him and had opening his flat to the little spotted cat as well. Merlin packed his meagre belongings and his only pieces of furniture, a bed, good armchair and an antique desk. Arthur had offered to have Tom come and take them to his place. Merlin had agreed with reservations as he felt that it was a bit premature to be moving his furniture into Arthur's.

Tom had been enamoured by Spot and he had mentioned her to Ellie with the result that Ellie had told Merlin that if he ever needed a cat sitter she would be only too happy to offer her home. In the end, he had taken up her offer knowing that Spot would have more company when he went away. He thought the cat if left with Gawaine would have spent most of the time alone as he was so often at Bridie's. He knew he would have taken good care of her but it was still an imposition. Ellie on the other hand seemed to think it was a treat having a cat to stay.

He took her over one day and Ellie showed him where Spot would be living and how she would to begin with, take her out into the garden on a leash until she was used to the place. The garden although not massive was surrounded by ten foot stone walls and Merlin knew that Spot would be safe and settle in quite happily. For heaven's sake, he would have settled in there quite happily.

When he had told him that, Arthur had laughed saying, "Told you so, that house is calling to have its own Merlin!"

Arthur had been thrilled that he'd given up his flat and accepted that Merlin would be spending time at Gawaine's. He'd given Gawaine the ultimatum that if he so much as smiled at Merlin the wrong way, he would no longer consider him a friend. Gawaine had taken it in the manner in which it had been delivered and smiled saying, "Shucks, Arthur, I guess that means no cuddling on the sofa….but, do we really have to have separate beds?"

Arthur had laughed and thrown a hoodie at him as although Merlin liked Gawaine, he was quite safe in the knowledge that Merlin's heart belonged to him.

A representative from the Nonsuch team had personally visited Arthur in London to further explain the facilities and ask if there was anything special that he would require while there. They could offer room service should Arthur prefer not to eat in the dining room, as well as special diets and daily maid service. There was also a question as to whether he would be accompanied by his own manservant or a private nurse.

Arthur had smiled; he knew that the special service was because he had chosen the top accommodation that they had to offer. The cost for the room and board was way over what he would consider paying in a five-star hotel but he knew what he wanted. The fact that it was available had easily convinced him that after spending months on his back, he deserved to be treated like royalty. The insurance would be paying a percentage of the cost with the extra being paid out of his own pocket. If Merlin ever got wind of how much the stay was going to cost, Arthur would explain it as a Christmas present to himself, well-deserved albeit belated.

There was a delay in Arthur's relocation to Nonsuch. He was ready to go but at the other end there was a problem due to a death in the family of the man who was moving out. The St. Swithin's end was annoyed but the new place contacted Arthur by phone and explained apologetically that they could take him immediately but not if he still wanted the accommodation of his choice.

Arthur decided to wait.

-0-0-

Merlin had moved in with Gawaine and he had one niggling thought, so he said on the first evening, "I hope I won't be cramping your style."

"What style? It's been very quiet around here recently!"

"But what about Bridie?"

"Well, I've been spending more time at her place, and that, My Dear Merlin," Gawaine had said with a wink and a pat on the back, "… is why it has been very quiet around here."

Arthur had again offered his house. Although Merlin felt quite comfortable with the housekeeper Ellie and her husband Tom, he felt that he would prefer to have the police charges against Uther settled before antagonising him even further should he hear that he had moved into his son's vacant home. He would not admit it outright but Uther frightened him. He smiled recalling one of his mother's favourite idioms, 'Once bitten, twice shy!'

He often wondered how such an insufferable man could have anyone as nice as Arthur as his son. Then he remembered another proverb, 'Like father, like son!' Merlin just prayed that Arthur had not received Uther's questionable traits but deep down he knew it was a possibility.

Arthur never spoke about his mother but Merlin was sure that her personality was more apparent in Arthur, who was thoughtful, loving and truthful. There was no nastiness in him and he was not spiteful or a bully. He was open-hearted and kind and Merlin knew that he could never have loved a man who resembled Uther.

He wondered if it were possible that all Uther's negative traits had been learned and not inherited. Arthur didn't know his grandparents so he wouldn't be able to help but Merlin thought he might do a little research on them. Not immediately but before he committed himself completely to Arthur.

He didn't know much about his own father, just that he had been a doctor, whom his mother had met at the hospital. He had been an only child whom his mother had truly loved. His parents were both dead but she spoke of them fondly. She could never have loved a nasty person so he just accepted that his father had been a real gentleman and he was happy to be his son.

-0-0-

At last, the day arrived when Arthur was discharged from St. Swithin's, the head of the Therapy department dropped by to wish him all the best and Arthur for a moment wondered how much his father had given to the hospital trying to hush up his disruptive outbursts. However, the man seemed genuine and congratulated Merlin on being an important part of Arthur's recuperation.

Tom brought the car around making sure that the passenger's seat was back as far as possible and Graham supervised Arthur's transfer from his wheelchair to the car. Merlin sat in the back and breathed a sigh of relief as the car pulled away from the hospital. Graham was taking a month's holiday so he waved them off.

The trip would take not more than one hour depending on the traffic getting out of London. It was decided that should Arthur need to stretch his legs, they would stop at a pub for lunch as it was a nice day and they could probably sit outside.

As it was it was Merlin who wanted to stop as he decided Arthur needed a break and they should have a light meal before arriving at Nonsuch.

"I can just phone for room service, if I get hungry," Arthur insisted.

"Well, I am hungry now and I'm sure Tom would like a pint and something before he turns around to drive home."

They pulled over at a little pub/restaurant called The Thatch which served a light lunch. There was a garden beside it and once Arthur was in his chair, Tom pushed him towards it. Merlin went inside to order. He returned with three pints. Arthur brightened up as it was the first one he'd had since his accident. Merlin said, "It's OK, I checked with Graham and he said the medication that you're on is safe as long as you don't get carried away."

The food when it arrived was very good and Merlin decided that it would be worth remembering the place if Arthur got bored staying at Nonsuch. His weekends would be therapy-free and there was a possibility he would want to return home but nothing had been decided and Merlin was happy to go along with whatever he wanted to do.

Once safely packed into the car, they continued to the rehab centre. Merlin was impressed it was more attractive than even its photographs. They drove to the building marked office but were redirected to the front door as Arthur would be a resident. While Tom unloaded the luggage Merlin helped Arthur out of the car. Tom came around with his wheelchair which he refused to use.

"Merlin, if you are beside me I can walk from here."

"...and the stairs?"

"I can manage them, I want to arrive as I intend to continue but you could pass me my walking stick," he added to Tom.

Merlin knew that once Arthur was determined to do something, there would be no persuading him otherwise. It was maybe ten strides along a level path and then three wide but shallow stairs. Arthur took the stick and resting hardly any weight on Merlin's arm, they reached the steps. As he did so, the door was opened and a gentleman stepped out saying, "Welcome, Mr. Pendragon, we hope that your stay with us will be beneficial." A younger man walked out and took the cases off Tom.

"Arthur turned saying, "Thank-you, Tom, tell Ellie that we arrived in fine form and see that the other car arrives by Wednesday."

Tom nodded saying, "Very well, Sir!"

Merlin looked at Arthur, "What other car?"

"Nothing to worry about, just an idea I had. Let's get on in."

The entry hall was expensive looking and Merlin felt that maybe he should have removed his shoes. A lift took Arthur up one flight. The gentleman who had introduced himself as Harris asked if Arthur wished to use his wheelchair.

"I'm capable of standing without any trouble. Maybe, once I leave the lift."

"Well, Sir, as you have our corner suite there is a little walk; I think that would make sense."

Arthur asked Harris how long he had been at Nonsuch and Harris told him that he had been a butler in London but his gentleman had died and ten years ago, he had decided to accept the position here as house manager. "Anything you want that is not related to your therapy programme, I am the man to see."

They passed quite a few doors and Merlin was intrigued that each room had a name as well as a discreet number in the upper left corner…Belvoir, Cardigan and Muchlock being a few of them. At the end of the corridor, the hallway opened up and there was a staircase complete with an oak table and flower arrangement and it was opposite there that Harris stopped.

"You, Sir, are in the Tintagel Suite. The luggage will be up shortly." He unlocked the door and stood aside for Arthur and Merlin to enter. Merlin's eyes opened wide, this was better than any hotel he had ever seen. There was a small hallway, leading to a sitting room, with huge windows overlooking the parkland. He smiled at Arthur and nodded.

Arthur face broke out into a big grin, "It reaches your expectations, Merlin?"

He swung the chair around and thanked Harris slipping him a fiver.

"But no, Sir, that is not necessary…"

"Please..." said Arthur, "I might turn out to be a very difficult resident."

"I doubt that, Sir!" said Harris seriously as he pocketed the money and left the room.

"Let's explore!" Arthur said.

"Did you see the name of the suite, Tintagel, quite appropriate isn't it?"

Arthur just shook his head at him saying with a laugh, "You might think I have only eyes for your body but, Merlin, your mind is as intriguing!"

Laughing Merlin said, "Do you think the guest rooms are also named? Maybe mine will by Camelot?"

Arthur said nothing but if Merlin had turned around he would have seen a little smile on his face.

They had got no further than the living area with its recessed kitchen when there was a knock at the door and the second man from downstairs came in with both Arthur's and Merlin's luggage on a hotel trolley.

Merlin went to say something about his luggage but Arthur stopped him saying, "Thank you, we can sort it out from here." The man placed the suitcases on the floor, nodded and left closing the door quietly behind him.

Going over to get Arthur's suitcases, Merlin was stopped by Arthur's saying, "I thought you wanted to explore, we can see to those later."

The bedroom which occupied the corner of the building had multiple windows, it was in Merlin's mind, fantastic. There was a king-sized bed, with decorative pillows and a thick wool throw. Merlin walked over and sat on it and found the mattress firm and then he saw the buttons and realised it was a hospital bed. He grinned at Arthur before saying, "…all tarted up to suit the room!"

Everything was of superior quality from the bedside lamps to the window curtains. Arthur felt quite at home, it reminded him of the family house in the country, without the dread that at any moment his father might charge in.

The ensuite was a wet room and there was a walk in closet/dressing room. There was still another door and Arthur wheeled toward it and Merlin leant over to open it. It was another bedroom, so he said, "Arthur, you will be able to have guests."

"I don't think I want to share my suite with guests, what do you think?"

"Well, Gawaine would love to come, I'm sure." He walked into the room. It was small but well equipped. There was a door which opening into the dressing room, "Arthur you could get lost in this place."

In the distance, Merlin could hear what sounded like a gong; he looked up at Arthur and started to giggle…

Arthur grinned looking at his watch said, "Afternoon tea!"

By then Merlin had lost it and was rolling around on the bed in the little room, "Arthur, you have to be kidding, a gong to alert residents that afternoon tea is being served in the conservatory? It's like Downton!"

"On the desk is a list of all the mealtimes but I don't want to get cleaned up and go to dinner. I'll order room service for two."

"Maybe I should go down to the office and find out which room I'm in."

Arthur shook his head, "I wouldn't bother as you're already there."

"No, Arthur, I remember that the guest accommodation is in the new wing."

"It might be but once I heard that this suite had a manservant's room I knew it was meant for us. If you would prefer to sleep elsewhere I am sure it can be arranged."

Merlin looked at Arthur in astonishment, "I can stay here, with you?"

"I ran it by Gawaine and he thought that it was an excellent idea but in Gawaine fashion added that when he came over the weekend, he wanted the man-servant's room for himself and you would have to share my bed." Merlin blushed but felt that maybe on a cold stormy night it would be nice to share with Arthur and listen to the rain pelting the windowpanes. "However, I told him that that was a little premature as the room was yours and yours alone."


	20. Chapter 20

**CHAPTER 20 : MERRILY WE ROLL ALONG**

Arthur was tired; it had been a busy day. He had been worrying about getting back into a car. To begin with in the stop and go traffic it hadn't been difficult but once the traffic speeded up he began to feel differently.

Once he was on the highway, he closed his eyes when Tom passed semis. He felt a hand on his shoulder and grasped it. Merlin knew how he felt. He said quietly, "Should we pull over at next exit?"

Tom turned his head saying, "It's not any trouble, Arthur."

Arthur shook his head but Merlin had already decided that they would take the next exit and take a break at the next suitable pub.

Later Merlin mentioned the drive while they were having room service in Arthur's suite, "Did it get better as the time went by?"

"A little... I knew that Tom was driving a little more slowly than usual. I was fine in town but once the lorries were on the road, I felt strange. Not that I remember much about the accident just knowing that we were hit by one was enough."

"Maybe we could get Tom to come back and we could drive around on quieter roads until you feel more comfortable."

Arthur crossed his fingers as he said, "Maybe, but I would like to wait for a few days, until I get into my routine here."

Merlin nodded, before adding, "This is fantastic ice-cream. Never had ginger before!"

Arthur loved how the simplest things made Merlin happy, "We can have it every night, if you want."

Licking his spoon and grinning, Merlin said, "I don't think that my mother would approve." He put his spoon down and pushed himself away from the table. "That was an excellent meal. Do you want to watch some TV or are you ready to turn in? You'll have a big day tomorrow."

Arthur was noncommittal. He pushed away from the table and walked to the window. In the distance, he could see the lights of a village as well as what he guessed were the security lights around the main gateway. He wondered if someone was living in the lodge.

He didn't broach the subject of sharing the bed. He knew Merlin wasn't ready but then again, neither was he. It was too soon in their relationship and he wasn't going to jeopardise it by jumping the gun.

He turned back to Merlin saying, "Yes, I am tired. Hope your bed will be comfy." He glanced towards the papers on the table and said, "I have to be downstairs by ten." He moved towards Merlin and put his arms on his shoulders, "Merlin, for as long as we are together, promise me, we will never go to bed angry with each other. Each night, I will expect a kiss and a hug."

"Me too!" Merlin said smiling and wrapped his arms around Arthur, pulling him closer to him, "One only? Or can I have two or maybe three?"

"Hundreds..." said Arthur as he titled his head up towards Merlin's lips.

-0-0-

Merlin loved his little room and had on the whole slept well. He had kept an ear open in case Arthur needed him. They had both slept right through until seven o'clock. He got up and made his way across the hall to the main bathroom, as only Arthur's room had an ensuite. He chuckled to himself as he walked into a rather up-grade bathroom and thought, 'Beggars can't be choosers!' He was soon ready. He had been tiptoeing around as he didn't want to wake Arthur but he then heard him and knew that he was awake.

He tapped gently on the door and said, "Morning, Arthur. Hope I didn't disturb you. Do you need a hand?"

"That would be great, I'm always a little stiff in the mornings and it makes everything a little harder to do. If you could pass me my cane, I intend to walk to the bathroom."

Merlin knelt by the bed putting Arthur's feet into his slippers, passed him the cane and stood at his side with his hand cupping his elbow. "All right, one, two, three!" Arthur was standing upright… He walked beside him to the wet room, offering to get the shower to the right temperature.

"You know, I think I'll shower after my exercises. You could get my shaving things ready I think I left them on the dresser." He noticed Merlin's worried face, "Don't worry, this room is set up for handicapped souls, look at all the hand grips. If I get in a mess I'll just stay where I am." Arthur disappeared into the toilet area and Merlin left him alone.

He knew he was worrying but he hoped he wasn't being too fussy. Graham had taken everything in stride but some of this was new to him. He heard a tap at the door and realised it was breakfast ordered the previous night. He called out, "Arthur, I'm going to get the breakfast trays, are you OK?"

A muffled, "Stop worrying, Merlin!" came from the other room.

Merlin went into the hallway and saw the two trays on a little table beside the door, suddenly he felt hungry. He put them in the little dining area and grabbing the toiletries made his way back to Arthur who had advanced to standing in front of the sink, glaring at the mirror.

"Should I shave?"

"It's up to you! I liked you with a few days growth when you were in a coma. Why don't you let it grow for a couple of days, then decide?"

"It might tickle…"Arthur said with a sly grin.

"I don't know, I've never let mine go for more than a couple of days but it didn't bother me."

This time grinning broadly, Arthur again repeated, "It might tickle…you!"

Merlin finally realised what he meant and laughed, "Arthur, I can assure you a minor tickle is not going to interfere with my kissing you! Why don't we eat first and then you can get washed and ready? The breakfast is here and your initial interview isn't until ten o'clock. We can go down early and you can get an idea of the general layout of the place." He removed the covers off the plates.

The two of them sat comfortably on the couch and ate off their trays. "…and we don't even have to do the dishes," laughed Merlin.

"Well, don't get to used to it as once we're home, we'll have to do our own dishes."

Merlin felt warmth spread through his body at Arthur's use of the phrase 'once we're home'.

By half past nine, Arthur was ready. Merlin insisted that they use the wheelchair until they got to the lift. "You don't want to arrive downstairs huffing and puffing like a steam train."

For that smart-aleck remark, Merlin received a punch in the arm. He gave a fake yelp and Arthur said, "Aww, Didums! Do you need a kiss to make it better?"

Merlin laughed but found himself in Arthur's arms so he said, "Yes, I think that ought to do it."

Suddenly, Merlin realised that the time was passing and he stole a glance at his watch, it was now quarter to ten, "Arthur, enough, as if we don't make a move now, they will be sending someone to find you and you'd be found giving mouth-to-mouth to your unworthy manservant!"

Arthur manoeuvred himself away from him laughing and sat in the wheelchair. "Should we lock our door?"

"Don't know what the policy is? Maybe I could find out while you see Dr. Whoever."

By ten, they had got to the exercise area and were waiting for the therapist. She seemed most capable, very strong and Merlin had visions of the excruciating things she might do to him if he were in Arthur's position. However, she was very nice and after explaining it would take about an hour for her to go through all the paperwork with Arthur, she suggested that one of the carers give Merlin a tour of the facilities.

-0-0-

Merlin was given a whirlwind tour. It was quite busy and some areas were out of bounds to visitors. There were observation rooms over both the pool and gym but that according to the carer was a far as Merlin would be able to go. "Do you work for him?" she asked.

Merlin said that he had been with him since shortly after the accident.

She took that to mean in an official capacity and said, "It's hard work isn't it? Practically twenty-four hours at some point…!"

Merlin just nodded, he wasn't going to lie. He thought, 'Yes, I'd be quite happy to take care of Arthur, twenty four seven.' He felt the heat in his cheeks.

His guide didn't notice as she just kept chattering away, "Mind you there are some perks, the wages are good and if the client is well-off, the accommodation is usually very agreeable. Are you from this area of the country? You know we get patients, oops I'm supposed to call them residents, from as far away as Edinburgh...nice man but the music he played was always bagpipes and we all got tired of that quickly.

"Now we are back where we started," she stood and whirled around, "The main reception and offices are down there and the dining room and library are in the other direction. What suite is your employer in?"

Merlin almost blurted out Tintagel but he bit his tongue and said he wasn't sure as they had only arrived yesterday. He knew that he didn't want their personal information broadcast to anyone who wanted to listen. "You could answer one question though, do the residents keep their rooms locked?"

"Well, it depends upon their stage of recovery. If they are ambulatory and have private carers, the door are often locked. Housekeepers all have master keys. Not to worry as if you get locked out Mr. Harris, can always if necessary break down the door!" She laughed thinking she was hilarious.

Merlin smiled and said, "Thank you so much for the tour. You have been very helpful."

"Any time, I'm always around…Tina by the way."

Merlin nodded and said formally, "Thank you Tina." If she noticed that he had omitted his own name she never let on and disappeared into one of the doors marked Staff Only. He sat in a chair in the hall way, took out his iPhone and waited.

-0-0-

Arthur soon appeared. It had taken longer than expected and he said that he was hungry and he had heard that there was a resident's cafeteria in the basement.

"Why don't you use the chair as a walker? If we go back towards reception, there must be a lift."

Arthur agreed saying, "I am scheduled to do whirlpool treatment this afternoon around two but first Dr. Smaltzer wants me to have a little something to eat and then take a walk around the circuit behind this building. By the sounds of it, I will be spending a fair amount of time walking and she even mentioned jogging on one of the machines in the gym."

Merlin's first retort was to say, 'Well, don't fall over' but then he remembered when he was on the school swim team someone had unkindly said, 'I hope you don't drown!' Instead he said, "Great, I enjoy walking we can do it together."

Arthur looked at him and said, "Well, Merlin, I certainly don't intend to do it all by myself." He glanced over his shoulder and seeing that no one was there, stretched over and placed a kiss on Merlin's cheek.

Merlin said, "I think we will have to be careful as the girl who showed me around was a real gossip. Don't want to blow my position as manservant, do I?"

"Manservant…as if!" Arthur said with a grin.

-0-0-

The cafeteria was bright and cheerful. They then found the circuit and Arthur did make it three-quarters of the way around by pushing the wheelchair. However, by the last quarter, he was really tired and let Merlin wheel him the rest of the way. His coordination had improved and but he was still not one hundred percent stable on his feet. "That was harder than I thought. I've a long way to go."

"You did really well. Do you now go back to the pool area?"

"No, I have to return to my room and change. Seems in the wardrobe there are dressing robes and the residents wear them to go to and from their rooms."

"Sounds like a spa," Merlin added.

"Merlin, what do you know about spas?"

"I do watch TV, you know! I even read, and I've been to movies." They reached the door to their suite and Merlin opened it, "We can lock it when we're not here as the housekeeping staff will have a key."

He walked into the dressing room and sure enough in a cupboard there was a rather expensive looking cream dressing gown. "Here it is…looks really posh."

"You can borrow it when we're lounging around in the evenings as Ellie packed one for me."

Merlin rubbed his face against the plush material and decided he would probably take Arthur up on that offer.

-0-0-

Arthur was soon caught up in his exercise routines and everyday, he walked further and further unassisted on the track. Merlin always accompanied him and they talked their heads off together. They had no secrets and each day learned more about each other.

The lap pool was another success and Dr. Smaltzer decided that Arthur would benefit from friendly competition. When she heard that his friend Merlin had competed in university, she decided to invite him to use the pool but only on weekdays so that no visiting weekend guests felt that the pool facilities were also for them and their children.

Merlin one afternoon upon return to his room found on his bed, one of the rehab centre's spa dressing gown. He slipped it on and went into Arthur who was sitting by the window. "How about this?" he asked.

"Told you that you could borrow it, it looks good on you but more importantly, what do you have on underneath?"

"It's actually mine, it was on the end of my bed when we came back and…." He flashed Arthur who was disappointed to see that he was fully clothed, "Wonder why they decided to give one to me too."

Arthur said, "Mentioned in passing to Dr. Smaltzer that we were swimming together so maybe she asked for an extra one for this suite."

"Gawaine will be pissed when he sees them; he'll want one as well."

But Gawaine wasn't their first visitor as there was a phone call from reception notifying Arthur that a Mr. and Mrs. Tanner were there to see him. Arthur's face lit up hoping that Tom had remembered his instructions. He decided they would go downstairs to greet them and he used his walker.

Tom stood up as soon as Arthur entered the room, remarking on how well he looked. He slipped something to Arthur as Ellie and Merlin were talking, saying in a quiet voice, "British racing green with a white top." Arthur nodded.

They had a pleasant visit with Ellie extolling the virtues of a certain spotted cat. Merlin smiled, he was sure that Spot must by now be completely spoiled.

Tom added, "…and didn't she catch a mouse? Pleased as punch she was to bring it back to the kitchen door as a offering for our hospitality."

"And then you had to pick it up and put it in the bin," Ellie added.

Merlin laughed at Tom saying, "Yes but after all she had done all the difficult work. I can't believe it, such a clever cat!"

Arthur raised his eyes to heaven saying, "A typical cat-owner's response!" and Merlin nudged him in the arm.

Arthur insisted that they went upstairs to see his suite and then out to see the pool where he and Merlin swam everyday regardless of the weather. They walked over to Tom's car where they said their goodbyes. Ellie whispered to Merlin, "Keep an eye on him, he's doing so well, you must be good for him."

Merlin smiled saying, "…and him for me!"

Walking back to the front door Merlin said, "Arthur, look there's a Mini Cooper S, like my mother's but in green."

Arthur smiled and said innocently, "So it is…"

-0-0-

Saturday rolled around, the end of for Arthur, a long week. They both slept in and Arthur made them coffee in their room as he said that as he had a free day, he wanted to stroll around in the grounds before they became crowded with visitors.

Once around the track during which time Merlin twice insisted that Arthur was addicted to the place and Arthur then led them back towards the building via the parking lot. The little green car was still there. As they passed it, Arthur slipped something in Merlin's hand saying, "It's not enough to show you how much help you have been to me and how much I love you…but it is something."

Merlin glanced down and saw keys in his hand and recognised the logo as that of a Mini. He looked at Arthur in surprise.

"Well, aren't you going to ask me to go for the first drive in your new car?" Arthur said with a huge grin.

Merlin was dumbfounded; Arthur had got a car to drive while they were at Nonsuch. They would be able to go out to supper or on the weekend drive around the countryside. This was gong to be fun. He ran his hand lovingly over the white roof and said, "Arthur, this is brilliant, we will have wheels…what a great idea, where did you rent it and how long can we use it."

Arthur looked at him puzzled and finally said, "Merlin, it's not rented, it's yours! It's a present for you."

Merlin felt his legs go weak. This car was his…he couldn't get it straight in his mind. He'd told Arthur he had a license and that his mother had a Mini but he would never have thought in a million years that Arthur would have remembered, let alone gone out and got him one. Well, maybe not gone out exactly but arranged to have it delivered and everything.

"How did it get here?"

"Ellie drove it up when they came. It's fully insured and I expect you to take me out in it this afternoon. I'd like to go for lunch in a riverside pub and don't worry, there's plenty of room from my wheelchair or walker."

Merlin turned and in the parking lot in front of any curious eyes watching from the windows, threw his arms around Arthur and gave him a big hug.

"By the way," said Arthur, "That's a belated Christmas present from last year."

"Arthur, you can't…this is enough to cover all Christmases and birthdays from now on." He looked into Arthur's eyes smiling and whispered, "…I have a car, and a Mini to boot!" He tipped Arthur's chin up and gave him a little kiss, "Part payment, if you like…"

"I like very much!" said Arthur as Merlin used the remote to open the car. "There's plenty of space and look the seat slides all the way back. Arthur, I still can't believe what you have done."

"Before I get in, have you your license on you?"

Merlin shook his head, "It's upstairs…"

"Well, go and get it and I'll sit in your car and wait for you." Merlin helped Arthur get settled in the passenger's seat and as Arthur said, "Don't be long."

Merlin called over his shoulder, "Shan't!" as he raced for the building.

Arthur sat, happily twiddling the knobs and checking the manual. He really couldn't figure out if Merlin was happier to receive the car or if he was happier giving it to him. This was going to be fun, he intended to spoil Merlin for the rest of his life. He saw him coming and beeped the horn. Merlin grinned and acknowledged him with a wave.

-0-0-

They'd been out most of the day. They'd found a pub with gardens that descended to a river full of ducks and the occasional swan. Merlin was exploring the riverside but Arthur had remained under the trees on a bench. He smiled to himself he had always felt sure that he would have felt embarrassed being in a wheelchair or using a walker but actually for him it was a badge of success. He'd come from a coma to a walker. He was quite satisfied with his progress and he knew someone who was proud of him. That someone was now coming up the path towards him, the sun was shining on him like a spotlight. He loved him with all his heart, it was a lovely position to be in and he hoped that everyone who wanted to be in love would one day have the chance. It was a wonderful feeling.

They walked slowly back to the car, Merlin smiling at the kids playing on the swings and slides while their parents had a drink. He helped Arthur back into the car, finally getting in himself. He turned to Arthur and said, "Now, where to?"

Arthur said with a soft smile, "Home, James!" and Merlin smiled back.


	21. Chapter 21

**CHAPTER 21 :** **AN UNWELCOMED INTERRUPTION**

The weekend passed too quickly and Arthur was back into his therapy and exercise sessions. They had settled nicely into the place and had on occasion gone downstairs to dine. Even Merlin had to admit that the food was excellent. Breakfasts were still taken in their room and Merlin during Arthur's morning session often sat in the library or in the sunroom if it were too cold for the terrace.

He was on talking terms with some of the elderly residents. He just seemed to know what to say and he was regaled with stories of their war memories and looked it seemed, at hundreds of photos of their children and grandchildren. One old chap in a wheelchair invited Merlin to join his wife and him for lunch on Sunday but Merlin explained that he would be busy as he has already committed to driving someone to church. He then felt rotten about the lie and Arthur was surprised to learn later in the day that Merlin and he would be attending church on Sunday.

The two of them were getting along fine but Arthur had never mentioned his moving out of the manservant's room. Merlin was just as happy one less stressful thing to deal with. Arthur was really coming along and one day they'd had a race in the pool and Merlin had had to push himself to stay ahead of him. The wheelchair was seldom used but the walker was always on hand should Arthur suddenly feel weak and need to sit down. It also gave him more balance on uneven ground. Merlin often sat on it scooting around in the suite with Arthur reminding him that it cost over ₤100 and if he broke it he would have to replace it.

Merlin could hardly believe that they'd been there a fortnight, so he insisted one Wednesday that they should join some of the other residents in watching one of the recently released films. The room was crowded and Merlin was surprised to see many younger residents as well as wheelchair bound seniors. Spirits were high and after the movie, one of the staff sat at the piano and they had a singsong followed by non-alcoholic drinks and fancy biscuits.

Arthur's comment afterwards was that that was primarily for the elderly residents and Merlin agreed not wanting to argue that he had seen Arthur doing his fair share of singing.

-0-0-

The intensive sessions with the therapists were being to show results. Arthur was moving better and could walk from the suite to the lift. His mood was also much brighter and he seemed happy in himself. Sometimes Arthur came back complaining of the excruciating pain of the deep massage but it didn't prevent him from doing his afternoon walk or swimming session. One day it was pouring but he happily put on his trainers and insisted on going outside.

"Surely Arthur, we can take a day off if the weather is rotten," moaned Merlin.

"Well, if you don't think you can keep up with me that's fine, but to the best of my knowledge there are no instances of human beings or animals for that matter, melting in the rain!"

Merlin laughed but drew the line at swimming. Arthur said, "Fine, you sit under an umbrella and watch as I swim!"

However, as they finished the track work, they heard thunder in the distance and Arthur acknowledged that maybe they should call it a day. They returned to their rooms, peeled off their wet clothes and had showers. Merlin slipped into his PJ bottoms and wrapped his spa robe around him, causing Arthur to laugh as he came out of his room similarly attired.

They sat on the couch and cuddled against each other. It was raining in earnest and the thunder was still around. Arthur said, running his fingers through Merlin's still damp hair, "You know what is nice about a wet room, there is plenty of room for two." He kissed his way to Merlin's throat and muttered, "One day, Merlin, I'm going to invite you to join me."

Merlin felt his heart starting to beat double time. He pulled back and smiled and said, "…and one day, I might accept!" He knew this would have been a good time to explain his position to Arthur but as he opened his mouth the phone rang and he stretched over to answer it, the mood broken.

"Yes, he's here, one moment please." He mouthed Dr. Alistair and handed the phone to Arthur. He got up and left Arthur to it and walked into Arthur's room and started to pick up the wet clothes which he'd just dropped on the floor. On each floor there was a residents' laundry so he sorted things and then motioned to Arthur that he was going to put their wet things in the drier and left. He smiled to himself. All their regular laundry was picked up once a week and returned the following day neatly folded and ironed, even his underpants. He knew that his mother would get a chuckle out of that.

He decided to give his Uncle Gaius a call later in the day. He hadn't spoken to him for some time but he knew that his mother kept him up to date on things. Arthur had one day said, "Merlin, you're not a prisoner here, if you want to go away for a couple of days to be with your family or friends you can."

He'd laughed and said, "What? Give up hotel living, room service and housekeeping! Not likely…" He'd laughed and then on second thought added, "But, if you really need time to yourself...I could go away for a little while."

Artuhr had looked up and said, "Stop worrying, if I had my way, we'd be joined at the hip. Come here!"

Merlin had walked forward and Arthur had pulled him down onto his lap and smiled, "I think we could both do with a little loving."

-0-0-

Merlin returned from the laundry and immediately noticed that Arthur was looking serious. He had found out that Mr. Alistair specialised in urology. Warning bells started to go off in his head and Arthur gazing up and seeing his concerned look had said, "Nothing for you to worry about, just a little problem due to the accident and possibly the stress. They're pleased with my progress and promise that in time everything should be working normally again."

Merlin could see that Arthur's eyes were tear filled and he walked over and sat beside him wrapping his arms around him and holding him close. He said, "I love you! I had faith that you would come out of the coma and learn to walk again, so I'm trusting that what the specialist says is right."

Arthur buried his head in Merlin's neck and said quietly, "I never told you because I didn't want you to worry. I'm on light medication and have had some massage therapy and within the month, I'll see the specialist again. He's very positive as he says there is some improvement but it's so frustrating. I feel as if my life in on hold. Graham knows but please don't tell anyone else…I couldn't bear their pitying looks for someone unable to have a normal sex life."

"You didn't have to keep it a secret, I would have understood," Merlin said. He had never said anything waiting for Arthur to mention the problem but he already knew as being for so long at St. Swithin's, the nurses and doctor's had often forgotten that he was there and discussed Arthur's ailments in front of him. 'Can I do anything to help?" he said snuggling even closer.

"No, Merlin, just be yourself, having you with me makes me feel almost human."

Merlin looked at him and smiled, "Arthur Pendragon, what did I ever do in life to deserve Gawaine…"

"Gawaine?" Arthur said looking at him strangely.

"Yes, Gawaine, he's an angel in disguise as through him I met you and look where I am now, head over heels in love with one of the most handsome men around!" He smiled as Arthur claimed his lips intent on showing that the feeling was mutual.

By the time the gong went announcing tea, Merlin was curled up with his head on Arthur's chest. He'd managed to wriggle his way under Arthur's spa robe as he was lazily running his fingers over Merlin's hair and down his back. Arthur's one worry was that Merlin might feel unappreciated. There were many in his group of friends who would quite happily take over the job of keeping Merlin happy…he didn't want that. No, he didn't want that at all!

-0-0-

One Thursday afternoon during the time which Arthur liked to think of his cuddling session, the phone rang and he leant over a dozing Merlin to get it. He sat up suddenly and Merlin slipped landing up with his head on Arthur's knees. A raised voice said, "He what?" and Merlin came to suddenly wondering what had Arthur so upset.

"Notify Mr. Pendragon that I certainly will not see him! Also get in touch with the police should he do anything but leave peaceably." Arthur could hear the receptionist relaying the message and the next thing he heard was raised voices and Harris saying, "Sir, I cannot permit you to do that…"

The phone line went dead, Arthur hung up and Merlin went over and made sure that the door's safety latch was in place.

Within five minutes the phone rang and again and Merlin took it before Arthur could. He finally said, "Yes, Harris, thank you that would be appreciated. I am sorry that he caused a disturbance." He hung up and turning to Arthur said, "Security saw him off the property. Harris is arranging for one of the security guards to stay in our corridor. He should be up soon."

Merlin flopped back on the couch and then gave a broad smile; Arthur sat down beside him and said, "Merlin, it really isn't funny."

"I know but the thought of Uther in his chauffeur driven Rolls being escorted off the property is a little bit funny, isn't it?"

Arthur nodded and then he laughed. "Poor old Reg, he wouldn't know what was happening…"

There was a tap at the door and a voice said, "It's Harris, Sir!" Merlin jumped up, straightening his clothes before answering the door. He stood back to let Harris in and Arthur stood up.

"Everything is under control, Sir. Our local police have been notified to keep an eye out for the car, should it come back into the neighbourhood. Young Lewis will stay in this corridor until nine o'clock and then the regular man will be patrolling during the night. Do not hesitate to phone downstairs if you need anything." He turned nodding at Merlin and left.

Arthur suddenly saw the funny side as well and said, "I should think that is the first time that Harris has ever had to send a Rolls Royce packing! But seriously, how did my Father know that I was here? I have an awful feeing that he has someone at St. Swithin's in his pocket. Luckily, I made arrangements with reception to phone before allowing any visitors up to the suite.

'Tomorrow, I'm calling that detective we dealt with and I'm going to find out how to apply for a protective or restraining order. He could have come when we were swimming or on the track. Merlin, I'm not a coward but I'm not yet strong enough to protect you…or myself for that matter."

"Arthur, if I am the causing the trouble I can go. I really don't want to think that I'm breaking up a relationship between father and son."

"If you leave me now, I can't go on. I need you with me; you give me the strength to keep going. He hasn't! He just seems to set me back a couple of weeks every time I see him."

All was quiet overnight and the next morning a telephone call was made to Detective Holborn who understood the situation and said that with the proof which they already had that he would look into the restraining order immediately. Arthur also notified Nigel Brooks who agreed that was the best course of action and that Merlin's name should also be on it.

Arthur insisted in going to his physio and after lunch dragged Merlin outside to walk around the track. They saw Lewis wandering around and knew that he was on duty. Merlin was swimming half-heartedly when he realised that on their last lap Arthur was pulling equal with him but he'd left it too late and Arthur touched the tiles ahead of him.

Grinning, Arthur said, "Merlin, you really should keep your wits about you when I'm around." They dried themselves off and wrapping their spa robes around them went into the building.

Merlin wondered how much the extra security detail was costing Arthur but it was well worth feeling safe.

-0-0-

Sunday afternoon, Gawaine dropped by as arranged, "Just making sure that the two of you are all right, stuck out in the country."

He was very impressed with the house, the grounds and the rehab facilities. They made their way back up to Arthur's suite and he was even more impressed. Arthur told Merlin to show him around and Merlin did so.

"So, what do you think?" Arthur asked.

"Fabulous, I'll stay over, that little room there, is perfect for me."

Merlin blushed and Arthur raised his eyes to heaven as Gawaine never slipped into a conversation he literally blundered in. Realising that he had been a bit premature he said, with a grin, "Sorry, Chaps!"

Arthur started laughing, "One thing we could never accuse you of is tiptoeing. Maybe in the future, we'll invite you to stay over." Slipping his hand into Merlin's he said, "Right, Merlin!" Merlin nodded and then smiled at Gawaine.

They had made dinner reservations for three and had an enjoyable meal in the main dining room. Gawaine brought them up to date on the goings on in town but never made one reference to Arthur's father. He mentioned Bridie a couple of times and Arthur said, "So, that is still going strong?"

Gawaine said, nodding and raising his eyebrows, "…and don't, I have my own private nurse and very accomplished she is too! By the way, she sends her regards."

"Tell her that once I get more organised that I'd like to see her again. Maybe the two of you could find a local B&B and spend the weekend. Heard there are some lovely places around here for lunch and we could also drag the two of you to church, couldn't we Merlin?"

"You know I might take you up on that, Bridie goes to church so maybe I should too. It's been some time but thankfully, they never close the door in your face and are always happy to see you." He looked at his watch, "I should really think about getting back to town, traffic will be really heavy if I leave it any later."

Arthur and Merlin accompanied him to the parking lot and Merlin patted his Mini as he went by. Gawaine laughed, "If you ever had a car of your own, you would probably wash it everyday and sleep beside it at night."

"But he does have a car…" Arthur announced.

Gawaine looked at Merlin and laughed, "Sure and where have you been hiding it?"

"Here in plain sight, we just walked by it."

Gawaine spun around, "That Cooper S is yours?"

"Arthur gave it to me as a present so that I could drive him around and play at being the proverbial James."

Grinning and patting him on the back, Gawaine said, "Happy Birthday, Merlin!"

"No, it isn't a birthday present."

Arthur laughed and said, "No, it was a belated Christmas present." He put his arm around Merlin's shoulders and said, "…and I still have the fun of choosing a birthday present for him." Merlin just shook his head and laughed.

They walked together over to Gawaine's car and as he got into it, he said quietly to Merlin. "Whatever you're doing, it is working wonders on him. He's taken a gigantic step forward. Keep up the good work." He drove away waving.

Merlin turned to Arthur and smiled, "He's like a breath of fresh air. Glad he's still with Bridie, she's a really nice person and she was so kind to me when you were in the hospital."

"I hope not too kind, Merlin…" Arthur said.

"Not a chance, I was already head over heels in love with one of the other patients."

Arthur slipped his arm back around his shoulders and they walked into the building.

-0-0-

Arthur had graduated into a new routine and was spending time on the machines in the gym. Already the muscles in his arms looked fantastic and slowly with the continual exercising his trunk was beginning to have a sculptured look. Merlin could feel the individual muscles as he ran his hand up Arthur's chest. His legs seemed to be taking longer but the muscle definition was there and he used to smirk at Merlin as he knew that he was cutting a fine figure of a man.

Merlin was feeling less and less pleased with his body image; next to Arthur he seemed puny. He even began to wear sweats even when they were in the suite. One day, Arthur laughed saying, "Merlin, you can't be that cold, come on show a little skin." Merlin blushed bright red and Arthur realised he'd hit the nail on the head. Merlin was embarrassed about his body.

Arthur took his hand and dragged him to the couch, "Merlin in my eyes you are perfect. You are slender, whereas people might even consider me pudgy. Many people would kill to have your build. You are surprisingly strong and your muscles are beautifully and one of the nicest things is that you can sit on my lap and my legs don't go to sleep." Merlin smiled shyly.

"You are graceful and full of energy and could certainly outrun and out swim me if you seriously tried. Your skin is inspiring and your bone structure to die for. You are not vain as you don't realise how fabulous you look and are blind to the looks which not only girls but many men give you."

He turned and gently kissed him before adding, "Your eyes are kind and you seem thoughtful. I can read your face and understand your expressions. Merlin, I'm blown away by your looks 'fair of face beyond the measure of men'!" Merlin had to giggle as Arthur was obsessed with Tolkien.

He finally slipped off his top and Arthur held his two hands and swept his eyes down his body smiling softly. Merlin realised that if Arthur liked what he saw, maybe he was being silly, making a big thing over nothing. The funny thing was that when he thought of Arthur he did not dwell solely on his physical appearance, it was how he felt about the whole person. Maybe Arthur felt the same was about him.

Arthur let go of one of his hands and gently ran his hand over Merlin's chest. "You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. However, that doesn't mean that I want you to go around half naked in public. I don't want other men admiring you, I want you for myself. Merlin, if you haven't already realised it, I'm crazy about you!"

"When I see all your friends, I feel insignificant. They are all so well built and look at me…" Arthur brushed away a tear that had run down Merlin's cheek.

"Yes," Arthur said, with a smile slowly spreading across his face, "Merlin…look at you…!"

Somehow they had ended up in Arthur's room and Merlin was suddenly not at all worried. Arthur really loved him and he knew that he would never hurt him. He trusted him and that was the first step. He sat on the edge of the bed and said quietly, "Arthur, I don't know much about things like this."

Arthur nibbled on his ear sending little surges of warmth into his stomach, and said, "Merlin, no sex until you are ready." He smiled sadly and adding with a catch in his voice, "Maybe, I should have said until _I am_ ready. However, we have our whole future ahead of us, so let's just enjoy ourselves."

"Arthur, try not to worry about it. I'm sure everything will work out in the end." He hated that Arthur was still facing a very personal repercussion of his accident.

"If only I had the same confidence you have!"

Merlin kissed Arthur gently and pulled back to look at him, "Arthur, I have enough confidence in that matter for the two of us."

Arthur pulled him closer to him saying, "It astounds me that I could have found someone as perfect as you. Will You trust me?" Merlin nodded. Arthur laughed happily as he said, "Well, let me show you a few things I have learned over the years." He pulled Merlin toward him so that they were touching from shoulder to hip. "All right?" Merlin just nodded.

Arthur felt warm and strong, with his arms around him, Merlin felt at the moment that this was where he was destined to be. Arthur's lips were wandering over his body followed by his hand. Merlin couldn't help pushing into it. He felt Arthur chuckle as he kissed his stomach. He tensed slightly when the hand reached his waist, then his body took over from his mind and he could no more have stopped himself if he had tried.

Merlin's mind was soon reeling from the way Arthur was able to make him feel without asking anything in return. He smiled, he'd been so worried but with Arthur beside him, he knew that deep down everything was going to be just right.

Morning came and they were still together, Merlin realised that there was nothing nicer that waking up enfolded in the arms of someone whom you love…


	22. Chapter 22

**CHAPTER 22 : UNFORGIVING IN MIND AND BODY**

Tuesday morning, three weeks later, Merlin felt that he had only just gone to sleep when he received a phone call asking him to come down to reception. He looked at the time it was just gone four o'clock in the morning and they had specifically asked for him. He slipped out of bed not waking Arthur, pulled on Arthur's dressing gown and let himself out of the suite as quietly as possible. His mind was racing it must be an emergency and the first people he thought of his mother or Gaius.

However, it was Holborn and another officer to see him. In quiet tones, they told Merlin why they had come. "You don't have to wake Mr. Pendragon immediately but you should speak to him before he checks his iphone or listens to TV."

Merlin's sat down, he wasn't sure that his knees would hold him upright. The other policeman asked if he would like something to drink and he nodded. He wasn't thirsty but he thought that maybe the tea would help him think. Harris who was also up, handed him a cup and he drank it, not really tasting it but it was sweet and hot and seemed to help his mind focus.

Detective Holborn said that they would return after lunch to speak directly to Mr Pendragon adding, "I'm sorry to be the bearer of such news."

After the police had left, Merlin sat there stunned. He needed to get upstairs and plan what he was going to do but first he needed to make some phone calls. He got Gawaine and told him what had happened, "Can you come, later this morning? Please drive carefully, racing will accomplish nothing." A shocked Gawaine said that he would come.

He decided as a courtesy to also notify Tom and Ellie and when he figured that his mother was probably up he phoned her. Only then did he return to the suite. He slipped in and went to their bedroom door, Arthur was still fast asleep. He didn't want to wake him so he decided to give him another hour. He went back to the couch and sat with his laptop on his knees and started reading the news.

-0-0-

Merlin leant forward kissing Arthur softly, saying, "Wake up, Handsome!" He was in no hurry to wake him and he certainly didn't want him to awake with a start.

"I was dreaming of you, but I was at home…"

"And probably doing all sorts of interesting things to me."

"How did you guess?"

"Well. You're a full bodied healthy individual and…" he blushed as he added, "…I have the same dreams myself."

He sat on the bed and took his hand, "Arthur, I have some sad news about your father."

Arthur sat up suddenly wide awake and serious, "Go on…"

"There was an accident last night and he was seriously hurt and he didn't make it."

Arthur's mind trying to process Merlin's words was swinging wildly from shock. "You'd better..." he shook his head as if to clear it, "...what happened?"

"From what the police are saying, he worked late; he came out of the building around eight and walked straight off the pavement into the traffic. He was declared dead at the scene. They said it would have been instantaneous. I wanted to tell you before you watched the news. It'll be splashed across the pages of the papers as well. Mostly his life and business information as the police have been very tight lipped about what happened.

Arthur put his head in his hands. He wiped away the stupid tears which were now forming, the man didn't deserve tears! He had flashes from the past, his father mocking him when as an eight year old he had cried because his dog had died; his threatening to shoot his pony because at twelve he'd fallen off it while jumping; his father grinning at the doctor and saying, 'Boys will be boys…!' as at fourteen years old he had a cast put on his broken leg the result of being pushed downstairs by his own father. He'd been a difficult man to live with.

He whispered to Merlin, "Why am I not feeling relieved? He made my life a living hell as a kid and now when finally it looked as if we were going to get some satisfaction, he bailed!" Merlin turned on the bed and pulled his legs up; he wrapped his arms around Arthur and pulled him to him, cuddled him into his chest. He knew that no one would come in. Harris would wait to be notified about breakfast. He was not hungry and he knew that the last thing on Arthur's mind was food.

Merlin held him as he sobbed and exhausted finally fell asleep

Arthur finally came to around ten. Gawaine and Bridie had arrived and were sitting with Merlin. Merlin was relieved to see Bridie, he would have preferred Graham but he was still on holiday. They were talking in whispers. Arthur walked into the living room pulling his dressing gown around him and suddenly said, "Can I see him?"

Bridie more used to dealing with death said, "That can be arranged once the body is released. I think it would be too much for you to do on your own. You can take someone with you if you want." Arthur's eyes immediately sought Merlin's, he nodded. Bridie continued, "Do you have a funeral service which your family uses?" Arthur shook his head.

Gawaine said, "Arthur, when my grandfather died the family used, Urgel Bougie in the Dignity group. They come well recommended and took care of everything including bringing him back to England. I can get some information for you."

"Why don't you just contact them for me, Gawaine? Once we have all the information, they can take over." He turned to Bridie and said, "Where is his body now?"

"Probably with the city coroner, there will have to be an autopsy before the body is released."

"Could I see him today then?"

"Arthur, I think it would be better seeing him in a funeral home but that is your choice. Why not think about it? The earliest for the autopsy would probably be the day after tomorrow. Now, I don't want to push anyone but how about something to eat?" The others nodded and she turned to Arthur saying, "I took the liberty of speaking to the resident doctor and your medication is due and it has to be taken with food."

Arthur knew that she was referring to the pills from Doctor Mooney and he felt that he probably would benefit from one, so he nodded his head. "I don't want food from here but, Merlin, can you and Gawaine go and get us all something from Costa's in the village? I'll have an Eggs Benedict and a Flat White. Bridie?" Bridie ordered a plain omlette and an Americano. "You two get whatever you want and, Merlin, use my card and hurry back, I'm suddenly hungry."

Arthur sat on the coach and closed his eyes after he'd taken his pills with a small cookie. Bridie sat near the window and waited.

-0-0-

Merlin said as soon as they were out of Arthur's suite, "So, what happened. Haven't had time to see the papers or really listen to the news, just what I read on the internet early this morning. Was it suicide?"

Gawaine shook his head, "Haven't got a clue, only know that it happened last night and he was killed outright. Never liked him anyway but it would have been better for both of them if they had at least been on speaking terms." He stopped and clapped his hand to his forehead, "Good God! Pendragon now belongs to Arthur. Poor chap, he's got his future worked out if he decides to keep the company."

-0-0-

A subdued Gawaine and Bridie left early afternoon knowing that Arthur really wanted just Merlin. Jack Holborn returned as promised and talked with Arthur in private.

Finally, Merlin was asked to join him and Arthur explained that with his father dead, did Merlin still want to proceed with his complaint?

Merlin said sadly, "No! It's all in the past. I'd rather forget the whole thing. Is that all right with you?" He took Arthur's hand in his and squeezed it.

Nodding, Arthur said, "I don't think anything would be accomplished by continuing. I was going to say, he got off free but maybe not...!" He looked at their joined hands. "I'm sorry for what he put you through..."

"So, am I right in stating that you wish to withdraw both complaints?" Jack said. The men nodded. Jack continued, "There will be official papers to be signed but I will pass on the word that the complaint is cancelled. I will mail the papers in the next couple of days and you can complete them whenever it is convenient. They will however, have to be notarised."

Arthur stood saying, "Thank you for your help over the last few weeks."

"I will keep you notified of any more news, I'm sorry to be here on such a sad mission," He nodded at Merlin and left.

-0-0-

A letter arrived at Arthur's on Tuesday and Ellie placed it with two others on a table in the hall. As all Arthur's accounts were now settled through the office, only personal mail arrived at home.

Gawaine was planning to visit Arthur again to discuss funeral preparations, so he dropped by to pick up the mail. He arrived at Nonsuch to find Merlin and Arthur walking on the track.

Arthur looked as if he was moving a lot better but his face was drawn. Merlin was striding beside him in silence. In typical Gawaine style, he yelled across the in field to get their attention. "Hurry along, Boys! I have mail for you," he waved a manila envelope over his head as he jogged across the infield.

"Thanks, Gawaine, probably people begging for money or inviting me to some get together. Not ready for that, sorry!"

Merlin put his arm around his waist, "Let's call it a day. I think in the circumstances we can finish early."

Arthur smiled and the three of them walked back to the house. Merlin took the time to grin at his car as he passed it.

Gawaine said, "Still in love, eh?"

Giving Arthur a happy grin, Merlin said, "Doubly so!"

"OK, let's get you back to your suite before the two of you embarrass me!"

They made their way up to the suite; Arthur threw the envelope on the table and threw himself on the couch. Merlin walked into the kitchen area and took bottles of water out of the fridge.

Gawaine followed him and glancing at Arthur who lay on the couch with his eyes closed he said quietly, "How's he doing?"

"Not great but better than expected. After he got the news, I don't think he even slept the following night. We sat around talking, he kept breaking down then he agreed to go to bed around three o'clock but I couldn't sleep and I know he walked around a lot of the night. Got him to eat a little breakfast and then he fell sleep on the couch and slept for four hours.

"He was so stiff, he had trouble getting up. I managed to get him in a seated position and then phoned downstairs. A nurse came up to check him and saw that he took one of Dr. Mooney's pills. Then we managed to get him into his wheelchair as it had been decided that a session in the whirlpool would do him good, relax his muscles and all that…

"He didn't speak from the time the nurse arrived until he got back here two hours later. He was so sad; it's as if his father's death had taken away his independence. He slept last night and then decided he wanted to go for a walk and you found us."

"Well, it's the shock and it will take time. Not been the greatest year for him, has it?"

Merlin shook his head and taking the other bottle walked back to Arthur. He smiled as he was snoring softly. The walk and the stress had worn him out. He checked his watch. He'd been told not to let him lie there for more than a half hour. If he wanted to sleep, he had to use the bed

He looked back at Gawaine and smiled. Gawaine was shocked at the depth of love in Merlin's eyes. His love for Arthur was so apparent... Gawaine smiled back at him.

Merlin slipped onto the couch and placed Arthur's feet on his lap. Gawaine got an extra blanket off Arthur's bed and put it over him. He was furious with Uther for what had happened accident or not, as it had seriously hurt his best friend and he was at a loss to do anything. Time would be the only healer.

Merlin started slowly massaging Arthur's feet. He moaned as he came to and said, "Merlin, if you can never get a job anywhere else, you could be a masseur."

Merlin smiled many was the time when he worked on relaxing the muscles in Arthur's legs if he had gone overboard exercising. "Well, let's put that on hold as I'm hungry. Supper will soon be served and you have to get up off the couch. I invited to Gawaine to stay. Do you want to go down to…" he could see that Arthur didn't want to go anywhere before he had even reached the word dining room, "…or would you prefer Room Service?" Arthur nodded.

Merlin went to call downstairs and Gawaine helped Arthur off the couch and walked with him into his bedroom.

He returned saying, "Left him in the bathroom, he's OK there isn't he?"

Nodding Merlin said, "Yes, if he gets into trouble he always promises that he will hang onto something and call for help. He's really doing well. We went out for drives over the weekend and it certainly seemed to brighten him up especially as he only used his walker."

"How's the car going?"

"It's a little gem!" Merlin said with a fond smile, "It's roomy in the front and lots of space in the back for the collapsible wheelchair and the walker. Will there be a police enquiry over Uther's death?"

"I should think so as it was a pedestrian fatality. Pity the poor driver, do you know what hit him?"

"No, but I presume one day the gory details will be on the news and in all the papers."

"What gory details?" Arthur asked as he walked out of his room.

Merlin in the blink of an eye answered, "Some poor farmer's wife gored by a cow she was helping calf."

"Bet her husband was really pissed," added Gawaine.

Before they ran out of ideas, they were saved by a tap on the door and Merlin said, "Here's supper!" He placed the trays on the counter and set the table as well as he could. Arthur's appetite wasn't great but he did better than Merlin had hoped for. The conversation wasn't brilliant but at least they talked as they ate and both Gawaine and he cleared their plates.

He started to remove the dishes and Arthur said, "Pass me the envelope with my letters." He slit the envelope and emptied three letters on the table. As he had expected the two square ones were invitations, one to a christening and the other to a Gala for Injured Soldiers. He flipped it to Merlin saying, "Remind me to send them some money. Don't think I'm up to going but it's a worthy cause."

Merlin put it on the counter and put the trays back in the corridor. He was miles away when Gawaine said quietly, "Arthur?" Merlin looked over his shoulder and saw Arthur sitting at the table hands shaking, holding a sheet of paper, the envelope with a handwritten address was on the table. Gawaine said again, "Arthur?" as he leant toward him.

Walking over to him, Merlin got hold of Arthur's hand to stop the shaking and then he saw that the envelope was from Pendragon Holdings and he had the sinking suspicion that the handwriting was Uther's. He could feel the pressure against his hand as Arthur's fingers continued to spasm. "Arthur, take a deep breath, come on. Copy me, breath in and out with me."

Arthur turned to look at Merlin with dead eyes, no recognition and he said, "The bastard…! My father, the bloody bastard!"

Merlin removed the letter from his fingers and dropped it on the table. Arthur seemed to collapse forward his elbows on the table and his head in his hands. He said in a low whisper, "Merlin, you'd better read it." Merlin took up the letter, glanced at Gawaine and read...

 _Pendragon House, London,_

 _Son,_

 _I regret what has happened between us and I realise that part of it is my fault. I only_ _wanted you to be a highly respected member of society which if you persist in this silly_ _idea of preferring the company of men, will never happen._

 _Maybe I never said it but I was proud of you in your position in the firm. However, in all_ _honesty, I cannot accept your life style. I brought you up expecting better things._

 _I have tried unsuccessfully to talk to you._

 _Maybe, I went about it in a heavy handed manner_ _but I needed to show you the error of your ways._ _Everything I have ever done since you were little, was to help you to make the right decisions in life, to train you to be like me...as my father had done for me...!_

 _Obviously, I failed! Nonetheless, I still feel that you are capable of better things._

 _The idea of a police inquest for a man in my position is ludicrous and, Arthur, I am one hundred percent_ _certain it was not your idea!_

 _I did what I had to and my only regret is that that despicable man is still in my son's life._

 _I can no longer face the turmoil or the embarrassment. This seems to me to be the only way..._

 _I wish to be buried next to my beloved_ _Wife, your Dear Mother…who would have been heartbroken by your actions._

 _Regardless of how you feel, you are my sole heir!_

 _Your Father,_

 _Monday, June 6_ _th_ _._

-0-0-

The air in Merlin's lungs was sucked out; he looked at Arthur shocked and could feel his pain. "Gawaine, I think he'd be better away from the table." He threw the letter on the table motioning for Gawaine to read it. He put his arm around Arthur's shoulders and said, "Come on sit on the couch for a little while." It took a little effort and much persuading but he got him to the couch. He put the blanket around his shoulders.

Gawaine was standing by the table with a look of disbelief on his face. Merlin said, "Gawaine, put the kettle on and get the whiskey, it's in the cupboard over the sink. My mother says a little warm whiskey is good for shock. Pour yourself one as well, you look as if you need it."

Arthur sat on the couch with his head back eyes open staring at the ceiling. Merlin took the diluted warm whiskey and said, "Arthur have a sip, it will help a little."

"Come on, Arthur, one sip and then we'll stop pestering you," Gawaine said after taking a good swig of his double. He wanted to say more but for once in his life, Gawaine had no clue what to say. His mind was racing; his own parents would be shocked. They had known each other's families for ages and although his father always insisted that he had never really liked the man, he had respected Uther in his business dealings. It had been for Arthur's sake that he had kept up the appearance of friendship. A friendship that was needed if his family was going to be able to give the young Arthur the protection he deserved.

The three of them sat in silence, Merlin holding Arthur's hand and rubbing his fingers as he used to when he was in a coma. Gawaine looked at them; the letter was shameful, to the point of blaming Merlin for his suicide. For a second Gawaine felt sorry for Uther, he had been unable to love his son and because of Arthur's actions, he had closed himself off from any relationship and now…it was too late. Gawaine worried that Arthur might not be able to get through this and he only hoped that Merlin had strength enough for both of them.

Merlin's mind was in turmoil. He kept thinking how could anyone purposely sever a relationship with a son. People fought to keep families together, died for their children and here was someone who had chucked it all aside. Slowly, he began to realise that his involvement with Arthur had been the catalyst. He began to second doubt his friendship with him. Would Uther have still been alive, if he had left after he'd broken his collarbone? Could the cause of this man's death have been his responsibility? He wished that he was home with his mother in their kitchen. She would know what to do and how to make him feel better.

He felt Arthur move against him and he came back with a jolt. Arthur was the one in pain. He was trying to deal with his father's death a probable suicide. He put all his feeling of insecurity out of his mind. Arthur needed him and until all this mess was sorted out he would stand beside him…after that it would be up to Arthur to decide if he still wanted him around.


	23. Chapter 23

**CHAPTER 23 : YOU LIFT ME UP!**

Merlin looked over at Gawaine who was deep in thought observing the whiskey still in his glass. Arthur would only answer in monosyllables. Merlin really didn't know what to do but he knew that he needed someone as backup over night. Not that he expected Arthur to get much sleep. He glanced at his watch and saw that it was already gone midnight.

He said to Arthur, "I am inviting Gawaine to stay with us tonight; he can have my old room. Is that all right, Arthur?"

Arthur lifted his head seemingly surprised to see his two friends and said, "Uh huh!" Then he started to stare again at the carpet.

"I'll show you where it is."

"He knows…he can go by himself. I want you here…" Arthur's voice stopped them halfway across the room.

Merlin shrugged and said, "Are you ready for bed then?" Arthur nodded and tried wearily to get to his feet. He slipped back onto the couch discouraged. Merlin gave him his arm and Arthur gripped it, Gawaine put an arm around his back to support him. Arthur was finally upright. "Do your stiff legs exercises," Merlin encouraged.

"I know damn well what to do, Merlin, if I haven't figured it out by now, I'm a bigger fool than I thought." Arthur did do some half-hearted knee bends and stretches to get rid of the stiffness. They walked him towards the bedroom where he said to Gawaine, "I'm quite capable of getting into bed myself." Merlin nodded and Gawaine let go of his elbow.

Merlin sat Arthur on the bed and got off his trainers and sweatpants. He walked beside him to the bathroom saying, "Can you manage all right?"

"Merlin, I have been going to the bathroom alone since I was five, I can assure you that I don't need your help."

Merlin thought, 'Many a true word spoken in jest' or should it be 'anger'. He left Arthur and went to find Gawaine saying, "Not exceptionally friendly tonight, is he?"

"He's still in shock. Will you be all right with him? Call me if you have any trouble."

"Thanks! And by the way, Gawaine your bathroom is not ensuite so please, no wandering around in the buff."

"God, Merlin! …naked, starkers or nude but in the buff?" Gawaine started to laugh maybe after all the stress of the last few days he obviously needed to, as soon he was uncontrollable and Merlin had tears streaming down his face.

Merlin wiped his eyes saying, "Well, that was what my mother used to say to me when as a kid, I tried to escape into the garden without any clothes."

"That would have been worth the price of admission."

"Gawaine, I was a kid! Go to bed for heaven's sake…"

"Arthur has a very private garden…maybe you two could plan some al fresco activities."

"He's not like that Gawaine. He is respectful, a real gentleman."

"Live and learn, Merlin, live and learn!" Gawaine said suggestively.

Merlin walked back into the bedroom to find Arthur balancing on one leg as he struggled with his underwear, "Arthur, you can sleep in those."

"Don't need too." He sat on the edge of the bed and finally got the waist band off his ankle by flicking it into the air. Then he settled on the bed, pulling the sheet over himself, and said, "Good-night, Love! Sorry I'm such a nuisance."

Merlin leant over and gave him a kiss, "You're not!" he said and then went to get undressed. He finally sat on the edge of the bed and putting his face in his hands, he grinned thinking of Gawaine's comments.

-0-0-

Surprisingly, they both slept well. Merlin finally woke up to someone poking him. He stretched and a voice whispered, "Morning, Merlin!"

The hand then started migrating and Merlin whispered, "Arthur, Gawaine's next door…"

"Well then, you're just going to have to keep very quiet."

Merlin panicked and pulled away as Arthur grinned saying, "I was kidding. Come here, just a little cuddle."

When they heard Gawaine up, Merlin slipped out of bed and into the bathroom. He wrapped his spa robe around him before going into the kitchen. As he passed through the room, he said, "Call if you need help, Arthur. I'm going to get the breakfast trays and put on the kettle."

Gawaine joined him there saying, "Wow, Merlin! With legs like that you could model."

"Don't you dare say anything like that in front of Arthur, he's a little insecure at the moment," he grinned shyly at Gawaine and added, "I don't think he'd find it funny." Suddenly, the phone rang and Merlin picked it up, "Yes, I'll let Mr Pendragon know, thank you."

He turned back to Gawaine and said, "Funeral Company has Uther's body. Now what do we do?"

"Usually the family has a private visit, which can be followed by friends and acquaintances. Will there be a church service?"

"Yes, Arthur said that it would be a private funeral in St. Cuthbert's near his parent's home Minton and he'd be buried there as well. No notice will go in the paper until after the event. Well, that is what he wanted before that darned letter."

"Fine, let me talk him through it when he gets up…"

Merlin was so relieved that Gawaine was there. He'd had no experience with funerals apart from his granmother's Requiem Mass, and he knew Arthur hadn't either.

By the time Arthur left for his morning sessions, everything had been arranged. Rev. Chambers would officiate. They had a rough list of Uther's closest friends; staff from both Minton Hall and his city house would be invited. Arthur suggested that Merlin invite his mother and Gaius. Any guests needing to stay overnight would be put up at Minton Hall..

Arthur realised that he wouldn't be doing it alone as Merlin would be beside him. The church was small and even though the reason for his father's death was not yet public, he didn't want loads of people there.

While he was sitting in the whirlpool, Arthur suddenly realised that he hadn't notified the police about the existence of the suicide note.

-0-0-

Understandably, Detective Holborn was interested and stated that he needed the letter but they could proceed with the funeral. He told Arthur to list all the people who had touched the envelope and the actual sheet. Gawaine offered to take the letter with him into London but the police preferred to pick it up at Nonsuch.

Merlin was surprised to hear Arthur say, "But I will get it back, won't I?" The reply must have been in the affirmative as Arthur next said, "Very well, around three o'clock this afternoon." He then brought the other two up to date on what was happening. "Gawaine, you can tell your parents about it. They will be welcome to attend the funeral but apart from them there is no need for anyone to know about it. Except your family..." he added turning towards Merlin.

Merlin nodded, he felt that his mother's support would help him be strong for Arthur. Hunith had been shocked when Merlin had first contacted her and without being told he knew that she was worried about him. His whole life was now linked to the son of a man whom Hunith was certain had been a less than a perfect father. She liked Arthur and felt for his not having any opportunity to settle the differences between them before his death. When Merlin told her later that there was reason to believe it was a suicide. She was upset and worried that Arthur would blame himself. Merlin also mentioned that Arthur had extended his invitation to Gaius. A car would be sent for them and they could both stay at Minton.

"Be kind to him, Merlin! Once the funeral is over and everyone leaves, he will feel even more abandoned. Regardless of what he used to say, contact with his father dated back years. It will take time for him to get over this especially in the light of Uther's note."

Arthur alternated between being affectionate and downright rude. He would accuse Merlin of not understanding and ask him, "What in heaven's name do you know, Merlin, as you never had a father?" He would then say he was sorry and ask for forgiveness. He would hold Merlin cuddling him panicked that he might leave and knowing that he couldn't let him go. He'd plead with him to stay and no amount of assuring Arthur that he would never leave him was sufficient. The worried look remained in his eyes.

Merlin was exhausted with the peaks and valleys of the current situation. To everyone else, Arthur seemed to be coping but when he was alone, he was a different person. Not that he was or would ever be afraid of him but Merlin was afraid _for_ him. He knew that these highs and lows were counterproductive to his therapy. His levels of exercise fell off and sometimes he refused to walk or swim in the afternoon preferring to sit staring at a spot on the wall. Merlin read as much as he could and knew that Arthur was mourning for someone he didn't like and that was taking more out of him than even he had expected.

Merlin was at a loss and when his mother called, he poured out his heart to her.

"Merlin, he doesn't mean any of the awful things he's saying. He's trying to get through his grief and you are receiving the brunt of his frustration. He probably is shocked and slightly frightened to realise that the death of someone for whom he had little respect is upsetting him so much."

-0-0-

Arthur smiled as Gawaine left for London; he himself hadn't been inside the company building since that ill-fated day last November; yet the fitter he became, the more interested he was in what was going on. One day, he planned to return to take up his position. He felt strong, the bad things were in the past and he was facing the future with interest…then he remembered the funeral and his spirits were dashed.

He'd have to give a eulogy or maybe he could get out of it. He didn't have a clue what he would say and decided to ask Charles, Gawaine's father to do it. He would be a perfect choice, he'd phone him that evening. He would also have to contact Minton Hall to advice the staff that there would be overnight guests following the service. Hodge the butler had been with the family for years and would also be well able to cope with that and a small reception.

Merlin would need a black suit to attend the funeral and Ellie would have to bring some clothes for him. Maybe, he'd be better off buying something, he wasn't sure that his suits would fit without alterations. The funeral would be held midweek, so there would be no conflicts with pre-booked marriages.

Gawaine upon being questioned had assured him that the Funeral Home would keep the body until the funeral. A little thought had flitted through Arthur's mind that maybe he should just ask them to keep it forever. He also added that they would take care of the printing of the funeral programme and the sending out of notices for the funeral if Arthur supplied the names and addresses as well as the notice which would be put in the newspapers after the event.

With so few people invited, Arthur had said "I think I would prefer to do it personally. We won't need many invitations. I certainly, don't want the media present."

Arthur's work on the track was excellent. He had completed the circuit in record time for him. Gawaine had watched them start and then left for home. The swimming was also good but Merlin had paid attention and had allowed Arthur to keep pace with him before speeding away during the final lap to finish first. He waited for Arthur at the end of the pool with his arms outstretched along the tiles; Arthur changed lanes and swam right into him. Arthur's hands were anything but innocent and Merlin grinned leaning in for a kiss, "Winner's rights," he'd added.

Pulling on their spa robes and picking up their track stuff, they walked back to their rooms. They had fifteen minutes to change before the police arrived. Arthur had arranged to meet them downstairs in one of the centre's private interviewing rooms.

Detective Holborn was discreet; he accepted the sealed envelope from Arthur and placed it in his breast pocket, assuring Arthur that it would be kept in strictest confidence and returned to him once the case was closed.

-0-0-

Arthur surprised Merlin the following morning by saying, "I've spoken to the Bougie people and made arrangements to go to London this afternoon to view my father's body. I want you to come with me." He almost had a pleading look on his face and Merlin nodded. "I've told Tom to pick us up after my morning sessions and we will spend the night in town. Spot will be happy to see you and I am looking forward to being in my own bed."

For a second Merlin's heart dropped at that last statement but really, why would Arthur want to share when there were plenty of bedrooms available? Merlin had become used to sharing and he would find it strange to sleep without Arthur.

Tom arrived and they left assured by the centre that their rooms would be kept for their return. For Arthur, it was a chance to see if he was advanced enough to manage in the real world. He had nothing strenuous planned. When he stayed at Minton for the funeral, he would continue his swimming and walking routines.

The Urgel Bougie reception area was modern and the staff welcoming. The Funeral Director showed Arthur to a small chapel where knowing of the impending visit, they had temporarily placed the casket asking him if he preferred to be alone or have his guest with him. Arthur turned to Merlin and said, "We'll go in together…"

Merlin averted his eyes from the casket as he walked in, focusing instead on the subdued but rich décor. He felt Arthur's hand searching for his and he took it giving a little squeeze. Together, they walked forward and stood beside the casket. There was a kneeler beside it and Merlin knelt down, made the sign of the cross and prayed. He asked God to look mercifully upon Uther's soul and to give Arthur the strength he needed to forgive his father and to live his own life.

He realised that Arthur was still standing beside him and he stood up checking Arthur's face. Arthur who had tears on his cheeks said softly, "Merlin, there lies my last family member. I'm now end of the line…" He dropped his head and Merlin could see that he was thinking. He then said, "He doesn't look as bad as what I thought he might. I think most of the damage was done to the back of his skull. I think I've seen enough…" He looked up whispered, "Father!" and walked out of the chapel with Merlin following him.

The Funeral Director was waiting for Arthur to sign a few papers. He thanked him for considering their funeral services and assured him that nothing was too much trouble; all he had to do was ask. He stated that the hearse would be at St. Cuthbert's promptly at eleven o'clock adding, "Have you chosen any pallbearers?"

Arthur said, "There will be no pallbearers…it will be a very small funeral with the possibility of a memorial service in London at a later date." Gawaine had suggested this for anyone who wished to attend.

"We would be only to happy to take care of that for you, Sir."

Arthur said, "Thank you! You will be notified of the date and location. Would you also take care of the programme printing and notifications in the media?"

Recalling it later, Merlin was certain that the man had enthusiastically nodded, rubbing his hands. Gawaine had mentioned that dying was an expense to the family and Merlin knew that at least for Arthur the expense was of little importance.

-0-0-

Tom drove them to Arthur's home. With the dark red door, it looked lovely in the afternoon sun and Arthur lead the way up the stairs followed by Tom with their suitcases. Ellie opened the door and smiled saying, "Welcome home, Sir! Good afternoon, Merlin!" Tom left to park the car in the garage.

Arthur stood in his hall and glanced around, just over six long months and he was home. He walked into the lounge and nodded at the fresh flowers and the day's newspapers.

Ellie said, "I thought that you would prefer to eat in so I have prepared supper for the two of you."

Arthur smiled, "Actually it has been a long day, so that is prefect, Ellie."

"I've leave you alone now but if you need anything just buzz downstairs. Your rooms are made up and I took the liberty of laying out some comfortable clothes for you to change into."

Arthur smiled; Ellie must have been a great mother as she seemed to anticipate his every need. He said, "Thank you and how is the rest of your family?"

"Well, John's family will be in town end of this month and we're hoping to see Felicity and her menagerie in a fortnight."

Arthur turned to Merlin explaining that John lived in New Zealand and Felicity in Wales where she raises heritage Llawenog sheep and Welsh Cobs.

"She can't very well descend on us with all the sheep and horses so we go and stay with her and Michael. Tea will be ready in a little while and you can then let me know where you want to have it, either upstairs or in the lounge. Tom can bring it up." She turned and left with a satisfied smile, her Arthur was home safe and sound, things were looking up.

Arthur turned and looked into the dining room and then went along the hall and opened another door, he turned smiling to point to the interior cage style door.

"A lift? Arthur you never told me you had your own lift."

"You never asked! Normally, I would have high-tailed it up the stairs but I guess it was put in for occasions such as these… Up we go!"

Arthur pulled back the scissor like cage door and stood aside for Merlin to enter. It was the perfect size for two people. He closed the cage gate. There were four buttons, the lowest one with a B, one with a G for Ground Floor and two with the numbers 1 and 2. Arthur pushed the button marked with a one and the lift rose slowly.

Merlin couldn't stop himself and in the spirit of the old days announced the floor as the lift attendant would have. He called out, "First floor, Ladies unmentionables, toothpaste, millinery and shoes."

Arthur burst out laughing, he'd had lots of his friends in the elevator but this was a first. He looked at Merlin and realised how lucky he was to have found him or in reality that Merlin had found him. The lift stopped and Arthur nodded at Merlin to pull back the cage gate and push open the door and they were on the bedroom level.

Arthur said, "I think we'd better have two rooms but that doesn't mean that I mightn't arrive in the middle of the night to seduce you."

"I'll be waiting with bated breath," a laughing Merlin replied.

"You can have this one next to mine, less far for me to walk, but come into my room for now." Merlin was no sooner over the threshold than he was in Arthur's arms. Arthur couldn't seem to get enough of him and Merlin was covered in kisses before being walked backward to the bed where he landed with a delicious sinking feeling into the plump duvet.

Within no time, they were both on the bed and Arthur was covering every available inch of Merlin's skin with kisses.

"Trust me?" Arthur asked.

"Always…"

Merlin was soon only conscious of what wonders Arthur was able to do to him. He finally slipped beyond the confines of the room. He came to hearing Arthur's whispering, "You are at your most beautiful when you lose all control…I'm holding you in my arms, as a little bird in the palm of my hand, protecting you from anyone or anything which might want to harm you."

Merlin smiled at him cuddling into the arms holding him until his legs felt as if they could carry his weight and his mind was functioning properly.

Arthur said, "I've been dreaming of having you here in my bed. Welcome home, Merlin!"

"Arthur, this is all so one sided. Can't I do anything for you?"

"You can kiss me to your heart's content but at the moment that's it. I know that you love me and that will suffice with kisses and cuddles until I get the all clear. Merlin, I'm sure things are improving and just think of this as a little hitch in our love life. Just think of all the wonderful things I have in store…" Merlin had claimed his lips and he was only able to say a muffled "…for you."


	24. Chapter 24

**CHAPTER 24 :** **A** **GEORGIAN HOME**

Merlin felt quite relaxed at Arthur's. He'd spent time downstairs with Ellie visiting Spot who wouldn't leave him alone. They went out into the garden and he was amused at how happy she seemed outside. A downed leaf fascinated her and she chased after it. Petals were worth pouncing on and even picking up. She found a slug and gave it a very brave poke but was distracted by a robin with a death wish who was sitting in the lower branches of a shrub before dropping to the small lawn. Merlin made a grab for her, cradling her in his arms they sat on the stone steps of the terrace watching the robin's visit.

Merlin said, "Mr. Robin, you'd better be careful as this property is now patrolled by a security cat." He let go of her again and she made her way to the door. It was opened by Arthur who had come to find him.

"If you've _finished_ playing with the cat, _I_ want to go for a walk around the block!" Merlin's head snapped up at the tone of Arthur's voice and he noticed that Ellie had averted her eyes.

He was ready to tease him by saying, 'Arthur, don't tell me you're jealous of a little pussycat?' But he had second thoughts as he looked at him and realised that he wasn't fooling. He was annoyed and looking for an argument, so unlike the Arthur he had once known. He nodded at Ellie as he left without looking again at Arthur saying, "I'll get my jacket and be with you."

He ran up the stairs wary of getting into the lift with Arthur. He knew Arthur was annoyed and shocked about the suicide but it wasn't his fault so why should he be spoken to like that. He shook his head, where was his mother's advice when he needed it.

Ellie had put her hand on Arthur's arm and said, "Please, Arthur, don't take it out on Merlin. He has stood by you through thick and thin. You complement each other."

Arthur said without thinking, "I hardly think that how I treat my friends is your business…!" He wrenched the door open to the lift his face scowling. His mind was in a downward whirl, he'd been sharp with Merlin and now he'd been rude to Ellie who certainly didn't deserve it. By the time he was walking down the outside steps, he had already decided to bring her some flowers to apologise.

Tom was the next into the kitchen and he could see that Ellie was upset. He slipped an arm around her saying, "What's up, Love? Now what has his lordship done?"

"He was nasty with Merlin and once Merlin had gone, I tried to be a peacemaker and he almost snapped my head off."

"Ellie, we didn't know Mr. Pendragon and certainly we don't need to go to the funeral, would you like to go away for a couple of days until this whole thing blows over?

Ellie shook her head, "No, I need to be here and I know it's the stress but he has really changed and I'm worried that Merlin will suffer. Poor Lad, he makes Arthur so happy and I'm sure they love each other…"

"It's just a rough patch they're going through. Merlin is quite capable of dealing with Arthur; it's just more difficult at the moment. Let's have some tea, Dear, and mark my words things will improve. Arthur has had a shock, first the death and then to find out it was a suicide. That following a crippling accident would be enough to pull the mat out from anyone's feet. He's made of sterner stuff, he got through the hospitalisation and just you watch he'll pull out of this as well."

-0-0-

Getting over this they might but Merlin had his doubts as he walked beside a taciturn Arthur. They hadn't even left the house when they'd had a second argument over the walker. Merlin had taken it out of the hall as he passed and Arthur said that he had no intention of walking around his neighbourhood with it. Merlin had said, "Suit yourself! If you don't want it, I'll use it!"

"Merlin that is the most ridiculous thing, I've ever heard! Why would you do that?"

On the tip of his tongue Merlin had the words, 'Because I love you…' but instead he just shrugged his shoulders and followed with the walker.

The flagstones and the kerbs were not as conducive to walking as the track at Nonsuch. After ten minutes, Arthur was lagging especially as they had to waits for the lights and his legs stiffened up. They hadn't even got all the way around the block when Merlin noticed that Arthur wasn't doing as well as he might have been. He stopped saying, "It's your turn to push this thing, I'm fed up with it!"

Arthur said, "Told you, you shouldn't have brought it." Nevertheless, he reached over immediately taking the handles.

Merlin tried hard not to grin, he had been right, they had needed a walker. It helped Arthur giving him the added confidence and stability which he needed. When they came to a park, Merlin asked if they could go in. Arthur nodded and when they came to the first bench, said in a much more conciliatory tone, "Maybe, we could take a break and watch the kids kickng the ball around…"

"Do you want to sit on the bench or on the walker seat?"

Arthur swung the walker around and Merlin put on the brakes and Arthur sat down saying quietly, "It's a better height for me today."

Merlin said nothing deciding to let Arthur suffer in silence a little while longer. He kept his eyes on the kids but he knew that Arthur was glancing at him frequently. Finally, he decided to break the ice by saying, "Arthur, have you something you want to say to me?" On the word me, he turned to face Arthur.

The relief on Arthur's face was tangible as he said, "I'm a bloody idiot, Merlin. I'm my own worst enemy and after I say something unkind to you it hurts me but then I don't know what to say and a little dark cloud seems to grown and fogs my mind. I don't want to be unkind but something seems to snap. It hurts me to see the look on your face but at the moment, I seem to have no control. My mind seems to be all over the place and then I think of how happy we were at St Swithin's just being friends." Merlin's heart clenched. "Now that we are more than friends, I seem to be going out of my way to hurt you…"

He paused and Merlin leant forward and took his hand, "Arthur, I understand, you've had an awful shock and life doesn't seem to be fair. I know that you are not my former Arthur…but I also know that as time goes by, he will return and there will be less conflict between us."

They sat together in companionable silence still holding hands. Merlin finally stood and said, "Are you ready to continue? We don't have far to go." He took Arthur's hands to help him get up and looking at him, didn't hesitate but leant in to give him a resounding kiss. He said with a broad grin as he looked over his shoulder, "That will give the neighbours something to think about." He turned back to Arthur and saw a tear was on his cheek, he used his thumb to brush it away and followed up the kiss with a healthy hug saying, "Don't be sad, Arthur. If anybody can get though this, you and I can!"

They reached the intersection and Arthur said, "Can you see the newsagents down there?" Merlin nodded. "We need to go there as they carry flowers and I need some as I have to apologise to Ellie as I was really rude to her."

"I'll go and get them..." Arthur slipped him a twenty pound note as Merlin said seriously, "…and you can apologise to me later tonight!" his face breaking into a smile as Arthur grinned. Merlin then continued, "Won't be a minute, any particular colour?"

"Something that you think your mother might like…" Merlin was off in a flash and returned with a bunch of cream and two shades of pink coloured Gerbera daisies. "Are these all right? This is what my mother would like. He only had a limited selection and no yellow roses which stand for forgiveness."

Arthur shook his head and laughed, "Merlin, where have you been all my life?" He committed to memory the news that yellow roses stood for forgiveness. He thought to himself, 'Might come in handy sometime…'

-0-0-

Ellie had already decided to apologise to Arthur for not minding her own business but when he walked in with the flowers she became all weepy. "It was my fault," she said. "I should have kept quiet but Merlin seemed shocked and sad. Sorry, Arthur, I promise I will never criticise you again."

Arthur handed her the flowers saying, "You're wrong, Ellie, it was totally my fault. Before all this mess, I would never have spoken to Merlin like that but now I seem to lash out at the very people who are closest to me. I give you full permission to tell me off especially if Merlin is involved and I promise that next time, I will take the criticism with more grace." He smiled and as Ellie held out her arms to him, he accepted her hug.

Tom walked into the kitchen and said, "What am I interrupting?" He smiled kindly at the two of them as he said, "My wife in someone's arms and a beautiful bunch of flowers on the table. Am I missing something?"

"No, Tom. Just that your wife deserved them for reminding me how lucky I really am." Arthur smiled and as he left said, "By the way, Merlin chose them…"

"He's got good taste, they're beautiful, aren't they, Tom?" Tom nodded and Arthur made his escape.

-0-0-

They had supper in front of the TV. Arthur hadn't felt like going out so they took advantage of Ellie's offer to cook.

Gawaine and his father dropped by later in the evening, Charles giving Arthur a rough idea of what he would say in the eulogy. It was very well written and certain parts were poignant but Arthur had remained dry-eyed. Charles said, "You know you are like a son to us and if you need to get away from everything, you are both very welcome to stay with us either in town or in the country. I know that the next couple of days are going to be difficult but Lydia and I are only too willing to do anything to help you."

Merlin said after they left, "I can see Gawaine in his father. He has the same sparkle in his eye but is a much more mature version of his son."

"I love both Lydia and Charles very much. They were there for me growing up and it was often the realisation that they were there which kept me going when I lived at Minton. There home was a refuge, a proper family home, full of laughter, love and respect."

It had been some time before the young Merlin had realised that not every boy in his class had a loving family to return to each night. A family which would help you fight your battles and love you regardless of the messes you got into. He prayed that in the future, he would be able to provide a home like that for Arthur. God knows, he certainly deserved it.

Arthur had received a phone call and had taken it in his office. Merlin finally tired of the programme they had been watching decided to head up. He knew that they had an appointment with the tailor early the following day as the suits will need alterations and could maybe be ready by that afternoon. Arthur had said earlier, "Once our clothes are ready, I'd like to go to Minton, We could have a few days to ourselves before the funeral." Merlin had nodded in agreement.

Turning off the TV, Merlin made his ways upstairs, he then felt uncomfortable as he wasn't to sure where he should be sleeping. He looked at Arthur's half-closed door but felt that maybe charging in there would be presumptuous; he'd wait to be invited if that was what Arthur had in mind. He knew that Arthur had mentioned the room beside his so he opened the door; the bed had been turned down, the bedside lamp was on and his suitcase was in the corner. He lifted it, it was empty and then he realised that Tom had probably put his clothes in the wardrobe and sure enough he had.

He changed into his pyjama bottoms, grabbed a dressing gown and went into the ensuite to get ready for bed. He was tired and he hoped that sleeping in a new room wouldn't keep him awake. He said a quick prayer for his mother, Gaius and Arthur and snuggled into the crisp, fresh smelling sheets and watched the branches outside his window make wavy patterns on his ceiling. He was soon asleep.

-0-0-

He felt Spot leap on his bed and he murmured, "Spot, you came…" But the weight became heavier forcing him to reconsider the cat's presence. He finally opened his eyes when he felt someone's lips on his.

"I hope I can get a better response than '…you came!' Come on, get up! I don't want to sleep alone."

Merlin stretched languidly and tried to burrow deeper into the bed. He didn't want to get out as he was warm and quite relaxed. He slipped his hands from beneath the sheets and linked them around Arthur's neck, "My bed is warm, so why don't you join me here instead?"

Arthur needed no further invitation and slipping out of his clothes pulled back the sheets and joined Merlin. "You know, Merlin, I expected to find you in my bed. I was a little worried that I'd done something awful and that this was your way of telling me to stay away from you."

Merlin explained, "I don't think that I could do that even if I wanted to. You have such a hold on me that my whole days revolves around your and I even think of you when I'm asleep."

"Except when a little cat steals my place in your subconscious heart…"

Merlin laughed, "I thought it would be a little forward going into your room as you were still on the phone. My stuff was in here so I decided to stay." He slipped an arm around Arthur's waist saying, "Anyway, you're here now and correct me if I'm wrong but I believe you have an apology to make."

"I am really sorry for being rude to you today. I was having one of my bad moments. I was feeling really down and you looked so happy with Spot that maybe I was a little jealous and wanted you to myself."

"Great way of going about it!" Merlin said with a laugh..

"Am I forgiven?" Arthur asked as he slipped his hand lower on Merlin's back.

Later, holding Merlin in his arms, he realised that this was the first time he had ever slept in a guest room in his own house. From tomorrow, he decided they would sleep in his room.

-0-0-

Merlin lay beside a sleeping Arthur, whose arm was possessively around him which Merlin took as a good sign. For some strange reason, when they were in bed, there was less animosity and Arthur was almost himself. He'd fool around, tease him and never a nasty word was spoken. It was as if in the confines of the bedroom, they were safe and could be themselves…cocooned away from the harsh realities of the world.

He lay there, unable to sleep as worrying thoughts flooded his mind; he reviewed where the two of them stood at the moment, thinking hard about Arthur's present predicament. Merlin knew that Arthur had hated the way Uther had treated him as both a child and a teenager and he figured that Arthur was possibly surprised at the feelings he was having since his father's death. He knew that Arthur had not expected to care one way or the other if Uther lived or died however, the fact that his life now seemed in turmoil must have shocked him.

Merlin smiled sadly hearing his mother say softly, 'Merlin, always remember that blood is thicker than water!' He remembered the day he had as an eight year old, argued with his best friend Padraig and the following day at school, his big brother had come up to him and unprovoked shoved him, pushing him over…but by then he and Padraig had made up and he was the one to help Merlin to his feet. He realised that life had been so uncomplicated in those days.

He knew that Uther had never been the father a growing boy needed and later on the two Pendragons had practically become estranged yet Arthur had still worked in the family business even though Uther was overly demanding of him even as an adult. Merlin felt that he might even now be thinking through other aspects of his life and he was concerned that Arthur might be questioning that he was actually the man he had always thought himself to be.

Merlin's heart went out to him; one thing was certain, he had no intention of walking away as he couldn't imagine life without Arthur. He'd stay beside him, giving him whatever support he needed. However, if in the end Arthur was no longer interested in him, he'd let him go knowing that although he was deeply in love, it wasn't to be…he'd leave knowing that he had done his best.

Should Arthur not want him, he would never argue the fact as loved him too much. He would take Spot and return to his mother's. She would understand and support him until he felt strong enough to once again face the world.

-0-0-

Arthur was having troubled dreams, disturbing Merlin with his tossing and turning.

 _He recognises that he is in the old graveyard below the castle walls and sees clearly Merlin standing in front of him pleading with him to choose between him and something or someone. He can only see Merlin but then realises he is pointing at something, a body resting on a byre. There is a crown on the deceased's chest and the byre is surrounded by people but the only impression he gets of them is of red and gold._

 _He knows which way his heart is telling him to go but then his father arrives and stands menacingly in front of Merlin trying to stop him from reaching him. He knows it is his father and that it should surprise him but he can't remember why. His father is wearing a red cloak and carrying a sword which he brandishes around him most frighteningly. Arthur tries to speak but he's lost the ability; he puts his hand out to ward away the sword and his father yells spinning around, "Blood is thicker than water," and spears Merlin…_

He woke suddenly with a gut wrenching gasp. He lay perfectly still hoping that he had not disturbed Merlin. He must have because he felt Merlin's hand searching for his and a voice saying, "You're safe. I'm here! I will stand by you and fight at your side until you no longer need me." He felt Merlin kiss his hand and although he found the reference to fighting beside him strange, it was comforting and he fell back asleep knowing that with Merlin beside him he would be able to conquer anything.


	25. Chapter 25

**CHAPTER 25 :** **A BOY WHO LIVES IN A STATELY HOME**

During breakfast, Arthur suggested that Merlin speak to his mother. He had some business to attend to so it would give Merlin something to do. He did as suggested and Hunith said that both Gaius and she were well and would see him at the funeral. Merlin said that Arthur had said they would be welcomed to stay at the manor after the funeral but his mother said that it made more sense for them to leave and start the drive home.

"Look after yourself, Dear, and we'll see you in the church."

"Right," said Merlin"…and tell Gaius to drive carefully. Do you have a god map? No use getting lost." His mother laughed and said that she was sure they would manage quite nicely. "Love you, Mum!" Merlin said and disconnented.

By eleven o'clock, Merlin and Arthur had finished their appointment with the tailor and Tom had driven them out of London to Minton. They had passed St. Cuthbert's Church in the village and turned off the road through stately gates with a lodge to drive across the parkland to the house. Merlin was shocked. Arthur had not prepared him for the majesty of the place. He'd called in 'my father's' or 'the family home' but that had not readied him for what he was seeing.

Arthur noticed the look of alarm on his face and had grasped his hand saying, "It's been in my mother's family for generations. I realise it must seem massive but you'll get used to it and I hope feel comfortable here."

"Arthur, you could have warned me!" Merlin looked across the park and saw a herd of red deer. Closer to the main house he saw paddocks and horses. "I don't think I brought the right clothes with me…"

Laughing Arthur said, "Suits me if you wander around in your birthday suit all day. Stop worrying; it will just be you, me and a couple of visitors for the next two days. The staff has been here for years and nothing can shock them. The house will fill up on the day of the funeral but before then we have the place to ourselves. Hodge is the butler, been here donkey's years and has everything in hand. He is married to the housekeeper who still goes by her maiden name Mrs. Parsons."

The car swept up to the front door and Tom got out to open the back for a servant to take their cases. Two people whom he supposed were Hodge and his wife stood just below the steps. Arthur greeting both of them and Merlin nodded hopping that he didn't look the way he felt, as if he were on his way to the scaffold.

Hodge said, "Good After, Sir. I hope you had a pleasant drive down."

"Yes, thank you we did. This is Mr. Emrys he will be staying until I leave." He turned to Mrs. Parsons and said, "Did the other guests arrive safely?"

"Yes, Sir, they did and will see you for dinner."

Arthur then walked into the house. To say that Merlin thought that he was on the tour of a Stately Home was understating how he felt. His mind was able to appreciate the beautifully hall with its marble floor, rich woodwork, massive hearth and balcony. He felt that the stairs belonged on a movie set.

There was too much for him to take in before Hodge said, "Mr. Emrys's luggage will be taken to your wing, Sir."

"Thank you, Hodge, I think we can manage from here. I'd like a light lunch in the conservatory around two o'clock."

Hodge bowed and left.

They were alone and Merlin said, "Arthur, I think you might have prepared me, I thought you lived in a quaint manor house. No wonder you can afford to have multiple properties in London, I was just getting used to that and you spring this on me."

"Don't you like it?"

Merlin spun around to once again take in the massive three storey hall and said, "Arthur, it's beyond my wildest expectations!"

Grabbing his hand and dragging him into another room, Arthur said, "You haven't seen anything yet…!"

He wasn't lying; Merlin saw reception rooms full of works of art, a huge room capable of seating twenty-four diners complete with side boards and casement windows with a western aspect. The library was beautiful with leather chairs asking to be occupied by a reader. They saw a smaller dining room which Arthur referred to as the breakfast room and explained that they would probably eat there unless they wanted to eat upstairs.

"Do you really have your own wing?"

"Well, my father hated being disturbed and I was sort of banished to the East wing. You'll like it; it is less ostentatious and I have tried to make it more to my liking. Think of it as a flat within a larger house. I have my bedroom…" he winked and corrected himself, "…our bedroom, an office, a lounge cum TV room, a guestroom, a small dining room and a kitchen. The cook would have a fit if I ever prepared my own meals but it's handy for a cup of tea."

They were walking up a long flight of stairs and Arthur suddenly froze. Merlin felt him shudder and he followed where he was looking and at the top of the stairs was a massive oil-painting of his father. Arthur's sudden good spirits were gone and he muttered something under his breath about having that moved as soon as possible.

Merlin was going to say that he should give it time but it really wasn't any of his business and it probably could be relegated to another part of the house. The canvas was huge and Merlin decided it must have taken tens of gallons of paint to complete the work. They turned and continued up the next flight. Arthur opened a set of doors into a long corridor. It was so obviously Arthur's that Merlin had to smile.

"My father didn't approve of my choice of oil-paintings or sculptures but I like animals and landscapes. Family members from years gone by are fine but I don't want to live with them. Honestly, as a kid I used to think that I lived in a museum's art gallery."

Merlin laughed, true they were surrounded by horses and rustic looking farm animals and beautiful bucolic scenes. Nonetheless, they were beautiful and interesting much preferable to the seventeenth Duke of Somewhere or Another in his finery for the coronation of George III. There was one large painting of horses which he wouldn't be surprised to learn was a Stubbs.

Arthur was pleased to see that Merlin approved of his art work and said candidly, "There's a small Canaletto downstairs which I now intend to put in my room. I mentioned it once to my father when I was sixteen but he said, 'Why ever would I allow you to hide that masterpiece away in the dump you call your room!'

"Gawaine was here once and we got as far as taking it off the wall while my father was out of the country but Hodge felt that it should stay where it belonged until my father told him to move it to my wing…which as you can imagine never happened!" Merlin just grinned and shook his head.

Arthur was like a kid showing him around. It reminded Merlin of the first time he had invited Padraig to his house and how excited he had been to share everything with him almost forgetting to go down for tea until his mother had called up to them.

Arthur's bedroom was large with a seating area and a walk in closet. "Probably the dressing room." he said in passing.

"The ensuite was renovated a couple of years ago but I think I might change it to a wet room…" They walked back into the corridor and Arthur threw open two other doors, my office and the dining room. The lounge is my favourite room to sit in, it has a view of the park and in the distance the village. I usually rattled around here all on my lonesome but now it will be so nice as you are here."

-0-0-

By two o'clock they were in the conservatory having a light lunch then Arthur wanted to show Merlin a little of the land. There was a covered Olympic sized pool, tennis courts and stables. Arthur went into one building and came out on an electric golf buggy. "Don't think I can get there on foot as I'm rather tired but we can use this. As a kid, I used to race the stableman's daughter as we had two of them But one day someone…," he pointed to himself, "…landed in the lake and golf cart privileges were curtailed." Merlin enjoyed the little electric four-seater. They whizzed around the paths and reached the stable.

Arthur went over and opened the door and looked at his watch motioning for Merlin to be quiet and creep in. The place seemed empty. He motioned Merlin over to one of the large box stalls and he peeked over the edge of the door and saw a grey, fast asleep. In the next box was a large bay completely stretched and the only reason Merlin knew that he was alive was the occasional twitching of his ears and the steady rise and fall of his rib cage.

Arthur was grinning, he whispered, "They're having a siesta." The next box had a chestnut with its legs neatly curled up under itself, snoring.

They walked into another section and there was a doubly large box with another bay standing fast asleep resting one hip. In the same box was a little grey donkey and in the box next to her a black horse lying flat out.

Arthur slipped his arm around Merlin's shoulders as they stood looking at the black horse. He traced a line from his cheek to his collarbone and then decided to add a few kisses. Merlin turned to face him and what had started out as gently kisses became more demanding.

There was something peaceful and safe about the stable and Merlin moved himself so that he could feel Arthur against him. Arthur ran his hand down his back pulling him even closer. Standing there Arthur felt pleasant feelings stirring through his body. Suddenly, he realised the feeling which he had been missing since November was present. Nothing to write home about but he knew that all hope was not lost and what the doctors had forecast was possibly happening.

He pulled back and looked at Merlin shocked. Merlin meantime thinking that he had acted improperly looked worried. Arthur gave him a hug unwilling to let him go and afraid of saying something in case it was false hope.

Finally he held Merlin away from him and said very quietly, "Merlin, I think maybe I'm on the road to recovery."

Looking puzzled, Merlin said, "What do you mean?"

Arthur motioned downwards with his eyes and said, "Something happened…"

Merlin jumped forward and threw his arms around his neck, "I knew you'd get better, I'm so happy for you…and me!" he added on second thought, blushing slightly.

"Well, I think it might still be awhile before we can do anything but…" Arthur tried to talk but couldn't.

Merlin used his thumbs to brush away the tears which were on Arthur's cheeks, saying with a grin, "Can I tell my mother when I next speak to her? Can I, Arthur? Can I?"

"Don't you dare this is just something between us and..." he motioned to the bay mare who had come over to her door. "Sorry to disturb your nap but we wanted to share our news with someone." He took Merlin by the hand laughing and led him out into the sunshine.

-0-0-

Once outside, they sat on a bench against the stable wall overlooking an interior courtyard. "So what did you think?"

"I think it is the best news that I've heard in a long time."

Arthur laughed, leaning forward to ruffle his hair, "…the stables, Merlin, the stables not that..."

Merlin laughed and looked around at the wooden half doors, the large windows, beautiful window boxes and pointed roof. "It's a lovely building. Who were the horses?"

The mare with the donkey is Enda. She's quite old and finds lying down easy but getting up difficult so she prefers to sleep standing up. The donkey with her is a rescue animal called Neddy. They are inseparable. The grey is Contessa, an Arabian, the chestnut is Sykes from Oliver Twist and the bay is Jake, a corruption of Jack the Ripper, half-brothers sired by my father's stallion Executioner. Don't ask me why but my father names his offspring after murderers. The sturdy black is a Friesian crossbred called Ynys for the coal mines on Anglesey but it's been corrupted to Guinness which suits me fine."

"…and where is The Executioner? If he all full of fire and out to right all wrongs?"

"He was as a youngster but he settled down and he's a real gentleman. Something like, 'yours truly'!" Merlin gave him a friendly punch in the ribs. "I'll have to check but I'm pretty sure he's leased to a stud outside Bristol."

They stood and walked back to the golf cart. Merlin mentioned that he had never see horses sleeping like that. Arthur explained that they only did it when they felt perfectly safe in their surroundings. "You know, one day I intend to start riding again, nothing too demanding to begin with just nice walks. I intend to take you and you can take your pick but think that maybe Enda would be a good choice to begin with and Neddy will tag along behind.

"Will you keep the horses?" Merlin felt bad once he had said it as it was a little premature when Uther had not even been buried.

But Arthur wasn't the least fazed and said, "The place would seem strange without them and they're no trouble as we have a wonderful farm manager and a reliable stableman. A green space is not a field unless is has living lawn ornaments…and those we certainly have."

Merlin looked around him; there was certainly plenty of place to ride. Arthur pointed out a good sized track through the woods, "That goes through all the parkland and the only traffic on it would be the Manor Farm vehicles. You'd be quite safe and the worse thing that could happen would be that she'd take off and I would find you sitting on her outside the stable door. Mind you, if Neddy is more your style let me know?"

The thought of riding a donkey struck Merlin as hilarious. He'd done it of course as a child at Weston-Super-Mare but with the length of his legs he was sure as an adult that he could trail his feet of the ground. He grinned and looked at Arthur, wondering if he realised how much he really loved him and how his whole live revolved around this man.

If they hadn't been on the golf cart, Arthur would have wrapped himself around Merlin. His laughter was contagious and when he started to recount his ride at Weston, in no time, he was also laughing.

They returned the golf cart and Arthur plugged it in. "My father was very insistent that if you borrowed something it was returned to its respective place in good condition. Guess it's just force of habit."

Merlin linked his arm with Arthur's and they made their way into the house.

-0-0-

Arthur had decided they would eat in the breakfast room downstairs. "It's easier for the staff and I can guarantee that the food will be hot. I've invited a couple of guests, no one too difficult. Once the meal is over we can leave them and come up here."

As long as Arthur was there, Merlin didn't care who else was invited. They took the lift downstairs and Hodge walked forward and said, "Dinner will be served in ten minutes and the houseguests are in the drawing room."

Arthur nodded and grabbing Merlin's elbow pointed him in the right direction. Merlin thought, 'I'm never going to get the layout of this place. It's worse than a big hotel.'

As they reached the door, Arthur opened it, holding it open for Merlin. The room was beautifully decorated and he decided just what he had come to expect after a couple of hours at Minton. Two people rose to meet them and Merlin turned to Arthur who nodded towards the guests. Merlin turned and almost fell over. Gaius was standing behind his mother who was hurrying toward him.

He grinned back at Arthur and swept her up in his arms, "What are you doing here?" He put her down and said, "Gaius, what a lovely surprise." Gaius grinned at him and nodded at Arthur.

Hunith said, "Arthur arranged it. We were picked up at home and driven here yesterday. Arthur wanted to keep it a secret and we managed that didn't we, Arthur?"

"But I only spoke to you this mornig, how did you manage that?"

"The wonders of science, I have my cell-phone with me. You thought I was home but I was already here."

Dinner was wonderful not only the food but also the company. Gaius fitted in well and Arthur gave him a quick tour of the artwork on the ground floor while Merlin sat talking to his mother. "I can't believe that Arthur was that sneaky. He might have at least warned me."

"Why? Wasn't it a lovely surprise?"

"Of course, it was…my second one today!" His mother looked at him quizzically but he just shook his head and said, "Nothing bad, actually something great but I promised his lordship not to mention it just yet." He laughed and added, "Keep mum, Mum!"

Hunith smiled as long as Merlin was happy, she knew that everything was all right and any secrets would finally be shared when the time was right. "Arthur looks very well, he'd getting around better and has a less worrisome attitude."

"He is, he made great strides at Nonsuch and I think maybe another fifteen days and more tests will see him being released as an out-patient. He can manage most things just gets a little tired and today he's been talking about getting back to riding. Hasn't mentioned driving but I think over the next couple of weeks, I'll have him driving the Mini on the rehab's private roads. Who would ever have thought that we would both have had Minis, Mum?"

Arthur walked in on that and said, "Don't tell me he's boring you about his Mini? I'm sure that if he had the opportunity he'd have it in bed with us…" Arthur realised what he'd said and blushed.

Hunith reached out and touched his hand saying, "Well, I for one am looking forward to seeing it! I always believe, once a Mini owner always a Mini fan."

Merlin grinned and slipped his arm around her shoulders, "See, I told you my mother was the heighth of discretion, Arthur. Nothing you can say will upset her. Right Mum?" He leant forward and gave Arthur a grin brushing his lips against his cheek.

They sat around talking until Hunith said that she thought she would turn in. Gaius agreed and Arthur arranged for someone to show them to their rooms. He said, "This place can get rather confusing however, after a few days you'll get the hang of it."

Once they were again alone, Arthur turned to Merlin laughing, "Your mother is a gem. I can't believe what I said about the two of us in bed with your car."

Merlin smiled shyly at him saying, "Don't worry, I think she'd already figured that out. She knows me inside out."

"Gaius certainly loves you; you can see how proud he is of you. I think he considers you his son. You were very lucky to have him around growing up, your childhood must have been so happy with your Mum and your great Uncle."

"It was but I'd be even happier if we also went upstairs. You've had a long day and I think you're ready for bed." Merlin had noticed that Arthur was suddenly looking drawn and he knew that the idea of tomorrow and his father's funeral was worrying him.


	26. Chapter 26

**CHAPTER 26 :** **SHOVELS FULL OF EARTH**

There were cream coloured roses on Arthur's mothers grave when they arrived at the adjoining gravesite. Merlin knew that Arthur had ordered them the previous day.

A sombre group stood around the grave as the Internment Rite was concluded. Merlin stood to Arthur's left and had been within touching distance since they had left Minton that morning. Arthur had followed behind the casket alone as Merlin had insised that that was as it should be but he had been waiting for him in the pew when the casket was placed before the sanctuary. Reverend Chambers had done an excellent job in choosing the readings and giving a sermon suited for the situation.

Gawaine's father's eulogy had been personal and heart-warming, remembering the good times and lightly glossing over any contentious ones. He had spoken of the bond between family members and the sadness in Uther's life when his beloved wife, Arthur's mother had died. He had mentioned how Uther in his later life had given so much to the business world and had as a result been very successful. He referred to Uther's pride in his son's achievements and the sorrow his sudden death had caused his family and close friends.

Gawaine was impressed his father had covered all the main points and had not descended into maudlin sentiments of the father and son relationship. He listened as the pastor intoned the Final Rites, "…we therefore commit his body to the ground, earth to earth, ashes to ashes…"

'Ashes to ashes, dust to dust…' Gawaine remembered, while at his side, Bridie slipped her hand into his and he glanced across the grave to see Merlin on one side with his arm around Arthur's waist while Hunith stood on his other. He looked momentarily lost and Gawaine's heart went out to him. Sure the father/son relationship had been rocky but it was a loss whether at the moment Arthur was capable of acknowledging it or not.

The coffin was lowered into the grave. Rev Chambers said, "…for dust thou art and unto dust thou shall return." Arthur reached for a handful of earth from the trowel held by the minister and dropped it onto his father's coffin. The muted thuds echoed sadly in the afternoon air. So much had been...so little remained. Arthur bowed his head. All animosity towards his father was gone and he said his goodbyes from the heart. True there were reservations but no hatred as he bid his misguided father farewell.

-0-0-

The funeral party then returned to the manor where Mrs. Parsons had arranged a late buffet luncheon. Drinks were served first and Arthur circulated personally thanking each person for being present explaining that their kindness at this moment greatly helped him. Hunith was very impressed as he was so composed and seemed genuinely happy to see his father's closest acquaintances as well as his own friends.

Merlin stayed in the background but close enough that Arthur knew that he was nearby. He did not feel that it was his position to be with Arthur as he spoke to business partners but once Arthur moved onto his friends, he was pulled forward as Arthur wanted him next to him. The conversation soon returned to football and Arthur was pleased to hear that Leon felt sure that with the progress he had made to date, he would be back on the field again.

'A bit presumptive…' Merlin thought but he was grateful for Leon's kind words which had put a spark in Arthur's eyes as he considered getting back on the pitch.

"I will certainly try my best. Got a little way to go yet but don't any of you give up on me!"

Lance had laughed saying, "Well, I'd better work hard to hang onto my place on the team." The others laughed as many times it had been Lance who had pushed Arthur to bettering himself.

The buffet was excellent then slowly people began to leave to return to London. Gawaine and his parents were staying over as were Leon and Lance. Tom and Ellie left and Arthur thanked them for coming. As Arthur was not going back to Nonsuch until the weekend, Tom made arrangements to pick him up on Sunday afternoon. "Do you intend to come back to town for a couple of days before that?"

Arthur looked at Merlin who shook his head slightly. He knew that Arthur would get more exercise in the country and there was the added facility of the pool. Arthur had not done well on the streets of London and Merlin knew that he still had misgivings about using his walker. Merlin said, "It's up to you Arthur but I can see us walking and swimming more here than in town."

Tom nodded and said, "Then I'll be here Sunday at one o'clock, Sir." Arthur walked with him to the door.

Merlin managed to say, "Ellie, give Spot a big hug and tell her that I haven't forsaken her." Ellie smiled and patted his arm before following Bridie who was returning with them as she was on duty the following day.

-0-0-

Following supper, Hunith, Gaius and Gawaine's parents had moved to the library leaving the others to themselves. The four of them had hit it off well with Charles remarking that he thought that Merlin had been a godsend to Arthur especially during his stay in St. Swithin's.

"Well," said Hunith, "I was a little worried that it was taking too much out of Merlin but he was insistent that Arthur needed him and finally I accepted the fact and prayed even harder for Arthur's recovery."

"The whole situation was horrendous!" Charles stated.

"Did you meet Rupert's parents?" Lydia asked. "A really nice couple and to lose a son was exceedingly difficult for them. I thought it was very kind of them to come as it must have hurt them seeing Arthur in comparatively good health."

Gaius turned to Gawaine's father and said, "I thought your words at the service were very well chosen. It must have been difficult because of the coldness between the father and son. I also though that Arthur handled himself exceptionally well. He's a wonderful young man. Mind you, Gawaine also deserves credit as he kindly took Merlin in after he was let go."

"I never really understood that whole situation," Hunith said, "As Merlin seemed at a loss to explain exactly what happened and I didn't like to press too much as he was so worried about Arthur."

Charles said, "Well, raise your glasses to our boys and Arthur, their very good friend!" The four of them finally went upstairs just dropping in to say goodnight to the boys.

Merlin smiled, it made him warm and cosy on the inside having not only Arthur with him but his Mum and Gaius under the same roof. He knew how supportive a family could be and he realised sadly that Arthur was now bereft of any blood relatives. Well, the three of them would just have to be his family…if he would allow them.

-0-0-

Finally, the friends were ready to turn in as well. Gawaine was feeling no pain and Arthur said with a laugh that he could share with him if he liked. Gawaine nodded in agreement. Arthur told the others, "Just like old times! The first time he stayed over, he got lost when he had to pee and was found by Hodge wandering the corridors. In desperation, as he couldn't get him to stop crying, he deposited him in my room, telling me to look after him. Only time that I have ever know Hodge unable to cope! After that, we always shared."

"I think that maybe, you're old enough to stay in a separate room now, don't you, Gawaine?" Leon said kindly, grinning at Merlin.

Gawaine took some time to think it over before saying, "I am but…if you get lonely, Arthur…just knock on my door and I'll be right there."

Lance laughed saying, "I don't think he'll be lonely…do you, Merlin?"

Merlin blushed then added seriously, "Arthur, do all the bedroom doors have locks?"

Grinning Arthur said, "I assure you they do. At one point as a kid, I thought it was to keep the monsters out but now I can see that it might be for other reasons." He stretched managing to touch his thigh to Merlin's.

Lance stood up saying, "Well, I'm ready to turn in and as Gawaine is in the room next to me, I'll see he gets there. Leon, are you coming?"

"Yup! As you'll be back in training, I'll see you at six o'clock in the pool…Arthur."

"Not if I have anything to say about it," said Arthur. "Merlin and I are going to sleep late. Just go down to the breakfast room and someone will take your breakfast order. You too, Lance, can't see Gawaine wanting to face fried eggs and kippers in the morning."

"Or any time…!" said Merlin making a face.

The others left and Merlin pulled up his legs and sat leaning against Arthur on the sofa. "Glad the day is over?" he asked quietly.

"You don't know! It was hanging over my head like a lead balloon. Actually, as the day progressed it wasn't as bad as I had thought it might be. I think I had blown it up in my mind as I was scared that I wouldn't be able to get through it in one piece however, being surrounded by close friends made it easier. I knew that you were there and that if needed you would have stepped forward if I had got into trouble. I think I'm still sort of in shock, in a deal-with-it mode.

"Having you beside me helped a lot. I'm still a little unsure of myself in the position in which I now find myself and I worried that one day, I might crack but at the moment…" He dropped his head and kissed Merlin's hair, "…but at the moment I'm managing pretty well.

"I keep asking myself what had I done in my life for him to have treated me so badly? When I see you and Gaius, I realise what I have missed."

"You can share him with me if you like," said Merlin glancing up at him. "He's got plenty of love to go around."

Arthur's breath hitched and suddenly he started to sob. Merlin knew that it was just the reaction to being tired but he was serious about his uncle. Gaius had plenty of love for Arthur as well. He wrapped his arms around Arthur and held him. Finally saying, "I think we are both overly tired. Come on!" he stood up and offering Arthur his hand, pulled him up.

Arthur was a little stiff so they used the lift to get upstairs. Merlin suddenly realised that that was something which he could easily get used to.

-0-0-

Arthur's night was troubled. Merlin was beside him and awake. He knew to interrupt his sleep would accomplish little. Arthur needed a peaceful night's sleep but that was not happening.

Merlin glanced at the clock; it read three thirty seven. He had been a little disappointed when they had gotten into bed as Arthur had turned to him and said, "Merlin Love, I'm exhausted can we just sleep...?"

Merlin had been surprised because he had thought that now that Uther was buried, Arthur would have returned to his old loving self. He lay there thinking and it suddenly dawned on him that he was being juvenile. Of course, Arthur was tired and the last thing he wanted was to fool around.

He turned to him and placed a little kiss on his shoulder. He loved him and if they were going to remain only friends for the immediate future, he could live with that. He smiled to himself, knowing that at the moment, Arthur loving him was enough.

He must have dozed as he was awoken by Arthur having a conversation that made no sense…he then realised he was dreaming.

 _Arthur stands across from Gaius and Hunith at an open grave. He is not alone and he knows that the person beside him is not benevolent. He picks up vibes of impatience and belittlement._

 _Dr. Fells dressed as a minister smiles at Arthur but addresses Hunith, "At the moment, you feel adrift on a sea of sadness but one day you will without tears be able to remember how wonderful your son was. He was one of those rare human beings who would willingly give his whole self if someone needed him._

 _"He influenced many people especially those at St. Swithin's, where he will be remembered with fondness. The support he gave to his friend Arthur was the epitome of a caring young adult."_

 _Arthur feels the person beside him stiffen, before interrupting the service by saying, "He was a despicable gay who set his eyes on my son and ingratiated himself into my son's life while he was helpless…solely to gain financial independence. He took over his body, soul and mind. He was worthless and I regret the day he was introduced to my son and I hold the hospital responsible for allowing the contact."_

 _Arthur puts his hands over his ears to blank out the hate and untruths. He loved Merlin who had never asked anything of him but his love. Deep down he knows that he can't live without him but then he catches sight of Hunith and he realises that that would be where his future rested, looking after her as Merlin had. He glances towards the coffin with its yellow roses and sobs..._

His sobbing had awoken Merlin who slipped his arms around him and held him. Finally the crying subsided and Merlin brushed away his tears with the edge of the pillowcase.

"I thought you had died...my father was standing beside me at your funeral saying wicked untruths. I didn't think I was going to be able to go on and then I saw your Mum and decided I would stand in your place to look after her and Gaius. Merlin, please don't ever die..."

Merlin smiled into the darkness and said softly, "Can't promise that but I will stay with you until you no longer need me." He realised the words meant the he would one day lose Arthur but until then he would keep going regardless of what happened.

-0-0-

The remainder of the night was quiet, they were no further outbursts but Arthur was restless and when the first fingers of light pierced the eastern sky, Merlin realised that he himself was in need of a good night's sleep. He could equate his lack of sleep to being on night watch, ever vigilant, only ever dozing. He went to the bathroom and returned to look out of the window over the parkland. He could see the herd of red deer settled under the trees, soon they would be up grazing. Already the infrequent bird was beginning to serenade the arrival of a new day so he made his way back to bed.

He woke within what felt like minutes to Arthur's hands on his body. He smiled and went to snuggle deeper into the bed. He opened his eyes surprised to find the room sun-drenched. He turned to Arthur and saw that he seemed wide awake and said, "What time is it?"

"Well, let's say that if you had to have a meal it would be called brunch! I've been waiting ages for you to wake up as didn't want to deprive you of your beauty sleep." Arthur unabashedly allowed his hands to explore Merlin's body.

Merlin squirmed and smiled, Arthur was awake, in a good mood and he for one wasn't going to do anything to interfere with his obvious plans for the next little while. Merlin prayed for the day when he would be able to show Arthur how much he loved him. Almost immediately, he remembered their chat in the stable and smiled, one day he would initiate these special moments but until then he would wait patiently for Arthur's condition to improve.

They never made it to brunch as by the time they had showered and dressed it was after one o'clock. Gaius was in the conservatory having a coffee and reading the newspapers. The doors were wide open and the air felt warm and summery. He told them that Hunith had accepted Leon's offer to take her around the property. "Something about a golf cart but I don't think that had anything to do with their destination."

"Well, at least she'll be safe with Leon. Gawaine would never be my choice as a chauffeur, he's too willing to take chances. He once got stuck in a gateway and one of the farmhands had to dismantle part of the paddock fence so that cart could be released. My father had said that it was a shame that Gawaine hadn't been stuck with the cart as he might have leant his lesson."

"Who might have learnt his lesson?" said Gawaine walking in. "I'm famished, when is lunch?"

The others laughed as Arthur said, "I was telling Gaius and Merlin about the golf cart and the paddock fence."

"Don't believer everything he tells you. It was an honest mistake and only my feelings were hurt. Anyway, after lunch, Leon and I are taking our leave and hightailing it back to London."

"Bridie calling?" said Merlin with a suggestive grin.

"That and my department head from your prestigious company, Arthur. He needs a couple of reports finishing and thinks that I have had sufficient time off recently."

Arthur leant over and picked up the phone. He spoke quietly for a few seconds and then said, "Right! Two o'clock served in the conservatory. I would like a full English and I think Mr Emrys will have the same. Yes, that sounds perfect for the others." He turned smiling saying, "Leon and your Mum should be back by then."

Gawaine laughed, "If not, we can pack them a picnic and send one of the servants out to find them." But that was not to be as by five to one, a smiling Hunith and Leon arrived back at the house.

"Arthur, your gardens are beautiful. Leon gave me a very interesting tour including the walled fruit gardens; I was surprised to see the apricot trellises."

"Before you leave, I'll have Mrs. Parsons give you some of last years Minton Apricot Jam so you can enjoy it at home." Gaius's eyes lit up, he had a sweet tooth and wouldn't mind trying some apricot jam on toast. "…you too, Gaius. This year's crop won't be ready until August but I'll see that you both get some fresh ones then."

Merlin was surprised, he hadn't realised that apricots were grown at home. Guess, as a city boy, he had never thought about that. The ones he saw in the shops were usually from Spain. Later on he would get Arthur to show him the apricots and any other tropical fruit they were able to grow. He was partial to pineapples, maybe Uther had grown them too! Then it suddenly dawned on him that this property along with all the others in the family now belonged to Arthur.

He had been hungry and had made his mother proud by cleaning his plate. They had then sat around talking waiting for Leon and Gawaine to get their luggage. The two of them stood at the stairs waving goodbye to them as they drove down the drive.

-0-0-

Arthur slipped his arm around Merlin's shoulders and said, "I have something to show you." He led Merlin into the house and they made their way to the second floor but into another wing. "This is where my family used to live," he said pointed at a group of doors, "My father kept the same rooms he had when he was married. It's just a little way further along the corridor." He stopped, opened a door and allowed Merlin to walk in ahead of him. The air in the room was stale from disuse but Merlin immediately realised it was a child's bedroom; he smiled…Arthur's to be exact.

The room was large and contained a single bed, a wardrobe, bookcase, child's desk, table and chairs. Arthur walked to an adjoining room and said, "This is where Eva my nursemaid slept. To begin with there was a crib next door but as I grew up. It was changed for a single bed. Rather Spartan isn't it? You can see why I like to have artwork on the walls in my own wing. One day Eva was in trouble as I had as a seven year old, tried to add some much needed pictures but in my stupidity, I'd done the artwork right on the wall. She'd tried desperately to remove the marks and even moved the wardrobe to cover the biggest mess. She said that we would be able to see it whenever we wanted but that it would be hidden from anyone else. My father was less than enamoured at his son's artistic talent and had impressed on me with a wack on my rear that the walls belonged to him and I was not to damage them"

Arthur walked across the room and Merlin helped him move the wardrobe and there was a childish picture of a blonde boy with two other boys holding his hands standing in front of a house which vaguely resembled Minton. Merlin reached out to touch it, "Friends of yours?" he asked, his voice catching.

Shaking his head and looking sad, Arthur said, "Imaginary ones! I didn't know any boys until I went to boarding school, there I met Gawaine and the rest is history…" he said with a grin.

"Your father didn't realise it but he had a Banksy on his hands," said Merlin as he wrapped his arms around Arthur giving him a kiss.


	27. Chapter 27

**CHAPTER 27 :** **A SUBTLE PALATE**

Merlin's family and Arthur had supper, the plan was that Arthur and he would return to Nonsuch on Monday and on the same day, Hunith and Gaius would be picked up by Tom and driven home. Sunday they would with Hunith and Gaius go to Mass at the local Catholic church, The English Martyrs in nearby Millbrook.

Merlin had felt very relaxed at Minton, he loved the parkland and the peace. The staff were almost invisible and the house ran smoothly not unlike a five-star hotel.

"You'll be sorry to leave, won't you?" Arthur said as they got ready for bed.

"Well, I never aspired to living in a manor house but this experience has made me realise that it certainly has its perks. Are you happy here though? I know it must be difficult," Merlin said pulling back the covers, plumping up his pillow and lying back against the headboard.

Arthur joined him and they lay there talking. "The strange thing is that without my father's presence, the house is not an unhappy place. Sure, there are memories around every corner but with you, I seem to be able to ignore them but I'm not ready to live here on my own yet. Just think, this summer we could have a huge party, something my father would never condone even when I was at university. The nice thing about a large house is that everyone could stay over and drink as much as they wanted."

"Well, let me know ahead of time as I could think of nothing worse that being holed up with your football chums if they were all three sheets to the wind."

Arthur laughed, "I can assure you, Merlin, you would be perfectly safe with them. They'd know better than to hit on you. I could make you a sign that says, 'Permanently Possessed by your Host', that should stop any problems."

Merlin smiled, the idea of being possessed by Arthur seemed rather enticing. They had just sort of slipped into the relationship and being together seemed right. Maybe one day they would discuss it but at the moment, Merlin certainly could see himself with no one but the man who was actually at his side.

He rolled toward Arthur and put his arms around him, Arthur rested his head on Merlin's chest and said, "Maybe my father didn't understand us but I'm sure my mother would have just like yours does." Merlin bent his head down and kissed the top of Arthur's head. He then got a little carried away and continued kissing him until he reached his ear and then nibbled the shell and suggestively kept flicking his tongue in his ear hole.

Arthur moaned and snuggled closer saying, "You're asking for it, Merlin, and one day, I promise that I will be ready, willing and able."

"Sounds like the partners of a law office!" Merlin whispered.

"Oh no! I assure you they are not stodgy octogenarians. Ready will ask the question, willing will be the response which you have to make under no pressure and able will be my condition."

Merlin pulled back and said seriously, "Arthur, when you are the able one, I will always be willing."

Arthur kissed him saying, "I'll hold you to that, My Love!" He continued a little sadly, "As the saying goes, 'My spirit is indeed willing but my flesh is weak'!"

Merlin smiled. He wanted to give himself to Arthur; he knew he would have to wait. He'd thought about it and knew it would be all right. He trusted Arthur and although he might feel a little worried, he knew that he wouldn't force him. Arthur would be kind and gentle. He also realised that if Arthur didn't think he was ready for that next step he would wait until he was. He chuckled to himself as an interesting thought entered his head.

Arthur said, "No fair, come on, Merlin, you have to share if it's that funny."

"I've been thinking Arthur, could I also be ready, willing and able one day. Ready would be my question, you would have the chance to be willing and I'm sure I'd be able with a little help."

Merlin thought Arthur was going to die laughing as he shook his head and wiped his eyes saying, "What did I ever do to deserve you? Yes, Love, whenever you feel ready, I will be willing!"

Merlin felt as if his heart was going to explode. He was in love with a wonderful man; someone who had taken a space in his life which until recently he hadn't acknowledged as he didn't understand its emptiness. Arthur completed Merlin who now knew he was home.

-0-0-

Merlin ran his hand up, Arthur's back. It seemed so immature but he loved simply touching him. It gave him a tactile pleasure; not only did his body feel good to his hand but also visually he received pleasure. His boyfriend was attractive. He lay idly tracing his muscles.

Arthur smiled. He loved the feel of Merlin's hands on his body. At first he had been so timid, only occasionally brushing the back of his hand up his face and into his hair. Now however, his hands could be more demanding and many an exchange of affection had been shared in public with Merlin's hands surreptitiously touching him.

Arthur knew that Merlin's feelings for him were without constraint. Merlin's love for him was all consuming and Arthur felt wonderful in knowing that for them, love was a two way street. Whatever he was willing to give was affectionately accepted and returned freely.

Merlin smiled to himself as in the hospital he had often dreamt of standing beside Arthur, running his hands over his chest and finally putting his arms around his waist and pulling him to him. Then, he hadn't known how wonderfully Arthur's body and his would fit together. He remembered the first time he had seen him in pool and then the day he had stood in the sunlight and been bathed in a golden glow. If it wasn't for the fact the Louis XIV had usurped the title he would have thought of him as the Sun King. Arthur was all sunshine and he on the other hand was moonlight…and they literally went hand in hand.

He whispered into Arthur's neck, "I love you so much, it almost hurts…" Arthur murmured in his sleep but the word was obviously Merlin. He wondered if his mother's love for his father had been as intense and if Arthur's father for that short period of time when he had both a living son and wife had felt for his son the love which he knew his mother had for him. Maybe it was different with fathers but he hoped that Uther had for the few minutes felt positively about Arthur.

His eyes became heavy and he drifted off to sleep.

-0-0-

With Hunith and Gaius on their way home, Arthur and Merlin prepared to leave for Nonsuch. Hodge offered to drive them and Arthur accepted. They arrived back mid-afternoon and went straight to their suite where Arthur received a schedule for the upcoming week.

"No peace for the wicked," he said as he unpacked.

"But just think, you could be out of here in ten days if the doctors approve. At least here, you are on the premises and not sitting in a car in London traffic waiting to get to your appointments. Hopefully, you get a good report as you kept up your swimming and walking."

Merlin left to put his backpack in the closet and Arthur thought, 'He's right having the facilities on your doorstep makes it a lot easier to get the work done. Maybe I shouldn't be in such a hurry to get back to town.'

A voice interrupted him saying, "Will we eat up here tonight? If so I can check on the menu and order us something interesting."

"None of your 'but let's try this' choices. I would like something light. I'm sure I've put on weight."

"Well if you have, I'm sure it's muscle." Merlin thought Arthur looked great, he's picked up a bit of sun and was one of those lucky people who just bronzed. He wondered if in the summer, his hair would also lighten. He couldn't remember as last summer Arthur was just someone who was in the office and he rarely had anything to do with him.

Someone had forgotten to put the weekly menu in the folder on the their desk so Merlin went downstairs and Arthur asking him at the same time to pick up any post at the office. While Merlin was out he took advantage of phoning Dr. Alistair's office and leaving a message requesting an appointment for midweek. He looked at himself in the mirror nodding at himself, 'Hopefully, all results will be positive!'

"The receptionist gave me these," Merlin said, walking in and dumping a handful of envelopes on the desk.

Arthur glanced through them, he knew a few would be Minutes of various office meetings which his secretary arranged to have forwarded to him. Although he wasn't yet ready to return to work, he needed to keep abreast of things. There was a package of sympathy cards which Tom had forwarded and he sat on the bed to go through them.

He did no more than scan them but Merlin read every word and then made a list of the senders' names on Arthur's Ipad.

"Some of these cards are quite touching, especially the ones from your father's old classmates. They should all be invited to the memorial service." Some of them had made an impression and Merlin decided that he would never send a sympathy card without writing something personal. They were the ones which really stood out, it would be so easy just to sign it and post it but to take the time to write something special was important.

"Merlin, go onto my e-mail and see if there are any posts there and take those names also."

"But don't you want to read them?"

"Not really! Flag anything that you think I should respond to and I'll get around to it later."

Merlin was going to say something but he decided that Arthur had his reasons and he'd just go along with them.

Supper arrived and thankfully Arthur found it to his liking. He glanced at Merlin's plate saying, "What in heaven's name are you eating, Merlin?"

"Well, I went to the kitchen and the chef suggested that I try the lamb sweetbreads roasted with bacon and onion sauce." Merlin put a miniscule slice on his fork and leaning across the table said, "Try it!"

Arthur leaned over and had a good look, not seeing anything resembling a lamb chop he shook his head saying, "No!"

"Arthur, stop being a baby, just take a little bit off my fork." Arthur clenched his jaw and turned his head away.

"Well, if you won't try it you might just be missing something which you later regret."

"Merlin, not likely! Do you even know where they come from?"

"Yes, the kitchen!"

"…and before that?"

"The butchers…?" said Merlin hesitatingly. Arthur waved his hand at him to back up. Merlin then added, "…a farm?" Arthur continued to make a circle with his hand and Merlin added, "Lambs…?"

Arthur put his finger in his throat and pretended to vomit before asking, "But where…in the lamb?"

"If you're thinking, what I think you're thinking you're wrong. The chef assured me they are not testicles but the pancreas. Anyway, it tastes very good, creamy, tender and moist. You sure I can't tempt you?"

Arthur after realising his mistake took a miniscule bite of the morsel Merlin offered him. He wouldn't say that he was bowled over by the taste but it certainly wasn't gross as he also got the residual flavour of bacon and onion. He grinned at Merlin saying, "I hope you can trust the chef's knowledge of edible meats."

"Arthur, I saw you eat sausages in a pub. Who knows what went into them?"

Finishing their meal and as it was still light, they put on jackets and went for a walk. Merlin wanted to check on his Mini. "Maybe, we could go out for a drive tomorrow after your therapy. Seems there's a petting zoo at one of the local farms, I'd like that."

Arthur leant over to him saying, "Merlin, if you want to pet someone you can always pet me." He grinned as he saw a blush creeping up Merlin's cheeks.

They did three circuits on the track and made it back to their room. Arthur was scheduled for some strength tests in the morning and he was looking forward to improving his scores. He'd felt wonderful for the last week and even though he remembered feeling tired on the London streets, he'd had no trouble since then. He decided that maybe it was the cement as on grass and synthetic walking tracks he had no problems.

Merlin was cuddled into his side so he said, "Are you happy to be back here?"

"I think I preferred your room in Minton."

"Our room, Merlin..." He got up and gave Merlin his hand to pull him off the sofa. "Come on, it's time for bed."

"Let me help you get ready?"

"I'm quite capable, you know."

"Yes, Arthur but it would be fun..."

"But only if you let me help you afterwards…!"

-0-0-

A storm arose over night and Merlin opened his eyes to the blinding lightning. There were distant rumbles of thunder but Arthur slept through them. Merlin counted the time between the flashes and the thunder and knew that the storm was getting closer. He rather enjoyed storms when he was safely tucked into bed.

The closer the storm got the more anxious Arthur seemed to get. He mumbled and fisted the sheets in his hands. Merlin was sure that he could make out the word Father.

 _An eight year old Arthur knowing that the storm will overtake him before he gets home runs as fast a he can. The wind picks up and he is being buffeted. He tries to see through the driving rain and he makes out the bulk of Minton ahead. He races up the drive and finally gets to the steps. As he raises his hand to knock on the door, it swings open. A hand grabs him and for a second he thinks he's going to be pulled in out of the rain and wind…but he isn't._

 _A voice, his Father's says, "Disobedient boys, need to be punished!" and he pushes him back into the storm. "I told you to get back before it rained and you disobeyed me. Stay out there!"_

 _The door closes and seconds later a flash of lightning followed by an ear-shattering crack of thunder shakes the ground and one of the large firs in the paddock cracks and falls with a branch muffling thud. Sure that his Father would now open the door, Arthur waits but nothing happens. He is shivering not only from the rain and the cold but from the fear that the next lightning strike will be closer._

 _As the bad weather intensifies, he wanders the perimeter of the house trying to find an open door or casement window, but he realises the staff have closed everything because of the impending storm. He is making his way down towards the servants' entrance when a door opens and Hodge yells, "Master Arthur, you'll get your death of cold out there. Get in here quickly."_

 _Arthur allows himself to be dragged inside and wrapped in kitchen towels. Mr. Maxwell the butler tells Hodge to get some bath towels as he takes off Arthur's jacket and shoes and carries him into the kitchen. He hands him over to the cook saying, "I told Mr. Pendragon that Arthur was coming up the drive and he said that he'd open the door and let him in. Why didn't Arthur go to the front door, it would have offered some cover?"_

 _Arthur feels warmer, his socks are off and he sits in front of the kitchen fire. He listens to the conversations but can't bring himself to tell anyone that his Father had opened the door but then shut it in his face. Hodge returns and he is undressed and then wrapped in a big bath towel. The cook hands him a cup of sugary tea but his hands are shaking so hard that he can't hold it. Hodge kneels beside him and holds the cup to his lips._

Another peal of thunder shook Nonsuch and Arthur cried out, "Father, no! Let me in, please…"

Merlin snaked his arms around him, pulling him closer so that his head is lying on his chest. Arthur was shivering and half sobbing, "Please don't! I didn't mean to be bad…don't close the door, let me in!"

The words were heart-breaking causing Merlin to believe that it was an actual experience from Arthur's childhood not an episode from a movie which he was remembering. He said softly, "Arthur, it's all right. I have you. You're safe. The storm will soon pass and it will become quiet again."

Arthur began to relax, once the lightning had stopped he said, "Merlin?"

"Yes, it's me…I'm here Arthur!"

"I'm sorry, you must be wondering what kind of a nut case you have got involved with. I'm sorry, it usually is not that bad and usually I'm by myself."

"What happened?"

Arthur told Merlin about the storm and the consequences for being late. He mentioned young Hodge finding him and warming up in the kitchen. " I was too scared to tell them my side of the story in case I got further into trouble… My father was not the easiest man to live with, Merlin."

Merlin could feel his blood boiling. What kind of a person would leave an eight year old out in a bad storm? Arthur could have wandered off, fallen and not have been found until the following day. It brought forcefully to Merlin that not all people should have children. There were too many parents who blithely produced offspring for which they had no interest and in many cases certainly no love. It annoyed him to think that just because someone can make a baby they feel that they should…

He thought of his Mother's little border terrier and how the breeder had been most insistent that they realised the responsibility they were taking on in welcoming a dog into their home and how she told them that if they ever lost interest in the dog, she'd take it back without asking any questions. He realised that that women cared for and worried more about her puppies than many parents did their kids.

If Arthur's mother had survived, it might have been different. He had no respect for Uther just an underlying anger that the man had not realised how precious his child was. He realised that Gawaine as young as he had been had had the right idea when he had asked his parents to adopt his little friend Arthur.

The storm was well passed. Arthur had fallen asleep and Merlin leant into him kissing his lips telling him that as a little boy he had been very brave and that he would be there for him during every future storm…or a least he'd try his darnedest to be.


	28. Chapter 28

**CHAPTER 28 :** **DEATH TRIUMPHS AGAIN**

Arthur left the appointment with Mr. Alistair the urologist, grinned from ear to ear. He'd been worried but the prognosis was excellent. He was advised not to overdo anything but he got the all clear to proceed with caution.

Tom driving him back to Nonsuch remarked that he seemed in fine fettle. Arthur had thought, 'Ready, aim fire!' but instead he'd said, "Yes, the news was good…one less specialist on my list."

"That's good to know, Arthur, soon you'll be living back in town on a regular basis."

"The sooner the better in my mind… By the way, how are the alterations coming with the wet room?"

"It's finished. Do you want to drop by and have a look?"

Arthur checked the time; he still had plenty of time to get back to Merlin before supper. He had decided to go to the appointment alone so Tom had picked him up dropping off any correspondence and driven him to London. He'd left Merlin at Nonsuch happily messing around with his car and promising to open the mail and put aside anything which needed immediate attention. He'd been bothered with e-mails and letters asking for financial aid and his father's secretary would take care of those with suitable refusals.

He wanted to get back to Merlin but he decided that he really should check out the alterations first. He'd be paying the bill so he might as well check that everything was to his liking. Therefore he said, "That's a good idea. I can also check on the cat as the first thing Merlin will say if I tell he I was home, will be, 'Did you see Spot?'"

Ellie was very happy to see her husband and Arthur coming in and raced around so that she had lunch on the table by the time they came back downstairs. She said, "Arthur, do you have time for a quick bite?"

Looking at the table and seeing some of his favourites, he pulled out a chair up saying, "Perfect! Upstairs looks great and now a homemade lunch." He brought Ellie up to date on his return to Nonsuch and how he had worked really hard during yesterday's tests and hoped that the results would push the head therapist to advise that he could leave earlier than later. "We'll both be glad to be back here."

He bent over to pick up Spot who was rubbing herself against his foot. He laughed supposing that she had caught Merlin's scent, said, "Ellie, take a picture on my iPhone and Merlin will be able to see how well she is doing."

-0-0-

Once they were back on the road, Arthur phoned Merlin to let him know that they would arrive within the hour and sent Spot's photo to him. She was a funny little cat and certainly quite at home with Ellie and Tom.

They were soon overtaken by a police car with lights flashing and sirens wailing. Tom immediately lowered his speed, if there was a tie up ahead, he hoped to be able to get off the dual carriage way and find an alternate route so as not to be held up. They came around a corner and ahead he could see a jack-knifed truck and some stopped cars. He slowed down but the truck driver behind him didn't and the Rolls was hit hard from behind. Luckily, he was wearing his seatbelt; he was thrown forward, then back as his airbag deployed and then his head hit the driver's side window and he momentarily blacked out.

He woke blearily to someone rapping on the window. His first thought was Arthur and he turned around seeing his body crumpled on the back seat. The back window of EPG secure glass had shattered and Arthur was covered in hundred of pieces of safety glass fragments. He was bleeding from a gash on his temple possibly from a projectile and Tom remembered he'd been on his laptop. He was too still. Tom called, "Arthur, can you hear me?"

The man who had woken him, told him to unlock the doors and managed to wrench the back door open and reach Arthur. "He's breathing but shallowly. I don't want to drag him out as I don't know what damage has been done to him."

An ambulance with lights flashing wailed past them followed by a police car which drew to a stop. Tom realised with a surge of emotion that he welcomed the sight of the white car with its blue and lemon trim. "Anyone injured?" someone asked.

Tom who by then had his feet on the road, pulled himself out of the seat and said, "My employer is in the back and I think he might be unconscious."

The sergeant looked in at Arthur then said, "There's another ambulance coming, I'll have a paramedic check him out once they arrive." The sounds of more sirens could be heard. Two more ambulances arrived but the policeman waved them both by.

Tom stood there shaking his head, "He's just getting over injuries from a bad accident last year and now this…"

The policeman said, "You were lucky you were in a solid car as the damage done to the truck makes me think that it was going overly fast and in a smaller car it would have been worse for you and your passenger."

Tom glanced at the truck, its driver was standing seemingly lost, with blood on his face and hands. The policeman walked over to him and asked for identification and his commercial C1 driver's license; he shook his head when the driver was unable to provide the latter. "You were driving too fast and must have seen the first police car speeding by. Why didn't you proceed at a reduced speed? Notify your employer that you have been in an accident and stay with the vehicle. Someone will look at your head later."

The driver shook his head motioning to the Rolls muttering it was the other driver's fault. The sergeant unperturbed ignored him and returned to Tom while speaking on his phone requesting a paramedic for an unconscious passenger.

The adrenalin was beginning to wear off and Tom felt rotten. His head and shoulders ached and he had hit the dashboard with his right knee. He leaned on the car near the open back door and checked again on Arthur. He was moaning softly and Tom felt that that was an improvement.

Another ambulance pulled up, flagged down by the sergeant. There was a hushed conversation and the sirens were cut and a paramedic approached the Rolls. "…and what have we here?" the man asked Tom gently.

"He was unconscious but now he is moaning."

"What's his name?"

"Arthur… Arthur Pendragon…"

"Arthur, can you hear me. Where does it hurt?" Arthur seemed to realise that someone was next to him on the seat but apart from trying to lift his head said nothing.

"Does he have a medical history that might have caused this reaction?"

Tom quickly explained about the accident last winter, the ensuing coma and the months in rehabilitation. "He was doing so well, walking unaided and…

They checked Arthur as best they could then the second paramedic, an older man said, "Well, let's get this young man on a stretcher and into the ambulance then we can get his vitals."

-0-0-

Merlin had talked the chief groundskeeper into letting him pull the Mini around the back and give it a wash. He had all he needed but water. One of the gardeners passing nodded laughing that he didn't often see patients washing their cars. "How's the blond chap with you coming along? I sometimes see you two walking on the track and swimming."

Smiling Merlin said that Arthur was progressing very well but it had been a long haul as the accident had happened at the end of last year. "I never realised how long convalescence can take. Hopefully, the end is in sight. He had an appointment in London and I expect him back later this afternoon."

"Well, enjoy cleaning your car and make sure you shammy it well and leave no water spots!"

Merlin laughed saying, "With my luck, it will probably rain tonight but at least the car will be cleaner."

The chap walking back to his wheelbarrow smiled saying, "I'm planting out some late annuals so I could do with some rain!"

Halfway through the procedure, Merlin stopped to answer his phone it was Arthur telling him that they should be there within the hour. Merlin thought perfect, he had plenty of time to get the car finished, go back to their suite and clean himself up. His jeans had become soaked as at one point he'd lost control of the hose. He smiled remembering that as a kid, Gaius used to manage to soak him if they were washing his car. His mother never blamed him however, just tutting at her uncle and saying something about boys always being boys and that they had to take off their shoes before coming in. Merlin smiled to himself, he'd loved having Gaius around when he was growing up. Thinking of it gave him a nice cosy feeling then he felt sad as he was sure that Uther had never fooled with Arthur that way.

Once his car was so clean that he could see himself in it, he rolled up the hose and returned it to its place. He then drove the car over to its regular parking space and stood admiring it, pulling out his phone to take a picture before going up to his room.

-0-0-

Two more ambulances passed them. Arthur had a neck collar put on him and he was carefully moved onto a backboard, then loaded onto a stretcher. One paramedic asked Tom if he wanted to travel with them to the hospital. "Your car isn't going anywhere and the road won't be cleared for some time and AA will take care of it. I feel that with your employer's medical history it would be better for someone who has an idea of what he has been through and the names of the hospitals and trauma centres he has attended, to be with him when he is seen by the emergency staff."

"Can I phone a family member of his who's waiting for us right now?" Tom knew from experience that often in a hospital scenario, the words 'friend of', can cause a stumbling block when a person wants to visit and as far as he was concerned, Merlin was the closest thing to a family member that Arthur had had in years.

"Why don't you wait until he's in the hospital and the doctor's have checked him out? I'm not yet sure to which hospital we will be going. You're lucky I was stopped by the police as there are quite a few casualties up ahead."

Tom climbed into the ambulance and they reversed until they could drive the wrong way in the emergency lane. The road was packed but the driver managed to manoeuvre around the cars to take an on-ramp. With lights flashing and sirens wailing, he drove up it the wrong way and was waved through by a policeman stationed on the main road.

Arthur had not yet responded to any questions from the paramedic. Tom was worried. He had to let Merlin know what had happened. He glanced at his watch...by now they should have been arriving at Nonsuch. His face and chest hurt from the impact of the airbag. He knew he hadn't been responsible for the accident but he couldn't help but feel guilty seeing Arthur lying there.

-0-0-

The ambulance made its way cross country and finally was able to get onto another dual carriage way Tom looking out noticed that they were going in the right direction for Nonsuch. After fifteen minutes the driver called back that they had been directed to the A&E at Medbrooking. This was good as the closer they got to Nonsuch, the closer Arthur would be to Merlin.

Within the hour, Arthur had been seen by emergency room staff and was in the ICU for observation. His records had been requested from London and he was resting comfortable. His temple had been seen to and it was a blunt-force trauma. One doctor said it could have been the edge of the door handle or something equally solid. Tom felt sure that Arthur's head had made contact with the edge of his laptop.

The doctor on duty told Tom that Arthur was coming around slowly and that they were keeping him in overnight for observation. He was allowed to see him and he realised that Arthur's breathing was better and his eyelids occasionally flickered.

"He's not going anywhere soon so why don't you go home and come back tomorrow?" the doctor suggested.

"There's someone at Nonsuch that I need to get in touch with, he should be here with Arthur. Are there any taxis or cars for hire?"

Tom was directed to the emergency entrance where he phoned for, a taxi.

-0-0-

Merlin kept glancing at his watch. Arthur was running an hour late. He kept checking that his phone was on. Nothing! He knew he could call Ellie but he kept hoping that any minute the Rolls would pull into the driveway.

He was getting desperate; he wandered downstairs to see if any message was waiting for him at Reception but the receptionist just shook her head saying no phone calls or messages had been received for Mr. Pendragon's suite.

The more worried Merlin became, the more he began to second guess his importance to Arthur. Arthur knew he was at Nonsuch but maybe he'd had a change of plans deciding to go out with friends or even stay over in London. Before the accident, Arthur had had a full social life, now he was on his feet again maybe he had decided that he was ready to take up the reins again and move beyond him.

However, Merlin couldn't forget the hours they had spent together, how Arthur had opened his heart to him and the time he had spent showing that he'd loved him. Arthur would have let him know if there had been a change in plans. The more time that passed, the more Merlin felt unsure of himself. Could Arthur have met up with some friend and decided to take advantage of the situation? Had he just been a convenience until Arthur was given the medical all clear?

It sounded so foreign to him as Arthur had never struck him as one of those men who thought nothing of jumping into bed with someone they had just met. He shook his head; he was becoming paranoid. He wasn't going to allow his mind to get carried away. There had to be a valid reason for the delay. Something must have happened but it was strange that he hadn't phoned. He knew Arthur had self respect. Arthur had treated him well, taking things at his pace and promising that when he was able he would ask if he could take their relationship a step further. Arthur loved him…

No! Something had happened, Arthur would have come home if he had been able. He trusted the Arthur he'd learned to love and it was not the way he behaved. Any moment, the phone would ring and he'd hear Arthur's voice begging forgiveness for worrying him.

...and the phone did ring but it wasn't Arthur.

-0-0-

"Mr Emrys? There is someone in reception who would like to see you. Should I send him up?"

Merlin's heart was in his throat as he said, "No, I'll be right down..." he slammed down the phone and took off racing down the stairs flat out, skidding to a stop in reception, he saw Tom in his chauffeur's uniform holding a hospital personal property bag.

'God, please no! Don't let anything awful have happened to him...'

Seeing the look on Merlin's face, Tom walked forward and grabbed his arm, "Merlin, listen to me, he's going to be all right just a knock on the head. I came because I knew you'd want to see him. If you get your keys, we'll drive over. It's maybe ten minutes away."

Merlin slowly took everything in. Tom had come but not Arthur. He beckoned for Tom to follow him and ran back upstairs, he grabbed his keys and at Tom's suggestion one of Arthur's clean shirts as the chauffeur put the bag of Arthur's belongings on the bed.

Ready to leave, he glanced around the room and then said, "What happened, did he fall over?" As they walked out to the car, Tom brought him up to date on the accident and Arthur's condition.

The word unconscious hit Merlin hard and he caught his breath. They couldn't be facing that again. He fumbled trying to get the car key into the door lock and Tom sensibly took it out of his hands and sent him around to the passenger's side.

Driving to the hospital, Tom for a second time, slowly went over what had happened on the road and also Arthur's condition.

"Have you seen him?"

"Yes, I travelled in the ambulance with him. He now has stitches in his temple and the doctors are expecting him to wake up soon. His eyelids are fluttering and his pulse and breathing are normal."

"Did he hurt his back or his legs? Merlin asked.

"The doctors will know more when he wakes up but I told the paramedics about his recent problems and they had him completely immobilised before they lifted him onto the stretcher. When I left, he was in a bed in observation and the doctor said that you could sit with him when you arrived. Arthur's a tough one; it will take more than a bang on the head to stop him."

As they drove into the parking lot, Merlin said a little prayer that God had been watching over Arthur and that Tom would be proven right.

-0-0-

Merlin stood outside the observation room and took a deep breath. Arthur wasn't strong enough to face this a second time. Merlin felt his heart clench, he wished it was him in the bed and Arthur was standing in the doorway.

He remembered that his mother said that the imagined unknown is often worse that reality. Taking a deep breath and plastering a smile on his face, he walked into the room. Immediately picking out Arthur's bed, he walked toward it.

A nurse approached him and he gave his name stating simply that he was Mr. Emrys. She nodded saying, "He's had his eyes open and has been mumbling about a falcon."

Merlin smiled, "My name is actually Merlin. That's a relief that he still thinks about me."

The nurse smiled, this young man was the one mentioned in Mr. Pendragon's previous hospital records. She was glad that her patient now had someone with him as she could spend more time with another patient, a young woman whom she felt was not going to make it through the night.

Merlin looked at Arthur and smiled softly, his heart was doing somersaults. Arthur looked all right...yes he had steri-strips on his temple, bruising down the side of his face but his colour was good and he was snoring slightly. Merlin couldn't remember him looking more handsome.

He waited awhile and then leant over and taking his boyfriend's hand he whispered, "Arthur Love, it's me Merlin!" He felt the hand he was holding clasp his tightly and as tears ran down his face, he felt his stress and worry disapear as a morning mist. He had so much to celebrate, he had hold of Arthur's hand and possibly tomorrow they would be allowed to return to Nonsuch.

Arthur fell asleep again and Merlin still holding his hand put his head down on it, thanking God that Arthur was safe and praying for the other victims of the accident.

Tom had got some coffee and was sitting in corridor allowing Merlin to have time alone with Arthur. He smiled realising the time alone was being spent in a room with three other patients and medical staff. It was already two o'clock in the morning but unlike a regular hospital floor the A&E was still a hive of activity. He'd heard in the passing conversations that it had been a multi-fatality accident involving children as well as adults.

He'd spoken to Ellie bringing her up to date on Arthur's condition. She's said that she would see him when he was able to return home, to look after himself and to tell Arthur that she was thinking of him.

He'd glanced back into the observation room, Merlin seemed oblivious to the activities around him and Tom wondered if maybe he was dozing hanging onto Arthur's hand.


	29. Chapter 29

**CHAPTER 29 : A SLAP IN THE FACE**

Merlin awakened to the beeping of machines and the white glare of hospital lighting for a second he thought he was at St. Swithin's but slowly he remembered the events of the last twelve hours. He looked at Arthur who had his eyes wide open.

Grinning, Arthur said, "Good morning, Handsome! Did I ever tell you that I love you?"

Merlin smiling guiltily said, "Frequently...and many times when we could do nothing about it as we were surrounded by strangers."

"Perfect!" said Arthur, "As we'll never see any of these people again, hop up on the bed and show me and them how you feel."

Feeling as if each pair of eyes was on him, Merlin blushed but need and desire won out and in front of as many eyes as were watching, he leant forward and allowed himself the luxury of claiming Arthur's lips.

Arthur smiled into the kiss and then whispered with a chuckle, "Well, somebody's Mummy is going to have a little explaining to do."

Merlin turned and saw a six year old watching them with eyes the size of saucers. He nodded kindly at the child and turned back to talk with Arthur but was interrupted a few minutes later by a hand on his knee as the little boy looked up at him. Merlin said, "Hello! Who do we have here?"

"Patrick, Sir. My Mummy isn't able to get up and no one over there wants to talk to me." The boy glanced at Arthur who gave him the, 'Get-Lost- Kid' look but Merlin glanced over at the woman surrounded by her family and had the realisation that the family knew that the end was near.

An older women looked up and came over saying, "Patrick, don't bother these gentlemen come back with me."

She put out her hand and took his but not before the boy managed to say to Merlin, "Is it nice kissing him?"

Memories flashed through Merlin of the hours he had questioned his feelings as he was growing up and he said from his heart the first thing which came into his mind. He looked at the little boy, smiled and said, "Very...!"

The boy satisfied with the answer, smiled up at his grandmother and went back to his mother's bed.

With tear-filled eyes upon hearing Merlin's answer, Arthur grabbed his hand saying, "I'm ready to get out of here. I want to have you to myself."

"Once you get your discharge papers, we'll be on our way but I think you'll have to be seen by one of the doctors first." Merlin raised Arthur's hand and nibbled at his knuckles, allowing his teeth to graze them, causing him to squirm.

"Just you wait until I get you back to Nonsuch, I'll have you begging for it."

Merlin grinned but soon his face turned to sorrow as two porters came in to wheel Patrick's mother's bed out of observation. Patrick still holding onto his grandmother's hand, waved at Merlin as he left.

Arthur looked at him quizzically so Merlin whispered, "They're taking the family to a more private room so they can say their goodbyes. Poor little kid!"

Arthur said sadly, "At least…he'll have memories..."

Looking at him, Merlin once again had a glimpse of another lost little boy.

-0-0-

Everything began to happen quickly, Arthur was seen later that morning by a doctor who agreed that he could go as he was being discharged to facility with a doctor in residence. The curtains were pulled around his cubicle as he changed, "Thanks for the clean shirt, the others in a bit of a mess."

"Tom is the one you should thank, he thought of bringing it." As Arthur sat in the chair, Merlin helped him slip on his socks and tied his shoelaces. He stood saying, "Ready to face the world again?"

"With you beside me, not a moment's hesitation…!" Flexing his legs and rolling his head as if to relax his neck muscles, he said, "As C S Lewis would say, 'Onward and Upward!' Merlin gave him a hand and helped him stand, fussing around like a mother hen and Arthur laughed saying, "I'll be all right in a moment just a little stiff after being in bed so long."

Merlin helped him into a wheelchair as was hospital policy. By the time they reached the emergency exit, Tom was waiting for them in his chauffeur's uniform but minus his peaked cap standing beside Merlin's little Mini. Arthur grinned, "Home, James!"

Merlin sat in the back and although he insisted it was comfortable, Arthur felt sure that his long legs must have been a problem. Tom kept Arthur amused by telling him that he had taken over driving duties because Merlin hadn't been able to find the keyhole in the driver's door when they had left Nonsuch.

Interrupting him, Merlin assured Arthur that there had been extenuating circumstances as his nerves had been shot. "Anyway, Tom," he continued hoping to change the subject, "Where did you sleep last night?"

Arthur had laughed aloud when Tom had explained that one of the nurses had found him a comfy chair in a quiet corner and given him a blanket as well. Merlin had added, "Must have been the uniform, my mother says that there is something special about a man in uniform."

Arthur turned to look at Merlin and winked at him saying, "Did I ever tell you that I was once a Scout I'm sure my uniform must still be in the attics at Minton.

Merlin blushed motioning to the back of Tom's head but Arthur continued, "Merlin, Tom's a man of the world. Aren't you, Tom?"

"So my Missus tells me," the chauffeur said with a grin. "By the way, Arthur, the Rolls is out of commission so I'm returning home by train. I will check up on the car's present location and if you agree, arrange for any repairs."

"Yes, speak with the dealer and have my secretary check with the insurance people. The police must already have the information that there was an injury involved albeit a minor one but it should be there for the claim records."

"A minor one…? Easy for you to say," interrupted Merlin, "Now that you are out of the hospital but you were knocked out and needed ambulance transport and stitches."

"Merlin, it was nothing," then changing the subject he added, "What time's your train, Tom?"

"There's one at one o'clock and another at four."

"Do you have everything with you that you need to return to London?" Tom nodded. "It's twelve thirty gone why don't we drive to the station and you can get the earlier train and Merlin can drive me back to rehab? It will be a nice surprise for Ellie if you arrive early."

Tom agreed thinking that a train seat would be more comfortable than the hospital chair, and his own bed would guarantee that he got a good night's sleep.

-0-0-

They slipped into their rehab routine with little trouble. Arthur had to have a physical before he was allowed to participate in his schedule however, within a few days he was back into the exercises, the track work and the swimming.

One afternoon it was pouring rain and Merlin and he had decided to forgo the time on the track and in the pool. "If we were at Minton, we could have been swimming inside. Is the pool kept heated all winter?"

"Just to keep it from freezing and then Hodge sees that the heat is turned up if visitors are expected."

"Arthur, can we spend Christmas at Minton?"

"If you want to but won't you miss the bright lights of London over the holidays?"

Merlin grinned, "I don't think so, you're my bright light and if you are there I'll be more than happy."

Arthur put his arm across his shoulders and hugged him to him. "If I'm the light then you are the heart in this relationship." They traced the raindrops attacking the windows, laughing as they watched one of the local staff returning to work, being buffeted as he tried to take a short cut across the grass.

"Hungry?" Arthur asked.

Walking across to the door and making sure it was locked, Merlin had rubbed against Arthur saying, "Not yet but I can think of something that will give us a little appetite." Smiling at him, he walked to the kitchen and putting on the kettle checked to see if there were any biscuits in the tin. "Sit down, the kettle will soon boil and I'll make some tea, chai or regular?" Arthur picked the former as he had slowly come to enjoy its spicy taste and aromatic scent.

Merlin was addicted to chai tea and summer and winter was one of Costa's best customers for chai latte. So much so that after losing his job, he had considered working there as he was sure that the staff got great savings however, by then he was spending more time at the hospital and he had let that dream go.

Arthur had laughed when he told him that in his retirement he would like to own a tea shop and call it Chá Tóng which he explained meant Tea Boy. "Well, as long as the customers realise they are there for the beverage and not the wait staff!" Arthur joked.

"Honestly Arthur, not everyone is like you. Some people appreciate shops with original or clever names. I remember seeing a print shop called Just Your Type, a second hand bookstore called Notta New Book and a high end linen store called Between The Sheets."

Not to be outdone, Arthur who had his hands around Merlin as he worked, leant over and whispering something in Merlin's ear then added, "…it was one of the more popular places in town."

"How did they get away with that?"

"Two conveniently broken neon letters and a public which never complained."

Merlin placed the tray on the low table in front of Arthur who was now sitting on the sofa. Arthur smiled up at him and patted the couch. Merlin sat down curling his legs wedging himself into the corner and with a grin, stretched slipping them over Arthur's knees.

Arthur ran his hands over his knees and up to his hips. "The tea might get cold...'

"There could always be more hot water if needed, "Merlin said smiling teasingly. He levered off his shoes against Arthur's knees and squirmed as Arthur started to play with his feet.u

Arthur grinned and reached up Merlin's pant legs to slip off his socks. He held his feet and grinning starting the children's rhyme, 'This Little Piggie Went to Market'. He got as far as '…and this little piggie ran all the way home' and Merlin cuddled into him remembering wriggling into his mother's arms and she'd hold him tight kissing his little toe.

One evening at St Swithin's, he'd been massaging Arthur's foot and the rhyme had come to mind. He'd wriggled each of Arthur's toes as he recited it to him. The incredulous look on Arthur's face had surprised him.

He'd suddenly felt stupid. Why hadn't Arthur laughed? Everyone knew that rhyme; didn't every mother play that game with her child? Then reality hit him; Arthur hadn't had a mother to play with him...

He was brought back to the present as Arthur's mouth claimed his big toe. He squirmed as heat ran through him. His half-opened eyes greedily caught Arthur's and he smiled.

Arthur put Merlin's now bare feet down and reached for him. He pulled him over saying seriously, "Merlin, I was so anxious to see you once I left London..." he paused before adding quietly, "I have something to tell you..."

Merlin didn't wait for him to finish, he just curled his legs up again and slid one on either side of Arthur's hips so he was sitting on his knees.

Arthur gave up trying to talk to him as their forced separation of a couple of days had left Merlin with one thought on his mind; he wanted Arthur's hands on him.

Afterwards, Arthur lay beside him, holding him in his arms. He knew the undeniable truth that he had found, out of all the men in world, the one who was to be his destiny.

His mind was alert; his body had responded however, he had ignored it. He had satisfaction in knowing that he had turned the corner. One day he would be ready and surely able. He decided that tomorrow, he would share with Merlin the specialist's report and his recommendations.

He let his eyes close and sliding his head next to Merlin's, he allowed his mind to empty and lulled by Merlin's steady breathing he fell asleep.

-0-0-

Merlin woke first, slowly his mind moved on from the happenings of the last few days. Now he worried that the longer it took Arthur to get back to his routine, the longer they would be staying at Nonsuch. He knew they would be returning to London but deep down, he would have preferred to go to Minton. There, they would have uninterrupted time to sort out a few things.

Turning his head, Merlin glanced out the window and saw to his surprise that a few of the trees had begun to change colour. It was only late August, people were still taking their summer holidays at the seaside but already the trees were forecasting a change in the season

He ran his hand up Arthur's back. It seemed so immature but he loved simply touching him. It gave him a tactile pleasure; not only did his body feel good to his hand but also visually he received pleasure. His boyfriend was attractive. He lay idly tracing his muscles.

Arthur smiled. He loved the feel of Merlin's hands on his body. At first he had been so timid, only occasionally brushing the back of his hand up his face and into his hair. Now however, his hands could be more demanding and many an exchange of affection had been shared in public with Merlin's hands surreptitiously touching him.

Arthur knew that Merlin's feelings for him were without constraint. Merlin's love for him was all consuming and Arthur felt wonderful in knowing that for them, love was a two way street. Whatever he was willing to give was affectionately accepted and freely returned.

Merlin smiled as in St. Swithin's at the beginning, he had often dreamt of standing beside Arthur, running his hands over his chest and finally putting his arms around his waist and pulling him to him. Then, he hadn't known how wonderfully Arthur's body and his would fit together.

Arthur rolled over and grinned at him. Merlin always expected a cuddle in the morning before getting up. Arthur had always wanted more but until now he had not been in any condition to expect anything. Arthur decided that this was as good a time as any to tell him of the test results, but his body betrayed him jumping the gun and he realised that Merlin had stopped dead and was looking straight at him.

"Arthur?"

Arthur nodded sheepishly, "Well, it's only the early stages but the medical people expect a one hundred percent recovery."

Merlin was on his knees practically bouncing on the bed as he said, "It is happening, it is finally happening…!" He settled back beside Arthur sitting cross legged and leant down to place a kiss on his lips. He then pulled back and remained seated.

"I'm not going to break, Merlin, can't promise anything spectacular for a little while but at least I feel like a man again."

"But why didn't you tell me? I could have been helping you!" Merlin then blushed feeling that he was out of line.

"I tried to but last night, your lips kept making having a serious conversation rather difficult."

"But you should have just stopped me, insisting that I listen to your good news…"

"Well, I wasn't too sure how things were progressing. Come here, we have a little catching up to do."

Merlin slipped into his arms and lay there. He felt relieved, no more feelings that he was on the receiving line of Arthur's attention and unable to give back. He would now be able to show Arthur beyond kisses and hugs how he felt. All right it might be a slight learning curve for him but he would start by doing to Arthur what he had always done to him which had left him speechless, sightless and beyond this world.

There had always been a little sadness that he could never reciprocate in kind for Arthur's so-called affections. Merlin had always felt safe and protected with Arthur and now he intended to repay him for his kindness. He said, "One day, I am going to show you how experienced I am in loving as after all, I had the best teacher and it will soon be my turn."

Arthur looked at him smiled and shook his head saying, "Merlin, we have a long way to go together…but one day I will be able to ask you if you are willing as by then I will not only be ready but able."

Merlin buried himself into Arthur's chest whispering, "I'll be willing as long as it's with you…" He then pulled away and said seriously, "Arthur, I think we should tell Gawaine our good news."

This statement caused Arthur to choke and Merlin pulled him up to give him not too gently slaps across his back. "Merlin, we have no need to tell anyone. It's our secret and we will safeguard it and learn to enjoy it."

Arthur's phone chirruped letting them now that it was time to get up. He had a busy day ahead of him but it would be a day filled with the knowledge that he was his old self, that he had someone who loved him unquestioningly and that his period of rehab was coming to a close.

-0-0-

Coming to a close it did and one day with the papers signed, he was officially discharged from Nonsuch.

He'd settled back into his old life with little trouble. He'd slowly returned to the office three days a week, never allowing his job to become the most important thing in his life. He knew that that honour went to a young man who with his blessing and support had returned to university to study trauma medicine.

He was welcomed back by his friends who acknowledged Merlin as the person who had got him through the most difficult year of his life. Most were positive, happy that Arthur had found someone to be with, and only those people remained in the group.

There had been some negative comments. Once after a soccer practice Gawaine heard one of Arthur's football friends remark, "I guess being in hospital turned him gay!" Poor chap never saw the punch coming but managed to say, hanging onto his jaw, "What the shit was that about?"

Gawaine said, "If you know what's good for you and want to remain one of the group, you will not make comments like that in my hearing and if you so much as lift a finger towards Merlin. I will not be responsible for my actions!"

The young man no longer attended any of their games.

-0-0-

There was early snow on the ground at Minton when Arthur celebrated his birthday. He felt that the weight which had been across his shoulders over the past year had been lifted. The accident and his father's death were part of the past. He was working in London, driving again with no problems and had a special person to come home to each evening. He always took Fridays off and weekends were spent at Minton.

Merlin knew that Arthur was awake, so he slid closer to him and whispered, "Arthur, you said that when you were able and I was willing, we could..."

Arthur stiffly pushed him away saying, "Not now, not yet...go away, Merlin!" and he rolled over to face the door.

Merlin was hurt; he couldn't read the look in Arthur's eyes. Had it been worry that he would not be capable, fear or maybe he repulsed him. Disillusioned, he retreated into himself, unable to understand what had just happened. He knew he wouldn't sleep and glanced toward the window, it was becoming light on the horizon and daybreak would soon arrive. Had he misunderstood their situation? Maybe Arthur had never intended to have sex with him, seeing him only as a companion capable of easing his frustrations however, he had never felt that it was only that.

He felt so alone even lying beside Arthur. He couldn't still the little voice whispering to him, 'Arthur had loved him. Hadn't he?' He could read all Arthur's feelings quite plainly so where had he gone wrong. His love for Arthur was all-encompassing. He'd never entertained that maybe it was not the way Arthur felt. He sadly accepted that he must be rubbish at interpreting peoples' feeling from their behaviour. Why had no one warned him? The others must have seen that this relationship was all one sided. Gawaine and Leon weren't stupid so why had they let him continue putting everything in his life on hold.

Merlin replayed in his head the pertinent conversations. Arthur had said quite plainly that when he was ready and able and should Merlin be willing they would take their relationship to the next level. Had Arthur had second thoughts? They were getting along so well and Arthur seemed like any normal man but maybe Merlin didn't have the experience to know otherwise.

Merlin was embarrassed, he felt an utter fool. The love which he had for the man beside him, surged through his heart, almost paralysing his thought processes. Then a word formed in his brain, unrequited, that was it his was an unrequited love, a love never to be reciprocated or returned. Was that how Arthur had seen his love as nothing to take seriously or consider of value?

He could think no more, his head was beginning to hurt and his mind and his heart had taken opposite corners. The former acknowledging that it was over and his heart repeatedly cried out that he had loved him, he's said so… Silent tears ran down Merlin's cheeks and his only comfort was in the fact that he knew from Arthur's breathing and restlessness that he wasn't sleeping either.

For a second, he had an overpowering urge to move his hand so that it made contact with Arthur but the cruel words of earlier made him think twice. He didn't want to act like a beaten dog crawling back time after time, fawning for attention.


	30. Chapter 30

**CHAPTER 30:** **TRUST HAS FLOWN**

The following morning, Arthur got up to shower and Merlin brought in the breakfast tray, set it on the table and went into the other room to shower. Neither spoke beyond making reference to the weather and Arthur's plans for the day. Merlin noticed that he was not included in them.

Arthur could feel Merlin's reticence to make reference to last night's conversation and he himself didn't know what to say. It hurt him having this negative presence. Ignoring the elephant in the room he nodded, "See you at lunch," before closing the door quietly behind him.

Merlin's mind was working overtime; he could hear his mother saying, 'Never go to bed annoyed at each other.' Well, they certainly hadn't! He had obviously annoyed Arthur by his suggestion and they'd just woken up as two distinct people instead of a couple. He lay on the bed and buried his head in Arthur's pillow and tried to figure out what had happened.

He made a decision which broke his heart, Arthur no longer needed him. That was what he had been trying to say last night when he had said no and rolled away from him. He packed his few meagre belongings, leaving his car keys and the credit card Arthur had insisted he have on Arthur's desk and asked Hodge to drive him to the station.

Feeling that he needed more time to think things out, he decided to go to London rather than home. He decided not to get in contact with Gawaine as he knew that should Arthur phone him, he would tell him where he was. Contacting a former college mate, he asked him if he could put him up for a few nights. The man agreed that he could share the studio with him as his roommate was away for a fortnight.

Merlin was now in London without permanent lodging, no job and few ideas of what he intended to so with his future. Arthur had paid for his courses and he felt uncomfortable attending them.

His dreams at night were troubling as they were inevitably of the good times with Arthur. He could feel Arthur's arms around him and he felt himself melting into his embrace. Trying to influence his dreams he started repeating '…but he doesn't need you as he doesn't love you...' as a mantra each time he fell asleep but it was useless. In his prayers, he poured his heart out and still continued to ask God to keep Arthur safe.

-0-0-

Needing a job, he checked the papers and saw a mention of touch therapy courses. He read on and found out that St Swithin's was recruiting volunteers. He'd taken the course when Arthur was there so he decided to see if he was still eligible. He was greeting with open arms in the department and within the day was working full hours. He was given a free lunch for each day he worked, no more Costa coffees or supper, he lived on that one meal a day. He was loathe to apply for the JSA (jobseeker's allowance) which for his age was a weekly ₤73. However, if nothing else came up, he could see that happening in the future. He found it hard to think of the future as he was momentarily safe at St. Swithin's, hungry but safe.

One day he was working on a patient when Bridie walked into the patient's room. She came over and said, "I heard through the grapevine that you were back here again. So, you've both moved back into London. How's Arthur doing? Let's arrange to go out this weekend…"

Merlin felt his hands start to shake, he had a sudden urge to tell Bridie the awful thing which had happened but he steadied himself as that would prove nothing. Maybe in a couple of months he would come clean but right now he couldn't face Gawaine. He said that yes he was in London and working here until something else came up and that he would love to go out one weekend.

As he left, the man he was working on said, "Former girlfriend? She's a looker is Nurse Bridie!"

Merlin caught his breath and said, "No, the fiancée of a close friend…"

"Well, could tell by your hands, that there is more to the story than that. You were shaking when you heard her voice. Son, you only get the chance to go around once. My wife and I have had sixty years of loving. Don't deprive yourself of happiness…somewhere there is someone waiting for you…"

Suddenly, Merlin couldn't contain himself any longer and he unloaded his heart of the whole sordid story to the eighty-five year old who reminded him a little of Gaius. It did him good to say it aloud and the man didn't interrupt him or seem shocked, he just smiled kindly and nodded.

"…and now you know the whole messy story of my life," Merlin said sighing.

Bert was silent for a few minute and then said, "I think you need to have a face to face with your friend, sounds to me that there might be crossed wires somewhere. You need to sit down and get to the bottom of this. Running away isn't going to solve anything."

Merlin got a little hot under the collar and said quickly, "I didn't run away, I could tell by the look in his eyes that he no longer wanted me."

"Well, you be the better person and reach out to find out if that was true. Don't spend your life regretting not having made that effort. He's probably worrying as much as you are..."

A voice said, "Bert, your wife is here for you and, Merlin, it's your lunch break."

Merlin wiped the oil off his hands and stood, Bert smiled saying. "Remember, young man, you only live once…"

-0-0-

Bridie mentioned to Gawaine that Merlin was back at the hospital and that she had suggested that the four of them should go out together. Gawaine was pleased meaning to contact Arthur the following day to make a definite date but he was too busy at work and it slipped his mind.

In the meantime, Merlin's time at his friends was up as his roommate had returned early. He had to approach another chap to sleep on his sofa, not the best of places as the man was known to have an open door policy. One night, a drunk forced himself upon Merlin. He was strong and heavy and all Merlin could think was, "Not this way! Not this way!" He pushed him away telling him to get lost, refusing to allow the chap to touch him; the former became violent and smacked and punched him. The flat owner saw the drunk off who yelled at Merlin in parting, "Who are you saving yourself for…Father fucking Christmas?"

Merlin was reluctant to stay over and against his friend's advice, took his knapsack and left. He walked unsure where he was going and spent the night on a bench in a park. He was thoroughly depressed that this was where he had landed, no roof over his heard, friends he couldn't trust and no job. He even considered going home. He awoke freezing cold to a pain in his back and the sparrows twittering. He could hear the traffic and realised he needed to get to the hospital. He would be able to freshen up there. He left the park hurriedly, panicking when he realised that he was one street away from Craddock Square where Arthur lived.

-0-0-

Bridie bumped into Merlin that morning noticing his face. She was shocked and surprised, she had never thought that the Arthur she knew would be violent. She pulled him into an empty treatment room demanding that he told her what had happened. She finally got him to confess that he was alone and had been attacked. She went into nurse mode and cleaned him up insisting that as her shift was over, he was coming back to Gawaine's and her place. She phoned down to tell his superior that he would not be in that day.

Gawaine received two important phone calls that morning. The first was from Bridie giving him an update on Merlin and that he was going to be staying with them. She told him that Merlin had had a bath and was in bed adding that she intended to get to the bottom of this once Gawaine came home. She mentioned that he had been beaten up but with no serious injuries. Gawaine was all for leaving immediately but Bridie said that Merlin needed the rest and they could talk when he got home but not to be late.

The second was from Arthur from Minton asking if he had see Merlin recently. Gawaine listened quietly as Arthur told him that Merlin had gone missing and Hodge had only recently confessed to driving him to the station and said that he would have been in time to get on the London train.

Gawaine was worried as to why Merlin would be alone but he bit his tongue and told Arthur that he hadn't seen him, which was the truth. He said that he would ask around and maybe Arthur could phone him tomorrow. He was worried that he might decide to come into town and drop by, so said that he and Bridie had tickets to the theatre to see The Play That Goes Wrong at The Duchess that evening and wouldn't be at home. Arthur said that he'd heard it was good and that he'd speak to him sometime tomorrow but not to forget about Merlin.

Gawaine couldn't wait to get home so he left early and was shocked when he saw Merlin sitting at the kitchen table eating a sandwich. He looked as if he hadn't eaten in days. His colour was bad and he looked so thin. He stood up when he saw Gawaine but he couldn't meet his eyes and when he finally did then the tears started.

Gawaine stepped forward and hugged him saying, "You're safe here, Merlin, come on sit down and finish your sandwich. Any tea going Bridie?" Bridie poured him a cup and put it in front of him letting her hand rest on his shoulder, he turned and touched it.

Gawaine sat opposite Merlin and was hesitantly told where he had been staying. He was shocked to hear that he had been in town even before Bridie had first seen him. He was ready to go after the guy who'd hurt him but he wasn't sure if he should be chasing Arthur or the drunk chap.

Finally with the tea and the biscuits finished, Bridie said, "Look, I need to run to the shops for a few things…are you two all right alone?"

Gawaine nodded his head, "We could do with some beer and I know Merlin would appreciate a Costa." Merlin smiled weakly, he knew what was happening, Bridie was making herself scarce.

There was silence between them and finally Merlin began to speak. He held nothing back, from Arthur's getting a clean bill from the urologist to his joking about 'ready, willing and able'. He blamed himself for what had happened between them but confessed that he didn't really know what awful thing he had done to have Arthur not love him anymore.

Gawaine listened as Merlin poured out his heart. He knew that it should be Arthur at the other end of this conversation but it wasn't and he was determined come hell or high water to get them together as Arthur needed to have the same outright conversation. He understood that Merlin was heartbroken but still loved Arthur. Believing his love was not returned, he had done what he had felt was the right thing and moved on.

Feeling otherwise, Gawaine was careful not to say anything negative about Arthur because he was sure that Merlin would have gone on the defensive. Gawaine felt that he needed to go head to head with Arthur to find out why he had spurned Merlin's advances without at least giving him the opportunity to know why. He had known Arthur for years and he was a good judge of character, he knew that Arthur had truly loved Merlin and felt sure that he still did.

Merlin finally remained silent waiting for Gawaine to say something and when he did it was only to insist that until he could find his own place, he was to be their guest. He was expecting to be told what a fool he had been leaving a perfectly good situation due to misplaced pride.

Gawaine was not going to get into it with Merlin as he had bigger fish to fry. He said slowly, "I think there is more to this than you have told me." Merlin looked as if he had been accused of a lie. "I know what you have told me is the truth but I need to talk with Arthur to get it all straightened out in my mind."

"You'll not tell him I'm here will you? I couldn't bear him to see me looking like this."

"Don't worry, I won't but if Arthur is who I think he is, he'll want to straighten out the guy who did this to you." Merlin dropped his head into his hands and Gawaine said, "Let me at least see Arthur." He reached his hand over to Merlin's arm and squeezed it and Merlin nodded silently.

That night in bed, Gawaine and Bridie talked quietly about the situation. Neither could believe that Arthur no longer loved Merlin. There was something missing from the equation and without it the problem couldn't be solved.

-0-0-

It started the size of a peppercorn, floating freely in his mind. He fleetingly would consider it but it moved on and he forgot. Unsuspectingly it grew; it was now the size of a pea. It didn't take over every part of his life, it just touched a nerve and for a second, he'd toy with the idea.

Over the days, it became larger taking over more of his mind and his thoughts. The size of an olive, it made itself known at least once a day.

The problem was that he had no idea how to rid his mind of this unwelcome intruder. It would catch him when he was not busy, before he sat down, as he stood up, as he put on the kettle, always the same little interruption, 'Maybe, he wasn't telling you the truth...!'

To begin with, he would just ignore it telling himself not to be silly. Arthur had shown him that he loved him. It grew daily, there seemed to be no way to stop it, soon the size of a golf ball it became more demanding to be heard.

Daily, the niggling thought grew; he was unable to stop it. He'd laugh and tell himself that he was being paranoid. Still there it was floating in his mind, now the size of a tennis ball. It was with him every waking hour. As he slept, it took over his dreams, promises made and withdrawn, relishing dreams of Arthur beside him, smiling at some private words.

Finally, it was with him twenty-four seven unless he kept himself mentally occupied. If he sang or did multiplication tables aloud, he couldn't hear it. Stop and his mind was bombarded by it.

He became morose. He'd sit and stare into space. Nothing was the same anymore. He was no longer himself, inside him he had a life which he knew wasn't real but it was, wasn't it?

He did a fair job of hiding it but his lack of response when spoken to became apparent to those around him.

Gawaine was worried about him. Bridie assured him that it was stress, a result of Arthur's and his separation. She'd taken Merlin on one side and suggested that he talk to a professional but he did what she had known he would do, he just unhappily shook his head.

-0-0-

Early Saturday, Gawaine contacted Arthur. All Arthur wanted to know is if Gawaine had found Merlin. Gawaine on his part wanted to know more about the reason why Merlin left and was unwilling to acknowledge that Merlin was with them until he felt sure that Arthur was telling the truth. "Where are you?"

"Minton?"

"Why didn't you come to London if you are so sure he's here?

"Because he loves it here and I was hoping that he was going to return by himself."

Gawaine thought 'I doubt that!' but said, "Who else have you spoken to?"

"Lance and he hasn't seen him either and later, I'm going to phone his mother to see if he is there. I really need to see him, Gawaine? How can he disappear completely?"

"Don't phone Hunith. He's old enough to take care of himself and you don't want to worry her unnecessarily. To get to the bottom of this, I need to talk to you in person. Can I come out there this afternoon?"

"No, I'm coming into town. I can meet you at your place, say around two thirty."

Gawaine was going to say no but then decided that Arthur would be at a disadvantage being at their place, like a team playing away. He said, "Very well, two thirty here, I'm going out but should be back by then." He looked up at Bridie who nodded.

Gawaine convinced Merlin without any trouble that he wanted to see Arthur alone.

"Won't make any difference, he'll have a completely different take on what happened."

"You don't know that. Maybe it was something which you were not privileged to know…maybe another health problem."

Smiling sadly, Merlin said, "I know him and his problems inside out. He's fine…apart from the fact that he doesn't want me around anymore."

Bridie intervened, "Come on, Merlin, let Gawaine take over now. Might be all settled by the time we return later this afternoon."

"You won't do anything silly, will you, Gawaine? I don't want you to lose a friend because I fell out with him."

"Merlin, believe me, we will have a civil conversation and I will let him tell me how he feels and what happened. Then you can decide if you want to see him yourself. He's not going to go anywhere."

To be on the safe side, Bridie and Merlin left at one o'clock with Gawaine telling them that he would phone them when the coast was clear. Merlin was feeling torn. He wanted to be out of the way but his heart kept reminding him that the person he loved was going to be in this flat and he wanted to be there as well.

The two of them went across town and got a Costa and went into Kensington Gardens, they wandered around the Italian Water Gardens, finally sitting near the Peter Pan statue. Merlin thought that at the moment, his life felt like Neverland.

-0-0-

Arthur arrived and Gawaine offered him a beer but he settled for coffee.

They sat at the kitchen table and Arthur looked at Gawaine and said, "He's been in touch, hasn't he? He told you." Gawaine went to protest but Arthur waved him off saying, "I can see it in your eyes. You're on the defensive and we haven't even spoken yet."

"I'm not here to judge you, I just don't understand what has happened and wanted to hear your side of the story."

"I don't have a side, Merlin never lies and he probably told you how I treated him that night. In my mind, I can't explain it. I knew that after lunch I was going to apologise and try to get him to understand what had happened…he never gave me the chance as he had gone before I returned.

"Honestly Gawaine. I promised him that when I was better, we'd have sex but he surprised me by asking and for a moment I was scared and sure that I would make a mess out of it…then I told him no and pushed him away. Within ten seconds, I knew that I should have said something." Arthur glared at his coffee and adding quietly, "I didn't know what to say and kept quiet. I thought about reaching for him and holding him but I was frightened that he would push me away as well."

Gawaine thought, 'The pair of you deserve each other…' but said, "You both know how important physical contact is…" adding with a slight smile, "…the two of you are such amateurs!"

Arthur looked up and gave a weak grin but it didn't reach his eyes. "Do you think he'll come back to me?"

"I don't know but you have some fence building to do."

"How is he?"

Gawaine swallowed, Merlin was in no condition to see Arthur. The bruises were fading but he still had scratches on his face and bite marks on his chin and neck. "He sounded all right, confused and hurt. He doesn't understand what happened."

"Neither do I…!" Arthur said sadly. "Can you tell me where he is? I could try to see him?"

"I don't know, he just phoned," Gawaine said, with crossed fingers as he thought, 'Forgive me for the white lie but I think it's best in the circumstances.' He continued, "I think that he should have the choice as to whether he wants to contact you."

"I wouldn't hurt him. I've never raised a hand to him…I'm not like that I don't use my strength to settle arguments. Just been a stupid fool when the best thing in life was within my grasp and I blew it!"

"Let's put it this way," said Gawaine standing up, "I'll contact him and tell him that you would like to see him. It will then be up to him to get in touch with you?"

Suddenly they were interrupted by a distinctive phone ring and Arthur spun saying, "Merlin?" but the phone went unanswered continuing to ring until it finally stopped. He shouted at Gawaine saying, "You liar! He's been here. That's his phone!"

Arthur barrelled into Gawaine who went flying back onto the floor.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31 :** **PRIVACY IS PARAMOUNT**

Arthur stopped dead, a look of disgust on his face, in anger he had shoved Gawaine after telling him that he never used physical force when angry. He leant over and offered his hand and was relieved when Gawaine took it and allowed himself to be hauled upright.

"Sorry! That sort of puts a doubt on my insisting that I have never raised a hand against Merlin."

Gawaine looked at his best friend and said, "The circumstances are rather different. You are so uptight I'm surprised you managed to sit still while we talked." Sitting gingerly on the sofa, Gawaine continued, "To be truthful …yes, I have seen Merlin."

Sitting beside him, Arthur interrupted by saying, "…and?"

"He's staying here with me but he wasn't ready to see you." Pausing Gawaine decided to give Arthur a little hope by saying, "He really doesn't understand what happened. He now thinks that his request had been inappropriate and he left because he is sure your rejection of him reflected how you felt about your whole relationship."

"Did you tell him that was not true?"

"It's not my position to act as your advocate, you have to do that." He rubbed his back and grinned, "Heaven knows what you would do to me if I had without your permission, spoken on your behalf? Arthur, this is serious and if you intend to ever be together again, you have some explaining to do. You know Merlin is inexperienced in relationships. You've had plenty of time falling in love and out again, or not even being in love in the first place just needing the perks.

Looking offended, Arthur said, "It isn't like that with Merlin!"

"Fine, you tell him that but kindly and so that he understands what you were feeling and how you felt afterwards. You'll have to convince him of your love but on the other hand, look how much fun the two of you will have making up…!"

For the first time since he had walked in the door, Arthur's demeanour changed and he relaxed grinning at his friend.

By the time Merlin and Bridie returned, Arthur was long gone. He had promised that he would not contact Merlin but wait until he heard from him although he told Gawaine he would check with him each day and should Merlin need anything, Gawaine should take care of it and he would settle with him afterwards.

-0-0-

After supper, Gawaine told Merlin about Arthur's visit. Bridie rose to go to their bedroom but Merlin asked her to stay. "No secrets between friends," he said smiling shyly.

Gawaine told them what had happened leaving out his abrupt contact with the floor. He would save that for Bridie later on. He said, "Merlin, did you have your phone with you?"

Merlin searched in his pockets and said, "No!"

"Well, we were interrupted by its ringing and Arthur immediately twigged that you had a least been here. I came clean and told him you were staying but that it would be of no use phoning as you wouldn't talk to him…yet," he added hopefully. "When you decide what you want to do, you will contact him..."

"Did you mention about the other chap?"

"No, the bruising is fading every day and it will soon not be noticeable if you wear a high necked shirt or a scarf. I didn't need him going off half-cocked and I assure you he would have. He's really upset and missing you; he had hoped that you would have returned to Minton by yourself. But now, he realises that that isn't going to happen."

"How was he?"

"Didn't look great! He seemed down. He blames himself entirely and I didn't tell him otherwise. Merlin, he's sad, upset and furious with himself all at the same time."

"He missed me?"

"Yes…!"

"Do you think he was being truthful?"

"I know Arthur…he was being honest and it was quite sad. His blustery self was nowhere to be seen. He's staying in town and will wait to hear from you."

"I want to see him."

"I know but give it a few days. You know he wants you back but let him stew as you have to be certain that that is what is best for you. You need to seriously discuss what happened. He was in the wrong. He needed to talk to you not just push you away. I think he's still a little unsure of himself in that department but he now knows you are safe and it will give him time to get things straight in his head before he sees you."

Bridie said, "I'm off tomorrow, how about getting a new shirt and jacket, maybe even some jeans. When you see him, you need to show him that you are capable of looking after yourself and let him see by your clothes that you consider this proposed meeting important."

"…and spare no expense as Arthur said that anything you need I should pay for and he will reimburse me."

"Well, I wouldn't mind a long weekend in Florence but I guess that's out of the question."

Gawaine laughed saying, "Put that in your list of negotiations when you meet. You might even ask for an upgrade on your Mini to a Jag. If I read him rightly, he'll fold to all of your demands."

Merlin shrugged no longer seeming as sure of himself, "It really isn't my car. Arthur gave it to me therefore it didn't seem right driving away with it and where would I keep it in town?"

Bridie said, "Merlin, he's kidding you. Your car is perfectly good. It's not about cars or holidays, Arthur and you just need to sit down quietly and get everything out into the open. He's not a bad person and you know him better than anyone. Life is full of ups and downs and the two of you just hit a major one."

They sat in silence for a few minutes then Merlin said, "I think I'd like to turn in now. I have a lot to think about."

He wasn't looking forward to being by himself as he knew his heart and his mind where going to have arguments as to what he should do about Arthur.

Dawn came and he was sure that he hadn't closed his eyes. He knew what he was going to do. Twice he had held his phone in his had and punched in Arthur's number all but the last one. He just wanted to hear his voice. He would meet Arthur and allow him to explain himself and then he would make the decision of whether he would be moving back into Craddock Square or if he would look for a room elsewhere. Gawaine and Bridie didn't need him in their extra room.

-0-0-

Arthur sat in the kitchen. Tom and Ellie were away for a week and he had taken over Spot duties. He liked her company as the house felt so empty. He'd fed her and they were sitting together watching the TV. He kept telling her how much he loved her owner. He confessed what a fool he had been and she had watched him carefully. When tears ran down his cheeks, she moved closer and kept patting his arm. He told her that he was going to get the mess cleared up and that hopefully, if he could convince Merlin to give him another chance, that one day they would soon be living in the same house as she was.

The cat with the ocelot markings followed him upstairs and stretched out on the bed with him. It seemed less lonely with another body albeit a feline beside him. He took his phone, looking at it he willed Merlin to phone him. He didn't remember falling asleep but he woke early and realised it was another day and a flicker of hope sprang into his heart.

-0-0-

Knowing that Arthur had tracked him down had made Merlin feel better. He was worried even frightened that Gawaine had read Arthur wrong and that he might well tell him that if he was going to be so childish and sensitive that it was over. However, he'd read somewhere in university that 'fear cannot be without hope nor hope without fear'. He was going to hold onto that, it gave him a feeling of courage. If he worried there was always some hope and that even if he was certain of himself there could also be fear. He intended to meet with Arthur and hear him out.

Gawaine listened as Merlin explained his decision and kept his own council. Merlin had to face Arthur and needed to do it on his own. He had to decide where his life would go.

"I'm phoning him tomorrow evening and will ask to see him on Monday mid afternoon."

"Here?"

"No, I want to see him somewhere neither of us is used to and alone." He noticed Gawaine's look and said, "Don't worry, Gawaine, I know he's not going to hurt me. He's not like that." He thought to himself, ' I just have to control my heart as I know it will make me want to run to him as soon as I see him.'

Gawaine smiled, "I didn't mean physically I meant mentally. Please, Merlin, hear him out. You've come through so much together. You know best but remember that if you think he is for you, don't turn away. He meant everything to you so listen to your heart. Where are you planning to meet?"

"I'm thinking of where Bridie and I went the other day. There are benches and if it's too cold outside, a cafe in the pavilion. It's close to transport links ..."

He was interrupted by Bridie saying, "Are you ready?" Merlin nodded.

Gawaine smiled and said, "It's Merlin's shopping spree not yours." Then he hugged her and whispered, "Well, maybe something nice for the bedroom!"

"Hey, Guys, I'm right here!" Merlin said blushing.

Bridie grabbed his arm and they left the flat as Gawaine grinned to himself.

-0-0-

The shopping trip resulted in a casual shirt, a warmer jacket and what Merlin felt was a rather tight pair of black jeans. Bridie insisted that they fit perfectly and the salesman agreed. Turning in front of a mirror, he decided that maybe they did fit better than his old pair. They felt right and he decided to trust Bridie and agreed to take them. She paid with her card. Merlin was surprised at how quickly the money added up but Bridie told him that for the quality, it was reasonable.

Arriving back at the flat in time for supper, Gawaine eyed the bag and asks to see the purchases. Merlin pulled out a silver turquoise bag and handed it to Bridie, "Not part of my purchases…" he said, grinning at Gawaine. He put the shirt on the table with a rather expensive jacket, adding the black jeans.

"Well, I hope they fit as your present jeans do nothing for you. You've got a great body flaunt it! Come on, try them on. I want to see what my future wife and you got up to all afternoon."

Merlin smiled at the two of them, he'd been wrong about Gawaine not settling, he had met his match and they would probably be happy together for years. Then he had a moment of pain as that was what he had thought about Arthur and himself and look how that landed up. He pulled up the jeans. They had been rather expensive but Bridie had insisted and he had decided they did fit rather well. He smiled, 'How could a pair of jeans make him feel more confident…but they did!'

Gawaine approved and weather permitting, Merlin intended to wear them on Monday.

-0-0-

Merlin spent another day of indecision. Finally that evening he phoned Arthur dialling all his numbers including the last one which on so many recent occasions he had not been able to press.

The phone was picked up after the third ring and Arthur sounded out of breath as he said, "Merlin?"

Merlin's heart was racing and his mouth was dry but he managed to say, "Arthur…"

Then he felt like three minutes passed in silence before he heard himself say, "We need to talk." Arthur didn't interrupt him so he added a little self consciously, "I will be in the Italian Gardens on Monday afternoon around two 'clock. Do you know where it is?" Merlin waited apprehensively. What if Arthur thought he was being too distant and really didn't want to see him regardless of what Gawaine had felt and if he was just playing a game of kidding Merlin that he did.

"Merlin, couldn't we meet here? Tom and Ellie are away, it's just Spot and me."

Merlin's heart dropped, Arthur had the house to himself with Spot. His mind said, 'Remain calm, follow the plan,' but his heart wanted him to drop everything and race over to Caddock Square. He swallowed and said, "I think that it would be best if we met somewhere different. It's in Regent Park near the Lancaster Gate underground. I will be there at two."

"Look. Merlin, I was a fool…"

Merlin couldn't talk about it over the phone so in a panic, he rang off.

His phone rang within a minute, it was Arthur trying to get him but he turned it off. He walked back into the kitchen and nodded at Gawaine whose phone rang. He mouthed, "Arthur!" Merlin nodded and Gawaine answered.

"No, Arthur he's perfectly all right. Nothing is wrong." There were a few minutes silence as Gawaine listened before saying, "If he said he'd be there, he will be. All right, if there is a change in plans, I'll make sure he contacts you. OK?"

Gawaine grinned at him, "He was worried as you'd hung up."

"I got cold feet. He mentioned Spot and his being alone at Caddock and my heart started banging in my chest so I bailed…"

"Best thing in the circumstances or I would have been dashing down the street trying to catch you. You both need to get this thing behind you before making any plans. Promise me, Merlin, you'll get things settled before jumping into bed again."

Merlin had the decency to look guilty before saying, "It's hard. Even his voice saying my name almost convinced me to go over to his place."

Smiling, Gawaine said, "My friend, you've got it bad! As my Mother would say, 'Before you talk, listen. Before you react, think!'"

"Bet you heard that a lot!"

"As I was growing up I think she said it at least three times a week. I was an adventurous child but it must have worked as I'm still her favourite son."

"Gawaine, you only have sisters!"

"Yes, I know, that's how I'm sure."

They were interrupted by Bridie's phone and they both looked at each other as they said, "That's probably Arthur…!" and smiled.

-0-0-

Merlin took the tube to Lancaster Gate. He was a little early so he wandered into the park and walked as far as the Peter Pan Statue. He enjoyed the ducks being captivated by the brightly coloured Mandarin ones. Finally at five minutes past two he made his way back to the gardens. Deep down he was scared that Arthur would not be there but he was.

He stood as he saw Merlin approaching and when he was close enough opened his arms and took a step forward but Merlin stopped abruptly forcing Arthur to drop his arms and sit down. On the bench there were two Costa cups and Arthur motioned to one of them. "I remembered…" he said.

Merlin said, "Thanks!" sitting down and reaching for the chai latte.

Arthur couldn't believe how great Merlin looked. He'd had his hair trimmed; it still was long and Arthur's fingers itched to run through it. He realised they must have been new jeans as he had never seen them before and they made him look fantastic. He smiled softly saying, "Nice jeans!"

Merlin blushed and looked down at his knees. He wanted to keep control of the conversation and not let Arthur's looks or his proximity influence him. It was difficult as he felt himself relaxing in his presence. He remembered why he was there and decided to jump right in.

"What exactly happened between us? I still can't figure it out...but decided that before I can move on, I should at least give you an opportunity to explain your actions…or should I say lack of…" He'd practised the sentence apart from the final bit. He wanted Arthur to say to him what he had omitted that night. "I know it's been under a year that we have been together but for me it seemed a lifetime…I was never happier!" He dropped his head and then gaining courage, looked directly at Arthur and said, "What happened?"

Arthur looked into the distance at the fountains and the winter plantings before answering. "Honestly, Merlin, I don't know. You know that I love you but something happened and my brain misfired. Not only should I have spoken immediately but I wanted so much to reach out to you afterwards and I couldn't. Why did you leave me?"

"You left me…you rolled away and ignored me, "Merlin retorted. "Do you know how I felt? Ignorant, stupid, ugly and downright unlovable, I blamed myself but even to this day, I don't know what I did wrong. I was only asking for you to love me…

"I couldn't stay around. It hurt too much. I had done something which had obviously shaken the foundation of our relationship. You'd never treated me like that before. You'd always smile and carefully explain things to me, telling me that my lack of sexual knowledge pleased you and made you love me more as I really belonged only to you. However, not that night, you ignored me and left me alone...I needed to be hugged and shown that I was still important to you but even in the morning you left saying offhandedly that you'd see me at lunch." He waited but Arthur never interrupted him so he decided to continue. "You know, I'm not too experienced with this loving thing but I trusted you and what you had said that when you were ready if I was willing we'd…you know."

He realised he was wringing his hands and slipped them into his jacket pockets. He waited glancing up and over at Arthur, he could see tears on his cheeks and his heart went out to him. He definitely wanted to put his arms around him and say 'Let byegones by byegones!' but he couldn't he had to hear him out. Arthur needed to tell him what had happened.

Arthur's heart was being bruised by Merlin's accusations and there was nothing which he could say to them as they were the truth. He'd panicked when Merlin had said that he was willing. His body was still recuperating and he was worried that if he couldn't perform, Merlin might finally walk out on him as he'd put up with so much already. True, the specialist had given him the go-ahead but what did that prove if he was unable. It had never happened before his accident but this was different it wasn't just a one night stand it was for life. Merlin words had aroused in him an irrational fear. What if he could never again have sex? He would be worthless and alone to the end of his life. He should just have smiled and whispered to Merlin that it was a little premature and that he wasn't ready. He'd have understood and they could have cuddled and fallen asleep in each other's arms.

He turned looking at Merlin who was watching him. He looked so sad and unsure of himself. He had done that to him, he had changed a bubbling personality into a morose one. Their relationship was over and his father would have been happy. 'Damn you, Father!' he thought, 'You're still messing with my head.' Merlin's hands were on his knees, his long fingers resting nervously on his black jeans. The sun was highlighting his hair which the wind ruffled.

Arthur looked straight at him and said, "Merlin, I…" His voice broke, he dropped his face into his hands and his body was wracked with sobs.

Merlin let him cry and when finally he had reached the sniffing stage, he handed him some tissues. He knew he needed to hear him say what he was feeling, as if not it would always be a point of contention between them. Something, which might come up in the future and he would find himself running away…again.


	32. Chapter 32

**CHAPTER 32** : **LOVE ENCOMPASSES FORGIVENESS**

Arthur gave a final sniff and a weak smile and said, "Merlin, I was a complete fool. I was so sure of myself with you, that I was selfish and mean. If I had only spoken up at the moment, we mightn't have needed to be here today in this mess.

"Deep down I knew that I wasn't physically ready for sex. No one wants to acknowledge that and so when you asked me, I panicked. Yes, I had experienced stirrings but nothing strong enough to give me the confidence I needed. I was shocked by my words and reaction but I had already pushed you away and I couldn't find the words I needed to explain my stupid behaviour. I lay awake wondering what would happen if I sidled up to you again but you had always been the strong one and at that moment I wondered if maybe I was holding you back and that you could live a happier life with someone else."

Merlin shook his head but Arthur wasn't looking at him.

"As the hours passed, the feelings became more ingrained. I was a failure, you had spent nearly a year with me and I couldn't even perform like a normal man. I went deeper and deeper into despair tinged with fear yet I never reached out for you or spoke.

"I felt awful the following morning, embarrassed and so guilty but I couldn't do anything about it. It was as if my former self which had been able to cope with practically anything had disappeared and I was just hanging onto life by a thread.

"When I returned, seeing your car keys on my table really upset me. I had an awful feeling that this just wasn't a walk in the woods or to the village which had taken longer than expected. I waited for you, I couldn't figure out where you were and by six o'clock the next morning I phoned the police but your age and the number of hours missing meant that nothing would be accomplished for a few days. They told me to contact them again after forty-eight hours.

"I convinced myself that you would come back of your own accord so I stayed at Minton and waited. The days dragged on and I didn't even leave my room. Finally, in desperation I think, Hodge told me that he had driven you to the station and felt that you were taking the London train. I phoned Tom being certain that you were there but he said that neither he nor Ellie had seen you. Then I phoned Gawaine…and much later found out that you were safe.

"I sat down and went over the literature which had been given to me when I left St. Swithin's. You'd put it in a file and this time I read it, instead of chucking it to one side. It answered a few of my questions and as Dr. Mooney from St. Swithin's name was on it, I reached out to him and he agreed to see me. I saw him the day you phoned and in short, he said that I had to face the problem without laying any blame on myself or my partner. I told him that we were still together and he didn't seem at all surprised," Arthur smiled and said as if to himself, 'I think he is a fan of yours.'

Merlin's mind was all over the place; how Arthur had explained the sequence of events had made sense. He was glad that he'd seen Dr. Mooney again as if he needed help that was a better source than friends or the internet.

Deciding that as much as was going to be accomplished had been, Merlin stood up saying, "I think it's time I left."

Arthur looked up at him saying, "My car is parked two streets away and we can go to Caddock and then out to dinner as there isn't anything very interesting in the house."

"No, Arthur, I need to have time to go through everything that you have said. I'm not ready yet to make a decision. I need to sleep on it." He felt mean but he didn't trust himself as he knew that once he got in Arthur's car there would be no turning back.

Arthur was quiet but finally said, "Could I maybe tell Spot that she might be seeing you soon?" Merlin didn't reply therefore Arthur continued, "Take all the time you need, I am serious about us; I have another session with Dr. Mooney on Friday. May I at least call you tomorrow?"

"I think it would be better if I called you when I next want to see you, maybe lunch at Costa's?" Merlin said with a little smile. "Thanks for the latte and agreeing to meet me. I do still have feelings for you but just need to get a few things straight in my mind."

Arthur stepped toward him and was allowed to put his arms around him. He said softly, "Merlin, take care of yourself, Love!"

Merlin's heart was screaming, 'Kiss him, you fool!' However, his mind in control had whispered, 'You're not ready yet and neither is he.'

He turned and left as Arthur slipped back onto the bench and put his head in his hands shutting out the distant hum of traffic and the sound of Merlin's footsteps as he left.

-0-0-

To clear his head, Merlin started to walk back to Gawaine's. Deep down, he knew what he wanted to do but he still had a few things that he wanted to run through his mind before making a decision. He felt in two minds, he could hear his mother saying, 'Nothing ventured nothing gained' but then also hadn't someone else said something about 'acting in haste and repenting in leisure'?'

When Arthur had put his arms around him it had felt right in his heart and surprisingly in his mind. Maybe he was just thinking too much. Arthur's explanation of the sequence of events made sense. Seeking help from a counsellor showed that he had considered his reaction to what had happened serious and a serious threat if he wanted their relationship to continue. He hadn't brushed it off by saying offhandedly, 'Get over it, Merlin!' He had acknowledged that he was embarrassed and frightened by his behaviour.

Merlin's heart took over and he knew that deep down far away from everything, in that place which only he ruled that the decision had already been made. He took a deep breath. Should he phone Arthur when he got home or should he wait until he had had a few more sessions with Dr. Mooney? He decided that tomorrow he would contact Arthur and tell him that…

…too late to take any decisive action, he felt something knock into him. He was certain the light had been in his favour and he crumbled back into the kerb, smacking his head. It was strange as when he opened his eyes, he felt as if he had just woken up. People were talking to him and he could hear someone yelling, "You drove into him, you stupid idiot. As pedestrians, we had the right of way! You didn't! Your light was red!"

An older woman, he remembered that she had M&S shopping bags, knelt down saying, "Young man, are you all right? You gave yourself a nasty blow to the head." He tried to scramble to his feet; he was embarrassed to be causing so much trouble. His arm wasn't right and he couldn't straighten up. The pain hit him suddenly and he knew without a doubt that his collar bone had snapped…again.

A man slightly older than him with a phone to his ear came forward and said that he was a paramedic and that he had called an ambulance as he needed to go to the A&E about his shoulder. Merlin nodded and for a second thought how kind most people were. Another young man and the paramedic got him to his feet and sat him on a planter outside a cafe. "I'm Stephen, I'll stay with you until the ambulance arrives," the paramedic told him.

Merlin was apologetic about needing help but the man had just laughed and said, "It's literally, all in a day's work."

Merlin grinned back at him.

A policeman on a motor bike arrived first and took all the pertinent details. The man who had been yelling at the car driver, came forward as a witness, giving his name, the licence plate and description of the driver and car, adding that once the traffic had started rolling again, the man had driven off giving him the finger.

The policeman jotted everything down and thanked the man for waiting around. The stranger shrugged and said, "It could have been one of my family members and I hope someone will do the same for them if ever they are struck."

The ambulance pulled up and Stephen said, "Well, let's get you loaded. I think there is not need for a stretcher. They will just let you sit and stabilise your shoulder and take your stats on the way to the hospital." True to his word, that is what happened. Merlin thanked everyone who had helped him and was finally driven away.

He was furious with himself, even though it had obviously not been his fault, he felt to blame as he should have gone by underground as now he would have been back at Gawaine's instead of sitting waiting for someone to look at him and get his collar bone seen to.

In x-ray, a nurse came in, gave him some pain medication and helped him to remove everything above the waist, including the emergency strapping. She slipped his good arm into the hospital gown, draping the other part over his shoulder, as she told him to hold his other arm to his chest and keep it there. He sat and waited. He looked at his clothes beside him, noticing that the elbow on his new jacket was torn.

Of course, the x-rays showed the previous break and the doctor reading it said that she felt that there was probably a weakness and that he should be more careful. She continued reading his admittance report and concluded that it probably wasn't his fault but that once it was back in place he really should looked after himself better. "Stop running into cars," she said with a smile. The pain medication had started to take effect and Merlin grinned back at her.

Once again he was trundled into another area and waited to see the orthopaedic surgeon on duty who would manipulate the bone back into place. Luckily, he wasn't in pain but the thought of it turned his stomach.

Finally, he was back in the general waiting area and was asked if he needed to call a taxi. He explained that if someone could dial a number, he could hopefully get a lift home.

The phone rang and he waited for Gawaine to pick up, "Gawaine?"

"Merlin? It's nearly midnight. We were worried, are you with him now?"

"I'll tell you about that later but I had a slight accident,

"Arthur?"

"No, a car you idiot!" Could you come and get me I'm at the Royal? I would have phoned earlier but I couldn't get service and I knew I was going to be here for some time. Just drive to pick-up, I'll wait near the door. I hate to get you out of bed but…"

"Don't worry, I'm out of bed already. See you there in about fifteen minutes."

Gawaine looked at the empty side of the bed, Bridie was on night shift. He would have felt better talking to her. He left the flat and raced down to the street.

-0-0-

Helping him into bed and giving him another pill for the pain, Gawaine looked at Merlin. He was going through a rough time. In the car, he'd brought him up to date on what had happened about the accident but said that he really wanted to try to sleep and he would tell him more tomorrow.

'Dejá Vu…' thought Merlin as he shifted uncomfortably as he tried to settle in bed.

He was awoken in the morning by Bridie who wanted to know if he needed help getting up. He accepted her help and was soon wrapped in one of Gawaine's dressing gowns and sitting at the kitchen table in front of a glass of water with his pills and a bowl of porridge. He told them that he had met Arthur as planned but did not reveal any details which he felt were private just between the two of them.

"So," said Gawaine, "He isn't a hopeless case after all?"

Merlin smiled saying, "No, lucky for me, he has some saving qualities." His shoulder was hurting and even using his other hand, every now and again, the pain would flare up.

Bridie insisted that after breakfast, he either returned to bed or lay on the sofa. He decided to give them some peace and left to return to the little room where he had been sleeping.

Gawaine left for work but Bridie was around till three. Just as well, as he appreciated the sandwiches and cups of tea. She left for work telling him that Gawaine would be bringing supper home with him.

-0-0-

Merlin spent the following day, quietly at Gawaine's. He walked around the block to get some fresh air and paid special attention to kerbs. He'd heard from the police that the car which had hit him had been reported stolen two days earlier in Wimbledon. He faithfully took his medication and was back to trying to live left-handed.

He'd thought about Arthur continually and knew that the decision he had come to was for him the correct one.

Gawaine had again asked him how the meeting had gone. Merlin added that Arthur had been quite upset but that he felt that the meeting had been useful. Further than that, he had made no comment as it was really between Arthur and himself.

He hadn't yet contacted him. He would but he didn't feel that he would be able to think straight at the moment. He was upset about his collar bone. He was worried that this was going to be an ongoing weakness even though the medical staff at the hospital had told him that that was highly unlikely. He felt stiff all over and one side of his head, his upper arm and his elbow were bruised.

His jeans were dusty and Bridie had given them a good brushing but said that his jacket would need to be professionally repaired and cleaned. She had taken it with her when she'd gone into the hospital that afternoon.

He had the place to himself, so lay on the sofa and turned on the TV. He dozed during some movie or another and came to listening to an old song by the Righteous brothers, 'Oh, my Love, my darling, I hunger for your touch...' He blamed it on the medication but soon tears were streaming down his face and he was sobbing, 'Time goes by so lonely and time can mean so much...' He sniffed and sat up. It was the movie Ghost and the lines continued to bombard his mind. 'Are you still mine?' He drew his sleeve across his eyes, '...I need your love, God speed your love to me.'

He remembered the movie and the song. As a teenager he'd watched a rerun on TV and had teased his mother when she had got teary-eyed towards the end. Sometime, he should remind her and apologise because in his current state he understood that his mother must have been thinking about his dad. He wiped his eyes again and felt like a real fool but one thing was accomplished because of the song. He turned off the TV, picked up his phone and called Arthur who picked up after the third ring and said, "Merlin?"

Tears were threatening again and all Merlin could say was, "I need you, now! Could you…come over to Gawaine's?"

"Merlin love, I'll be right there."

Merlin gave his face a good wash. Although it was not technically due, he took another pain pill and straightened up the pillows on the sofa. He then carefully filled the kettle and clasping it to his chest managed to get it back on the counter. He took down two mugs and then decided that if Arthur wanted biscuits, he could get them himself.

Within twenty minutes, the doorbell rang and Merlin made his way to open it. Arthur stood there with a bottle of wine, his face dropped as he saw the familiar strapping on Merlin's shoulder and the sling.

"What happened? When did you hurt yourself?

"A car and I had an altercation after I left you."

"Why didn't you call me immediately? You idiot, I would have dropped everything to come you!" He put his arm around Merlin's waist and carefully placed a light kiss on his cheek, "How did you do it?"

"I wasn't really paying attention, I was thinking of you! I just followed the crowd into the street when the light changed but a car which was turning didn't stop and hit me. I was miles away. "

Arthur smiled softly and said, "Where?"

"I was in Minton waking up in bed, knowing that you were beside me and seeing the deer under the oak trees in the park."

Merlin allowed Arthur to kiss him and gently responded. Arthur was treating him like a piece of precious Crown Derby. He didn't complain as with the stiffness and the pain in his shoulder he did feel rather fragile. He was escorted to the sofa. Arthur, smiled as he rearranged the pillows for him and made sure he was comfortable. He intended to take him back to Minton as soon as he felt well enough to go in a car. He saw the mugs and said, "Do you want me to put on the kettle?"

Merlin shook his head and patted the sofa beside him, "Not now, sit down."

Arthur did and Merlin took his hand, snuggling into him, "I missed you, I realise now that we were both two stupid fools who instead of talking retreated into our shells and made things worse than what they really were. I love you as you are and if this is the way we will be for the rest of our lives, I can live with that. I was so lonely without you, I was stupid. Can you ever forgive me?"

Arthur smiled at him saying, "If only I could erase all that happened from your mind, I would! Dr. Mooney said that we have to keep talking to each other regardless of what happens. It is so important that we both understand not only what is happening but also how it is affecting our relationship. He said that I mustn't keep things to myself but talk things out as ultimately two heads would always be better than one."

"You told him we were still a couple?"

"Merlin, I had no intention of giving up so easily. I knew I wanted to be with you and I was so sure that you felt the same way even though I had treated you badly. I was right wasn't I? I would have moved mountains to get back in your life again. I can be quite determined when necessary." He smiled, lifting the hand he was holding and carefully kissed Merlin's fingers.

Merlin said nothing and Arthur glanced over at him to see that he had fallen asleep. He moved slightly and pulled the throw off the back of the sofa, draping it over them and softly kissed him, whispering, "I love you, Merlin, I always have and always will.

-0-0-

Gawaine walked in a couple of hours later not at all surprised to have another visitor. He nodded at Arthur, thinking to himself, 'Go for it, Merlin!'

Arthur said, "He fell asleep…"

"Bridie says that it's a reaction to the pain killers. Not to worry though as he needs it, I don't think he has been sleeping very well over the last couple of weeks."

"I was a fool, Gawaine!"

"Agreed!" said Gawaine turning away, "Tea?"

Merlin began to stir at the voices and opened his eyes; he smiled lazily at Arthur and then saw Gawaine. He grinned at him saying, "I made my decision…"

"So I see," said Gawaine, "Thank Goodness, as you both deserve each other!"

-0-0-

Time heals all wounds and within the year, as expected Merlin had been willing and Arthur had taken their loving to the next stage.

Two years later, Gawaine and Bridie had set a date for a late spring wedding. Merlin and Arthur had flown to Ireland to attend. It had been a happy affair, the bride looked stunning and Merlin didn't think that he had ever seen Gawaine looking happier. Arthur had held his hand as the others had said their vows and whispered, "Maybe, one day…?"

Later that night, happily wrapped in each other arms, Merlin turned and smiled at Arthur saying, "All love stories are beautiful…but ours is my favourite!"

 **THE END**

 **Unchained Melody,** 1955 Music: Alex North, Lyrics: Hy Zaret. One of the most recorded songs of the twentieth century with over 500 versions. 1965 version by The Righteous Brothers was used in the 1990 film Ghost.


End file.
